my 26th birthday

Before i knew it, my 26th birthday had come and passed me by. Strangely, after I got attached and married, and as my life streamlined, birthdays had become lesser of such a big thing to me. haha. it's just another day of spending time w family and friends and receiving presents. But as I grow older, presents hold less significance, and relationships hold greater importance. It was just an ordinary day, because it was Emerge weekend, having lunch with my members, interpreting for service and dinner with in-laws.

Maybe it's due to the fact that I am pregnant, I have become more of a homely person, enjoying time at home more than being out. Shopping and being out has become less appealing, perhaps due to the fact that there are less clothes I can buy. Hahahaha.

Anyway, birthdays are always a good time to take stock of our lives.

This one year flew past me (not surprisingly) but it was an amazingly fruitful year.

This time last year, i was still soaking in the bliss of marriage, and was getting used to married life. And one year down the road, I am 3 months pregnant. A friend commented that my life is so well-planned, and it just goes down the typical road. On hindsight, it does. Haha. But it is definitely not intentional, I just learn to take life one step at a time. Although i am looking forward to motherhood, there are many times I wonder if I am really ready for this. Gee. Reality check.

God really took me through many things this year, new friendships, in ministry, it was a whole new level together. I guess the biggest thing i will never forget, is interpreting for Pastor Kong and Mrs Cho on Suntec stage. What a moment. What an encounter. What a privilege.

This emerge, Pastor Kong said, he is just an imperfect vessel that God used to do His perfect will. I am reminded, that I am really a nobody in the hands of Almighty God, doing His will. Life has gone on, from a desire to achieve success, to significance. Will not forget this sentence that Pastor shared.

Looking back, my heart is filled with gratitude. Grateful to God for my super amazing husband who loves me with everything he has, and God for always being with me, taking me this far, my family and in-laws who love me so much, my friends and leaders that I can always lean on. My cg of young people that God has placed in my life and I so love... I am just thankful. Lastly thankful to Him for granting me the desire of my heart, giving me a child.

Looking forward, in this new year... my prayer is of course...

for my pastors and leaders... for full deliverance...

for a healthy baby...

to know Him in a deeper manner.. rebuilding my altar..

thankful for the last 26 yrs, and looking forward to even more glorious yrs ahead.. :)

What is in your heart?

After attending Chinese Cg yesterday, i was reminded of the word God gave me on 15 April…. When God asked me…

Show me your heart.

What is in your heart today?

Those words struck my heart… and I could not help it… but break down and cried and cried and cried…

I never dared to tell God what is in my heart.

It’s too impossible, it’s too big… and I am too small… too inadequate..

But that day, God put courage in me… i stepped up to the altar and told God… yes i believe you can use me…

In You, I can.

I was reminded of the word again yesterday. And tears overwhelmed me. I could not help myself. I was reminded of how God spoke to me… and less than 1 mth later… i will have a chance interpreting for one of the greatest man of God alive…

Behold what manner of love has our Father bestowed upon us…

最初的梦想—范玮琪

如果骄傲没被现实大海冷冷拍下
又怎会懂得要多努力才走得到远方
如果梦想不曾坠落悬崖千钧一发
又怎会晓得执着的人有隐形翅牓
把眼泪装在心上 会开出勇敢的花
可以在疲惫的时光
闭上眼睛闻到一种芬芳
就像好好睡了一夜直到天亮
又能边走着边哼着歌
用轻快的步伐
沮丧时总会明显感到孤独的重量
多渴望懂得的人给些温暖借个肩膀
很高兴一路上我们的默契那么长
穿过风又绕个弯 心还连着
像往常一样

最初的梦想紧握在手上
最想要去的地方
怎么能在半路就返航
最初的梦想绝对会到达
实现了真的渴望
才能够算到过了天堂
最初的梦想绝对会到达
实现了真的渴望
才能够算到过了天堂

挫折

这么多年来，似乎是一定的，挫折会在生命的循环里出现，而且总是在我下定决心后，它一定会来干扰我。

当下，我按捺不住心中的委屈和难过。

有时候会觉得，没有人看到我的牺牲、我的委屈，你那么努力，又是为了什么？不为名、不为利、不为钱，如果在外面的话，过得应该会舒服很多吧？我不知道，我从来都没想过，直到今天。

今天，竟然有这样的念头闪过，放弃的念头，但我也知道，它仅仅是个念头。

熬过了这么多个年头，你总是会，拍拍自己的肩膀，扫一扫灰尘，再站起来吧。

是你的就是你的，你只要相信，争取。

尽管肉眼看到的是现实的否定（更难过的是，有时候是人的否定），但在灵里面，我看到的是天父的肯定。

祂相信我，这，就足够了。

祂觉得我可以，那也就足够了。

但即使有一天，真的没实现，我还是会忠心的做，你要我做的事。

这是我的委身和摆上。

对你的承诺。

这是我活着的理由。

生活中的繁瑣事

最近的心情不太漂亮，健康情況不理想，搞得我疑神疑鬼。

工作有些令人喘不過氣，極其渴望能放個假，但現在只有忙裡偷閒的份。

想念和朋友聚一聚的時光，對生活的快步伐感到疲累，只希望我不需要有一堆的deadlines追著我。

因為心情不漂亮，人也跟著感覺不漂亮。

最近參加的一場婚禮，讓我感覺到，其實，做人，開心知足就好。

很多事情不是外在的，而是內在的，我們有時候太注重外表，卻常常忘記，其實內在更重要。

內心所充滿的，就會在外面表達出來。

重新調整自己，等待五月份再次出發！

Burdened

I have always felt burdened for different people, different situations, but this is one period in my life, that i perpetually feel burdened.

Maybe like what Sun shared, i just got to learn to connect people to God, and then Jesus will do the work.

I feel too tired to fight for myself, so let God fight for me.

I wish that God will do all the speaking, all the convicting, so that i can be free from all these things.

Whenever i feel like running away, it’s a bad thing, n that’s exactly what i want to do now. I just wish God will wave his magic wand and everything will be ok. And I can pretend everything did not happen, n it was just all a nightmare.

On retrospect, maybe I am just taking this thing too seriously, and I should learn to lighten up or something.

I feel that I’m not doing what I should do, the spiritual way. but i think i don’t have the courage and strength.

so God, over to You please?

Honeymoon (Taiwan)

While i was preparing a V day present for hubby, i browsed through all our honeymoon photos, and it brought back such fond memories!

 

Sunrise at 花蓮！

水岸森林會館

莫內花園畫展

浮潛@墾丁

小徑民宿 @ 墾丁

墾丁水族館！

Just some random photos.

Hubby will probably upload all on FB!

complexity vs simplicity

*warning: this is an emo post, just for today.

today i found myself thinking about something…

這些年來，事過境遷。。。

很多人、事、物都改變。。。

身邊的人也改變了。

漸漸的，認識的人多，朋友越來越多，但是。。。

知心的朋友還真的沒幾個。

今天，我在思考的一個問題是。。。

當有一天，我真正面對什麼事情時，除了老公以外，我第一個找的人會是誰？

我傾訴的對象會是誰？我尋找的對象會是誰？

陳牧師曾經說過，我們每個人都需要有這樣的一個人。

當我感到如此難過時，我竟然不知道。。。

我要找誰哭泣。

心中的感覺很複雜。

不是生氣，但是失望、是難過、是沮喪、是疑惑、是混亂。

我已經很久。。。沒有這種感受了。

可能是這些日子來，我都沒有正視過這個問題。我知道它或許存在。。。

而今天，當我真正知道它存在時，我的感覺是。。。手足無措。

知道了又怎麼樣？我又不能做什麼。

可能這種無助感是最可怕的吧。

到底。。。什麼是可信的，什麼是不可信的。。。

什麼是真、什麼是假。。。

求你以你的真理引導我。。。

1st post of 2012

Here i am, sitting in my interpreter’s room, the room that I spend a lot of time in, interpreting and encountering God too…

The year 2011 never fails us, and has gone by like a wind.

And 2012 has sneaked up on us quietly.

Every year i get really nostalgic, but amazingly, i did not, and allowed 2012 to just arrive.

Every year i seem to know what it holds, but this year i am still quite clueless. Hahahaha.

And surprisingly, I have no urge to make resolutions. Haha.

But there are desires, thoughts, rantings…

Yesterday I had my boss talk to me… and his sheer concern of me, my work and marriage touched me deeply. I am so blessed.

Today, i finally made it to the gym for the first time in 2012.

As I was listening to 张茂松牧师 on my ipod, he said this…

利未人只能跟着祭坛，他们不能跟着机遇、不能跟着食物走，只能跟着祭坛。

What a word. What a reminder.

I can only follow after the altar, I can only follow after Him, I am a levite. And I will be contented.

A verse God recently gave me:

Ps 16:5-6., 11

5 O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
6 The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.

¹¹ You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

(: thank You Jesus.

our forerunner

met a friend on my way home today, and we were talking and sharing.

she asked me, is it tough being a cell group leader…

i told her, yes and no.

i said, honestly, when God calls us, He never promised us it will be easy. it is not just about being a CGL. the fact is, to do anything for God, it is difficult.

but i told her, one of my greatest satisfaction and fulfilment, is to see people live out God’s best for their lives. I wish that they would see, how I live my life, they can follow after my footsteps and see that they can have this too.

I shared with her… the way our pastors and leaders live their lives… we follow after them…. just like Jesus is our forerunner… that is why Paul says, imitate me as I imitate Christ.

but one of the toughest thing honestly? is not to give up.

how… when people make mistakes, you just keep showing grace… keep showing grace… keep showing grace…

when you feel that you have already come to the end of yourself, you just keep showing grace, keep loving, keep believing, keep sowing, keep praying… and never give up.

#keeponkeepingon

rantings

sometimes you feel like what you say don’t matter.

sometimes you feel like giving up.

sometimes you feel like it’s pointless.

but you just got to keep on believing, keep on fighting, keep on keeping on.

Thoughts this Christmas

So many thoughts running through my head as i wake this morning.

Frustrations and restlessness in my soul.

The kind of  frustration, wishing things will turn out your way, but you know life is never perfect.

you deal with imperfect people, imperfect situations, imperfect world, and an imperfect life.

but sometimes, you honestly wish, things can change for the better. Honestly.

That one will make a right decision.

That one will live worthy of his/her calling in life.

That one will not take what he/she has for granted.

That one will live out God’s fullest for their life.

That one will meet Jesus and their lives be changed.

Oh God, just living out your perfect will for us.

That will be awesome.

Amen.

勇氣

昨天，在回家的路上，就在Paya Lebar 地鐵站遇到一個人。

這個人看起來很年輕，可能才20幾歲，他拿著一把吉他，在地鐵站外彈著。

第一個印象，這個人很窮嗎？為什麼需要這麼做？

他看起來很平凡，彈著吉他，我也打算就這樣走過了，但走過的時候，他一開口唱歌，我嚇到了，因為他的聲音實在很好聽！

他的聲音很有磁性，很感人，很醇厚的一把嗓子，令我留下深刻的印象。

我立即轉過頭，放兩塊錢放在他的吉他包裡，才看到一張Letter of Busking的信件在裡頭。

原來he is a busker!

新加坡很少有busking的概念，每一次看到這些人，我們有時候甚至會用可憐的眼光看他們，但我卻發現，他是特別在這裡表演的。當下，我的想法完全改變了，自己也覺得有點不好意思，我怎麼會有這種可憐他和瞧不起他的想法。

離開之後，突然很想鼓勵他，就回頭，跟他要了聯絡號碼，還對他說，你的聲音很好聽。他眼中的感激，讓我好感動。

他的勇氣，給我很大的鼓勵，他還在當兵，但卻選擇用這樣的方式追求他的夢想，好勇敢啊！

Dreams are worth the chase, 不是嗎？

the journey thus far

it has been suchhhhh a long time since i really blogged something decent. Life has this ability of just zooming past you, and sometimes, i really do treasure that little time i have to stop, think and reflect. Or “inflect”, the latest word we learnt in service recently.

I was just reading some other blogs, and many were blogging about their motherhood journeys, and I was thinking about my own marriage journey.

Tomorrow marks the 5th month into the marriage, and I know we both have such a long way to go.

The wedding is over, the honeymoon is over, even the weight is gained back, but what we are now left with, is each other.

We are not perfect, and there are moments we quarrel, we argue, we fight, we have conflicts, and at the end of the day, it’s commitment that keeps us going. After interpreting for n weddings, everytime we end up with a conflict, the words of all the pastors will come back to my mind, especially the words of Pst Aries that say, we always need to forgive and forget.

There are even days that I miss my singlehood, and miss my old room, which is not my room really anymore. Good on my dad, haha, who gives me no way to turn back. It has semi-evolved into a room filled with the smell of books and paintings.

But it is a way of no turning back. Once you have stepped into it, we never turn back really, and like what Pst Zhuang says, welcome to marriage, we share only one space.

And no matter what happens, it is for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish and to obey….

in spite of all our imperfections. I still really, do love you.

狗抓耗子

这样的时刻，心情很沉重。。。

我在想。。。

是不是因为自己多管闲事招惹出来的？

是不是自己太苛刻，把我的标准强加在别人身上？

是不是我太judgemental所造成的。。。

is it in the flesh or in the spirit?

…

认为发表了自己的看法之后，结果却。。。

*叹气。。。*

爱是。。。

林前13：4-8

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；爱是不嫉妒；爱是不自夸，不张狂，
不做害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，
不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；
凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。 
爱是永不止息。

昨天在看这处经文，想起牧师说的话。

这段话真的不是写给夫妻，而是写给教会里的弟兄姐妹。

这么多时候，在教会里，或婚礼上都会读这处经文，但昨天，它才真正在我心中沉淀了。

要爱人爱到这种境界，很难吧。

难怪我们爱，因为祂先爱我们。

因为只有借着基督的爱，我们才能够这样去爱人。

看了看，这个标准好高啊。哈哈。

清净，安静

最近很渴望有些清净、安静的时间。

很希望在忙碌的生活中，可以找到属于自已的一片天地和空间。

目前还在寻找着。。。

结婚之前，回到家就会累到不行。

结婚之后，时间流逝的速度，快得惊人。

我必须追着时间跑，找回属于自己的那么一个小天地。

最近很想很想回到看书的习惯，但专注力却大大减少。

有好书请介绍！特别是中文书。。。

有一点这种感觉。这个地方让我想念那些在垦丁的日子。哈哈。

好想花上一天的时间，泡在书店。。。

好想去度假。。。

好想。好想。

it’s all about our attitude

i have learnt a lot in this season, and learnt, that every time something happens, God is teaching me to become a better person, and become better in my attitude.

Saw an amazing verse on Mon night.

1 Thess 3:12-13

¹² And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all, just as we do to you, ¹³ so that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all His saints.

Our hearts are blameless in holiness, when we increase and abound in love to one another and to all.

We always thought,to be blameless and holy is simply to walk right, but God says, when we increase and abound in love, our hearts will be blameless in holiness.

It’s all about Love.

Self-doubt

自我疑惑。

Self-doubt is prevalent, in my life.

很久沒有這樣的感覺。記不起，上一次懷疑自己是什麼時候。

奇怪的是，有人說，我有很多要向你學習的。

我看著自己，想說，我真的沒有什麼值得你學習的。

最近，不停的懷疑自己，感覺自己一無是處。

我總是需要，再一次通過這個考驗，提醒自己，我的價值在耶穌基督裡。

這個比賽，沒有其他的競爭者，只有你自己。

你是你最大的敵人。

我們活著，不是為了討好任何人。

昨天，聖靈提醒我，we live for the audience of one.

我們的觀眾只有一位。

我們為祂而活。

Do not look to the left or the right, 當跑你該跑的路，當做你該做的事。

We don’t live to please men, we only live for the approval of God.

But we live, to serve men and to serve God.

The heart of a servant.

Lord, lead me in this season, and I pray, I will pass this test with flying colors.

Joshua my hero.

22nd anniversary

our 22nd anniversary has come, and has gone.

it went past so fast, even before i really realised it.

but somehow, it left a deep mark in me.

was just wondering in my heart, what a privilege.

what a privilege to hear from the pastor of the world largest church, and to hear him say, i am back in my own church.

what a man of faith he is.

no wonder he built the world largest church.

it’s time, to dream n have visions again.

and your vision will guide you, and change you.

on my list of fave people in the world – e357.

happy 22nd!