Self-doubt

自我疑惑。

Self-doubt is prevalent, in my life.

很久沒有這樣的感覺。記不起，上一次懷疑自己是什麼時候。

奇怪的是，有人說，我有很多要向你學習的。

我看著自己，想說，我真的沒有什麼值得你學習的。

最近，不停的懷疑自己，感覺自己一無是處。

我總是需要，再一次通過這個考驗，提醒自己，我的價值在耶穌基督裡。

這個比賽，沒有其他的競爭者，只有你自己。

你是你最大的敵人。

我們活著，不是為了討好任何人。

昨天，聖靈提醒我，we live for the audience of one.

我們的觀眾只有一位。

我們為祂而活。

Do not look to the left or the right, 當跑你該跑的路，當做你該做的事。

We don’t live to please men, we only live for the approval of God.

But we live, to serve men and to serve God.

The heart of a servant.

Lord, lead me in this season, and I pray, I will pass this test with flying colors.

Joshua my hero.

22nd anniversary

our 22nd anniversary has come, and has gone.

it went past so fast, even before i really realised it.

but somehow, it left a deep mark in me.

was just wondering in my heart, what a privilege.

what a privilege to hear from the pastor of the world largest church, and to hear him say, i am back in my own church.

what a man of faith he is.

no wonder he built the world largest church.

it’s time, to dream n have visions again.

and your vision will guide you, and change you.

on my list of fave people in the world – e357.

happy 22nd!

reminder to self

I kept on reminding myself.

we all have this unique path to walk.

that is why God always tells us.

do not look to the left, nor to the right.

walk the walk that He has ordained you to walk.

Musings

上一週，因為育強牧師的關係，會機會遇到一些大人物。

和他們團契，聆聽他們的故事，為他們做翻譯。

結果？

累到不行，但同時間，也開心到不行。

很久沒有服事得這麼開心了。那一種喜樂，是筆墨無法形容的。

JOY.

回來之後，疲累的身軀躺在床上，感覺神對我說。

服事我應該是這樣的。雖然疲累，但不是拖累。

負擔，不是重擔。

那種滿足感和喜樂，是我好像好久都沒有感受到的。

真正服事祂的喜樂。應當是如此。

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Show me Your glory.

週間祂給了我這個經文。

週末牧師講到這篇經文。

讓我感動到不行。

求你顯出你的榮耀。

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人與人之間的關係，是如此的脆弱。

需要呵護、栽培。

不能當作理所當然。

需要精心培養。

人不能疏離、不能孤立。

Error increases with distance.

距離越遠，錯誤越大。

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Some thoughts for this week.

1 Sam 1:19

¹⁹ Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her.

²⁰ So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the LORD.”

Samuel – This name means “heard by God”. 

婚姻生活的点点滴滴

上一次真正的坐下来写点东西，感觉像是好久好久以前的事。

我们结婚，已经有6个星期了吧。除掉蜜月的两个星期，回到新加坡，适应婚姻生活也只有一个月。这一个月里，几乎是酸甜苦辣都经历过。

一回到新加坡，不同的事情就接踵而来。我当时还在想，有时候，生活是否就能稍停片刻，等一等我呢？我都快喘不过气来了。奇怪的是，结了婚之后，真的发生了很多事情。不管是在家里、事工、工作等等，事情就像浪潮一样，不停的冲向我。

现在终于稍微站稳了点。

想说的东西或许太多。。。我们就一点一点来吧 :)

尽管生活充满了起起落落，但婚姻生活真的还是很幸福的。

牧师昨天说到，当我们得到改变，外在也会跟着改变。很妙的是，许多人遇见了我后，都说我变了。看到了幸福、看到了美丽等等等（哎呦，听起来像在自夸，哈哈）可是我真的感觉幸福。记得我曾经这么祷告过，神啊，不管你让我经历什么，只要有他，有你，我什么都不怕，我什么都能度过。现在，真有点这样的感觉。

想想，我应该写开心的事，还是内心最近在琢磨的事呢？

最近，有些事情发生，让我不停的在思考，人与人之间的关系。

其实，人类是如此复杂的动物，而也因此，人与人之间的关系真是复杂到不行。有时候，你多么希望人和人之间可以那么直接的去分享你们的感受。多么希望会有少些猜忌、少些误会、少些妒忌，而是人与人之间，以最坦诚、最真实、最客观的一面去面对彼此，那么人与人之间，或许就少了很多问题吧？

因此我发现，我非常珍惜的朋友和导师，是那些真的能够坦诚相对的人。

人际关系是如此的脆弱，即使十年、二十年的感情和关系，也能在一夕间摧毁。

感觉好像越来越沉重了。

提点别的。这次的蜜月，我们到了台湾。

当时决定去台湾时真的很挣扎。人家都到欧洲、澳洲、日本看似浪漫的地方，我干嘛这么特别，就要选一个人家不会去的地方嘛。

但心中的那一股冲动，是一定要听的。

所以我进行了一系列的计划，而我们抵达台北，再到宜兰，再到花莲，再到垦丁，再回到台北，快乐到不行。哈哈哈哈。

真的很开心可以这样来游台湾。

蜜月里一切，再找个机会诉说吧。:)

This is the sunrise we saw at hualien at our hotel during honeymoon. breathtaking, isn’t it?

24 hrs to go

counting down 24 hrs. to the BIG DAY.

many asked me, so how is it, are you ready… etc etc.

the feeling is… i don’t know what to feel.

we were busy tying down the details, and it is only during moments like this, that reality hits me, and i feel, i am really getting married.

it’s apprehension, nervousness, fear, and excitement all mixed together.

i think the strongest feeling that I am feeling, is unbelief.

can’t believe i m getting married. the second last day lying on my bed.

surreal.

side track, i love listening to Danny Yeo on City Radio Online. (:

so near yet so far

it is so scary that the big day is coming up in just a few hours.

i don’t really dare to count even, because the next few days look like climbing Mount Everest to me.

there r just so many tasks ahead, and so many decisions  to make, and it looks insurmountable.

JIA YOU BABE. YOU CAN DO IT.

it is so hard

was brooding over the wedding for quite a while, until i decided that it’s time to snap out of it, and i did.

began to thank Him, praise Him, and started to see amazing miracles happen.

sowed a seed 3 wks ago, and received a blessing yest that is beyond my wildest imagination.

Phil 4:19 is true.

whatever you sow, you shall surely reap, that is true too.

yet the wedding is also taking a toll in many areas.

challenges that we face in this whole process… and sometimes when i hear about others, i just wish that it will all be a little simpler and smoother.

but it’s ok. (: He allows me to go through becos He knows we can. and we will.

Today Sun tweeted.

“slowly but surely, inch by inch, prayer by prayer… u win! to you that’s out there, pls don’t give up!”

Thank u for the encouragement. We can do this. (:

inadequacy

one of the things that could possibly plague our lives and paralyse us the most, is the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy.

more often than not, the thoughts of  “can i do it”, “i don’t think I am good enough” floods our minds… and deters us from doing what God wants us to do.

But my Bible says,

Phil 4:13

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I will stand on that. (:

38 days to the BIG DAY!

the STRESS of getting married

i have to admit. i am stressed. with a capital S.

i never thought i will be this stressed, but of course i am still holding up and handling well.

no wonder they have this term called bride-zillas.

people asked me, what am i stressed with and why i am stressed.

i told them, actually to me, i really don’t need a perfect wedding.

a wedding is a one-day event, but marriage is for life.

yet in the midst of it all, there are still the struggles and challenges that you will go through.

how to communicate with people, how to work with people, how to get things done, how to plan things from scratch (like itinerary, places to visit and stay), how to reno a house (choose paint colors, furniture, cabinet colors, type of door, where u want your electrical points to be, what kinds of tiles u want for ur bathroom and kitchen and the list goes on)

now you know why I am stressed.

Stressed not because it affects my one-day wedding, but stressed because it affects my life after that.

my cousin said, the 2 most stressful things – wedding and house.

and i am in the midst of it both.

but i was very encouraged by Pst Phil’s word on Sun.

In everything and for everything, thank God.

I will. I figured that it is not going to be a smooth process (looking at how things are going), therefore I conclude, that no matter that comes my way, I am going to give thanks.

and that has already started to revolutionise my world.

I purposed that no matter what happens, i will not grumble or complain. I choose to give thanks.

Thank You Jesus for a great husband-to-be.

Thank You Jesus for great-in-laws and family.

Thank You Jesus for a house we can move into.

Thank You Jesus for provision every step of the way.

Thank You Jesus for the angels that are for us.

Thank You Jesus i found the right gowns and shoes.

Thank You Jesus for my beautiful photos.

Thank You Jesus for a great wedding venue and wedding date.

Thank You Jesus for great friends.

Thank You Jesus for nice bathroom tiles. (haha)

Thank You Jesus that my pastors can make it for the wedding.

Thank You Jesus for the many friends who are so willing to lend their helping hand.

I am blessed. and I thank YOU!!!!

Phil 4:6-7

Rom 8:28

SNEAK PEAK TO DA BIG DAY!

as i promised.

we supposed to reserve the best for the last… so this is just a sneak peek to some of the photos. hurhur.

SNEAK PEEK! VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

this made me smile

thank you my fren. (:

2 MONTHS AWAY!

WOOHOO~

i am officially 2 months away from May 15!!!!

As compared to a little depressed me a few days ago, I am now feeling much better, cheerful, thankful and really excited.

Yes there r many things waiting for me to do… yet God is so good.

In the midst of it all He brought us people, favours, finances, and I am believing, that all things work together for the good of those who love Him! (:

So now… i am down to confirming my wedding decoration, my caterer (food is very impt!) and I have already chosen my gowns!

I am one excited girl, because it is very exciting to put on THAT GOWN. u know u know!? Haha. I can’t wait to put up sneak peeeeekkkksssss so be patient!

Btw THE BIG DAY IS MAY 15 SO KEEP URSELF FREE!!!

OH before we go on to DA BIG DAY, we first must go through A NEW DAY!

hahahahhaa. We are going to suntec this weekend! YIPPIEEEEE!

and one more thing, i have been gaining weight after i entered phase 3…. SCREAMSSSSSSSSS. but its ok. i m praying, believing by faith, that SOMEHOW, i don’t know how, my body will listen to me, stop gaining weight, and start losing weight! AMEN.

2 more kg to go babe… YOU CAN DO IT!

Wedding preparations

People have been asking me… how are my preparations going???

After all, I am like counting down 2 months to DA BIG DAY!

Honestly, i cannot believe it. It’s a little too surreal. Haha.

That day, as I was praying for our big day, God gave me a verse.

Prov 16:9

A man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.

人心筹算他的道路，惟有耶和华指引他的脚步。

That brought me tremendous encouragement, knowing that as we plan our way, my Lord will direct our steps. Every step of the way.

Till may 15 and beyond.

I wish I can post up pretty pictures for you… but not yetttt. Hurhur.

Soonnnnnnn. (:

Oh btw, as of today, I have lost about 4.5 kg for my wedding.

I am thinking if it is enough. Obviously one can never lose enough. Haha.

Spot the difference.

my last valentine’s day as miss chiong

it was an extremely memorable valentine’s day.

for good and bad reasons.

兩人之間的感情是需要栽培的。

on a separate note, 大世界is really a pretty nice show!

on friendships, social networking and more.

something that keeps me connected to my friends is really social networking, especially when i cannot find the time to meet the whole world, and i love fb-ing at this time randomly, just to be updated with the world.

有時候，生活的步伐太快，快到你可能連自己都失去了。

somebody told me someone said this lately, people have changed.

sorry for the random statement, but as i think about it, i cannot help but feel how much people have changed around me.

perhaps i have too.

probably the sad thing is they have changed and moved on from your life, and our paths drift furthur and furthur away. i don’t know. are there friendships that can remain forever till eternity? i certainly hope so.

有哪一些是值得你去維持的友情。。。而又有哪一些，是不把你當一回事的朋友？又有哪些只用口說，卻毫無行動呢？

說了別人，也總要檢討自己。

i am sounding pessimistic tonight, much contrary to the normal self.

這幾天過得很快，很多事情接二連三的發生，我連喘氣的時間都沒有，處理自己情緒的時間也沒有，再加上做不完的事，又可能加上每一天的雨，讓我特別感慨人事已變。maybe it is becos of torres who requested to transfer out of liverpool. hahaha. of cos not.

On a happier note, God has given us amazing friends, leaders and people around me too. God, I am incredibly grateful for that, especially grateful for my lovely members, whom i know, many of which are willing even, to lay down their lives for me.

Thankful.

just a little teeny weeny

honestly, i did feel it. a teeny weeny sting in the heart.

sad that we were not really “friends”.

just a little.

relationships r harder to manoeuvre as  we grow.

and sometimes, it does affect u, just that little bit.

1月28日

每个月的28日是我最喜欢的一天。我总是对28情有独钟。

在这个月的28日，在那么多天的整理之下，我总算把房间清理完毕。

其实，我不知道是不是真的完毕，但还是有十足的成就感。

这次的大扫除是前所未有的大规模，因为是为搬家做准备。

我丢出的，给掉的，大概有20多袋东西吧。

哈哈。

很多人跟我说，我应该学习不要浪费。

或许吧。

夜晚的宁静

我很少有机会，在这种时候，坐在书桌前默默的思考，看着别人的文字，思考、反思、写博客。

通常都是精疲力尽的回到家，需要处理处理不完的事，我们的生命似乎充满着许多“噪音”。有时候真的需要静下来，好好的思考。

这两个星期，请了假，只因为我的房间已经乱到不行。我已经受不了了！！所以今天一口气就从早上9点一直清理到晚上6点。虽然还没完成我大扫除的工作，但看到那一包包的垃圾和被丢出来的东西，还是有种莫名的满足感。:)

真的很喜欢清理房间后的感觉。也真的很希望，搬到新家后，我能够把家里整理得井然有序。看到家里整齐的感觉，不会有很大的满足感吗？ :)

倒数106 天！