散文日记

看到很多朋友的部落格。好想念这样写部落格的方式。所以我决定了！考试后我真的会set up wordpress blog. 我想开始用华文记录好多东西。。好想念





近来有很多扰人的事，脑海里一直围着那几件事打转。考试有像是个摆脱不了的负担，这也不是，那也不是。又有几件烦人又缠人的事，想摆脱也摆脱不了的东西。haix.





一件令我超级开心的事。是跟我的陈资凯聊天。对了，他使我的新上任男朋友。没有啦。。他是我的5岁外甥。他最近超可爱，而他是令我最开心的聊天对象。((:





上个星期和他妈妈聊天，然后和他讲话，他开始问我又可爱又好笑的问题，让在念书的我好不开心。





matthew: yiyi.. where r u now?


me: yiyi is in sch.


matthew: how come u still in sch?


me: becos yiyi is studying in sch. tml got exam.


matthew: how come u still studying in sch? how come u nv go home?


me: becos yiyi is studying in sch lor.


matthew: how come ur sch so late still haven close? how come u nv go home?


me: yiyi's sch dun close one. yiyi's not going home. going home tml.


matthew: how abt the tchers? are the tchers there also?


me: no matthew.. the tchers have gone home.


matthew: how come the tchers go home? then who teach u a lesson?


me: becos the teachers need to rest. yiyi studying myself..


matthew: how abt ur frens? r ur frens in sch..?





and so the conversation goes.





then he asked..





matt: is ur sch in frankel ave? (which for ur info is the add of his sch. ha)


me: no.. yiyi's sch in jurong west..


matt: how come ur sch not in frankel ave? how come ur sch in jurong?





...





matt: is ur sch like brighton montessori? (which is the name of his sch btw)


me: no.. yiyi's sch much bigger than brighton montessori.


matt: but brighton montessori is also very big! ur sch got toys?


me: no yiyi's sch no toys..


matt: how come no toys.. then then .. how about lego? does ur sch have lego?


me: no matthew.. yiyi's sch no lego..


matt: how come no lego.. then.. what about toilets? ur sch got toilets?


me: yes matthew.. yiyi's sch got toilet..


matthew: how come ur sch only got toilet.. (drifting away)





my beloved nephew. can u believe he is five? a few days.. he asked his mum to call me becos he wants to tok to me. to cont this conversation. and what i heard is before i picked up.. he is already toking to me. and after he hung up on me, he was still toking. haha.





my fave boy.

have u fallen in love with him? haha. i noe he is absolutely adorable. love him to bits.

there r many fantastic kids in my family. jus love them.

另外一件事，就是星期四是我最后一天在kumon。我会好想念。。我的同事，更会想念我的学生！下次才给你们照片看！(:

i thot this is a pretty interesting post. muahaha. self praise is no praise.

you are sovereign

God. you are sovereign.

yes i noe u r sovereign.

as ur child, i dun have to beg, dun have to lower my standing, dun have to try in that manner.

yes i know that.

i know that u reign.

i know that vengeance belongs to u.

i know that you reign.

i know that u will fight for me.

i know that u will protect me.

i know that u will come through for me.

i know that no weapon against me shall prosper.

i know that u r on my side.

i know that u r sovereign, so sovereign.

so i will fear not, fret not, worry not.

you r in absolute control. n no weapon no weapon no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

他们真的不了解。

嗯，我知道，没有几个人其实能够了解。我知道。

多么希望会找到一群能了解的人，会在等待，会两肋插刀。

你们常说你们会，有时候，在我最需要的时候，你们会在的。

有时候，在我最需要的时候，我是一个人躲在一旁哭泣的。

你是没有看到的。

我仍然觉得

友情是需要培养的。

但是，不想一个人去培养。

我不是无聊。不是寂寞。不是可怜。只想要有一个陪在身边的人。

就这样而已。

你真的了解吗？

我要友情。我要quality time. 我不要你施舍时间来陪我。我不要觉得自己好像在祈求别人的时间。我不要，我不要，我不要！

你了解吗？你们了解吗？有人了解吗？？

你们有尝试了解吗？

benny hinn

one of my fave christian books is good morning Holy Spirit. this was the book that really taught me how to get to know the Holy Spirit. and tdy even as i attend pst benny's meeting, i think it's just amazing.

this is what happens when u simply walk with the Holy Spirit, right?

i really crave to have such a relationship with the Holy Spirit, that when u sing and worship, the room is filled with the presence of God. that u can invite the Holy Spirit, and becos of ur relationship with Him, he will show up when u ask me to.

Holy Spirit, teach me how to noe u more.

Pst benny said. Jesus is coming back. We r running out of time.

urgency!

i have decided to move on

i have decided to move on.

i have dwelled too long in the past.

Jesus said, follow me.

noe wad?

even if u dun follow Him, He will still move on.

His life is to do the will of the Father.

i have decided to move on.

i have issued to all an invitation.

if u r with me, come with me to change the world.

if u r not with me, and u dun wan to move on, u can stay where u r.

it's not that i dun wan to bring u along, but u chose to stay where u r.

i m moving on. with or without u.

u choose.

i m NOT staying back. i m going where He wants me to go.

R u with me?

sun 做你的公主

或許你沒看出來　周圍的人都在猜
有種感覺正在我們之間展開
喜歡你偶而作怪　
不經意留露的壞 其實體貼實在　
孩子氣的胸懷
曾經有過的戀愛　彷彿一片空白
直到遇見你 我才真的存在

我只想做你的公主　
擁有那平凡的幸福
華麗的珍珠　不如眼底的專注
對我深深呵護　
我想我是你的公主
終結這多年的追逐
當你抱著我　地球也暫停腳步
我剎那間清楚　
你是我的幸福
沉潛太久的孤獨　這一刻獲得救贖
我忽然好想哭　感激你這一路
陪我笑　陪著我辛苦
無悔的付出

i really love this song.

thoughts

God looks at the heart.

sometimes i cannot understand, y people try to be someone else. is it in front of me, in front of others, y try to be someone else? even if tdy i can't see, God sees.

guys, God is not interested in the outward. God is not interested in wad u say, wad u promise, sometimes even wad u do, if wad u do is different from wad u feel.

God wants commitment and passion, from the inside out.

pls dun hide. be totally honest before God.

on another note, it's back again.

felt like God is putting me thru that test again.

i din make it the other time and God is a wonderful tcher.

he makes sure that i pass it. haha.

so it is back again.

brace urself to pass the test girl.

although i have been whining abt the tons of reports that i have to write, especially 342, i still kind of enjoy really doing it. it has been pretty exciting getting down to writing it and also to research and find out all those things happening in the international society, a quest for knowledge. i never thought i could digest a book as theoretical as this, i thot it would be really tough to "swallow" it all. but i was wrong. i did enjoy reading all these things. (: though sometimes i can get a bit sleepy.

but now, 515am in the morning, sitting at canteen b and attempting to do my 342 is an achievement indeed. go for it xiaoting.

easter is coming!

He is the reason for this season.

jia you.

朋友

nothing happens by chance.

nothing happens automatically.

昨天很不经意的。。 这样对朋友说

“感情是需要我们去刻意经营的。”

这次。。 我对友情的感受很多

无可逃避的，在不同的地方念书，自己和别人的距离越来越远。
但是，我非常非常珍惜友情。
真的
不管你是在新加坡
或是在美国
只要你在我心里占一席之位
我就一定会抽出时间
和你聊上那一句话

我知道
时间很少
事情很多
never ending projects, reports, essays, tut, homework

but u noe sth?
frens r still so impt

“友情是需要你我去刻意经营的”

sometimes we think that.. even if we dun spend time with one another
it is ok.

things will still remain the same.

really?

有时候我觉得。。
有些东西真的已经变了。

pretend this does not exist.

我真的不想放手
好久都没有这样的感觉
这次没有让我感觉想要窒息

晓亭成长了吧

i really dun wan to let you down.
in the grandstand, the only audience in you.

有时候会觉得
我是不是做错了

只希望你脸上
可以出现满足的笑容

pls take care of everything

sun

好爱你的新专辑《拥抱》

谢谢你的勇敢
给我力量一直不断的走下去

谢谢你的歌声
给了我无限感动
让我在最黑暗的夜晚
也不觉得孤单

是你的坚持
让我坚持到底
不停下来

是你的阳光
照亮我的心

我没有听到另一把能让我如此感动的声音
谢谢你的坚持
谢谢你不放弃
一直一直透过音乐把感动和爱带给我们

love u sun.

read an article that moved me so much. i love her courage. thank you.

戏剧

今天戏剧盒的人来到南大，谈关于戏剧方面的东西。

他们的一字一句，牵动了我的心。

我不知道这是不是我的calling, 但是我想参与媒体工作。不是记者，不是新闻播报员，我也不懂我要的是什么，可是，心里总有一点的不满足，my soul needs sth more.

或许会做广播，戏剧。。我也不知道，但是我要参与aesthetics的东西。i need to fulfill my soul.

met Him yest.

it was wonderful.

to feel Him close by, speaking straight into my life.

to have His logos jump out on me.

i never want to lose this love for u.

only wan to love u more. n more. n more. n more.

a sip is not enough. i need a well, a fountain of ever lasting water.

draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.

be there Lord.

i feel kinda tired. with the tons of reports due plus exams in one month, it's a little bit scary. but God is always good.

was reminded tdy on how i always lean upon the Lord for strength. N God reminded me to do that again.

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. "

had a wonderful zone meeting.

on another note, tdy did our presentation for game play.

总觉得自己可以做得更好，虽然面对的限制很多，但我还是想做到最好。真的有放进不少努力，所以觉得老师的批评还是相当残酷的。

但是我们总是需要面对批评，才能够学习，我还是更好的学习吧。

真的好累

allow me to be emo for just these few minutes.

the end of something marks the beginning of something greater. God kept on reminding me.

it was a tough decision to make. but i noe God has sth greater in store. so i did it. and here's for u.

to my dearest cg,
i love u. (:

to peter,
everytime we gather and tok bout u, that one word is lame. other than that, mx will always mention how scared u r of me and how tense up u r. (: but i wan u to noe that i m so proud of u! especially when u called me n tell me bout ur results, at the moment i felt so so so proud of u and i jus wanted to tell the whole world that u did it! i noe u struggled real hard with ur studies in the past 2 yrs, but yet i also noe that u really did all that u could for this exam and u really did it! i m so proud of u! u do have a talent n a gift amidst all that lameness. grow to be a man of a greater stature n fulfill the vision i gave to this cg in the beginning of this yr. fulfill ur destiny.

to jordan,
thank u for being so teachable. since the first day u came, u have been teachable and always so willing to be taught. u r always so willing and available, always there, always faithful and u r so great as a member! i see tremendous potential in ur life so really develop ur relationship in God and grow the best u can! u will shine!

to iris,
it has not been an easy road for u i think. from how u first came and got saved, and see people close to u backsliding, but yet u have held on. i noe there r times our faith in God will waver, sometimes it happen for me too, but keep on holding on to God and walk with Him. i noe u will do well in e195.

to huiying,
from that girl that i first saw 2 yrs ago up till tdy, u have come a long way. n i m thankful to God for that. to see u loving the things of God, being excited abt the things of God, becoming more n more spiritual reminds me always y i m still doing the things that i m doing. ur enthusiasm spreads! (: so keep on shining for Him wherever u go..

last but not least,
to ying.
it has been a long discipleship and walk with u, as ur leader and fren. since u were sec 1, that girl with that 2 little plaits, whom i took such a long time to get u to come for cg n svc, to this girl that i see today, strong, spiritual, mature, serving God in this kingdom, i m inspired. gal i saw how u grow all the way, from that little girl till today, it is not easy to let u go. u have been great as a disciple and a helper, enduring all that scoldings from me, standing in the gap, sharing my burden and making things happen, and always loving people, it has been a priveilege to be ur discipler. i pray with all of my heart that i will see u soar like an eagle and fulfill God's call for ur life. you were born, for such a time as this.


it has really not been an easy decision. but this marks sth greater. the rest of us in E357, let's see God's kingdom in this place. (: we spend 2 yrs of our lives tog, it has been awesome, and it will be more awesome.

i love e357. old n new.

the end of sth marks the beginning of sth greater.

whenever i m scared n overwhelmed, this song rings in my head.

all this time
since the day that i was born
i nv known a time like this
i dun wan to let u down



some people see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were n ask why not. what your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

was just reading a fren's blog to realise that leaders r only human. alot of times when i look at the lders ard me, somehow i feel that they r so amazing and they look so "shen". but yet, tdy i jus feel, ldrs r really only human.

we can get disappointed
we can be frustrated
we can be discouraged
we can be angry
we can get hurt
we need relationships
we need frens
we need God

i m only human. gee

my mind is in a really blank mode now. i wan to type but dunno wad to type.

God............. what should we do? n what can we do?

说不出口。。

...

today he asked me.

"will u carry on?"

"yes i will.if u ask me to."

"will u go on for me?"

"yes Lord,for you i will do it."

"even though it's not going to be easy,will u still do for it for me?"

"yes Lord i will.for you i will.'

and then he asked me.

"will u stay?"

"yes if u ask me to i will"

"thank you girl"

"at your word i will do it.i love you.enough to give it up for you."

"at your word Lord.it's hard n painful.but if u say it,i will do it."

singapore

blogging again. to pen some thots for the day.

toked to liu xiao peng tdy while having meeting. he is hilarious. no wonder everybody asked me to take his lesson. hahaha.

but he said sth that really taught me sth tdy.

i remembered.. when i was in china, i felt so much like y r these pple so "chong yang".. they feel so much that the things out of china r better.. and they look "out" for china to think there is a greater world out there, when i simply feel that it is the contrary, that they have so much assets n talents in china themselves!

then tdy liu lao shi said sth that sort of like gave me a revelation. haven we.. the so-called "elites".. also despised what is of Singapore.. thinking that it is LC, of no quality, and always thinking that the cultured things r so much better. but tdy liu lao shi gave me a total different perspective.

he is totally in love with "ben tu" movies.. like i not stupid, money not enough etc. and he said.. that all these feel like a "nan han" from the lower income pple in singapore.. and he loves the songs n everything.. thinking that they r so cool..

he said.. what is wrong with singlish? for a culture and background as complicated as ours, it is interesting how we develop the lang that belongs to us uniquely.. this is singapore! and y must singaporeans get rid of singlish.. or despise wad is local?

i m amazed. this is a perspective that i've not heard before. and to my amusement/amazement, we r just like the mainland chinese that i saw huh.. who r so convinced that what is outside is so much better than what is inside.. but actually, there is sth valuable in this island i live in.

i think i shld learn to change my perspective, to stop being so "chong yang", and to love "ben tu", and to be proud of being a singaporean.

3 cheers to singapore!

photo updates!

these r the pics i took from Hk macau n shen zhen. pls enjoy! more pics to come! stay tuned.. otherwise pls visit stargazing28.multiply.com

it's funny..

how i have taken up a whole new challenge.. and the devil launches his attack. good try.

i feel like i m at wit's end, but yet i know i must once again rise up, to call what You have called me.

I will answer the call, rise up to the occasion, and do what it takes to be that person You wan me to be.

2007 will be great.. and it will be the greatest yr!

here's to..
excellent academic results
growth in the cell
growth in xiaoting's life
growth in chc

and here's to xiaoting being the person god has intended her to be..

cheers!

world shaker. history maker.

i promise u.

against all odds i will make it. with You.

all this time
since the day that i was born
i nv known a time like this
i dun wan to let you down

christmas

i m really supposed to be sleeping now. but i jus wanted to blog abt this.

i always love attending big celebration services, just like our xmas tdy.

tdy after i watched the drama, when i was holding the candle, i was just so filled with awe.. and with thanksgiving. in my heart i was telling God.. thank You for coming 2000 yrs ago for me, n for u and the entire human race. (:

and the second time i was holding the candle, Jesus spoke to me. Ting i came to be a light to this world, to dispel darkness, n whoever has me, they will not live in darkness, i will light up their life, just like the little candle that lit me up. i may not be able to see many steps ahead, but becos of the light that is guiding me, i can walk every step of the way.

he leads. n he lives.

happy birthday Jesus.

n merry xmas to all.

戏后感想

很神奇的一件事是，每一次看一些笨到不行的家庭温馨影片，我都会哭得稀里哗啦。记得有一次我很伤心的回家，看着《我家四个宝》的大结局，我竟然哭了起来。真是荒谬。

刚才又在电视上看了类似的电影，又哭得稀里哗啦。电影的尾端写着：

献给那些为爱坚持和牺牲的人

突然想起以前常跟朋友说的话，现在走的这条路，似乎困难重重。天天都在“打仗”，好不辛苦。但话又说回来，我那时这么对朋友说，有什么值得争取的东西又是轻而易举的呢？

生命里值得我们追求的东西，不是都需要我们去披荆斩棘，才能得到吗？

success is not a destination. it is a journey. now i sound like some motivation speaker, which i hate.

总觉得每个人的生命里，都需要一个我们去坚持的理由。我常对朋友说，(yes n again) 其中一个让我这么珍惜有他的日子，因为他给了我活着的意义。我讨厌一些无聊的推动力，来逼我做我不想做的事。什么你需要一张好文凭啦，你需要赚很多钱等。。这些并不是不好的，但是，只为了追求这些而生存，我的生活也太没意义了。

当我看到老一辈的人时，总觉得感慨。看到我退休的老师们，爸爸和他的朋友，脸上流露着沧桑，希望我以后不会是这样。一股。。我们在这社会打滚了几十年，这世界是没有什么意义的。。 如果活了半百年，而又这样的感慨，实在令人感到难过。

所以。。

2007年的心愿，就是尽心地过每一天，活出自信，活出精彩，在我在生命里的这一篇添上美丽的色彩。

i wanna live a legacy behind.

a penny for ur thoughts

some things some pple said in the week that really spoke into my heart.

"If we have an escapist mentality, we will miss God big time. "
~sophie

"The Holy Spirit always do a greater work in the newer generation. If you are 24 and under, u r the next generation, n u will see God move in a greater way. John --> Jesus --> disciples. Greater works u will do than me, Jesus said. Dun say, not yet. Dun say, let me wait till tml, next yr, 5 years later. Today is the day of salvation. Rise up u new generation n equip urself to do the greater work! there will be a greater anointing, and the Holy Spirit will come, and He will use you for the greater works!!"
~sth pst tan said in my words.

pastor tan once said in one service.
"Disappointment is the hijacker of ur plane, that stops u from getting to ur destination."

equip me for the greater works. like how u used mary, use me.

let it be to me according to Your word.

in addition.

oh a few more things i forgot to blog bout.

last mon was miss sim's birthday! happy bday gal! love yaaaaaa! (((((:

and last fri was hui ying's bday too. sweet 16!

last sat went out to eat with esther daryl n sophie. seriously,i was really inspired by esther. working for her under half a yr.. i learnt some stuff but not alot cos i was too scared all the time. but now esther being in our zone, i really look up to her. n for once, i m unable to express the reason y i think she is so cool. really. but she has alot of confidence, she is a great leader, but she is not jus zai in the spiritual aspect, although she is really very zai as a spiritual ldr, she is more amazing than that. oh God help me to be like her!

and .. and..

DIYA ROCKS BIG TIME AT SUPERSTAR!!!!!

oh man i m jus so proud of her. i think she was so great n so cool.. i hope she really keeps it up all that way! go diya!

the past one week.

it has been an eventful week. God has been revealing many things to me and i learnt many many things. exams r finally over.

i love the service today. i dunno y but suddenly i m treasuring the days in church so much. yest i was jus standing outside the audi n i really felt the presence n anointing over city harvest. i love u church. n i feel like i jus wan to fall in love with You all over again. to be down at Your feet o Lord.

prayer meeting was awesome. i thot cg meeting was great too. feel like the breakthrough is coming.. we jus got to pray UNTIL we feel the presence n power of God.

tdy during prayer meeting, God was speaking to me. n God was telling me.. all that i had to do is to be like shamgar.. to hear n to obey. and the key to ur walk is to pray, hear n obey n pray.

i jus wan to fall in love with you. fall in love with you. nth beats spending with u lord. i can play, get wild, have fun with my frens, but i wan you.. so much in my life. becos without u, there is nth in my life. let it not get mechanical. let everything flow.. out of a love for You.

it's december!!!

i can't believe it!!!! we have stepped into the month of december! oh man.. and in a matter of 30 days, we r coming to an end of 2006! i really want to end this yr well with a super big bang! oh God i need ur grace oh so much!

jus read abt the ahs prom night. reminds me so much of my dhs and hc days. due to me toking more frequently to my ex-classmates, i miss uniform sch days so much! can't wait to get tog with the dhs and hwa chong frens!!! and my dear helen girl, i can't wait for u to come back! i havent seen u for a yr!!!! can we like go count down tog and get wild???? haaaha.

suddenly i really miss hanging out with frens n stuff. to all those who r reading my blog now.. especially my ex-classmates, i wan u to know that i miss u so much!!!! miss hanging out with all of u!!!! can we pls organise some outings.. and for those pple in 4e, come on man let's go out! haaha. stop waiting for somebody to organise.. haaha. i m jus gonna call somebody n initiate it.. i m so good at arrowing people. but pple, i miss u!!!!!!!!!

it's kind of SHOCKING to find out.. that all of us r going to be 21 next yr, and that the guys r all going into uni and become our juniors. muahahaha. but it's cool and it's brilliant n i simply cannot wait to meet up with all of u...

so for the month of december.. this is the song for u! Let's get loud.. let's get loud! haaaha

nah.. the mth of december marks a month of SOULS N BREAKTHROUGHS!

n it marks ending the yr with a BIG BANG!

n it marks reflections.. for all the wrong things i have done n need to change.. and to think abt wad i m going to do for the rest of my life.. haaha.

n it marks planning my 21st birthday! i think it's realli gonna get loud.. haaaaha.

n it marks meeting up with frens.. all the dhs pple and hwa chong pple.. let's meet up!

n it marks helen coming back.. u dunno how much i miss u girl..

n it marks CHRISTMAS!!!! christmas is coming...!!!

He's the reason for da season. so everything is going to be so great!

let's have a wonder-licious... DECEMBER N CHRISTMAS!!!!

其实我并没有什么也别想写的东西，感觉好像是硬逼自己坐在电脑面前，脑袋一片空白，手指却不停的打着。不知从哪一个时候开始，我学习如何让自己的脑袋放空。以前的我，脑袋总是充满了101条思绪。现在的我，却好像有点失了魂的样，有点和自己的思想和心情隔绝了。

i need to get in touch with my soul. i wonder how i can do that.

我好想飞。好想做一些很疯狂的事。有时候人在忙碌的时候，或许会迷失自己。我感觉晓亭迷路了好久，快点找到回家的路吧。

来临的一月，我想要消失。你想不想跟着一起来？让我们随风飞去，消失在人海中吧。

一个人 消失在人海中
如何 在人海找到自己 那是关键

我快要到家了 请等一等我吧。

sth new to blog abt

ooo. finally the exams r over! haaha. seriously i dun feel the sense of happiness i thot i will feel. nevertheless, i m happy, and i think i have worked hard. (not too bad la. quite hard)

went out with a fren tdy. i had quite a lot of fun n learned quite a lot of things. n from here, i m going to blog.

Hey gal,

what happened really changed my thinking. rem i used to tell u those things i said last time (pls dun reveal wad i said to him k).. i feel like i shld take them back, but i wun. but i must say, i m impressed. haaah. and this will make somebody's head very big. i really hope it will not, but this is from the bottom of my heart.

knowing him since quite a while ago makes us think that he is casual, laidback, and not much of a passionate person. no doubt we agreed he will make a very good bf, somehow we thot he din really proved to be so. but gal, i thot he has proven what we said right.

when i was toking to him, from the little things that he said, i learnt a lot of things. n i have to say, i think u found someone u can entrust urself to. no doubt there r things to be changed, but everyone of us has, but when u find someone who has a heart for you, and who thinks abt u in every little thing, i think that is wonderful. and i can really feel that love, care n concern in his voice. he is a great bf to have. and u r a great gf to have to, of course.

and girl, i think u r blessed. i m kinda convinced that he is really a great person.. and i hope he will live with passion and achieve great things.

and from the bottom of my heart, wishing u love forevermore.

to him,

i dunno if u will end up reading this or not, but u really impressed me big time. haah. u must be wondering y. i end up feeling that she is really the girl for u.

treasure her big time k.. i feel that my fren is so precious. n i think i know u will.

and dream big! and plan big! and do big things! i think u really can. so go there n do it, and be the BIGGEST TREE u can be, and provide the greatest shelter, stability and security.

and the most sincere blessings from my heart, your fren,
xiaoting

it has not been a very easy time. i feel like i m in the wilderness. n that my faith is being tested. i kept asking God, y r things not happening.. then i had a thought. maybe the angels delivering my answers r wrestling with the demons, so I NEED TO KEEP ON PRAYING.

i have nv or as far as i can remember, got myself into such a situation. i need help from You God.

daddy you will not allow us to go thru anything we cannot bear. and for every situation, there is always a way out. so i m really trusting in You. to come through for me.... Lord. help me. please.

do i look silly in this thing? i love it. haah. cos it's like sth that some mongolian princess will wear. but i look really dumb right? haah.

me n qi were really sound asleep n some evil pple took our pictures. haha.

my very good fren. this was taken on my birthday.celebrated it with my cg at 85.

this is evidence that i know belinda! but i m not sure if she remembers us. we were from the same bus in israel! i think she is pretty.

it has been a long week.

i realise i always recuperate by sleeping. is it physically, emotionally, or mentally.

it is not always that effective.

not as effective as the presence of God anyway.

but i slept. and left 6 chaps of my astronomy untouched. n left 1 plain prata n 1 egg prata untouched. wad a waste of my money. ha.

sometimes God leave u hanging to the thinest line possible, so that u can hang on the biggest God possible.

i feel like.. if God is not going to see me through, i m dead.

yep.

but.. He is going to see me thru. so..

LIFE IS STILL BEAUTIFUL. DESPITE ITS IMPERFECTIONS. THANK U!

is there anything too hard for Me?

Eze 22:30

so i sought for a man among, who would make a wall and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, but i found no one.

For a moment, i thot i was wrong.

Meiyan said sth, that i felt it might be really so. it went into my spirit.

perhaps it is time for a change. a big change.

"is there anything too hard for Me?"

i serve a BIG God. what bout u?

enjoying

was jus chilling out with chan eng at sing post. i know. wad a place right. haah.i was waiting for my bag. which i manage to slash the price from 32.90 to 25! it's either the person really jack up the price so much or i m a good bargainer. haaah.

but i feel deprived for so long. that for so long.. i think almost for one mth.. i have no life. n i realise how much i miss fun.. miss shopping.. miss hanging out. i need a breather! to all who r reading my blog right now, if u r free, u r invited to hang out with xiaoting after 29nov. haah. pls... ask me out to play! anything will do. i m considering to.. go to the zoo? go shopping.. watch movies.. vivo city.. etc etc etc. n i m going HK in jan i think n i hope.

my grandma jus moved into my hse. n i used to think that it is such a horror. but i realise, it is not so bad afterall. she is really nice. and having an old lady in the hse is nice. i realise old pple can jus get lonely. and they r jus looking for company. i love my grandma! haah.

i love my life. all thanks to the river that flows.

i need God.

i need the Holy Spirit.

i need sum1 who will stand in the gap.

i need a fighter.

i need sum1 to make things happen. for me n for You.

one last blog

i m going back hall. tml is my exam. somehow i feel like... i dunno. but this exam is really impt to me. i guess i have not taken exams so seriously since a long time ago. becos the xiaoting in jc n secondary n pri has been really hardworking. but since i came to uni, i forgot what it is like to work hard.

but i must get started now. n i have had a track record for the past 13 weeks. n i pray n i pray, i can run the last lap well and fight the good fight of faith.

i m still looking to my good grades. n today is the last day. xiaoting u must really start mugging very hard!!!

i really need grace. need grace to study hard in the midst of exams plus all the different activities.

God, empower me to succeed. thank You.

God's word for this week

John 7:37-38

"..'If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scriptures have said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. "

I need the rivers of living water. i need to drink from the well that never runs dry.

when u r in the Spirit, there is a river and that is a flow. things dun get hard going. things dun get dry. becos the river flows.

Holy Spirit rain down upon me, upon us, upon my cg, upon this church i pray.

i wan to know the one who holds my hand as i run this race.

more of You Holy Spirit.

what lies ahead of me looks scary n insurmountable. but becos u r here, n u hold my hand day by day, everything is going to be ok. thank You.

i m always very appreciative of pst ulf's appearance. becos he nv fails to remind me wad i m missing out on. haha. whenever i see him, i will think n wonder n be in awe. becos he always demonstrates that "high" level that a minister can go up to. n i wish i have that kind of anointing n love n relationship with God.

it seems like as u grow older, u become more n more set in ur ways. n u have less n less desire for the extraordinary. i hate that happening to me. i wan to have a DEEP hunger for the things of God. a THIRST for the Holy Spirit n for what God has in store for me.

sometimes when u get busy, u jus get too busy to think. i have sort of spent less n less time thinking. n cos of the lack of laptop, i blog less n less. i like blogging. cos blogging makes me think. forces me to think.

yest studied at th airport overnight with ting zimu n jeremy. m amazed by zimu. he demonstrates an amazing depth of knowledge n opinions for his age.

noe wad? i wan to really have that kind of depth. jus now jeremy mentioned that terence (not that terence, haha) has depth. n i kind of have been missing out on that for a while. i really wan to be a great leader, who is anointed, who is fruitful, and i wan to have the rivers of living water flowing out of me. yet i also wan to be someone who qualifies to be sum1 great in the marketplace. that pple look up to u for ur wisdom, ur knowledge.

it is only when i grew up, that i learn, what did pst mean by ur life changes only when ur thinking changes.

Lord, help me put on ur mind everyday.

help me to have a heart after you.

help me to love like u do.

help me to have a hunger like Jesus has.

i wan to love u more more more than ever before.

i wan to be more in love with u more than ever before.

i wan the Holy Spirit. so much.

感觉还蛮痛的
最讨厌的应该是尽心去做一件事 却不得要领
有时候感觉
因为某件事情的发生
世界好像要垮下来了
但是
常常这么想
从另一个角度
things r really not so bad..

so when u learn to look at it from a different perspective.
when u learn to let go n let God

而当你知道 不管发生什么事
he is in control.

everything will be ok.

n i love you Lord for that very assurance. (((:

random n goong.

i dunno how it happened. but i felt in love with goong. i m not supposed to, i guess, but i jus could not really help it. it jus happened one day. anyway i m so glad that i have finished watching it after endless sleepless nights of looking at shin goon. hahaha.

我猜想
每个女孩的心里都有一个属于她的童话故事
而每个女孩都期待自己的白马王子
但是你又会发现
戏里面你能看到的信
或许在真实的世界里
是不会出现的

but anyway. it is over. although i m still in love with shin goon. haha.

everytime u climb to mountain top, u can expect to see a valley?

i m still learning to get used to hall life. it's not too bad now, after i brought my hifi in. i realise i cant live without music. i rather have some weird dj toking to me den to be reading in sheer silence. scary.

but i think i really love the privacy of my room. n hall enables me to sleep n eat alot. but i hate it when there is no hot water for my bath!!! haha. lame right but ya.

i m really gonna mug this time round. jus taught the pple in cg last wk abt how.. when u lay down ur life for God, u enter into a covenant relationship with him, then He will gather all of heaven to empower u to succeed. i thot this is how i m feeling right now.

thank u Jesus.

thank You for being so gracious, for forgiving the things that i have done.

thank You for letting me know that in every valley, u r there.

thank You for giving me hope.

thank You for ur blessing, for empowering me to succeed.

and thank You that u made me. (:

love ya.

无可救药

暗戀是一種禮貌
暗地裡蓋一座城堡
然後再當你的警衛跑腿跟小貓
隨時你要我重灌電腦
隨時你要我隨傳隨到買麵包 雞排跟水餃
你每次對著我笑
你的笑裡面有毒藥
我看著你出了神還丟掉了解藥
可能你從來沒感覺到
最好你永遠感覺不到
愛上你 越來越無可救藥
一天一天越來越無可救藥
一生一次愛你到無可救藥
我 才慢慢體會到
幸福是被愛的人需要
一天一天越來越無可救藥
一生一次愛你到無可救藥
我 才狠狠決定要
就愛吧就醬吧就不逃
愛你到無可救藥

-阿信-

he is cool. ha.

i need to get in touch with my soul n emotions.

free me.

hall 4

today is my second night in hall. i was initially very excited to stay in hall. but yest while i was in sch, i thot abt how "lonely" my hall is gonna be, with no roommate, no laptop, no music, i felt like my heart sank. I m scared of the silence in it.. and i miss home. :( i know i sound so kiddish.. n it is so unlike me becos i m usually not like that. i thot i was independent n stuff too, n i still think i m, but prob not as much. haha. i really miss the security of home.

家是我的避风港
是每天我回去
最向往的地方
家有我熟悉的味道
由能牵动我心的音乐
由我不需要用脑放轻松的电视
没错
我好想家

而且我发现
想的不是家人
是家

it's so good to be home.

i din realise i will take time to adapt. really din. n i realise my heart is attached to alot of things at home. n i m super dependent on my com. without msn, without blogging, i feel empty!! haix.

ok, to take things at a lighter note, i m ok. haah. jus missing home alot. esp my bed n my com. n everything la. realli.

害相思

i m still here! going home tml. n coming back on sun night. i will mug hard ok.. haah.

fake.

i m scared of pple who r fake. i m serious. i hate discovering hypocrites in my life. get thee behind me!

i hate my time being wasted.

i know it's not supposed to be reciprocrated.

but i dun owe ____ anything, do i?

i m kind of tired. to do this for ____ and to leave nothing for __ .

it doesnt feel good not to be ____________.

fill in the blanks.

thoughts and more thoughts

like what i said. i have been having a lot of thoughts lately. i hope i can blog them down.

to whoever that is reading this right now. this is the first time u r hearing xiaoting's dream i think. except for a few close frens, i din reveal it to anybody. and now it is. *drumroll*

when i was younger, i wanted to serve full-time one day. but when i first heard pastor preach abt the marketplace, i wanted to go into the marketplace as well. there i was. torn. i could not figure whether i should go full-time or go into the marketplace.

then i tried out different jobs. n somebody who really sparked off an idea in me was kevin. i had almost nv ever dreamed of being an entrepreneur. (i jus din think i was cut out for it) but it was him who gave me the idea and told me i have what it takes. and that was when i really started thinking. amazing how God uses pple isnt it? n kevin said sth that really impacted me. which i felt it was God speaking thru him. wow. well God uses non-believers too. He said i could start sth and become successful and let it run, while at the same time i can serve God. this implying that i could serve full-time, yet not draw a salary from the church, what's more giving to His house. i was still pondering bout it.

till a couple of weeks ago. pst mentioned this very idea in church. n God confirmed the word. i felt a sense of excitement in my heart to really be a high flier in my career yet serve God. like bro wahju (sorry i dunno how to spell his name)

tdy i was toking to my cousin. i told her my dream one day is to be so rich, that i can have houses all over asia. n whenever pastors go overseas for missionaries, i can house them. n whenever my relatives go overseas, i can house them.

we were in a cab. n when i got down, the cab driver said, 希望你的梦想实现。

and i said, 会的。

that went straight into my spirit.

when we were at sph, when i told wang lao shi n biao i wanted to be an entrepreneur, they laughed. but dear all, xiaoting has nv been one who would settle for the average, the norm, the usual. i wan the extraordinary in my life.

who said.. 中文系的学生一定要当老师，参与媒体工作？

who said.. 南大中文系不应该是你的选择？

who said.. 中文系的学生不可以出来创业，有一天成为百万富翁？

my friends, when i came to know Jesus, one thing He did, He took out the impossible in my life.

in Him, all things r possible.

and i hope my life will be a living testimony to

with man it is impossible. but with God, all things r possible.

u believe that? i do.

thoughts and ideas

i actually have alot of thots in my brain.esp after class.u jus feel like blogging.but sadly,i forgot abt them.n some of them r unsuitable to be written here.haix.i m sorry to deprive u.haah.let me jus blog some random stuff k..

a couple of posts ago, i wrote bout how much i like long ying tai. now i beg to differ. dun really like pple who use emotions to get their way. yep shan1 dong4 xing4. recently i have become lazy to type chinese. yes i have. forgive me for that frens. haah.

tdy when i saw that scene, thoughts flooded my mind n heart. i know it seems like this is not the time for it, n yet i know i have also promised you greater things. sth is tugging at my heart. i know i have high expectations, n yet within me there also lies a fear. and u noe what i m afraid of. u noe how i try to look like i dun care, but u noe deep within i do.

i m searching for my resonance.

blogging.

it's been quite a long time it seems that i m blogging. although on n off i will still put up posts. well that is a good sign. it shows that i m busy. when i m busy n tired, i really will not have the time to sit here n blog.

running out of things to say here. haah. but jus feel that recently life has been really great. many pple like to ask me, how's life? and being the xiaoting i m, who insists on being positive, i feel compelled to say it's great! which is true.. to some extents. haaah. but now if u were to ask me.. i will tell u.. life is truly great and i m loving every moment of it.

yest was toking to a fren in sch.. and she commented on how positive i was. thank God for that positive attitude. but well i guess to me, whatever i have to do, i jus have to choose to be positive or negative. and sometimes things really dun go my way.. but the fact is no matter what it is i m doing, i want to love every moment of it. one of the things i detest is to force myself to do the things i dun wan n dislike to do. i m very loyal to xiaoting. haaah. but i m truly enjoying every moment of my life.an d life with my daddy God is jus different. He holds up my world. plan my routes. light up my path. so i love you daddy God.

my GREAT BIG DADDY GOD.

what u see on the outside

alot of things happen tdy that just made me think. i was jus thinking abt how many times i always believe what things look on the outside. n in some sense, i feel that i m acty quite naive really. i told somebody before that i m really a pretty naive person. i have been in the kingdom. it's different.

there were many pple that i trusted. thot they were nice pple. but they really turn out otherwise. ying in case u r reading this, i m not jus toking bout *. and that is y i noe i really cant trust pple 100%. and tdy my eyes jus opened one more time.

i noe when i saw u, u look more perfect than what u really r. n i noe that somewhere in my heart Daddy did warn me to look beyond the surface. and i did slow things down n look carefully. with eyes in the spirit. n i saw much more. saw how u were imperfect n u were jus hu-man. but tdy i saw it all. beyond my wildest imagination, it seems as if i saw who u really r underneath that person i noe. i m not disappointed. cos i din really expect that much. but wad i read tdy, is really so far from wad i expected my fren.

and to some extent. although i say i m not, i m disappointed. i was inspired by ur dreams, ambitions and how u dare to live ur life to the fullest. n i thot u may have been able to teach me alot. but i realise there is only so much more.

i will learn.. one more time.. the hard way. not to trust pple the usual way. yes i noe Lord.

GREAT BIG DADDY GOD

Dear God, You know I want to be
A princess on a pony
Tarzan on a tree
Dear God, You know I want to have
Funky toys and Chunky shoes

Dear God, You know I want to be
The top in my class
To be a great big star
Dear God, but most of all
I want to be with You!

You're my great big daddy God
I want to sit on your shoulders
See the whole wide world
Sing and whistle down the road
Dance in your footsteps

Sing all the way home

黄城

只为那爱 我愿与你通行万里路
只为那爱 我愿与你携手向前迈步
黄城两载多短促 就算爱上了又为何不付出

i hope i got it right.

我好高兴我星期六决定要回黄城多一次。相信在我的生命里，黄城真的扮演一个重要的角色。

我一从车上下来时，就感到一股莫名的兴奋。
熟悉的楼梯 老师 朋友 人。
熟悉的食堂，central plaza, class bench.
我希望你不会厌烦
因为我会一直一直的重复 我爱华初

不知道要怎么说
但是感觉就是熟悉
开心 高兴
对黄城
终究有这么一个感觉

看到一个学长谈华初
才发现在不同人的生活里
都藏着我们对华初的一份感情 思念

i love u hwa chong. u gave me one of the most beautiful memories in my life.

i m proud to be a hwachongian.

失去了才懂得珍惜
人是否真的要失去了
才会懂得如何去珍惜

我是否在不停的被磨练
因为有时候
我真的会感觉
我或许可能真的会撑不下去
所以我真的觉得我非常需要你

当全世界 丢下了我 只剩下我一个人
你会在这里吗？

强颜欢笑
忍住泪水
多次转头让眼泪不准掉下
始终
按捺不住
在你走进去
不肯回头的那一刻
眼泪在不由自主的情况下
不听使唤
频频掉下

我并没有你认为的坚强
讨厌在陌生人面前掉泪
我讨厌在别人面前看起来脆弱
但是谁又知道
我真的并没有那么坚强

somebody told me. u r such a brave n strong girl.
i m not. really.

God i m so helpless about so many things. so many things r tugging at my heart. i noe becos u r ard, everything is going to be ok. but God, sometimes it is painful. sometimes i feel like i will bow under the pressure. sometimes i really dunno wad to do.

will u please promise me.. that no matter what happens, u will nv leave me? promise me.. that when my world threatens to crash.. u will hold it up for me wun you?

sad

daddy's leaving tml. i was actually quite ok abt it. after i prayed bout it. i knew it was a change, n in some sense for the good. but suddenly it jus hit me that i wun see my dad day in n day out. n i jus wan to say. dad i m really going to miss u. really.

till this point suddenly i jus felt like i really love my dad alot. yah he is imperfect but i noe he loves me lots. n i m gonna miss him big time. he is my joy, he constantly frustrates me.. but yet he brings joy to my life. his humour brightens me up really. 6 mths is a long time.

thank u for being a wonderful dad.

i m gonna miss u sitting there every morning, or making silly comments to wad i say. going to miss ur nagging i think. going to miss a home that i can come back to where i noe i can be who i m. where i can jus be myself. daddy i m really going to miss u. big time. love u lots.

did i tell u..

that day i was talking to a friend of mine. and we discovered that she had a pattern of liking, or shld i say xishang guys who r generally xi1 wen2. sorry i m too lz to type in chinese.

den i realise sth. i appreciate guys with shen1 du4 and depth! yah i noe i said that before somewhere in my blog. but i realise sth bout it, is that i really like pple (guys n girls alike) who have depth, who think alot, and reflect. that is what our brain for isn't it? and i m a really philosophical person la. so in everything i think.. i will jus pull it so far it becomes like philosophy. that is wad i mean in history class. haah. toking abt democracy n in the end i voiced it so far that i toked abt human beings. that basically human beings r good n bad at the same time. n becos we r imperfect. that will be no perfect system ever in the universe. becos we create the system man. sounds like deep stuff right, yah that is wad i always think DEEP within me pple. i dun always voice it out. cos pple generally dun get it and dun understand n few resonates with me in this area.

toking abt this. maybe i shall jus blog abit more. many times i have many thots but i dun voice it out. cos i think many will fail to understand, in the very first place, not many r interested to listen. abt all these silly and deep thoughts n reflections xiaoting has of the universe and of humans in nature. now u who r reading this mus think i m out of my mind. xiaoting.. y is the black hole in ur brain so big that u get sucked in so deep? so much so that u ponder abt life n humans!

i also dunno y.God created me this way! but i now i prefer to walk the walk, n not jus tok the tok.

i still appreciate guys who think, who r not himbotic, who write well.

i promise i will blog, pray, read my bible and sleep. i feel exhausted.

it is not that i din sleep enough. but my nose is really getting on me. i thot it may jus be sinus again, but apparently it's such a bad runny nose.

n i have a packed packed week ahead of me!! quizzes and quizzes.. and jus finished a 2400 word chinese essay. plus daddy leaving for china. *sobz*

we have already planned to go visit him next yr january. den i can go shopping at shen zhen n HK! yay! and i told my dad to sponsor me if i get straight 'a's. so gambetha xiao ting.

this sounds like such a bimbotic post. haah. and so unlike me. tdy i was reading long ying tai's book. and i loved it.

对她的感觉，真的是又爱又恨。爱的是她那锐利的眼光，恨的却是她有时候毫不留情批评的，可能是我，或是我处在的这一片地。但是，我还是非常欣赏她的文章。没有几个台湾认真的能写出像她这样的作品。

i believe. as long as i can walk thru the valley, there is sth greater in store for me.

我不会放弃的。我害怕放弃，害怕停滞不前。所以放弃这个字眼已不再出现。现在，最重要的是，大步大步的往前走。不要害怕。

keep me in your arms always. help me to never stop loving you. let my heart never grow cold. i will not forget you when i grow up.

a heart after you

yest i was listening to pst kong's msg, heart of worship. this morning i was praying.

when i was in the toilet bathing, running my head under the water, God asked me.

do u noe what is it that makes Pst Kong so successful as a pst? do u noe y he is there tdy he is?

den God told me.

ting cos he is broken n dependent. as "big" as he is as a senior pastor, ting he knows everything he has come from Me. he knows that he cannot live without me.

then God said.

ting he loves Me more than his church, his ministry, his wife, his family.

ting what abt u?

jus now i was jus looking thru the bs i m supposed to give. it talks abt the jerusalem church.

there was once upon a time that i was so amazed by what was going on in acts.

yes we r doing great things.

but there is so much more.

God i yearn to know u more. to long for u more than anything else in this world. to say

whom have i in heaven but u. there is none i desire besides you.

and i was looking at somebody's blog. and God. i wish

all my members will live a godly life. they will be spiritual, they will hunger after you. they only wan u in their life.

they will be pure, they will be holy. they will not lead a double life. they will not curse and swear, they will not lie, they will not make sin a lifestyle. they will be a light that shines in church, and even more in their schools.

God i wish they will be teachable. they will be willing to be discipled. God i wish they will want to progress with you, they will want to move on in you.

God i pray they will not be self-centred. God i pray all that they think abt will not just be themselves and themselves and themselves. God i pray that they will love you more than they love themselves.

God i pray they will love you and they will love people. they will have a passion for people jus like Jesus has. they will reach out. they will make evangelism a lifestyle.

God i pray they nv will think they r the centre of the universe.

God i pray they will LAY DOWN THEIR LIVES FOR YOU.

God i pray they will know how to honour their leaders, pastors and they will run with the vision of the church, every single day.

God i pray they will love the word of God. they will not be bored in messages, they will not fool around in church, they will treat the word of God seriously, take them notes and receive the word of God.

God i pray they will be faithful and fruitful. they will not be stubborn n refuse to change.

God i pray they will be kingdom-minded. they will not be distracted by the things of this world, by BGR, by playing computer games, by fun, but their eyes will be set upon you.

God i pray above all else, they will love You. with all of their heart, all of their soul, and all of their mind. I pray they will love You more than anything else in this world. they will desire you. God they will not wan anything else. God they will hunger and thirst for your presence.

God i pray. change us. all of us. bring us back to that first love. take us into the book of acts i pray i pray i pray.

God open all of our eyes. that we will not be blinded. but God we will look inside and say yes i need to change. and we will look outside and say yes the world needs us.

many times i will come to a place, in which that i feel that a lot of discussion is pointless. that is sth i dislike sometimes in sch. i understand that discussion is necessary. but i hate going on n on about the same topic yet all that we do is talk! what is the point of discussing a problem yet not doing sth about it.. hoping that by raising the problem, the government will be aware, somebody will be aware and do sth abt it? that is the job of an intellectual isn't it? to raise problems.

xq once told me oprah winfrey is a nice show. n i cant agree more. know what? i love pple like that more than the voices in the society. chan eng once told me that the pple knew that the US gov din do a good job in Katrina, and many protested. that is a good thing, becos u keep the government in check. but u noe what i like better? i like people like oprah winfrey. that she raises money, asked the pple to give, and she rebuilt the homes of the pple who lost their homes in Katrina. i appreciate pple who dun jus talk the talk, but walk the walk. that she will not talk about what is happening.. but she actually goes there and acts it out.

there r many voices in the society, really. everybody has a view abt everything, from the students to the taxi drivers to the working pple to the auntys and uncles at the market. but how many in the society really go out there and try to change our world? i jus wish, instead of doing a lot of talking, we will go out there, working within our constraints, and change our world.

yes make a difference.

walk the walk, not jus talk the talk.

intelligence

when i was younger, i din think much of myself. many relatives will praise me for being a good girl, and for being a good student. but i will jus smile. i m someone who always expects a lot from myself, and i m very hard on myself. perhaps cos my mum was very hard on me.

when i got my psle results, everybody was pretty amazed. but i thot i could do better.

when i got my o level results, i also thot i could do better.

when i got my a level results, i also thot i could do better.

lame right, but ya. i have nv been satisfied.

a lot of pple told me that "xiaoting u r a very smart girl!" -- no la that only came from kevin. haah. but a lot of pple think and said that i was smart. or shld i say intelligent.

but how do u define intelligence? and frankly speaking, what is being smart?

does it mean that u can get really good grades, that means u r smart?

does it mean u speak very well, that means u r smart?

what determines u to be smart or not? and what makes u noe if i m smart or not?

yest somebody asked chan eng. r u smarter or xiaoting smarter?

den chan eng said xiao ting. haah. but what is the basis of comparison? i really wan to noe.

when i m studying chinese, i dun really feel smart, seriously speaking. n i dun think i m very street smart either.

so xiaoting, what r u? haah

*i m not trying to boast that i m smart or intelligent. but jus wondering. r u smart?

being emo

it's weird that i m feeling a little emo right now. but i realise that i usually feel that on sat nights.

there was jus this realisation tdy in church. many times when i go thru problems, trials, obstacles and challenges, sometimes i will ask myself, the reason behind me doing all these things. many who noe me wonder y i gave up so many things for this. many think it is a pity. many, when they noe, r filled with bewilderment. it seems few understand.. y i lay down my life for Him.

i remembered i used to blog abt this incident. when my ex classmates wanted to go genting, they asked me. and when i knew it was on a weekend. i said no. becos i simply did not wan to miss church. and lim yang said. jus for this ah. den i said ya. and there r many things i have given up for God. and tdy..

when we started the service, and i was standing there singing n worshipping God, i felt like yes. this is wad i m living for. when the presence of God hits me, i jus like.. yah God. everything. really everything. i will not exchange anything in this world for this.

i love u lord.

i will not forget the times i promised i will lay down my life for u.

i will nv forget how i stood at the window and said, if this world is to give up on u, i will nv give up on u.

i will nv forget how every time things go wrong, whenever i m devastated, lost, hurt, disappointed, wounded, u will lovingly take me in ur arms and say, ting everything's gonna be ok. becos i m around.

it's you
you who have won my heart
taken me into your arms
comforted me like a friend
your love
surrounded me from the start
i nv want to be apart
from u ever again

pple with depth, talents and character.

u noe wad?

i m always appreciative of pple who has depth, meaning 深度，talents and character. especially guys who r like that.

we need to! raise up men like that. with depth, mature in their thinking, responsible, disciplined, talented yet with great character.

God pls move.

the 300th entry.

this is not directed towards anybody but jus thoughts about how this world has become.

jus felt that what the Bible said is so true.

2Timothy 3:1
"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! "

somehow in my heart i felt that this is the case in this world, especially in our generation and the generations below me. many have lost the spirit to serve, the spirit to give. love is benefiting others at the expense of yourself. i dunno if i m being over critical or what. but somehow i m so overwhelmed. by the fact that so many jus place themselves as the centre of their lives. one of the things i dislike to hear is ..

"but i jus dun wan to.."
"i dun feel like.."
"can i dun do this.."
"huh.."

i really pray from the bottom of my heart. there will a new generation who will rise up. pple who will lay down their lives for God. pple who will not live for their own desires. pple who will not jus wan to do things their way. many times pple say n think. but i want to do this.. i wan to do that. my question for u is. what does God wan u to do?

i remember since young, i have learned. of living out the will of God for my life. in everything i do, i will ask God. is this what u wan me to do? but i feel like the entire paradigm has changed. instead of asking God, christians now turn to themselves. what do i wan? and it is I, I, I, I, me, me, me and myself. pple dun serve God the Father, Jesus the son, and the Holy Spirit. they serve I, me and myself.

christians who r reading this. my members who r reading this. my frens who r reading this. u noe i seldom say such things on my blog. but there is a burden i m carrying right now in my spirit. and i have got to say.

i beseech you brethren. if u r living only for urself right now, if u r always living for ur own priorities, for ur own life and pleasures, stop this moment to think. love is benefitting others at the expense of urself. i beseech you! stop living for urself. start living for God. ask God what He wants u to do. i really believe, that God is burdened, at seeing a new generation who lives for themselves. Bible said, David served God's purpose in his generation.

Will u serve God's purpose for ur generation?
Will u run with the vision of the church?
Will u live for, not urself, but for the vision God has placed in u, in ur cg, in city harvest or where u r?

frens stop looking inward. stop looking inside and say "I want this, I want that". start looking up to Him and say "what do u wan Lord?"..

let's be pleasers of God.

reflections

tdy saw sth a guy did n i felt so touched. he has learned to love, and he has learned to protect and to stand up for. and i have been amazed. and this is wad i think is manhood.

man who stands up when necessary. not to fight, but to protect.

man who will love n commit.

man who will be there to offer a shoulder or a listening ear.

that sisters do not have to take their place.

God raise up real men in our midst.

living to be near You Lord
I long to seek Your face
Lord forever You're my secret place

sun looks so good!!!

check out these pics. i think she looks incredible. especially the first one. i dunno if i m supposed to put it on. but i cant resist it. she looks amazing.

He gave me my answer

i was thinking, troubled over that entire problem. i was telling God i dun have the capacity to handle it.

but God works thru amazing ways. I was jus watching get rea! on channel newsasia and God gave me my answer.

the show was talking about this girl's home and how the founder is acty a pastor and he helps them in totally unconventional ways. i will not say i exactly agree with it, but i agree with love.

yes i agree with love.

i saw how he faced the struggles he does, how many times more difficult it is acty being a pst to these pple, how he loved them unconditionally.

this is wad i m called for.

beyond growth, multiplication, i m called to make disciples, to love them, to see them one day impacting their worlds for God. yes this is wad i m called to do, isn't it?

random thoughts.

this is what happens to u when u stay at home for looong hours. u start thinking a lot of nonsense. haah.

有时候感觉我的世界不停的威胁着我
它誓言要垮下
许多时候
如果剩下的 影响的 是自己
或许我会无所谓
但是我身上背负的
却是更多更多
这些更多更多
让我一定要向前走
让我不能停滞不前

我不知道
为什么我这么喜欢在原地踏步
我已经那么习惯现在的生活
但是习惯是一件很怕人的事情
当我看到那座山
我真的好害怕
我好想转过身来
往后逃啊逃
我真的不想去面对
真的

但是。。
我却没有选择。
当初做的决定
让我如今没有选择
一定要往前走
一定要

when my world threatens to crash, will u promise to hold it up for me?

sick.

it's been a long time since i fell sick. n i feel really terrible. my stomach has been hurting for 2 whole days! n vomiting n diarhorea. and eating very little for almost 2 days! will i slim down? haah.

awfully tired.

it seems quite silly to post sth n say that i m awfully tired. which i m. n i m probably not gg to get enough sleep in a really long time. haah. God help me!

tdy i had a revelation of something. anyway i felt in my heart that me as a person, i got to move on to the next level. spiritually, mentally etc. in my leadership, in my studies and many other areas of my life.

it has been tiring going to sch and doing many other things at the same time, but at the minimum, my life is slowly getting into the order i wan it to be in. this is how i wan it to be. but i wan to live at a higher level. i like a fulfilling life.

to be lagging, jus wannna update a bit. i m falling in love with the show. my name is kim san jung. it is sooooo cool. no kidding. the show is like so fantastic. but jus that i can only watch it next wk. cos i got tons of things to do now till next wk.

computer is lagging. so i shall blog another time.

many many thoughts

the same thing is happening to me again. overwhelming thots flooding my mind. wad happen tdy really caused me to think.

first things first. thank u Jesus. tdy's service was amazing n fantastix. yepp. i did feel healed. though it was really weird sitting with the new frens yet crying my heart out, but i still did. no one family is perfect isn't it? God showed me a revelation to wad i should do. n wad i m holding on to.

i dun always fancy putting this up here. but many times, i will ask the pple ard me. m i a good leader? not that xiaoting is slipping into self condemnation or self doubt la. but i have wondered if i have caused anybody to stumble.

and it jus tells me i m not perfect. n i really m not. there r so many times i feel so inadequate. being a leader, i jus need to learn to be a better one always. n God, i jus feel i have so many lives in my hands. sometimes i m afraid. sometimes i m helpless n i dunno wad to do.

show me how to live
teach me how to pray
let all i think n say please u Lord

show me how to live
teach me in ur ways
that i may walk with You all my days

help me be the best ldr i can be. God i m not perfect. u make up for my inadequacies Lord. thank u.

was jus reading a primary sch fren blog. wad amazes me was how both of us can be of the same age, came from the same sch, yet lead such different lives. she is now on nepal, and she has a bf from nepal.

sometimes i wonder has it been right to take this route.. this route commonly taken.. this route that is safely tested. and as i grow older, i m really seriously thinking. ting, what do u wan to do in the future?

for a really long time, things have been smooth sailing. so different compared to the life i had when i was younger. but it was those days that mould me to be who i m tdy. that kind of strength i have.

i dun wan to live my life as the average university student anymore. i need to jump out of it. live another life. fulfill my potential.

jus another random thing. i was jus telling my fren. i feel like i m living in a bubble. 与世隔绝。

jus feel like blogging

here to blog some stuff after so long.

God is good, really good. (: I love u Lord.

good things have been happening. sept blast has been good, studies has been good. i m so happy.

had a great time fellowshipping with my members tdy. it felt different. n good. yest i was jus thinking bout my childhood. and was telling them the silly things that happen. it is great to be a kid isn't it? but yet it is also wonderful to be growing up.

hereby..

i wanna congratulate kevin! (my EX boss..haah. cos he is going to be promoted.) congrats and congrats!

n to all who worked really hard for sept blast!.. it is great to be part of the same team as u.

n to my cg.. i love u. (:

hey i m really studying. so far so good. using my brains u noe. haah.

changed

for these couple of days, i felt like God was doing a brand new work within me. i dunno how it happened, but i felt sth was different. and it feels amazing.

太远了
似乎走得太远了

thank You Lord for the great things that u have done n r going to do. yesterday today n forever.

沟通

不是我不想说
是因为你不想听

不是我不想听
是因为你要的不是一个听众
你要的是把自己的想法强加在别人身上

不是我不想沟通
是因为你不想听我说
我也并不想听你说

如果无法站在别人的立场而一味地坚持自己的想法

这不是沟通

不要怪他
我愿听他说
是因为他先愿意听我说

对于对我的一切有兴趣的人 我才愿意把心打开

the much awaited photos

these r the much awaited pics with my boss, kevin on the last day of work. (:

acting cute. :P

all of them look almost the same! i know! that shows our lack of creativity and experience of front of THE camera. haah.

最近少了言语，多了画面。其实好想利用图画把心情描写出来，但是，应该做不到吧。

脑中现在思考的正是蓝老师昨天说的东西。媒体摆出来的东西，只有靠我们去考证，不停的考证，我们才会越来越靠近真相。

心里不知对老师这样的一个看法是赞成还是反对。但是，突然这么发觉，我们心里好像都有个指南针。有时候指南针好像坏掉了，但是却有时候，它能够准确地告诉我们真实的方向。

这世界是黑暗的，可是你的世界可以是光明的。

人与生俱来就有那种潜能，那种不管发生什么，还是能够勇敢面对的潜能。所以认为你不可以，而要逃避根本就是看不清自己。人有很大的潜能，干尽十恶不赦的事，却也有那个能力，去创造自己想要的生活。

我需要那一点时间与空间，去创造属于晓亭的天地。

奇怪的是，每次一blog，总会在还没“发泄”完后，就想停笔。勉强是没有幸福的。

脑袋突然空白。好像是最近常有的事。真的。现在就是。

有太多的感受，情绪。有太少的文字，言语。

isa 54

1 "Sing, O barren, You who have not borne! Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, You who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate Than the children of the married woman," says the Lord.
2 "Enlarge the place of your tent, And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; Lengthen your cords, And strengthen your stakes.
3 For you shall expand to the right and to the left, And your descendants will inherit the nations, And make the desolate cities inhabited.
4 "Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
5 For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.

a dream

有时候我感觉自己活在梦里。但是现实却又是这么的真实。我不要睡醒，不要梦醒。我喜欢道明寺。

living with you is jus like living a dream. sometimes it seems so unreal. so unreal that in this world u put me in, dreams can come true.

everytime i see how u make things happen, i know this is more than a dream. it is a dream come true. u r everything i wish for and more. thank you.

dr bernard said.

order brings freedom.

Jesus wants to restore order into ur life so that u can maximise your potential and be the person he wants u to be.

let there be divine order in my life.

there is a need to talk

for some reason, right now within me, there is such a big need to talk to somebody. but also for some reason, whatever i m feeling right now is beyond words.

i told chan eng i have changed. the xiaoting in the past used to be able to talk nonstop kind of thing. that is y lim yang said, to him, i m always noisy n he can nv imagine my voice as sweet. *laughs* i still do that occasionally. rattling on n on. but more than ever before, there is silence in my life. i can't match my feelings to any word in my vocabulary. it's like there is so much within me, n i jus dunno wad to say.

i love talking. especially when i get to communicate quality stuff to people. it thrills me to have "intelluctual conversations" always. conversations with depth. i need to fulfil the need within me to link n connect to pple, with skin on.

exhausted

i m amazed by people who can last after studying for long hours, because right now, i m feeling really exhausted. but happy. (: it feels good to study hard, to use ur brains, n to know that i m alive and thinking.

this is wad living for God is all abt. this sem i made a resolution to mug. n i m really sticking to it. yeah man xiao ting. u r doing a great job! jia you jia you.

i wanted to type this yest. one of the greatest people i can ever know is somebody who has great confidence in himself, yet is extremely humble. i wan to be like that. confident yet humble.

show me how to live
teach me how to pray
let all i think and say please you Lord

show me how to live
teach me in your ways
that i may walk with You all my days

i think it is time to change my blog skin. cos it is really quite small. esp after i put in my photos. is there anybody who will volunteer to do it for me? haha.

i so want to write some stuff. but i m too lz. anyway, i jus wan to say this. i m going to mug.
MUG MUG MUG
i so want to do well this sem.

anyway, this is wad i did for israel. i miss israel. n i so want to try out the adding image thing here.

tired of mediocrity

God i m tired of mediocrity. i m tired of jus doing enough to get past. i m tired of jus fulfilling my duty.

God i wan to move on. weijian thanx for that word. u dunno how many pple that spoke to.

ailing i jus got to put this in my blog too. dun mind me "copying" it over.


Excerpts from Accept No Mediocre Life by David Foster:

"Procrastination feeds on the "someday" mentality. ... Someday I'll get serious about making my life count. Someday I'll take my life in God seriously. Someday prayer will become priority, and people will know I'm a force to be reckoned with... Someday I'll step up. Someday I'll be strong. Someday I'll slay those demons. Someday I'll stop saying, "Someday," and start saying, "Today," When you don't want to do something, any excuse will do."

"I remember one of my ethics professor asking, "How do you cook a frog?" Students looked at each other for answers. The teacher said, "To cook a frog alive, you place him in a pot of water at his favourite temperature. Start turning up the heat in small increments. The frog will sit still, adjusting to the rising temperature. Because of his ability to adapt to the hot water, he will be boiled alive before he thinks about jumping out" The application of this story was that we are just like that frog; we will adapt to the climate around us unless we resist. The mass of humanity tends to settle in the middle where mediocrity breeds best. Commitment cools. Vision leaks. Excellence tends to entropy, and energy defuses."

God, let me not be a person who waits for someday.
let today be the day. D-day. The day to run my vision. The day to see my vision come to pass. Let me stop procrastinating. stop waiting. ting jump up n run. NOW.

manulife financial.

let me do this right. i m not supposed to be here now. cos i got 830 lecture tml. n i m supposed to be in bed. but i m so afraid i will lose my inspiration. so here it goes. (this is gonna be a long post. so bear with me if u can)

hi, can i speak to XXX please?

hi XXX! this is xiaoting calling from manulife financial. is it convenient to speak to u at the moment?

it has been like this for the past 2 months and it has become such a part of me. so much so that sometimes when i m home, i will want to press one more 9, and introduce myself as xiao ting from manulife. which is wad i did today to the new fren i called. well done. haaa.

today is my last day of work.i really nv dreamt that i will work in this place, and much more to actually grow so attached to my job and to the pple there. i remembered. ever since i finished my 'a's, i turned down almost every single job that came my way, while my frens worked like mad in that 8 mths. some taught, some did sales, some did admin, i slacked. no la i din. i went overseas. i worked in chec. and this is officially the 2nd job i have. n i m grateful to God for it.

in these 2 mths, i have learnt a lot. brain knowledge. more abt insurance. to come to a greater understanding how it works. and to know it is not a cheating business. and to realise there is SO many insurance agents ard me. but i also learnt. alot of pple skills. alot of knowing how to achieve what u wan. and i think one of the greatest things i saw was how everything i leant n know in church was really applied there. maybe not everything. but a lot of things.

my eyes literally opened to the world i have nv known. probably God is preparing me to be a daniel. n i feel like i have been kinda ignorant. n suddenly there is a need. big need to know more n to see more. i feel like all my life wad i have learnt is so limited and restricted. that i nd to step out into different areas n venture. and know.

to my boss:

kevin, i m really really grateful. u have been a great inspiration to me really.wan u to know tht u r not jus an employer and a boss, but also a mentor of some sort and a tcher in many ways. u taught me many things! n i may not have the same conviction and values as u in many things, but u have still taught me alot. abt insurance, abt business, abt life. it has been great knowing u. as a boss and as a fren.

to God:

thank u dad for allowing me to indulge. to learn. to broaden my knowledge. to satisfy me. i m truly satisfied with this experience. thank u for opening my eyes to see ur world. the good the bad and the ugly. thank u for ur love and ur faithfulness. thank u for creating this world in its beauty and for making man in this way. becos i truly m amazed by ur creation.

i wish i m going back to work tml. wearing my nice heels. putting on nice make up. waiting a long long time for the bus to come. calling some people. trying to persevere. self entertain. look forward to my boss coming back to entertain me. observing the people and appreciating their humour. wondering how these people made it up there. wondering how successful they r. sometimes wondering will i be one of them one day. going downstairs and playing with the machines. trying to get the nicest balls and key chains. looking at the charts and wonder how u can get up there. writing silly notes before i go. making silly mistakes. leaving sometimes satisfied. sometimes down. sometimes on the brink of giving up. sometimes thrilled. sometimes hyper. jus like tdy.

i thot i will be sad. but i left in great spirits. smiling. with a cheerful heart. i hoped i have left sth behind. i dunno. maybe i will be there one day? nth is so absolute isn't it?

but this chapter of my life is officially closed. tml is the first day of my second year.
ting let's run for it!

happy 17th anniversary!

see i told u.. this is a whole few days of emo emo n emo. haah. i m overusing the word. but yest was chc 17th anniversary. happy birthday city harvest!

btw, jus a passing remark. i walked past a dead rat when i came home yesterday.. so gross!

anyway. let's continue bout 17th anniversary. jus wan to say this. that my heart is really filled with thanksgiving that i m in city harvest. this is a place! with no church politics and strife. yah there r differences, there r problems definitely, but this is the place i grew up in n i love. and i pray that this will continue. that there will not be gossip n slander in city harvest. that there will a greater unity in this place.

thank u pastor kong. u have been the best senior pastor any1 can have really. though u will not read this, but i jus wan to say that u have been amazing. leading us these 17 yrs, believing in us, sacrificing for us and u lay down ur lives for us. thank u!

i love u city harvest. love u for being my church and for being my spiritual family. i really will never want to leave this place, ever.

really getting sentimental. tdy met up with some of my classmates, teachers, juniors etc etc at yu shi hui guan. listening to ong tok about lep. ouch. i really m going to miss that place so much. really. i guess i have nv been in a place like lep. where we were all lovers of chinese. n we had such a strong sense of belonging to yu te. i still remembered the times in lep room. when we will sing 红蜻蜓，当你孤单 etc etc.. and we will be super high. and we had all kinds of games n we did all kinds of things. some late nights into playing n planning. the times we crossed the string to count the number of cans n we got it wrong. gee. i m going to miss hwa chong.

this is life, isn't it?

人生往往充满了许多无奈，王老师说，悲喜交集。。 是应该高兴，还是惋惜？

我好爱语特。语特里那股热爱华文的精神是依然存在的。我相信。

我也相信我在华初拥有的老师是最棒的。谢谢你们。u've made a difference in my life.

思念

我看到那小弟弟 失去了爸爸 倒在他怀里痛哭
我哭了

因为我清楚知道 非常了解 他之后会感受到的痛苦
我们都需要一个家 一个温暖的家

其实我一直都好想念 拥有家的感觉
好想念 你
好想念一个像家的地方

家人是不计较的
是无条件去爱的

i really miss u.

late at night.

at this weird time in the night, i m supposed to be asleep becos i m starting sch next wk. ying asked me if i m excited abt it.

i think i m getting really emo. how?

i promise after blogging i will slp n wake up early to go give bs. but b4 that, allow me to rant.

festival of praise was awesome. it was one of the best i have ever gone to. the atmosphere was fantastic. ccc band did a wonderful job rocking the stadium. don moen is so anointed. i felt so overwhelmed with the love of God.

you have captured my whole heart. mi corazon.

and pst ed silvoso preached an amazing word. yes. i m of the new generation n i will embrace the call. now i noe y gideon n y jerubbaal. it's amazing how God speaks to me.

i m getting really emo. how?

tml we r going yu shi hui guan. i realised i dun really noe how to deal with departures. especially with pple i love and i hold dearly. u noe that is y many times i dun dare to open too much n give too much.. other than my daddy in heaven, there r many things i look n hold at a distance. becos i m afraid of the disappointments and pain that will come with it.

i knew it. when i first stepped into it, i already knew it. he warned me. n if ever i dropped into it, den it's too bad. but i wun. my anchor is in Him.

i still miss working. n i think i gonna miss it for quite a while. if i get to take photos i will post it here. last day next mon. funny y i dun miss sch in ntu huh.. maybe i will next time.

just ranting.

getting sentimental

it's been a long time since i allowed myself to get sentimental. i guess i m such a person but i dun really allow myself to do that. but! tdy was my 2nd last day of work. and when i left, sitting on the bus to tiong bahru, there i was thinking, i m gonna miss this place.

the last time i really got sentimental was when we left hwa chong. and when helen left. but since then, i almost nv, did not, get myself into sth like this. tdy i indulged, a little.

allow me to indulge for a while. after all i m leaving.

坚持 是我一生守护的信念
永不言败 或许是我一生的格言

我可以失败 我可以沮丧 我可以气馁
但是
我不可以轻言放弃

这是我对你的承诺
因为你相信 所以我相信

因为你从没放弃 所以我不可以放弃

这世界有善有恶
你总选择相信他们的善 洗尽他们的恶

这是我对你的承诺
我把我仅有的交给你 让你把你所拥有的赐给我

我愿一生跟随你
我更愿意把一生交给你

这是我二十岁时 送给你的礼物 -- 我的全部

断了
是否意味着应该放手了

there is a time, there is a season for everything under the sun.

i promised my reflections. but i have not done it yet. it truly did not feel like birthday. not that i m complaining. it's jus that i lost that hype about turning a yr older and stuff.

many compromised. as u get older, it is as if we will compromise more n more. and i saw many who did that. i dun wan to. i m afraid i will jus be another mediocre person thru life, leaving behind my dreams n aspirations. i have not maximised my potential yet. this will be my dream always

reflections

tdy is my 20th birthday. but this yr's bday feels different. n i dunno y. it jus din feel like it is a big thing. usually i will get very excited over my birthday, especially when i turn the big 2 today. but it din feel like it.

nevertheless, i had a great time tdy. (((:

a big thank u to all who remembered and took the effort to wish me happy birthday. ur thoughts n ur love is much appreciated. i m reminded of the love n the friendships i have and i m thankful.

big thanks to chan eng for accompanying me tog and for being so lame. i cant believe we did it. haah.

this how i spent my day. i spent the first hour reading john grisham's book. and i woke up real early to do my translation. den i was half hour late for my movie lake hse. it was kinda nice. i like sandra bullock n keanu reeves. and i spent the rest of the day at wild wild wet like a real silly kid. but i enjoyed myself. will do my reflections later. (:

我好想要。。

一天的期待
换来一刻的空等待。
眼泪不住 掉下。
遮掩
希望你看不见
更希望自己看不见

遮掩那一刻的空虚无奈
还有那按捺不住的落寞
我希望
我期待
我抛开

等待着那份温暖
守护着那份希望

我好想要。。
我要的你却无法给。

just felt like blogging.

after trapping myself from shopping for ages, i had my fair share this week. i did it like on sunday, monday, wednesday. aint that madness? haha. n i was looking for my dream bag. but i really could not find one. gee. aiyah i also dunno wad to blog anymore. so forget it. haah.

tired and blogging.

walked for a whole day tdy. m dead beat but satisfied. buying nice things that i like really satisfies me.

tdy was in service. when they were playing the taiwan emerge video, i cried. i was so overwhelmed and i jus think it is so amazing. esp when pst was prophesying. i jus felt the presence of God so strong. i jus wan to say. i m so glad that i m part of city harvest, so glad that God placed me and called me here. God thank u thank u thank u. for calling me to this place. thank u.

i love u, love the church n the leaders and SUN. she is jus amazing. i love everything u have done thru us and thru her and i love her so much. n i love u LORD.

总觉得现在要带上的帽子，好像太大，太不适合我了。我常常会这么做。 我会因为害怕，害怕失败，害怕做不到，而宁可守在安全区里。应该是我跟天上的爸爸说了什么，突然间我需要做的事都需要我 step out.

God i have always been scared. scared that i cant do it. scared that i m not good enough. n i guess it is enough. it is time to get out of these silly thoughts. becos. i will nv say i cant becos u say u can.

but Lord, it is really this period of time that i need u. i jus simply cant do it without u. i cant live without u, serve without u, lead without u. n Lord i need u to be here. Holy Spirit i dun wan to do it on my own. n i m so afraid one day u will leave me powerless. Holy Spirit dun. God.. dun take away the Holy Spirit away from me. you said, apart from me, u can do nothing. i noe. i noe. i cant do anything without u.

总觉得现在要带上的帽子，好像太大，太不适合我了。我常常会这么做。 我会因为害怕，害怕失败，害怕做不到，而宁可守在安全区里。应该是我跟天上的爸爸说了什么，突然间我需要做的事都需要我 step out.

God i have always been scared. scared that i cant do it. scared that i m not good enough. n i guess it is enough. it is time to get out of these silly thoughts. becos. i will nv say i cant becos u say u can.

but Lord, it is really this period of time that i need u. i jus simply cant do it without u. i cant live without u, serve without u, lead without u. n Lord i need u to be here. Holy Spirit i dun wan to do it on my own. n i m so afraid one day u will leave me powerless. Holy Spirit dun. God.. dun take away the Holy Spirit away from me. you said, apart from me, u can do nothing. i noe. i noe. i cant do anything without u.

pirates!

i dunno if u feel the same way as i do but i always get this tremendously satisfied feeling when i watch a great movie. n this is how i m feeling right now. many told me how fantastic this movie is n it is worth watching.. man do i not agree with it. it's jus absolutely stunning.

i love the scriptwriter, the producer, the director and whoever else involved and of cos, we all love johnny depp and jack sparrow. ha. i m so glad i watched 1 and now pirates 2. pst kong once said that all of us have 7 areas of our souls we nd to fulfill - and i did tdy! i think it is the aesthetic part of me, but seriously, i feel so fulfilled right now. haa.

it is sooooo recommended by me and i din think i was somebody who like such movies. but i m starting to cultivate a taste for it. and i think i m gg to embark on translation. (: