thank u!

thank u jc cluster!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tdy toking to u guys at expo and on the train.. den i realise i realli miss all of u alot! realli miss the times we tok and spend time tog.. thank u for being such a blessing!

and i was looking for the answer for sth.. and u guys gave it to me while toking to me!! God gave me a revelation out of our conversation..

thank u!!!!!!!!!!!

slping

it is amazing how i can slp for hours in the midst of my exams. but now when im sick n down with a flu, i dun seem to be slpy at all. gee.

rantings.

i have tons of thoughts running thru my mind but nothing is realli clicking n working. stop pushing the buttons xiaoting.

as i have always said, and i probably shld say less of this. i love to think. and at some point of my life, i will always look at my life and think. wad issit that i wan? on some nights i will lie on my bed, staring n stoning, asking myself, ting.. wad do u wan?

it is so amazing how God works in beautiful ways. God teach me to believe u for the BEST things.

was just reading my sis' thesis. realised sth that we realli have a lot in common. it is amazing how both of us grew up in entirely different envts yet both of us grew up with a big love for chinese. and she was writing a thesis bout some movies bout WW2. and the bigger coincidence is. she loves history just like me. man. when i was reading that thingy.. i felt so... dunno how to describe.

right now, i m left with 2 papers. n i feel so relaxed. yet i dun feel like sticking mysself in front of the tv. i realli kinda hate it. nor do i wan to sit infront of this com the whole night. and i keep asking myself. xt. wad do u wan for ur future.. for ur life???

u noe wad? this is wad i wan.

i wan to live my life the way God wants me to live it.
i wan to see my dreams n visions coming to pass.
i wan my cg to breakthru.
i wan to live every single min of my life to the fullest.
i dun wan to waste my life away!!! i cant stand that!
i wanna gain more knowledge, noe more things.
i wanna make more disciples for Him.

God fill me fill me fill me!

Rules: Bold the following that are true about you, italicize things you wish were true, add one true thing about you, and then tag five more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olive rice.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies. (eugh no)

I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I know how to cornrow.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal. (or Blog)
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently like someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have tried alcohol or drugs before.(1 mouth of beer?)
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbour or chum.
I enjoy some country music.
I would die for my best friends
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys/memes.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I am a pyro.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.

I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know who Santos L. Halper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I'm an artist.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary.
Weight is my enemy!
I'm a serious chocoholic.
I absolutely adore animals.
I love surprises.
I love to be seen.
I often act without feeling for people.
I like arguing for the sake of arguing.
I think most girls look better with spectacles.
My skin is peeling because i had been under the sun.
I want to ORD.
I wish i can be all that i wan to be, do all that i want to do.

as soon as i set my heart upon it, i felt him pressing nearer.

no weapon formed against me shall prosper. amen.

easter sunday

easter came. n easter left. i always look forward to every easter. n this yr.. once again, they used peter and judas. and i always liked the story of peter. of his repentance. he always reminds me that though i m imperfect, God can still use me. and that story of reconciliation nv fails to move me to tears.

God loves me! and i m incredibly grateful for that. God touched me! and i m eternally appreciative of that. God changed me! and words cant express my love for Him. He did so many things in my life and He is still doing. (:

Daddy, thank u for loving me when i feel unloved.
Thank u for believing in me when i could not believe in myself.
Thank u for giving me the strength n courage to move on.
Thank u for forgiving me when i felt so dirty with sin.
Thank u for telling me "ger it is okie"
Thank u for being there for me each time.
Thank u for not giving up on me though i made so many mistakes.
Thank u for my destiny n calling in u.
Thank u for dying for me 2000 yrs ago. on Good friday.

and for that, my life is urs, to take, to use, to teach how to live.

i exchange it for sth more.

random thoughts.

jus to blog some stuff before i go off.

dun ask me y. i jus felt like it was an eventful week though nothing much happened. this week exam started. it was good n it was okie. dun ask me wad i m saying. i realise that i m a person who loves people, but at the same time, i m...

i guess this is wad tat really bothers me right now. yest, i heard somebody say take care to me and that warmed my heart. tdy something took place over lunch table and my heart smiled.

my heart takes joy in little things like that, yet my heart will also ... at the little things. certain things may seem insignificant, or seem like nothing.. but i dunno, if i can go back to where i was before. can i or can i not? shld i, or shld i not?

追逐梦想

我要一直追求我的梦想。一直走下去。刚看了超级星期天，看到老师如何鼓励爱沙要一直走下去，实现她的梦想。我知道，我一定要认定自己的目标。一直走下去。不管周围发生多大的事，我都不轻言放弃。

不要轻言放弃，否则对不起自己。-MVP

girl, u can do it. no matter wad they say. and wad happen. u can n u will.

fun!

last sunday, for the first time in many months, i was in town playing. haah. now i sound like a kid? playing? question mark.. haah. but anyway i was in town with my members. and i had such a great time. i came home feeling like it's been a long time since i enjoyed myself like that. (: n pool is fun.

it is saturday again.

i think i said it before that saturday is a blogging day. n yep it is. here i m back blogging again. xiaoting loves toking. dun u think so?

this week certain things happen. n once again trials that come my way. with trials that also came a revelation. i need to rise up n overcome these things once again. i m an overcomer.

the last week we met sun a lot of times! n i m so excited. woke up at 5am on fri morning to go send her off. n i m awfully glad that i did. love ya lots sun n going to miss u alot.

n on wed night sillily rushed to tm to watch v for vendetta n missed out on 15 mins of the show. it is such an impt 15 mins! haah.

n i really did study quite a bit this week. great improvement. haah. hopefully n prayerfully i will be ready for my exams. jia you ger.

things may not turn out the way u wan it. but that doesnt always mean it is a bad thing. God is in control.

i m falling in love..

with blogging n history. haah. jus had my last chinese lecture yest. it was a blast! i really really like my chinese history tcher. so very much. yest i jus had a revelation. n i think it was the Holy Spirit who told me. that i m studying in china right now, i probably will not get this kind of history lesson. which i totally agree.

i was jus so excited and so stirred up by wad lan lao shi say n honestly, i think this is wad God wants me to know. and it might jolly well as sth to do with my calling. i m sooooo interested in cultural revolution. it is like such an interesting part of history. wad will the development of China be 3 yrs frm now when i get out of NTU? will it be the top country in the world tog with US or will it even overtake US to be the superpower in this earth? i cant imagine the kind of prospects that lie in China n i love China!

lan lao shi asked a question.. wad issit that can solve the problems in China? back from the 19th century, there were already many problems in China and all the different political figures who came up did not solve her problems. who n wad will? somehow in my heart i already have the answer. and somehow in my mind i already see the vision. yahoo!

excited!

i got all excited over a chess game n adrenaline is still pumping. amazing huh.. haah. i played chess for 2 hours n i m so excited now!

pay positive attention.

by phil pringle

The key to growing anything is to pay it positive attention.
'Pay' The price is time. Make time for the highest priorities-like your children, your spouse.

'Positive' Give attention to the positives. Don't be hijacked by the negatives which can so easily claim our attention.

'Attention' Give undistracted attention to the person. Turn off the TV, the cell phone, put down your pen, the book and look them in the eye. Listen, hear what they're saying. Connect.

我讨厌无理取闹！

在很迟钝的情况下，我有个惊人的发现，晓亭讨厌无理取闹。真得很讨厌。讨厌人家为了没有原因的原因发脾气，讨厌人家不好好把事情解释清楚，讨厌人家为了莫名的原因大作文章。

就一个早上，不知不觉听着cheryl的歌，我哭了。总觉得人走到一个阶段，需要滴下一些眼泪，让自己发泄一下，才懂得下一步要怎么做。现在晓亭正想这么做。。

有时我喜欢自己不停的忙着。。自己才不会想这么多。。

读了许怀良的访问。。莫名的感动。

看了“活着”，莫名的激动。。

上了蓝老师的课，莫名的共鸣。。

坐在这里。。 莫名的。。 莫名的。。 莫名的。。

my 200th entry

it is abnormal that i m blogging 2 times in a day. but i really enjoy writing, typing and what-have-u.

had a really good time reading my senior's blog. n i think this is an area in which helen n i r really alike, we love to discover and noe how pple think, esp those that r deemed as "intelluctual", in which we begin to be inspired by the things that they write. well, i was reading and was really enjoying myself until i came to a part, in which he started to say some stuff that disturbed me. and i stopped.

i feel like i m sitting in front of my com, knowing that i have tons of workload behind me, n i m supposed to do them, yet my mind is blank, but i m jus trying to conjure sth out. the truth hurts they always say. n i suspect i feel this way cos i had a revelation of the truth. not that i dunno wad to do. i think i do, but the truth still hurts.

ever wondered y u have frens? sometimes one of the things that i m most afraid of is human relationships. becos it is sth that is so unpredictable, it can bring u sky high, and cause u to fall valley low. sth i learn as a human being for yrs is --- pple do let u down. sad but real fact.

i used to think that i m strong, courageous but at times i beg to differ. and this is one of the times that i cant agree.

God strengthen my heart.

be careful bout the things u say, the attitude u have towards others. becos u can hurt them, before u noe it.

my mind is filled.. with so much "what-have-u"s. our world is so fallen.. humans r so carnal.

a lot of times i wished that whatever i m thinking up there, feeling in there, it will jus automatically transformed itself into words then appear here. gee. and probably i will not be so weighed down by them anymore.

ever hoped that life will slow down so that u can take a breather? i did. n i m still hoping. but it is not gonna happen i noe.

sorry guys i noe my entry sounds so big-time pessimistic and depressing.. and many would say.. ger this is so unlike u.

n it is! haah. but i will always conclude. no matter how tough things r in my life, how matter wad kind of discouragements or challenges i go thru, i noe He is here, walking with me.

walking walking walking.. n when i cant walk anymore. He carries me. and becos of that guys..

life is beautiful. *muackz*

i like adriano!

suddenly i feel so happy. although i really haven done much. muaahaha. i m a happy happy happy girl.. (:

a nice chat

it's been some time since i last blogged i think. and i always blog on saturdays i realise. saturdays r thinking days. acty thru'out the week there r many times i feel like blogging, but whenever i sit in front of the monitor, i will feel so tired that i dun really wan to try. and now.. i shall start blogging again.

i think i m realli a thinker. haah. as in i love to think. i do.. and i jus had a nice little chat with some nice pple and it evokes a lot of thought in me.

i love God. cos He is realli amazing and recently when i m jus thinking bout my life, i realise that i realli have grown a lot. and that was wad meiyan said will happen to me.. and i did. and i think being a cgl is really one of the best things that has happened in my life. i love it when God uses me to impact the lives of others.. that is one of the greatest joy i have being a cgl. to see my members growing, loving God more, being more committed, changed by the glory of God, seeing pple getting saved.. man.. i love my life.

jus reali wan to appreciate God for wad He is doing thru me. the great things. thank u Jesus

现实与理想

刚做完一个哲学的presentation,晓亭松了一口气，真的好开心，而且感觉很有满足感。但是，美中不足的是，现实与理想仍然是有差距的。

常觉得在我的生活里，在许多方面，总觉得理想与现实有个差距。想实现的，往往感觉目标太遥远，但是昨天在和朋友谈天时，又想到以前从瑞典的一个牧师说过，everything u see with ur physical eyes is subject to change. 有时感觉以前的我太消极，太沮丧。从今我要以另外一种角度去看待我的生活，相信-- 现实是可以符合理想的。

smith wigglesworth always say -- only believe.

i need You Holy Spirit.

more than ever before.

teach me how to live.

and how to lead.

to not do it on my own.

but by Your strength, power n might.

Teach me LORD.

Teach me.