今天上课发生了一件很劲爆的事，那就是蓝老师今天带他女朋友来上课，还我们一伙人都无法专心，因为我们花了好长时间在想，这个人到底是谁，而且不断揣测，结果老师还不是自己介绍她，哈哈。我们白下功夫。

虽然她看起来很小，但是，她看起来很聪明，在法国念书leh。真不愧是蓝老师的女朋友。。还在世界文化遗产保护中心工作，能讲一口流利的法语，真得很厉害。我实在很羡慕。

我有很多话想对你说，但是一见到你，却什么也说不出口。不知该说什么，不知该从何说起。

不知道从什么时候

我开始害怕信任

开始害怕付出

开始害怕做梦

不知从什么时候开始

我失去了飞翔的勇气

我需要找回 当初的勇敢。当初的理想。

我需要再次飞翔。

i m really not supposed to be blogging here. i m supposed to hold on dearly to my 台湾政治史and treat it like it's the most impt book after my bible. muahahaha.

今天，和往常一样，我真的不想再一次来上这堂课。奇怪的是，七点多我就睁开了眼睛，奇迹，我竟然这么早就醒了。想了想，我们去上课吧。虽然真的已经非常非常迟，但是，这一堂课让我感慨很多。突然我了解，为什么我身在南大，对南大的归属感也增加了一层。

记得，当初要来南大时，老师们似乎不赞成这个决定。他们对很多人，很多制度有意见。我也被他们稍稍的影响，带着某种偏见来到学校。直到现在，我还不知道老师们是否对，但是，突然间我觉得，这一点也不重要了。对我而言，最重要的，应该是，我从南大离开，带着满满的知识，满满的成长，满满新的思想，不管是什么制度，还是什么人，现在都已经没有这么重要了。

我很开心当初作了这个决定，更有种，嗯，晓亭，你对了的感觉。我想，我应该会更珍惜这一年半的时光。现在，还不会太迟吧。

i din noe y. but i promise, without understanding the situation, i still will do it. you did it all to protect me right? i still dun understand. how i can be so naive n gullible at times. and i still think i am. and i still think, it's really not the time yet. till i learn.

信任和不信任之间，这条线在哪里？
保护自己和接纳别人之间，这条线在哪里？

i hope u r not like wad i think u r. i hope that 我没有看错你，好吗？i hope that u r different. really.

i was supposed to stay up and study, then wake up for lesson.

and guessed wad?

i slept like nobody's business.

xiaoting y r u so tired?

i have no idea.

thank you.

it made everything worthwhile.

i m glad. so glad.

i feel misunderstood.

i feel like wad i want to say is not conveyed, or ppl r not catching it.

我觉得我有满肚子的苦水，我不知道要往哪里吐。

我多么希望你会明白，it's really not about me, it's about ur relationship with God.

i wish u will just get it.

昨天在和fang讲话，讲到很迟，but i felt it was a fruitful conversation. :)

正好在想，前一阵子，我真的还蛮失落的。

或许有时候，得到的，和预期的不一样，会让人有种莫名的失落感。

那段时期我很不开心，不是因为你所做的事情，而是我非常惊讶，为什么这么快，就有人能代替我们在你心目中的位子？

我并不介意你交朋友。。但是，那种被人替代的滋味，很不好受。直到今天，我还是这么觉得的。

我一直觉得联络少了，沟通少了，或许你没有察觉吧，但我总是认为，有人慢慢的，在你的生命中，取代了我们。

或许我太严格，太苛刻了。我也不知道。但是，总有一种失落感。

你知道吗？如果今天换成是别人，我早就走了。但是我很珍惜我们的友谊，很珍惜我们之间的共同回忆，才会按捺住这种心情，继续和你联络。

one thing that i really dun like, is that sth matters to me, more than it matters to u. really, if it was somebody else, i would have withdrawn. but becos it is you. n you have pressed into my life. and for that, i m willing to press in once more. but i dunno for how long.

i jus hope, things can go back to what it is before. can it?

dear fren,

somebody told me, it's just a passing phase. n i certainly do hope so. i did mention to u, that things seem to be "less happening" around us then before, and it seems like u r more willing, and happier spending time with ur new found frens. i really dun mind. but like wad i said, i felt like i m being replaced. yes, u have issues and problems to settle, i know that, and i really dun mind that. i wish u will know that. but i m just sad that u dun seem to turn to us anymore, and u dun seem to treasure us as much as before. have we become less impt? i suddenly feel so.

i dun wan to be emo in dealing with this issue, but i m disappointed, and that is a fact. i dun wan to tell u, becos i dunno what u will think and how it will affect u, and i dun wan u to be affected. but that, my fren, cannot change the fact that i m really kinda sad about this whole thing. it seems like we lost that transparency and closeness, but i do hope we can get it back. and i wish, u will press into my life once more, just like how u did, right from the beginning.

love,
xiaoting

爱上听华语流行歌。在电脑上播放着许多歌曲，让我有着一种抒情的感觉。重新爱上华语流行音乐。

友人问我，不听英语歌的吗？不是不听，是少听吧。华语歌曲有种亲切感，有种贴近我的心的感觉。

刚读完sammi的专访，发现原来他也是基督徒。很开心。我一直都很喜欢她和郑秀珍，更开心她们也认识上帝。well i will see them in heaven one day! haha.

now i realised.

certain things, when MY shared with me abt it, i could not really understand. somehow it's all beginning to come to light. i think i m really beginning to understand.

associations. is so impt.

u r kinda missed. come back soon.

and happy 21st birthday lim yang.

get married ya?can't wait to see minyi in a gown.hee.

had a good time hanging out with sam n pam last night though. watched nanny diaries. the show that i desperately want to watch. but i thot it was a let down. other than chris evans. but i only saw him like 3 times in the movie. haaha. it was a weird combination, sam pam n me. but sam was very nice la. and i thot the HK cafe was not bad too.

and it's amazing to see how SMU transformed a person. i m quite happy to be slacking in NTU. haha.

Faith is getting up everytime u r knocked down.

this word struck me when i was giving bs. instead of me trying to bless my member and share a word with him, i felt like i was preaching to myself instead.

i felt like i had the wind knocked out of me. n i need strength n determination to get up.

but i m determined not to stay knocked down. i will do everything i can.

i will get up again.

see me soar.

劉畊宏-幸福的距離MV

i like this song so much.

最近一直在听很多华语歌。爱上了刘耕宏《幸福的距离》。

《幸福的距离》


窗外开始下起毛毛雨
云遮住了星星
夜深了还没有睡意
翻来覆去的想你
时钟滴答滴答的声音
像在说我爱你
转过2点3点到6点
恨不得快点见到你

幸福的距离 就算万公里
在你眼里有我想要勇气
从南极飞到北极 南京到北京
你的笑胜过那些美景
我们勾勾手 就一言为定
我会傻傻的好好的爱你
你的名加我的姓
永远在一起
拥抱多过千言万语

last night i was talking to a fren. perhaps the fact that i worked in insurance company before, i can detect that tone.

not that i dun like my fren, or my boss, which in fact on the contrary, both of them taught me a lot of things, but somehow, i just DON'T have a good feeling abt insurance. No offense to all my frens who r advisors k, cos u guys r great ppl. N i will probably need ur help one day.

But it's frustrating that early in the morning u r woken up by a call from AIA head office, and having another advisor seeing u in an hour's time.

somehow, it's just a phobia of insurance.

Your Birthdate: July 28

You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame.You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems.Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego.You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance. Your strength: Your bold approach to life Your weakness: You don't accept help Your power color: Bronze Your power symbol: Pyramid Your power month: October

纳闷

忽然觉得很纳闷。不要问我为什么，我自己也不知道。就觉得很纳闷就对了。

好像一个大闷锅。

blogging.

这次看了爱情魔法师，感觉是很不同的。或许因为常常这样子看戏，所以现在比较懂得抽离，所以不会“困”在其中。但是看了戏后，感触挺多。

写一些下来吧。

其中一个影响我最深的，就是戏里小贝说的一句话。

人活着就是为了一个梦。

这戏的重点或许是小贝和杜亚斯的恋情，但我看来，让我感动最深的，还是小贝追求她的梦，而最终她成功。这一点，真的深深地打动了我。

人活着，就是为了一个梦。

昨天祷告的时候，这句话不停的重复在我脑海里。

我活着的原因是什么？为了怎样的一个梦？

an excerpt from pst phil's book "leadership excellence".

i thought it was brilliantly written. sharing with u.

"There will always be people we are called to serve, who we help to accomplish their purposes. Mentoring is vital to success. However, this involves more than just chatting with a more experienced person. The mentoring relationship is opened up through serving. People sometimes ask me to mentor them. All they need do is to help me do what I do and they'll find themselves in my world. They learn more by serving than by any other means. A good 'mentee' makes a great mentor. No matter how good a person's coach might be, if the person has no heart to serve and to learn, then they will fail to be coached."

i thought this is excellent. be blessed by it.

经过了这么多事，我学习了很多，所以真正能够影响我的事情不多。但是，最近我的心情一直起伏不定，我好不容易维持的坚持好像要被动摇了。

人生有很多要与不要，该与不该，而我总是徘徊在这些之间。我该做什么，不该做什么。。而当然面对的最大矛盾也是这个。有时候，我好希望前面要走的路，可以是这么清楚，清晰，让我在没有危险，犹豫之下走下去。

这也当然是不可能的。

我很需要改变一些东西。

不喜欢生活的一成不变。

救命啊

有人觉得，打仗最重要的就是气势。

我觉得，我今天少了气势。

今天的仗没打好。

对不起。

有一点sad

was just telling jeremy i love the way my life is and the way my cg is now. and i was trying to encourage to look on the bright side of things.

and now my mind is plagued with the bad side of things.

all things work tog for the good of those who love Him, to those who r the called according to His purpose.

warning: this is an emo post.

晓亭总是让人感觉好坚强，因为小时候，妈妈曾说，亭，你不可以让人看到你的脆弱。

从小到大，没有几个人看到妈妈的脆弱，就像现在，也不会有几个人看到我脆弱的时候。

可能是我的童年，让我讨厌无助感。

但是刚才，那五分钟的戏，让我不停的哭。

不停的哭，不停的哭

坚强是一个必要
但是有这么多的时候，我希望，会有人看到我坚强后的脆弱。

现在已经是凌晨4点多钟了，我真的很少这个时间睡觉。其实还蛮好的，因为经过了几个月的训练，我开始比较早睡。哈哈。

其实想写一些东西，只是脑子挺空白的。

下个星期，我放假了！

我真的觉得我需要休息。

休息是为了走更长远的路。

希望在忙功课之余，我能够好好的休息。

很奇怪，这个学期感觉自己好忙啊！也不知道在忙些什么，但总感觉我的功课真的好多。

晓亭，加油吧！

我的朋友- 这段时间，我体会到，什么是无声胜有声。不是我不要说，说了你又不听。很讨厌我们之间有隔阂，但有时却觉得很无奈，也真的没有想要去做什么。

my friend - it's ur life. and i dun have a right to tell u how u should live it. my prayer is that u will love Him more and more, and fulfil ur destiny in ur life.

其实要说的东西还有很多，但是在这里说不出来，或许这是少数的一次，我会把它们埋在心里，不说出来了。

to YOU!

i have always thought that u r talented since jc days. for what i see on the outside, what i read is so entirely different, but somehow sth told me that u were someone really special.

it was exciting to read all those stories, hear all those things, and even more so to decipher what u wrote.

and i saw those pics and witnessed those smiles. perhaps u would never noe who i am, but i just want to say..

wishing u happiness.

your girl is lucky to have u, and from what i see, u r lucky too.

祝你们永远幸福。

我发现到一样事情。i am an open book. that means that what i feel, i will tell. i hate bottling things up.

有时候我很羡慕那些能把心情用许许多多文字藏起来的朋友。那么，他们就可以随心所欲的道出他们的心情，而不必害怕别人会发现。

我就不一样了。

现在的感觉，我会很想写下来，但是由于观众你在这，我要学习自我审查。(self censorship)

这个周末有点恐怖，除了有很多仗要打之外，心情的起伏更是让我乱了手脚。我已经很久都没有这么多感触了。

好消息是 我打了一场漂亮的胜仗。我们在突破了。

现在需要调整心情，蓄势待发。

今天终于看了881。

心情还是起伏不定。

你什么时候才会静下来呢？

THESE R MY BELOVED SOT FRENS. AND BBD PHOTOS. SORRY I M LAZY.

CHECK OUT STARGAZING28.MULTIPLY.COM FOR MORE.

我有点累。

今天扛了好些包袱。

有点像姐姐，又有点像妈妈。

you know i was just thinking about it the other day. it's how amazing God brought us altogether and bring friends in our midst.

and i was just thinking about ken and weijian.

it's interesting how i knew them only 2 years ago, and they were still kids, literally kids. haha. one who was jumping ard all the time in pos and another one who was always trying to look cool. (weijian, tugging at his fringe, with his super low pants, and surprisingly a mugger and one who does really well, ha.) really in pos that yr, i din get close to many of them, sometimes as a ldr u just got to take care of everybody. but this bunch of ppl were really nice. right from the beginning they made me feel loved, though i was still a really young leader, and we were all just trying to make things right and to make pos a wonderful experience.

and thru pos, God showed me one thing, the impossible is nothing.

when everybody(and even ourselves) said that we would never have a chance in the prize, by our hard work and passion, we proved everybody wrong, including ourselves. it was a moment to cry for when we knew we were in top 3 really. and ppl din understand y were we so happy and passionate, but those in the team knew. knew that it was impossible and God did it for us.

but pos 2005 is over. but friendships r left behind.

the greatest joy that i had was to see lives changed thru pos, members maturing, being on fire for God, and friendships forged in this place, including my friendship with weijian and ken and all the rest.

and as a "shepherd" of my own sheep, i have made a decision to always look at my "sheep" with eyes of faith. and even today, when i look at ken and weijian, somehow sth tells me there is sth greater in store for u guys.

if i think wadeva i said was amazing, whatever that happened after was even more amazing. how amazing u guys left God one by one, and came by one by one. to say i was not sad was a lie. but somehow we knew u guys will be back.

and it's amazing how God bring the 2 of you tog to be frens. i always thot, u guys r so different, and weijian, y did u go down to ken's level??? haaha. but somehow i guess in the midst of all it is really God.

but more than all these, i knew that God made you guys friends for a purpose. by being in my life, you have made a difference, but i pray that you guys will do greater things for His kingdom.

You have a great destiny in store. For no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind can know, what God has in store for those who love Him.

To my 2 brothers in Christ, i love u guys absolutely who u r and what you have been, and i pray and pray and pray BOTH OF YOU will walk in the purpose and destiny that God has for you.

and i know BOTH OF YOU will.

and thank you for being my friend. :)

上一个post, 我才刚说，我好累啊。在msn和一个朋友聊天，谈到一些令我兴奋的事，一些发生的好事，我就开始开心起来。

these few days, because of fatigue, i cannot bring myself to do nothing. i was thinking, i m just too tired to do anything.

但是，和他讲话之后，我突然觉得，我虽然累，但是我还要坚持。我虽然累，但是我还要积极，乐观。我虽然累，but i dun wan to whine and complain.

and i will look to u.

in times of fatigue, i will climb to u and say, Lord pick me up.

in times of fatigue, i will fall in ur arms and say, Lord strengthen me.

i will fight on.

i will overcome.

i am more than a conqueror.

and i will grow, and guard, and build.

oh yes i will.

and i can do all things. yes all things.

我大概等了5分钟，这个网页才出现。难怪你发现晓亭越来越少写部落格了。

从好几天前，我就想写了。想写我对《霸王别姬》这部片子的观后感，想写一些发生的莫名其妙事，想写好多好多。。 可是我一动笔，就不想写了，哈哈。

很奇怪的是，最近的我真得很累。真得很累。我会莫名其妙得上课上到一半而睡着，即使我昨晚已经睡了很多。不管我怎么睡，都补不回我需要的精力。我需要比睡眠更厉害的东西。。

今晚，我只想睡个好觉。明天起来跑步，祈祷从明天起，我会有精力去应付接踵而来的挑战。

typing in chinese may not be very reader-friendly to many of u. bear with me k? i need to improve my standard of Chinese.

God i need your strength.

for your grace is sufficient for me.

虽然是有那么的一点想念team 19的人，但是也很开心终于可以返回南大校园。

昨天，好不容易，终于找到了“草根书局”在哪里，遇见了鼎鼎大名的英培安先生，还和他聊上了几句话。在南大上课时，常常会受到激励，希望自己真的能够成为双语人才。这是上翻译课得到最大的启示。

辜鸿鸣，马建忠，他们俩都认为中国要富强，当时需要“译才”。译才必须精通双语，并且熟悉两国的文化。辜鸿鸣更了不起，懂得9种语言，并且是真正的双语人才。

所以，上了这些课后，我才深深体会，我需要加强自己的语文程度。

晓亭，加油吧！

random

今天坐在巴士车站时，突然想到一样小时候我们常做的事。



记得12岁那年，我们总是会要求大家帮我们写autograph，而里头写的常常是一些有的没有的诗。



有一个是这样写到的。



“知人知面不知心

劝你交友要小心

不要交个没良心

怕你以后会伤心”



小时候，真得不懂这句话的意义，或许只是在扮“小大人”。但是，回想起来，这句话对现在的我们，却是那么适当。

认识他，好像挺久了。可是却像是今时今日才知道事实，他原来是这样的人。

我一直以为，他是一个正人君子，好好先生，百分百情人。尽管以前发生这么多事，我还是相信的。

我猛然发现，一直以来，我认为的友情是不值钱的，更从来没有看过一个比他更践踏友情和感情的人。

为他伤害的人感到不值

为自己的愚蠢感到愚蠢

我们终究回到“童言无忌”时说的那番话，

“知人知面不知心
劝你交友要小心
不要交个没良心
怕你以后会伤心”

not impressed. by ur talent, looks and charisma.

but shocked, at ur total lack of character.

我上了一堂宝贵的课。

我很久没有下笔写点东西了。有时候，生活的步伐很快，快到我连停下来思考的时间都没有。

我。。毕业了。

thanx to all who cheered for me, thanx to my cg, thanx to meiyan, jeanie and xuan, thanx to weijian, ken, yang hong and ming xun, and thanx to sot team 19.

奇怪的是，我并没有伤感的感觉。当然不是因为我没有感觉，认识我的人都知道，我是个感情富裕的人。哈哈。可是，这次没有那种。。oh i m going to miss u.

反而觉得，something awaits me.

对，就是这种感觉。

很开心看到我撒的种子在成长，收割的时间快到了。

我正式开学了。

我的最后一天

再过几个小时，我们就要毕业了。 真的要毕业了。

4个月又14天，酸甜苦辣，我们熬过了。

喜欢dr jeff 所说的，我们像是停在码头的船只，等着要离开港口。

那天我看着录影，心中有万分不舍。

这个港口是我的避风港。坐在那里，看着录影，他问我，你准备好了吗？

我的回答是

prepare me Lord.

many r called, few r chosen.

updates

just some random updates.

最近忙得快疯了，而且维彪，helen不是要飞了，就是已经飞了。神学院就快要毕业了，这是我最后一个星期，好快哦。

although busy, i had a crazy time last wk at graduation dinner and hanging out with 61 peeps. these 2 weeks r very precious because it's like the last of everything. last of having all of us hanging out tog with biao n helen, last of biao, last of helen, last of sot, and last of team 19.

i think after this week, i will have withdrawal symptoms. nah jus kidding.

but frankly speaking, i really cannot imagine wad it will be like after i graduate. God i noe u will be there. i will need your grace and mercy.

God spoke to me last weekend. such a strong word. such an encounter. i love You Lord.

i think after this wk, i will be ready to emerge.

how bout u?

random

现在坐在麦当劳里，教朋友读书。(: 其实我很想念那从早到晚坐在快餐店里，读书的感觉。记得我在考‘A’水准时，我和cecilia在singpost做了一整天，那里成了我读书的地方。我觉得‘A’水准我真的还蛮努力，所以。。

这个星期应该是很忙的。。 但是现在我有一个很轻松的心情。我喜欢努力读书的感觉，我喜欢努力去做一件事的感觉。这星期五有讲道的测验，我很希望我能够考好。

不知道你们有没有发现，当我在用中文写博客时，我的思维很不清楚。哈哈。

ok, 说一些较正经的。

昨天和芳去看“不能说的秘密”，走出来的感觉，或许要用“大跌眼镜”来形容。我一直以来蛮欣赏周杰伦，却从来都不是他的忠实歌迷，特别是他的专辑风格，在我眼里，一直是一成不变。但是，很多人看了这出戏，都告诉我这出戏很棒，所以我决定去看一看。

我不能说我很喜欢这出戏，但是周杰伦在戏里显露的才华，他想出来的剧本，故事里所贯穿的主题，让你觉得他这个人不只是虚有其表，相反的，我觉得他是一个隐藏着内涵的人。(: 他成功地让我改观。

这是一部我会推荐的电影，去看吧，如果你对周杰伦的印象和我一样，你应该会对他改观。

walking ard in green hair.

green hair has great pros and cons. :)

like ur fren can recognise u from afar.

like strangers will tok to u becos of ur green hair.

like u cannot be late for class becos u r so conspicuous. really.

but i still like my green hair. go green peeps.

大三的第一个学期开始了，时间还真得过得很快。我在想，或许我要设立一个中文博客，把心情记录在里头。:)

可是我每次说了都没有做。。 那就算了吧。哈哈。

这个星期是我这学期第一次到学校去，感觉挺不一样的。觉得人与事都还是一样，但是自己的心境却完全改变了。所以，感觉是陌生的。

可是，很开心的是，这次可以上一些不同的课，我喜欢上陈老师的课！他说得很对，你在ntu，不是和人挤巴士，就是和人挤电梯，哈哈。你知道吗，我突然发现，南大真的多了好多人！现在，不管在哪一个时间搭巴士，简直挤到不行，太夸张了。你可不可以想象，我的学校的人口一直在增长。。 不喜欢挤巴士的感觉。:( 发现陈老师住在我家附近。上他的课真有趣。:)

这几个月，这几天，令我开心的是，我认识很多新朋友。yay.

如果只剩下我一个人，我一定会奋斗下去的。相信我。

我的华语变烂了，英文也变烂了。真糟糕。

futh 和 tsai 飞了。当然，他们离开的感觉和helen走的感觉不一样。只是61的人好像有点少。

我认为，futh有一个很棒的爸爸！我觉得，他是我遇过的父亲中，其中最棒的一位。他真的懂得如何教育自己的孩子，为人慷慨，有修养，晓亭欣赏他。

我知道自己有点开始语无伦次，请不要怪我。夜已深。。。

我要看“不能说的秘密”

我今天学了一个成语。“夜郎自大”

晚安咯！

getting attached

not me,haha. i noe wad u r thinking.

to So and So,

congratulations! haha. although u r confused, i can sense love is in the air.

(:

on another note, everybody seems to be getting attached nowadays. now u readers, dun tag on this comment. haha. i noe wad u gonna say.

once again, i feel it is a priveilege to live life with our discipler.

thank you for this priveilege. to be discipled.

that my values can be challenged, attitude fine-tuned, and character developed.

some things are simply caught, she said.

and yes i will learn.

i want to go up to the next level.

what xiaoting has been doing

i m still doing this now! haaha.

my call from you

was actually feeling not so happy about some stuff.

but when i came and saw the pictures, i feel my spirit lifting up.

and i remember my call.

your call took me o'er

to raise up a new generation of young pple, who will love God wholeheartedly, love pple fervently, who will lay down their lives for the kingdom.

my greatest honour will always be
to serve my Lord and king

God of my forever
God of my youth
God of my all

it is a priveilege.

i want to raise up disciples. that these i see will become world shakers, history makers.

use me teach me guide me.

discipleship

pst kong taught on discipleship on thurs. i jus feel like blogging more on it.

he said,

it's when we live lives with our discipler, that is when..

your values are challenged.
your attitude is fine-tuned.
and character developed.

but to learn, you first must want to be taught.

and to be discipled, you must personally avail urself to ur discipler.

obedience is an action.
submission is an attitude.

that no matter wad happens, i will always honour my leader and not be rude to them.

when pst taught that, i was so so so impacted.

it's not that i have nv heard it before.. but.. the importance of discipleship.

the importance of having a right attitude.

pst kept on reiterating this point.

that ur attitude is so impt.

and that 1.5 hours really changed my life.

and after that session, i asked myself..

have i been a good disciple?

and can i raise up strong disciples for God?

a disciple is a trained worker with a great attitude.

my desire.. is that i can learn how to make disciples,

and that i will raise up disciples, ppl who r willing to be taught, who have a great attitude, who r broken and desire to do great things for God.

so that we can take this Gospel to the four corners of this world.

God use me, teach me, guide me.

not feeling well

recently, i have been falling sick quite abit which is bad. but i seldom let my sickness get to me and defeat me totally, jus like how i m now. i m still gonna write my sermons, brace myself, and go to sch tml.

we had a powerful powerful session with pst kong this morning. n i m so glad that in spite of my circumstances, i was there. really. i think this is a lesson that would change my life.

God.

i want to be a disciple so that i can be a disciple maker.

and that is just such a desire within me, to see more, do more, for the kingdom.

create in me a new heart Lord.

God is looking.. for that one man, one woman, who will avail himself/herself to Him. to be discipled, and to change the world.

i pray i will be found faithful.

many r called, few r chosen, even lesser will be found faithful.

let me be that one.

about sun

love her. she's doing amazing things all throughout the world.

登上了世界的舞台。我们以你为荣。

check this out.

www.wretch.cc/blog/helloSUN

we r proud of u. no doubt of that.

人生中的乐趣，有时来自那微不足道的小事。

就像

吃板面时让我有幸福的感觉。

deliverance

on another note, deliverance has been great. it is a joy to pray for my members and also see so many of them getting delivered. btw, will put up some pics of my bday. y not jus check out yulan's webby. haah.

believeth.multiply.com

my 21st

had a wonderful wonderful time. i think this is the best bday i had so far.

i m really happy this birthday.

just want to say thank you to..

1. my cg.

Guys thank you for the lovely surprise! u guys r amazing and so creative. haaha. i absolutely loved the idea (: You have been a blessing in my life! thank you!

2. my family.
i m so glad that this yr my family was here, especially my dad. he has been great! (: and my lovely cousins bought me a digi camera. the one thing that i need and want so much.

3. my fellow leaders.
wad more to say other than thank you. haha.

and everyone who was there on friday. my21st was awesome because of u. thank u.

u can tell i m really lz to tok more about it.

在踏入21岁之前，我真的觉得我需要跨出那信心的一步。

就像我曾说的，我真的觉得是时候了。但是，我也知道我们不可以纸上谈兵，我不可以说说而已。

我要晋升。

我们需要甩开每一个我们给自己的藉口，更不可以留下后路让自己走。

我要封锁每一条让我停滞不动的道路。

我要让自己没有办法，一定要向前。

costa sands pasir ris

now at chalet. jus finished our steamboat. we had so much fun! hahaa. this is where u see the real side to everybody. wahahaha. anyway, tdy somebody asked if i m excited. i realised it's really a lot a lot of work. haaha. but anyway, hope everything will be great tml.

再过一天，就是21岁了。

今天在走路回家时，我就在想这事。

the time has come. 他说。

该准备的已经准备好了，是时候跨出那一步。

过了21岁后，还要等多久？

let's step out.

可能是因为自己一直不断地让我的引擎跑动，我喜欢静下来想事情。

有些事情来得真的是很突然。

delight urself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

这句话是符合现在吗？

我很喜欢这个惊喜，但是，我不敢想象未来。

有时候我会觉得，或许我不配得拥有最好的。

我的他何其伟大。他们常说，他能做到的，是超乎你所求所想。

我现在有点搞不清楚状况。

到底是怎么回事？

惊喜

很奇怪的一个晚上

巧合来得太巧了

除了惊喜，还有更多的紧张

i wonder what the future holds.

wishlist

my wishlist for my 21st bday. due to popular demand.

ok many have asked me wad do i want for my bday. this is wad i really. (tell me wad u wan, wad u really really want) ha. anyway, i noe many of the things r out of ur budget, so it's ok. ur thought is appreciated.

1. a good n nice digi cam.
2. a good n nice handphone.
3. a good n nice mp3 player. muahaha.
4. a new wallet.
5. perfume
6. clothes, bags, belts, shoes.. u get wad i mean.

i jus wan to say this, i really dun dare to put up my wishlist, jus in case i end up having 10 bottles of perfumes for my birthday. u guys jus exercise ur discretion ok? haha.

and i used to really want a NUM bag. my members know that. but i haven been into the shop for a long time, n i think their bags r kinda ex. but if u see a nice bag in there, i dun mind. and really, i have 50dollars off their bags. so u can ask me for the voucher too. muaahhaha.

yup that is it. see ya on fri!

有时候，不经意的一句话，对别人的影响，却可以是很大。

人与人之间的关系，就是那么微妙，那么神奇，也那么fragile。

让我们勇敢起来吧。

61

sorry for flooding my blog. haha.

那天在这么多天后，终于看到61的朋友，可惜大便不能来。

我很喜欢见到chow。他是一个与众不同的老师，他总是能够和我们打成一片。和他在一起没有冷场的时候，我们总是能无所不谈，而看到61的人，总是能让我想念61的日子。

i love 61.

61 给我的感觉就是不一样。可能是在那里遇到的朋友，我很珍惜61的outing。

彪，gonna miss u really. 你总是我们的joker,更珍惜你和kw的presence.你们总是能让开怀大笑，想到以前的一切，总是让我好开心好开心。

helen, 你一直都会在我心里有个特别的位置。因为你是个很特别的朋友，真的。love u.

现在不想写给其他人，时间到了就会写吧。只是想到我可能很久很久都不会看到全部聚集在一起，总会有点难过。

天下无不散之筵席

感觉我们长大了。

也感觉it's time to step out.

make this yr the best yr yet.

我们要翻转世界

我们长大了

我感觉到自己老了

很喜欢做的一件事情，是看到61的朋友。在61，我们就是有着一种不一样的默契。感觉就是不一样。也是在和他们聚在一起时，我感觉自己在成长。

这个星期，当我告诉别人我要21岁时，我的堂姐们都是，哇，这么快！

是啊，这么快。我长大了

正在和维彪谈话，只有21岁的人，才会说到我们要做什么，去哪里吧。

我以前从来不觉得21岁有什么了不起。现在才觉得，其实老了，责任也多了。

but maturity doesn't come with age, it comes with the shouldering of responsibility. that's right.

我要长大了

(:

我要恢复

我好想念华语

刚看了一个朋友的部落格

发现自己用华语写字好幼稚，好不成熟

是时候了

taiwan emerge

脱颖而出

我为此行感谢神

因为他是信实的

在新加坡 台湾

我的生命

因你而改变

能服侍你

是我这辈子最大的荣幸

it is a priveilege to serve.

thank u for making me a part of history,

我要为你翻转世界。

lovely day

u know after so many days, this is one of the most wonderful days i have.

i woke up feeling that God is smiling over me and everything will just be ok.

and i had a beautiful time in bible sch. God was so good. thank you for the word. thank you for that shoulder and that ray of light i know i need in time of need.

and i had a great time toking and fellowshipping with ting n yl. u guys r growing up! n i m so glad about it yah? keep on growing.

n *** i hope u r reading this. i pray u r not brooding over it ok? yah i will not 看不起你. so pls be strong n well and u will do great! and i will do great too.

n my fren, although i have so many so many things to do, i jus wan to say..

i was so glad that i went to meet u. it was worth it. haha. although i went with reluctance, but i must say, i m happy that i went.

u r a fren i will treasure for a long time, becos i want to see us doing great things! dun brood and be frustrated over all those things k.. like wad i said, u will do great! so let's jia you tog. ((:

n u r an encouragement to me, by the fact that u r willing to share, i m very happy.thank you! ((:

many r called, few r chosen.

in conclusion, i m a very happy girl. and to add on to that, i m going taiwan tml!!!!!!

thank u Lord for the great day and the great life.

i just want to shout out loud

I LOVE YOU!!!

good night's rest

i feel happy. because for once in so many months, i had a terrific night rest. i slept so well. gee.

yest i slept at 11 plus! woke up at 7 this morning feeling so good. Jesus i love u! ((:

挥着翅膀的女孩

was jus feeling a bit low. then i saw the song ken send me in my email.

昨天晚上我就这样扭开电视，看到容祖儿在唱歌，这首歌叫 挥着翅膀的女孩

我并没有注意歌词 只是觉得旋律很美

今天看到歌词

我哭了

谢谢你

common grace

挥着翅膀的女孩 容祖儿

当我还是一个懵懂的女孩
遇到爱 不懂爱 从过去 到现在
直到他也离开 留我在云海徘徊
明白没人能取代 他曾给我的信赖
See Me Fly
I'm Proud To Fly Up High
不能一直依赖 别人给我拥戴
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
就算风雨覆盖 我也不怕重来

我已不是那个懵懂的女孩
遇到爱 用力爱 仍信 真爱
风雨来 不避开 谦虚把头低下来
像沙鸥来去天地 只为寻一个奇迹
See Me Fly I'm Proud To Fly Up High
生命已经打开 我要那种精彩
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
你曾经对我说 做勇敢的女孩

我盼有一天能和你相见
骄傲的对着天空说 是藉着你的风
Let Me Fly
I'm Proud To Fly Up High
生命已经打开 我要那种精彩
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
你曾经对我说 做勇敢的女孩
我不会孤单 因为你都在

believe me i can fly

希望

希望时间会停在这刻
秒针会停止跳动

让我看完我想看的书
让我约我想约的朋友
让我做完我想做的事

为什么别人一天有48小时
我只有24呢？

希望一切能在24小时做完
然后
星期二就会到来

兴奋！

凌晨两点，我在和彪谈话。虽然已经需要去睡觉了，却因为他提到的非常非常多书籍而感到兴奋！

刚才读了洛夫的诗。好美!

烟之外

在涛声中唤你的名字而你的名字
已在千帆之外
潮来潮去
左边的鞋印才下午
右边的鞋印已黄昏了
六月原是一本很感伤的书
结局如此之凄美
——落日西沉

你依然凝视
那人眼中展示的一片纯白
他跪向你向昨日那朵美了整个下午的云
海哟，为何在众灯之中
独点亮那一盏茫然
还能抓住什么呢？
你那曾被称为云的眸子
现有人叫作
烟

台湾！！

终于在等了两年后，我可以再一次回台湾。

今天我在和vicki说，我真的很想很想去台湾！神是信实的！有时候，有些东西总是会让你在灵里兴奋起来。现在就开始了。

好开心，再过两个星期，就要开学了。这次的开学充满期待，我要作盐作光！

而能够再回校之前去台湾，真令我开心不过。

当这世界。。

当这世界不在的时候，你否会与我守候？

我可能会把这整个部落格变成华文，那个让我感到既亲近又疏远的语言。

很久没有写散文，没有用漂亮的文字，来形容我那有时糟糕的心情。

失落

沮丧

讨厌刚强

尽在不言中

我没有你想象中的好，坚强

有时候 我真希望

不只我一个在战场上

让我拥有那一分钟的软弱吧

因为你是我软弱中的刚强

happiness is love..

Day 4

st Augustine said:
He who is filled with love is filled with God Himself.

Love stretches ur heart and makes u big on the inside.

suddenly i feel that i may miss hall after all. i love the peace and the envt here. although most of the time i m alone, esp during sot, but the tranquility is amazing.

i love it when it's into the wee hours, and i have my radio playing. it feels good.

my hse is a bit too constipated.

prayer answered.

God is good. so good.

i was praying that God will speak. n He spoke. the same thing He spoke to me.

God take it a bit deeper i pray. a deeper work i pray. a greater ability to discern the things of the spirit i pray.

i am happy and content because i think i m

i can't remember who i was toking to about being happy. i was reading a r bernard's book abt happiness. i promised u i will do it every day! well i m trying. (:

anyway, tdy he said that happiness is a way of mind.

so, despite of what happened just now, i will choose to be happy.

Happiness requires to train yourself to see the good in everything, no matter what happens.

God i will decide to do that.

ken rem wad i told u tdy? i said i dun like to be angry. becos if i m angry i cant be happy. n if i can, i want to be always happy. n not make life difficult for myself. (:

carrying a lot of things in my heart, but not sharing. tok abt happier stuff.

tdy went out with helen. babe i love u! it's just wonderful everytime i go out with u. i jus feel comfortable with u, toking to u. gee. n i cant believe u r leaving so soon when i really din get to hang out much with u... will spend more time with u.

bought my makeup and stuff.. so happy. haha. n bought a vest tat's really nice at forever 21! which i think it really suits me anyway.

service was good tdy.

sch starting in 1 month plus time. so fast.

i jus did my hair. when i get a chance will post up a nice pic of it. dun get a shock alright? haha.

are you willing to celebrate your life today?

if you had to be the person you are today for the rest of your life, will you be happy? if not, it's time to change now.

i will not. n i will change now. dun look back n say yest i was happy. dun look forward and say some day i will be happy. look at your present and choose to celebrate. today be all that God wants u to be. (:

so far i have really done it. one day at a time.

tdy i experienced the goodness of God. he is so good.

and everything will work to your time and season. love u.

happiness is..

i was just thinking that i want to pick up a book and read. n saw dr a.r. bernard's book on the shelf. so i decided to do what he said, to read one entry every day and to pen down my thoughts, just that i m blogging here.

he said.

happiness is finding wisdom and understanding.

my thoughts.

the happiest life u can live is probably the life that God has intended for u to live. but for u to do that, u must be able to look at things from God's perspective. to be a wise person, u need to dig into His word. Billy Graham said, knowledge is horizontal but wisdom is vertical. It comes from above. Every day, we need a renewed mind so that we can live the life God intended for us.

if u wan to be a happier person, be a wiser person. (:

God's words for today.
Salt creates thirst.

一片宁静

好享受这样的一个时刻。今天是星期天下午。现在在宿舍里。宿舍什么人也没有，学校是一片安静的。我好享受这样的一个时刻。。。坐在这里，听着933，没有dj，只有歌曲，让我的心情自由的漂浮。。

有时候真的觉得生活很充实，却又忙得怕人，所以这样一个人的时刻是让我感到很开心的。。
虽然我还有很多的deadlines，but i appreciate this moment of peace.

was just looking thru ken's friendster. and just feeling a little nostalgic. xiaoting is feeling alone, but not lonely, and i love this moment of solitude. really.

i wish i can have more of this. no phone calls, no msges waiting for me, just enjoying my sunday afternoon.

i love it.

gain

i love sun's latest album embrace.. yet in my heart there is still a special place for gain. i just love the album to bits. i like the feel of it.

so i sought for a man among them, who would make a wall, and stand in the gap, but i found no one.

God is looking.

for a new generation that will love Him with EVERYTHING they have, and love people fervently. who will lay down their lives for Him and impact their campuses.

God. raise up a new generation.

youths who are willing
kingdom-minded
love You wholeheartedly
love people fervently
holy dissatisfaction
hungry for You
yearn to be fruitful.

raise up youths that are different

that's my cry.

will you answer the call?

hello

haha. it's been a while i blogged. i thot it has been a really long time, only to realise it's only 2 weeks. but 2 weeks it's enough. after you've been through emerge, it's as if like one year has passed or sth, because so many things have happened and your life is so transformed!!!

this year's emerge, as usual, has been tremendous. it is as tremendous as usual, yet it is not as usual, because this year it is bigger, greater and better! God has been really good, so just some updates for u.

well first of all, this yr my dream came to pass and i made it to the finals of word power. it's an ordeal, ask all my frens the turmoil i went thru.. haha. nah just kidding. but we really almost din make it.. so.. thank you Jesus! we got second.. ((: so all thanks to jeremy and annie. i love u guys lots. u guys are great team members. annie i m so proud of you that you noe that verse.. and yes jeremy, u really have worked hard and earned ur keep. haaha. you make me look good being ur team member. (:

secondly, sun was back. celebrated her birthday. heard liu geng hong sing. (((: and propose at the same time.

thirdly, i met a bunch of pple that rox. the ntu pple!!!! yah and *** will say he is so surprised to see this. *** was surprised to see me at bbq.. haaah. so that is me la.. the girl who is totally not in tune with ntu.. nah just kidding. knowing them was a pleasant surprise God brought into my life. they are really funny pple tat light up my life. you guys rox..!

last but not least, God came, moved, touched and did a new work.

God, just wan to say thank you for moving once again. words cannot describe how i feel. thank you for loving me, forgiving me and always giving me a second chance. thank you for the call. thank you for being willing to use me.

i want to treasure this forever. this call you have given. this family you have placed in. these friends that are so precious.

i love my life, my cg, my church, my frens, my family, MY GOD.

spirit-filled

i m at fang's house now, supposed to do my assignment. but i dunno y there is no urgency, so it's just bad. gee. it's ok, i promise i will finish though it's already 11pm and i m only at chap 4. xiaoting jia you. haha.

anyway. i m so excited that emerge is coming. yes i m finally in word power finals! mus come n cheer for me k.. haha.

yup that's all pple. off to mug.

想家

从小就对“寄人篱下”这样的感觉不陌生，所以我一直认为自己是以很可以适应的人，又或许是我老了！。。所以我真的不喜欢陌生的环境，我真得很喜欢家的感觉。

现在家里的房间一团糟，可以我很讨厌两头不到岸的感觉。就是讨厌。。宿舍感觉很陌生，因为少了人的气息。。 但是家里又感觉少了我。

发现我真的需要常常与人相处。因为在宿舍，特别是假期里，是完全没有人的。寂寞的感觉常常会涌到心头来，（this sounds like a wrong expression. haha）虽然这样的时候不是很多，因为我其实没有什么时间去想这些事情。但是，我真的想念家的感觉。

以前我总觉得，家和宿舍的分别在哪里？反正我每天都是早出晚归。。 在哪里都没有分别。是有的是有的。。 想念家里有人的感觉。特别想念老爸。。想念有人会帮我关灯，然后骂我。。我真得很想念。

因为这样我想。。 或许下个学期我要回到我名副其实的狗窝去了。

但是又贪图那每天来回的3个小时。。

进退两难！

blessed

i really feel blessed beyond words.

last wk pst derek talked about being at the right place at the right time.

then he asked, how many of you know that u r at the right place at the right time?

and we were like agreeing. then he said, how many of u know.. that there r also people who r supposed to be here but they r not?

and i felt a tinge of sadness.

God has been so good to us this few weeks. wonderfully blessed by service every single weekend. and it's not just the weekends. during sot every day, we meet with God in worship. We learn to be led by the Spirit, and everything is just so cool. God keeps speaking to me every single day.

tdy pst preached a powerful powerful msg. blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,

i want to see you remarkably clear. i want to experience you.
i want to be totally devoted to you.

one life
i lay at your altar
one love
i have with you
touch me again
fill me as you hold
my outstretched hands

one word
you know i will follow
one heart
broken to you
use me again
your mercies follow me
for all my days

i want to be more in love with u than i've ever been before.

i mean that

acquired taste.

loving God n lingering in His presence is an acquired taste.

i haven't updated for one week, but it felt like eternity. it seems like everything u have not heard from God was just revealed to you in this one week.

God is good.

i need brokenness.

God is moving.

sometimes i m scared. becos i dunno if i really can. can i?

sot again

officially attended 2 days of sot. it feels like it is so much more than 2 days. fri, sat, sun, mon. every day having new encounters, new revelations, it's so much more than what i can wish for. God is so good. He is answering our prayers!

i want to.. raise up a new generation of young people, who loves God, will not compromise, and build their lives on the sermon of the mount. In pst's words, no more convenient christianity. yes!

God is really doing a new work in City Harvest, and i want to be part of it! i want to be the end-time church He raises up, where we will see dreams and visions.

Sermon on the mount was really really good! I am so happy that Pastor is doing this. A new revival Lord..

Ask of me, and I will give You the nations as Your inheritance..

The sacrifices of the Lord are a broken and contrite heart..

purify our motives.. purify our hearts. raise up pple, that has a different spirit God..

sot

happy that exams r over today, totally excited that i am starting SOT tml! after hearing so much from everybody, i am just excited. But i want to start SOT right. (:

Today had a really nice talk with my. There is one thing that has not changed since i am young, i love talking to her. She is someone of great wisdom and can always provide me with great insights on things. It always triggers certain things while talking to her.

One thing i learn as a disciple is to press into my leader. As i grow older in God, this thing jus keeps coming up to me. It is important ting, to press into your leader. To draw from the man/woman of God. I remembered there was once God prompted me to go up to her, and ask her to pray for me, because I want to have what she has. I was freaked out, but I decided to obey God. In the past I used to be super scared of her, but i have learnt that that is silly. To be discipled is a good thing, becos u learn. We all must learn in the process to have a right attitude, not one of fear, but of respect and servanthood.

I thank God for her, for all that she has imparted to me, and I thank God for the many greater years to come!

The greatest leader of all is the greatest servant of all. God taught me that tdy.

I m really excited. But now it's 3 plus am! i better sleep soon. (:

i feel like i died, went up to heaven and lived again.

family

family day 2007. 1 may.

R we a family?

R u part of this family?

In a family,

We give because we love.

We give our time, our finances, our energy.

We sacrifice because we love.

In a family, we go all the way out not because u r asked to, but becos u love this family.
And because you love, you will do anything for ur family members.

Do you love ur family? Do you love the vision? R u a part of this family?

We do wad we do, becos we love.
We love, because He first loved us.

not because we r told to.

I wish you will read this. I wish you will understand.
Becos i love my family. But i m heartbroken. Becos u dun love our family. You noe that?

What happened has really broken my heart.

By this shall all men know you are my disciples, if you have love, one for another.

You dun have to do it if it is too hard on you really. You dun have to bother if u dun love our family. Really. You dun.

woooooo

suddenly i was looking at the past yr papers. n i got a little bit scared. ok. thou shall not be scared. i think i really nd God to take me thru. gee.

简单

那天在报纸上看到一则有趣的文章。文章的结论是：

人生可以简简单单美满，美美满满简单。

今天在走路时，感到心情很漂亮。今天发生了一件令我好高兴的事！但是这里不方便说。。 (: God is so good.

人生可以是简单的。一个心想事成就让我好不开心。

i m happy. sho happy. sho sho happy.

做你的公主mv

this is really very nice. awesome.

散文日记

看到很多朋友的部落格。好想念这样写部落格的方式。所以我决定了！考试后我真的会set up wordpress blog. 我想开始用华文记录好多东西。。好想念





近来有很多扰人的事，脑海里一直围着那几件事打转。考试有像是个摆脱不了的负担，这也不是，那也不是。又有几件烦人又缠人的事，想摆脱也摆脱不了的东西。haix.





一件令我超级开心的事。是跟我的陈资凯聊天。对了，他使我的新上任男朋友。没有啦。。他是我的5岁外甥。他最近超可爱，而他是令我最开心的聊天对象。((:





上个星期和他妈妈聊天，然后和他讲话，他开始问我又可爱又好笑的问题，让在念书的我好不开心。





matthew: yiyi.. where r u now?


me: yiyi is in sch.


matthew: how come u still in sch?


me: becos yiyi is studying in sch. tml got exam.


matthew: how come u still studying in sch? how come u nv go home?


me: becos yiyi is studying in sch lor.


matthew: how come ur sch so late still haven close? how come u nv go home?


me: yiyi's sch dun close one. yiyi's not going home. going home tml.


matthew: how abt the tchers? are the tchers there also?


me: no matthew.. the tchers have gone home.


matthew: how come the tchers go home? then who teach u a lesson?


me: becos the teachers need to rest. yiyi studying myself..


matthew: how abt ur frens? r ur frens in sch..?





and so the conversation goes.





then he asked..





matt: is ur sch in frankel ave? (which for ur info is the add of his sch. ha)


me: no.. yiyi's sch in jurong west..


matt: how come ur sch not in frankel ave? how come ur sch in jurong?





...





matt: is ur sch like brighton montessori? (which is the name of his sch btw)


me: no.. yiyi's sch much bigger than brighton montessori.


matt: but brighton montessori is also very big! ur sch got toys?


me: no yiyi's sch no toys..


matt: how come no toys.. then then .. how about lego? does ur sch have lego?


me: no matthew.. yiyi's sch no lego..


matt: how come no lego.. then.. what about toilets? ur sch got toilets?


me: yes matthew.. yiyi's sch got toilet..


matthew: how come ur sch only got toilet.. (drifting away)





my beloved nephew. can u believe he is five? a few days.. he asked his mum to call me becos he wants to tok to me. to cont this conversation. and what i heard is before i picked up.. he is already toking to me. and after he hung up on me, he was still toking. haha.





my fave boy.

have u fallen in love with him? haha. i noe he is absolutely adorable. love him to bits.

there r many fantastic kids in my family. jus love them.

另外一件事，就是星期四是我最后一天在kumon。我会好想念。。我的同事，更会想念我的学生！下次才给你们照片看！(:

i thot this is a pretty interesting post. muahaha. self praise is no praise.

you are sovereign

God. you are sovereign.

yes i noe u r sovereign.

as ur child, i dun have to beg, dun have to lower my standing, dun have to try in that manner.

yes i know that.

i know that u reign.

i know that vengeance belongs to u.

i know that you reign.

i know that u will fight for me.

i know that u will protect me.

i know that u will come through for me.

i know that no weapon against me shall prosper.

i know that u r on my side.

i know that u r sovereign, so sovereign.

so i will fear not, fret not, worry not.

you r in absolute control. n no weapon no weapon no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

他们真的不了解。

嗯，我知道，没有几个人其实能够了解。我知道。

多么希望会找到一群能了解的人，会在等待，会两肋插刀。

你们常说你们会，有时候，在我最需要的时候，你们会在的。

有时候，在我最需要的时候，我是一个人躲在一旁哭泣的。

你是没有看到的。

我仍然觉得

友情是需要培养的。

但是，不想一个人去培养。

我不是无聊。不是寂寞。不是可怜。只想要有一个陪在身边的人。

就这样而已。

你真的了解吗？

我要友情。我要quality time. 我不要你施舍时间来陪我。我不要觉得自己好像在祈求别人的时间。我不要，我不要，我不要！

你了解吗？你们了解吗？有人了解吗？？

你们有尝试了解吗？

benny hinn

one of my fave christian books is good morning Holy Spirit. this was the book that really taught me how to get to know the Holy Spirit. and tdy even as i attend pst benny's meeting, i think it's just amazing.

this is what happens when u simply walk with the Holy Spirit, right?

i really crave to have such a relationship with the Holy Spirit, that when u sing and worship, the room is filled with the presence of God. that u can invite the Holy Spirit, and becos of ur relationship with Him, he will show up when u ask me to.

Holy Spirit, teach me how to noe u more.

Pst benny said. Jesus is coming back. We r running out of time.

urgency!

i have decided to move on

i have decided to move on.

i have dwelled too long in the past.

Jesus said, follow me.

noe wad?

even if u dun follow Him, He will still move on.

His life is to do the will of the Father.

i have decided to move on.

i have issued to all an invitation.

if u r with me, come with me to change the world.

if u r not with me, and u dun wan to move on, u can stay where u r.

it's not that i dun wan to bring u along, but u chose to stay where u r.

i m moving on. with or without u.

u choose.

i m NOT staying back. i m going where He wants me to go.

R u with me?

sun 做你的公主

或許你沒看出來　周圍的人都在猜
有種感覺正在我們之間展開
喜歡你偶而作怪　
不經意留露的壞 其實體貼實在　
孩子氣的胸懷
曾經有過的戀愛　彷彿一片空白
直到遇見你 我才真的存在

我只想做你的公主　
擁有那平凡的幸福
華麗的珍珠　不如眼底的專注
對我深深呵護　
我想我是你的公主
終結這多年的追逐
當你抱著我　地球也暫停腳步
我剎那間清楚　
你是我的幸福
沉潛太久的孤獨　這一刻獲得救贖
我忽然好想哭　感激你這一路
陪我笑　陪著我辛苦
無悔的付出

i really love this song.

thoughts

God looks at the heart.

sometimes i cannot understand, y people try to be someone else. is it in front of me, in front of others, y try to be someone else? even if tdy i can't see, God sees.

guys, God is not interested in the outward. God is not interested in wad u say, wad u promise, sometimes even wad u do, if wad u do is different from wad u feel.

God wants commitment and passion, from the inside out.

pls dun hide. be totally honest before God.

on another note, it's back again.

felt like God is putting me thru that test again.

i din make it the other time and God is a wonderful tcher.

he makes sure that i pass it. haha.

so it is back again.

brace urself to pass the test girl.

although i have been whining abt the tons of reports that i have to write, especially 342, i still kind of enjoy really doing it. it has been pretty exciting getting down to writing it and also to research and find out all those things happening in the international society, a quest for knowledge. i never thought i could digest a book as theoretical as this, i thot it would be really tough to "swallow" it all. but i was wrong. i did enjoy reading all these things. (: though sometimes i can get a bit sleepy.

but now, 515am in the morning, sitting at canteen b and attempting to do my 342 is an achievement indeed. go for it xiaoting.

easter is coming!

He is the reason for this season.

jia you.

朋友

nothing happens by chance.

nothing happens automatically.

昨天很不经意的。。 这样对朋友说

“感情是需要我们去刻意经营的。”

这次。。 我对友情的感受很多

无可逃避的，在不同的地方念书，自己和别人的距离越来越远。
但是，我非常非常珍惜友情。
真的
不管你是在新加坡
或是在美国
只要你在我心里占一席之位
我就一定会抽出时间
和你聊上那一句话

我知道
时间很少
事情很多
never ending projects, reports, essays, tut, homework

but u noe sth?
frens r still so impt

“友情是需要你我去刻意经营的”

sometimes we think that.. even if we dun spend time with one another
it is ok.

things will still remain the same.

really?

有时候我觉得。。
有些东西真的已经变了。

pretend this does not exist.

我真的不想放手
好久都没有这样的感觉
这次没有让我感觉想要窒息

晓亭成长了吧

i really dun wan to let you down.
in the grandstand, the only audience in you.

有时候会觉得
我是不是做错了

只希望你脸上
可以出现满足的笑容

pls take care of everything

sun

好爱你的新专辑《拥抱》

谢谢你的勇敢
给我力量一直不断的走下去

谢谢你的歌声
给了我无限感动
让我在最黑暗的夜晚
也不觉得孤单

是你的坚持
让我坚持到底
不停下来

是你的阳光
照亮我的心

我没有听到另一把能让我如此感动的声音
谢谢你的坚持
谢谢你不放弃
一直一直透过音乐把感动和爱带给我们

love u sun.

read an article that moved me so much. i love her courage. thank you.

戏剧

今天戏剧盒的人来到南大，谈关于戏剧方面的东西。

他们的一字一句，牵动了我的心。

我不知道这是不是我的calling, 但是我想参与媒体工作。不是记者，不是新闻播报员，我也不懂我要的是什么，可是，心里总有一点的不满足，my soul needs sth more.

或许会做广播，戏剧。。我也不知道，但是我要参与aesthetics的东西。i need to fulfill my soul.

met Him yest.

it was wonderful.

to feel Him close by, speaking straight into my life.

to have His logos jump out on me.

i never want to lose this love for u.

only wan to love u more. n more. n more. n more.

a sip is not enough. i need a well, a fountain of ever lasting water.

draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.

be there Lord.

i feel kinda tired. with the tons of reports due plus exams in one month, it's a little bit scary. but God is always good.

was reminded tdy on how i always lean upon the Lord for strength. N God reminded me to do that again.

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. "

had a wonderful zone meeting.

on another note, tdy did our presentation for game play.

总觉得自己可以做得更好，虽然面对的限制很多，但我还是想做到最好。真的有放进不少努力，所以觉得老师的批评还是相当残酷的。

但是我们总是需要面对批评，才能够学习，我还是更好的学习吧。

真的好累

allow me to be emo for just these few minutes.

the end of something marks the beginning of something greater. God kept on reminding me.

it was a tough decision to make. but i noe God has sth greater in store. so i did it. and here's for u.

to my dearest cg,
i love u. (:

to peter,
everytime we gather and tok bout u, that one word is lame. other than that, mx will always mention how scared u r of me and how tense up u r. (: but i wan u to noe that i m so proud of u! especially when u called me n tell me bout ur results, at the moment i felt so so so proud of u and i jus wanted to tell the whole world that u did it! i noe u struggled real hard with ur studies in the past 2 yrs, but yet i also noe that u really did all that u could for this exam and u really did it! i m so proud of u! u do have a talent n a gift amidst all that lameness. grow to be a man of a greater stature n fulfill the vision i gave to this cg in the beginning of this yr. fulfill ur destiny.

to jordan,
thank u for being so teachable. since the first day u came, u have been teachable and always so willing to be taught. u r always so willing and available, always there, always faithful and u r so great as a member! i see tremendous potential in ur life so really develop ur relationship in God and grow the best u can! u will shine!

to iris,
it has not been an easy road for u i think. from how u first came and got saved, and see people close to u backsliding, but yet u have held on. i noe there r times our faith in God will waver, sometimes it happen for me too, but keep on holding on to God and walk with Him. i noe u will do well in e195.

to huiying,
from that girl that i first saw 2 yrs ago up till tdy, u have come a long way. n i m thankful to God for that. to see u loving the things of God, being excited abt the things of God, becoming more n more spiritual reminds me always y i m still doing the things that i m doing. ur enthusiasm spreads! (: so keep on shining for Him wherever u go..

last but not least,
to ying.
it has been a long discipleship and walk with u, as ur leader and fren. since u were sec 1, that girl with that 2 little plaits, whom i took such a long time to get u to come for cg n svc, to this girl that i see today, strong, spiritual, mature, serving God in this kingdom, i m inspired. gal i saw how u grow all the way, from that little girl till today, it is not easy to let u go. u have been great as a disciple and a helper, enduring all that scoldings from me, standing in the gap, sharing my burden and making things happen, and always loving people, it has been a priveilege to be ur discipler. i pray with all of my heart that i will see u soar like an eagle and fulfill God's call for ur life. you were born, for such a time as this.


it has really not been an easy decision. but this marks sth greater. the rest of us in E357, let's see God's kingdom in this place. (: we spend 2 yrs of our lives tog, it has been awesome, and it will be more awesome.

i love e357. old n new.

the end of sth marks the beginning of sth greater.

whenever i m scared n overwhelmed, this song rings in my head.

all this time
since the day that i was born
i nv known a time like this
i dun wan to let u down



some people see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were n ask why not. what your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

was just reading a fren's blog to realise that leaders r only human. alot of times when i look at the lders ard me, somehow i feel that they r so amazing and they look so "shen". but yet, tdy i jus feel, ldrs r really only human.

we can get disappointed
we can be frustrated
we can be discouraged
we can be angry
we can get hurt
we need relationships
we need frens
we need God

i m only human. gee

my mind is in a really blank mode now. i wan to type but dunno wad to type.

God............. what should we do? n what can we do?

说不出口。。

...

today he asked me.

"will u carry on?"

"yes i will.if u ask me to."

"will u go on for me?"

"yes Lord,for you i will do it."

"even though it's not going to be easy,will u still do for it for me?"

"yes Lord i will.for you i will.'

and then he asked me.

"will u stay?"

"yes if u ask me to i will"

"thank you girl"

"at your word i will do it.i love you.enough to give it up for you."

"at your word Lord.it's hard n painful.but if u say it,i will do it."

singapore

blogging again. to pen some thots for the day.

toked to liu xiao peng tdy while having meeting. he is hilarious. no wonder everybody asked me to take his lesson. hahaha.

but he said sth that really taught me sth tdy.

i remembered.. when i was in china, i felt so much like y r these pple so "chong yang".. they feel so much that the things out of china r better.. and they look "out" for china to think there is a greater world out there, when i simply feel that it is the contrary, that they have so much assets n talents in china themselves!

then tdy liu lao shi said sth that sort of like gave me a revelation. haven we.. the so-called "elites".. also despised what is of Singapore.. thinking that it is LC, of no quality, and always thinking that the cultured things r so much better. but tdy liu lao shi gave me a total different perspective.

he is totally in love with "ben tu" movies.. like i not stupid, money not enough etc. and he said.. that all these feel like a "nan han" from the lower income pple in singapore.. and he loves the songs n everything.. thinking that they r so cool..

he said.. what is wrong with singlish? for a culture and background as complicated as ours, it is interesting how we develop the lang that belongs to us uniquely.. this is singapore! and y must singaporeans get rid of singlish.. or despise wad is local?

i m amazed. this is a perspective that i've not heard before. and to my amusement/amazement, we r just like the mainland chinese that i saw huh.. who r so convinced that what is outside is so much better than what is inside.. but actually, there is sth valuable in this island i live in.

i think i shld learn to change my perspective, to stop being so "chong yang", and to love "ben tu", and to be proud of being a singaporean.

3 cheers to singapore!