when trying ur best is not good enough

i just like giving up.

and i cried and cried and cried and cried.

i don’t want to go home.

Day 2 in Kaohsiung

Came back to hotel and skyped with dear and slept at 2 plus am, praying that my nose will be ok the next day.

Pulled myself our of bed at 8 plus am for breakfast with Pst Stephen.

That was so fun! Pst Stephen had been in ministry for so long and he shared with me very exciting stories… about his salvation, his life, CHC in earlier days, his relationship with Pst Kong. I loooovvveeeee it. Had lots of fun talking to him and hearing from him. I m excited about the meetings already.

Signing off now, going to take some rest, work, till the first meeting tonight.

:))))) excited.

thoughts of the day: God is really in control. He is somehow so in control in ways we do not know. Sometimes we try too hard to help him, we need to learn to trust and be led. :)

byeeeee peeeepppppssssss!

Day 1 in Kaohsiung

It was a mad rush yesterday, trying to pack everything after SOT, and settle everything before i board the flight.

it was a small plane, so the take off was much more felt than usual.

i never missed someone so much in my entire life i think, except maybe mum.

felt so terrible when the plane took off and i was all alone.

i used to love flying a lot, but i realised i loved a certain someone more.

thank God that they were showing Did you hear about the Morgans so I had fun watching it. :)

caught some sleep and caught a slight cold too. so my nose was all runny on the train. hurhur.

a Taiwan friend of CHC picked us up and checked us into the hotel at 12 plus am. Thank you so much! i prayed and told God, the only thing i really need is internet access, and thank God that they have it. i m so blessed.

so here i am blogging, and i will probably update u guys in kaohsiung!

i m so sorry that i don’t have photos. did not bring a camera cos camera spoilt and i forgot to borrow one. silly me. :(

thank u baby for the little black book. it keeps me a little more sane.

love this day!

要是我有一百万

我要环游世界

thinking

was just reading someone’s blog that touched me a lot.

missed that sentimental n nostalgic part of me.

ever since i started dating, i really seldom spent time thinking abt things.

and tonight, i sat there, just thinking.

i’m flying to taiwan in approximately 42 hours. i know i m going to miss my baby, but i also know, i really need this break.

things have been zooming past me too fast.

work, ministry, relationship and life.

i need a breather. i need to think.

i need You.

so many things have happened, that there r days i sat there, thinking, i dunno how to do it without You.

i love You. :)

dear God

we often do not understand why things happen the way they do.

there have been so much going on lately, sometimes it seems that it’s more than what i can bear.

sometimes i wish, i can just take a big break and press the reset button.

but still i’m thankful to you, for the cross of calvary. without which, i could never have my life today. i honestly dunno, where i will be without You.

there are too many impossible situations in life, that we just cannot deal with on our own, and we desperately need You.

so from the bottom of my heart, I’m asking for that strength that will take me through. and also my frens who are hurting too.

thank You.

overwhelming Easter

many things happened this easter.

falling terribly sick is one of them.

God won’t you come… and make everything better?

manifest Yourself.

the word

Yesterday, this passage caught my eye. And I was so touched by it as I read it again.

God told Jeremiah about the good figs. The promise that He gave to me.

Jer 24:6-7

6 My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them.

7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.

the song of our lives

this song touched me a lot, because it really described what i’ve been through before i got attached.

不要惊动爱情

很想轻抚你 所以避开你
宁愿用距离 去令你好奇
回避过眼神 先偷偷喘气
吩咐手臂 放在原地
传闻浪漫太快 爱恋都走得快
才会 迟迟未步向你 说一世爱护你

 
情太过汹涌像深海 而我却会忍耐
但求来日你醒过来
这份情像翅膀打开
还没有相拥别意外 神教会我等待
待情流像细水 才去承诺你
拿一生兑换爱

 
很心急拥抱 所以在祷告
求甜蜜以前 带著你慢步
游历过旅途 等一天终老
生老病死 一起细数
原来慢慢靠近 更珍惜这一吻
而我 停留是为了你 要给予你护荫

能为爱恋学习按捺 情信寄进心内
但求能学会倚靠神
爱被驯服过更精采
连地老天荒亦不更改 时间永远等待
等你情愿那天 才去承诺你
无止境那份爱
我用沈默叫醒爱情 你用期待做你反应
继续行近直至开始爱

<3

 

i usually resist blogging a post dedicated to my bf, but this morning i woke up feeling like doing this.

coming to suntec feels different nowadays, because no one will pick me up at the gate, and buy breakfast with me, and carry my laptop for me, and hug me on the way to work.

yet i know he is in a much better place(SOT la) and i am happy that he is encountering God and receiving and growing like never before.

I am thankful to God for him in my life, the one who would call me every morning, wish me goodnight everyday, and who will always be there for me.

When i said that my bf is going SOT and working full-time, a friend said that I needed to be very understanding. In my heart i knew it’s the other way round. He is always the understanding one, that tries to work around my schedule, to just spend time with me everyday and every week. He is the one, who will spring little surprises on me all the time, cards, chocs, sweets, snacks… you name it, i may have it.

And he is my hero, because in spite of all these things, he still works hard to fulfil his work obligations, loves God, loves me the best he can. And he will forgo his sleep, just to pick me up at 230am after OPM, and going home to sleep a few hours before going for SOT again.

I don’t know what I have done, to deserve a man who loves me like that, but from the bottom of my heart, baby i want you to know, that I love you, and thank you for being a huge part of my life.

lots and lots and lots of love,

from your princess.

early monday morning

it was an eventful week, and crazily busy week.

It’s so seldom that i get to sit down and blog like that, at this hour.

it’s a monday, so i was supposed to be sleeping till 我自然醒。

我七点半就自然醒了。

Some things happened last week, some personally to me, some not. In all, it was a pretty stressful week for me, with all the challenges rising up to my neck. Days that I feel the devil was screaming in my face… and i have to grit my teeth and just go thru it. Days that i feel like giving up, and wonder what it is that I can do. And my heart goes out, because of certain things that were said and mentioned, that hurt people I love.

After a night’s sleep, everything seems a little different. I am a little calmer, and I thank God for my bf who is always around. Whom i can cry with, pray with, and whom i know will always be with me. He is really God’s gift to me.

This morning I was just thinking, that not everybody will understand why we are doing what we are doing, but it doesn’t matter as well. Some things will change, but some will not. It’s a spiritual kingdom and a spiritual family, and not just an institution, and that will never change.

And to those who disagree, it doesn’t matter, because we will continue moving on. But what we love, we will defend, and like what a friend said, when you talk about CHC, you r not just talking about a church or an organisation, it’s my spiritual home and family. We thank God for great leaders, and thank God for His wisdom, and the unity and family He has given to us. This is something we will guard and protect all our lives.

No offense to the people who disagree, we still love you the same, just hope that in your disagreement, you will not say things that will hurt my family. And I thank you for that.

To end off, i love what Ruth said. And I pray, that I will always have such an attitude in my life, towards God, towards His house, and the people He has placed in my life.

Ruth 1:16-17

But Ruth said:
      “ Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
      For wherever you go, I will go;
      And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
      Your people shall be my people,
      And your God, my God.

Where you die, I will die,
      And there will I be buried.
      The LORD do so to me, and more also,
      If anything but death parts you and me.”

What I love, I will defend

Overwhelmed in a meeting.

Tears flowed, like never before.

I shared his sentiments. I'm deeply saddened. Felt it not just today, but way back, when i read different things that surfaced.

They said these r acts of love. I love, therefore I m doing what I m doing. But, what u love, u will defend isn't it?

Ask constructively in love.

Questioning ur family publicly is not love, is it?

Its an attitude of demanding, not asking.
And demanding, from the man who laid down his whole life, questioning him.

I felt so grieved.

This is not blind faith, this is wholly following my God and the man He has placed over my life.

This is loyalty. This is the spirit of ruth.

I love my senior pst, becos if not for him, we will nv be where we r tdy. I love Sun, for all the sacrifices that she has made. There r so many things made public, but there r so much of their love, tears and sacrifices that r unknown.

City harvest is not just an organisation. Its the church of the living God. Its the spiritual home that God has placed me in. Its not a society, or a place that we can strut our stuff. It's God's house and our spiritual home.

I love and trust the leadership, this house, and I know, that I will lay down my life for this man, and this church.

Thank u Jesus. Its an awesome privilege to serve you in this house.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

keep on keeping on

2 Cor 4:7-15

⁷ But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.

⁸ We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—

¹⁰ always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

¹¹ For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

¹² So then death is working in us, but life in you.

¹³ And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,”^[a]we also believe and therefore speak,

¹⁴ knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you.

¹⁵ For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.

i love my church

was just pondering about some things, and just felt in my heart, that deep down, i love the house of the Lord and i love my church.

have been feeling disturbed by how.. people demand for their rights and trying to turn the KOG and the church into a democracy. Why are we using the principles of this world, and imposing it on the KOG?

We are not perfect right from the start. We are imperfect, but we are a body and we are a family. We rely on the Holy Spirit and do the best we can, relying on God the best we know how.

Jesus is the head of this house. He is the head of this body. Where He leads, we go, and we follow the ones that He has placed in our lives.

Call me naive if you would. But the 12 disciples followed Jesus wherever He went.

And i love my church, my leaders, my pastors and this house God has placed me in.

How awesome is this place, the gate of Heaven.

And so, let’s rejoice, in this awesome place that God has given to us. For where two or three are gathered, there You will be among us. This is Your church. :)

randoms

have been interpreting in Bible School and loving it.

these few days, happened to meet a few people, talked to a few people, and in spite of a busy schedule, some thots running thru my mind.

am grateful to God for this opportunity to serve in this manner. im in awe of how God uses me, and aware that, without Him, all these could not have been possible.

am just absolutely happy that bf is in SOT. he is my motivation to wake up every morning and it’s so amazing i just wake up at 630am every morning to go to SOT. cool. and i love it that every day, we will just share abt how thoughts, what God has been speaking and it has just been awesome. that is one of the reason y i m loving SOT.

God is enlarging my mindset, showing me things, giving me new visions and dreams, giving me opportunities i never dreamed about, and people who believe in me. i am just grateful.

i’m just really love this house, especially the leaders and most of all my senior pastor. He surprises me at times, but i am still in awe of this man of God. His humility, his love of God, his in spite of faith.

Pst Ming shared an awesome word in SOT that blew my mind, and i was so touched.

we all need one such rabbi in our lives.

thank you for placing in me in this awesome spiritual family.

revive it!

my blog is quite dead.

let’s revive it.

it has been a lot of busyness. yes. a lot of pator-ing.

easter is coming.

in less than 2 weeks’ time!!!!

gosh.

before u know it, it will be Asia Conference.

i need my time multiplied.

on the other hand, have been enjoying sot.

been thinking about a few things.. and i desperately need to catch up on friends i know.

other than my cg, i hardly see my friends!!!

hahaha. okk. i m not whining.

have a lot of thoughts on my mind… but i was too lazy to pen them down.

i really should.

ciao for now!

nights. (it’s a rare night that i m online at this time! haha)

did i tell you how much i needed Him?

was pondering about some things this whole week. and the conclusion was that i just desperately needed Him.

need Him to come through for me.

and show His power so real.

and fight for me.

yes fight for me.

and show me how to think, what to think.

i need the wisdom. the grace.

overhaul.

had a great talk with dear yest.

were just reminiscing the days before we got attached.

it was so enjoyable talking about the whole process again.

and of course, the sharing from the heart. :)

i agree, that it is not the work of man.

i dunno why i laid awake at 2 plus am in the night, pondering through this issue.

i dunno why, it weighs so much upon my heart.

i could easily write it off,  or brush it aside.

but i just simply could not.

there is something wrong in this whole thing…

what is worse… is to be wrong but still thinking that u r doing the right thing.

i feel God leading me somewhere, showing me something.

I need Your wisdom. 

i feel disturbed.

because of the lack of respect and reverence.

love what Pst Tan shared tdy.

About acceptance. in spite of the imperfections.

That we choose to love and accept, in spite of the imperfections.

That is the work of the Holy Spirit.

I refuse a critical mindset, doesn’t make it right simply because i don’t understand or i don’t agree.