痛

I seldom talk about this, but since it's 4am in the morning.. I am entitled to think and reflect.

When we approach Jan 2015, it will be the 10th year I am being a CGL.

This year, I thought a lot about why I have become a CGL, why I am a CGL, and what keeps me going as a CGL.

To be perfectly honest, there are too many moments that I felt like giving up.

As I grow in my work capacity, and my role as a wife, mother and daughter, I find it increasingly difficult to keep on. Especially when I see friends around me slowly dropping out as leaders... I ask myself... what keeps me going? and why should I continue...

And undeniably, one huge factor that prompts me to reflect is this huge disappointment in my heart. The disappointment that my ministry doesn't turn out the way I want it to be. The disappointment that after 10 years of ministry, I don't see hundreds of people added to the house of God because of me. The disappointment of people leaving... The people that I love and care for, and personally pour my life into.. especially in the earlier years of my ministry.. it is all too hard. I have learned to stand up, shake away the dirt and move on... but the pain I still feel in my heart sometimes cannot be ignored.

Recently I have been thinking about pastoring, because of Pst Tan says... and I think that I have to rethink success in terms of ministry. I am still getting there...

And 10 years on, of course now there is the trial. I rarely chip in a word about the trial these days... because 该说的已经说了，该听的人也已经听了。

I still feel antagonized on the inside when I see Pastor, Sun and our leaders being misunderstood... I still feel it when people don't get to hear the side of their story.. I still feel it when what is being said is so different from what I experience when I am up close and personal with them... but it is also something that I cannot help or do something about... It's just this agony on the inside. 有时候我心里会呐喊，不是这样的！But I know it doesn't avail much in the natural....

A lot of thoughts as we wrap up the year...

不堪回首

最近在和朋友谈话时，勾起自己很多的回忆，也想起自己很多不堪回首的过去。

可能只有在过去7年时间，才学会坚强，自爱……

记得自己从中学开始，走过一段自己被当作理所当然的日子……有时候是因为朋友、有时候是因为男生……但因为走过一段自己在乎别人比别人在乎自己的日子……我后来学会抽离，学会衡量自己的付出。我当时开始学习在付出上有所保留，因为害怕受伤。我开始学会矜持，我渐渐走出来了。

后来，我祈求上帝给我一个爱我比我爱他多的男人，上帝真的应允了我的祷告。

我不知道自己面对伤害的方式对不对，但这的确帮助我保护我的心，因为我们的心是如此脆弱。

我也从中学习自爱……因为讨厌自己在别人眼里是那么的不堪，或被当作理所当然。

我至今不知道自己这样的想法是否正确，我不知道这是不是自己太倚靠自己……

因为朋友，最近开始回首。

究竟是否应该因为爱而毫无保留，还是应该因为选择爱自己而走开……

Heavy hands

This morning, as I felt discouragement and disheartenment creep into my heart, I was reminded of this passage.

Ex 17:10-15

10 So Joshua did as Moses said to him, and fought with Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. 11 And so it was, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed; and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. 12 But Moses’ hands became heavy; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. 13 So Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.

14 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write this for a memorial in the book and recount it in the hearing of Joshua, that I will utterly blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven.” 15 And Moses built an altar and called its name, The-Lord-Is-My-Banner;

I guess this is what I have been feeling lately...heavy hands. there are days I feel my heart has no capacity to handle it all... 

I have been thinking a lot recently. About relationships, life, associations, people. Had a good night out today.. talking to someone about relationships again.. many many thoughts... 

Signing off here...

Toddlers

Jaime is turning 19 months in a few days' time.

I was just visiting a friend last friday who had just given birth, and it truly blows me away how my teeny weeny tiny little baby has now grown to be so tall, so big, so intelligent, responsive and expressive.

Posting up a photo to record her moments.

She has now grown in her motor skills so she's learning to pick up a few things at the same time.

Long gone are the days when she is satisfied with just one thing in one hand, now she can manage about 3 items in both hands.

but the funniest? she was in Guardian on Monday and she insisted of holding 5 boxes of sweets and both hands and stuck them so close to her chest!

It was absolutely adorable and everyone who saw it had a good laugh.

I love u so much baby! U brighten up my life so much :)

28 on 28

Someone reminded me that this year I turn 28 on the 28th. 

This birthday sneaked past me so quietly that I hardly noticed I have grown one year older - whether this is for good or for bad. 

I am way way way late for my birthday post, I usually take time every year to take stock of my life as I go into a new year, but really, I have been so busy nowadays that most things just go by me like a whirlwind, including the birthday... 

It hasn't been the happiest birthday to be honest, but let me just talk about some feelings I have had recently. 

It is now a great joy to be with the little girl at home. She can now respond and express herself though not with words, but with many of her interesting hand gestures. She is really the one that brings me a lot of joy amidst all the tiredness n sometimes heartaches I go through. 

I enjoyed having my in-laws staying in my place... I like this sense of communal living. 

Most importantly, for the past one month God has been stirring in my heart, and bringing back the memories from Hollywood and jurong west days. Sometimes it is a burden, sometimes it is a song, but 19 years in church and 5 years on staff, I have recently been reminded of the goodness of God. The burden He gave me only got stronger... And I thank God for that. I thank God His fire continues to burn within me, and in the last few months, I sense so strongly the drawing of God upon my life. 

It was a huge privilege to be interpreting for Pst during our anniversary, and it was very memorable for me. One of my greatest honor in this lifetime will be to stand on stage with these 2 great men and women of God... Their lives have touched and moved my heart so much. So much has been said about them, especially negatively, but not many know the price they have paid for the kingdom of God. Their love for God and people is enough for me. 

I have been so cooped up in the past and present I forgot to look to my future. Let me go think about it and get back here again. 

The next post might possibly be some emo post and ranting. 

Happy 28th bday XT. The days ahead of you are way more glorious than what you can imagine. :) 

The Sovereignty of God

Some thought I had recently about this topic.

It came because God has been speaking to me recently and bringing me through certain things.

Many times as a believer, I would hear people share about how God move and take them by surprise etc - meaning something happens on God's initiative.

Of course we know definitely that can happen in our lives, but I realise too often I place too much emphasis on myself.

When I do this, then this will happen.
When I do that, then that will happen.

Many things fall within my control and is a product of what I think of or experience in my quiet time.

Blame it on motherhood, but I find it more difficult to pray so consistently and in depth everyday, but what God has been doing in the last few weeks (or months) truly took me by surprise.

A few weeks ago when we were attending Emerge PM, as I interceded for the schools, I found myself getting emotional to the point of tears. It was a strange occurrence for me because it was really just a regular PM.

Same thing happened during Emerge.

What makes this experience special... was the feeling and burden I had during these meetings, were the same feelings I experienced about 10 yrs ago when God laid a burden in me for youths.

The first CG meeting after Emerge, God took me by surprise again.

He first gave me a word (and I often get a word of encouragement during CG), and as I shared it, I felt the spirit of prophecy come upon me and I started to prophesy.

I hesitated because it seemed to be too noble a prophecy to speak out in CG, but God moved so strongly in me that I couldn't resist that word. I prophesied about a coming river and revival...

Last Sunday I was in nursery and couldn't really catch the sermon. But as the worship team sang this song during ministry, teams well up in my eyes... as I was brought back to 10 yrs ago.

God started to reveal how He is a sovereign God... and He moves alone... many times independent of me... and this time He initiates many things in me...

I pray that 10 yrs later, when I have already stepped in motherhood, I know how I can and will respond to this leading of the Lord...

This song moved my heart...

Walking in the Light

John 11:8-10

8 The disciples said to Him, “Rabbi, lately the Jews sought to stone You, and are You going there again?”

9 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. 

10 But if one walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” 

This is a passage that I have been pondering about for quite some time. I couldn't really understand, what does walking in the day and night has to do with the resurrection of Lazarus. 

Today, I felt the lightbulb has lighted on the inside. 

If we read what happened before and after Jesus went to Lazarus, we get a better picture of the story. 

In verse 8, the disciples were warning Jesus. If He would go down to Judea again, He would be stoned. And if we read what happened after Lazarus rose from the dead, we would also realise, that this miracle Jesus performed was a turning point in this ministry. After this event, the Jews plotted to kill Him, and He no longer walked openly among the Jews. 

What He was really saying in verse 9-10, if I could articulate this well enough, in the context that He knew He was going to the cross... is that... 

In spite of the dangers and the circumstances, if we walk in the light of Christ, if we walk in the calling of God, we will not stumble. God will protect and guide our every step. 

On the contrary, if we do not walk in the light, if we choose to walk in darkness, then we will stumble. 

I am trying to find words for my thoughts... but this has suddenly become a revelation to me. 

Every area of our lives has to come to the light - past, present and future. If we choose to allow certain areas of our lives to be in darkness, then we will stumble and fall. And no one, young and old, is exempted from this... 

Recently, I have been very blessed when I heard someone sharing very openly about her life. I never knew one could be so open to share her struggles and experiences... and I am not one who is open to share my struggles in this way, but she has inspired me, and in some way encouraged me. 

What this passage encouraged me is also, in spite of the threats and dangers of doing what He is doing, Jesus did it anyway, knowing the best way is always to walk in the light. 

Sometimes in our lives, it is not easy sharing our problems, temptations and struggles... but in spite of it, we should... because walking in the light 是我们最好的保障。The Bible is plain - if we walk in the dark, we will stumble. Maybe not now, but one day, the things lying in the dark would catch up with us. 

I am a firm believer... that walking in the light is not just bringing before God, but also men. Doesn't mean we have to publicise it to the whole world, but it does mean that we have to be accountable to someone. This is so that we always can have someone watching our backs... the Bible says... take heed lest you fall. All of us face the danger of falling, and therefore we always need someone else (human being) to watch our backs. Also, bringing it before men helps us w our blind spots. Every one of us have blind spots. We need one another to be completely covered... 

1 John 1:7

But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

let's choose to walk in the light, past, present and future. 

Upcoming Taiwan trip

我非常兴奋期待 因为六月终于要回到我非常非常爱的台湾！ 

当然那是我们最爱的璐璐姐结婚 这成了充分的理由 亦或应该说是借口 让我回到我所爱的这片土地

另外一点 感谢神的恩典 我为全家买的机票不算贵

而且我近期来惊然发现 因为六月的关系 大多数的饭店都客满

还好我临时找到一个地点好 价钱又合理的地方

台湾我来了 6月5-10日

Woohoo! 

Blogging journey

I have been thinking about this for some time... and was wondering if I should really seriously consider blogging again.

Life has been busy... as usual... but I find that I lack the time and discipline to reflect upon my life, and I was thinking if this is a good point to start blogging again. 

As of now I cannot decide what should be the content of my blog... How public.. How personal... 

Some things I would like to talk about: 

Reflections of life

Spiritual takeaways

Motherhood 

Thinking... :) 

辗转难眠

the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart.

胡思乱想–my ramblings

1. on weight and fat or fats

刚才在回家的路上，看到了镜子里的我。是啊，不满意的地方太多了。。。身材、肚腩、大腿、屁股。。。

可是我得到一个结论。

If I am not willing to work hard and change what I see, I have no right to complain about what I see.

减肥其实不难，但需要恒心和毅力。

多少次我多么希望自己，和那些天生就瘦、新陈代谢能力超强的人一样。

但我也发现自己真的不是这样。

我是那种什么也不吃也可能胖的人。（当然这是夸张，but u get the idea）

新的一年里，我要努力开心做自己。

我会努力的减肥，因为我觉得我需要开心。

不代表不瘦就不能开心，但现在的我，自信心大受打击。

这是自我形象的问题，起码我需要能够对镜子里的我，会心的一笑。起码我需要喜欢我所看到的自己。

#dontjudgeme

2. on 对错

最近和朋友聊天的时候提起，我们的人生，什么时候变得那么复杂？

突然之间，我感觉是非变模糊。

我再也不知什么是完全的是、什么是完全的非。

特别关于人事物。尤其是人事物。

我其实不想活在这样的环境里，但我明白，这是长大的过程。

多希望自己无需面对这些情况。。。但这是人生。

#perspectives #growingup

So.. say hello to 2014 :)

So… 2014 has officially started.

What an eventful year.

I have been telling people… motherhood has changed me… in ways beyond my wildest imagination.

What I can see is many tangible things I have lost…. freedom… space etc…

What I cannot see is what I have gained… that is so intangible but real…

Perhaps God is teaching me, the best things in life cannot be measured by physical or material results. It is felt with the heart. I do feel it in my heart.

For 2014:

I want to prosper… body soul and spirit.

Body:

1. Eating Clean

2. Exercising regularly!

Soul:

1. Books, books and books!

Spirit:

Self explanatory…

Welcoming u 2014! It’s gonna be an awesome yr!

Perspectives, perspectives, perspectives.

最近一直在思考这词，英文比较贴切 - perspectives.

想了想，我发现有多事情都是角度观点的问题。

你看事情的观点、你看事情的角度、你是戴着哪一副眼镜去看事情。

最近发现，其实人类非常善变。

我们若选择倚靠人类，终究难免会失望。

难怪只有上帝可以说，祂昨日、今日直到永远的是一样的。

同时我也必须检查自己的生活，说真的，我生命有哪一些东西真正是不变的。

有哪一些人真正是不变的。

亦或这么说，有哪一些人、友谊或关系是我要珍惜，带入永恒的。

#foodforthought

沉重的心...

刚刚收到一位中学好友的电话，打来的目的是要确认我是否会参加她的婚礼...当然会啦！很开心看到他们俩有情人终成眷属...

但我又刚刚打开脸书...看到另一个朋友的po文... 她最近接到消息...孩子保不住... 

我心好沉重... 

the fragility of life... 

to-blog-again

已经有好一段时间没有写文章了。有点想念文字...拼写文字。发布感言...

自己其实不是个喜欢张扬的人，我发现。

原本应该是 I 的性格...但生活圈子却越来越小。

我想这到底是好事坏事。

生活稀释到只剩下几样东西...但确实希望这一次都能做好。

希望做得少，也能够做得更好。

po上一些贝鼻的照片。

这个孩子长得太快了...
迈入第九个月...

悼念翁乔治牧师

我和翁牧师从未认识，或许有过一面之缘，一直都隐隐约约的认识这个人，因为他是华文教会中赫赫有名的牧师。但只有在周六听闻他过世的噩耗时，我才真正去认识他。

有趣的是，我和他三个孩子都有交集。曾和他儿子在同个牧区服事，长女是我以前儿童教会的老师，小女儿更是在去年的SOT里认识而成了朋友。没想到，自己在不知不觉的情况，也和他的家人有了关系。

今天参加追思礼拜时，心情很是沉重。虽然难过，就如圣经所说，我们不像没有指望的人忧伤一样，忧伤归忧伤，但仍旧有盼望。感谢上帝，我们有荣耀的盼望，死亡就不那么可怕，但是身边的人离开我们，纵然会心痛难过，特别是康牧师和耀珊。

我今晚有极大的荣幸，在翁牧师的追思礼拜上做翻译，想了想，上帝真的恩待了我。我是何等人，配得这样的机会...我思考他在新加坡和马来西亚的教会里所带来的贡献，心中就感动不已，他就是一位为神国度舍命的仆人。

这也就是神的国度。他几十年的服事，我看到他的果子和影响力。我们即便能在这生中多么成功，但要如何衡量成功？今天我明白...success is about significance. 他的影响力...他留下来的会存留到永恒。

This is what it means to live for God, and to live for eternity. I learnt such a precious lesson today.

提后4：6-7
我现在被浇奠，我离世的时候到了。
那美好的仗我已经打过了，当跑的路我已经跑尽了，所信的道我已经守住了。

翁牧师，安息主怀。相信你在天上的赏赐是大的。你在这地上撒下的种子必定开花结果。

27.

Another 30 mins to the end of 28 July. Cannot remember when was the last time I had such an uneventful birthday.... So just allow me to indulge.... 

Disclaimer: I'm not complaining, just ranting perhaps.

Since jan 19, 2013, my life has never been the same and will never be. I am not exactly feeling depressed about this, because I know motherhood is a high calling, but I have been feeling it soooooo much nowadays, the sacrifices one has to make is so massive... I cannot count and will not attempt to.. Count the sacrifices and amount of things I gave up just because of this... 

最近地心情确实有点低落。很多的牺牲，很多的调整，很多的寂寞。出嫁那天已经做出一大调整，但做母亲的调整，完全超乎我的想像。但我必须澄清，我并非后悔，因为这是我选择的路。是先苦后甜，还是先甜后苦。唯一的问题是，我感觉有些迷失。生活的琐碎，让我似乎迷失了方向。我不知道自己未来应该期待的是什么，难怪赵牧师常说。。。我们需要异象和异梦。

这突如其来的落寞感让我有些措手不及。我一般上是个非常积极正面的人。。。而且一直都知道自己前面的方向该怎么走。。。虽然孩子的到来在我的预想之中，但自己可能没有预料到当中要舍去的一切。

But to round it up, I am very thankful. Thankful for hubby, for baby, for church, for cg, for ministry, for friends... 

I hope I can see light in this tunnel very soon.... 

He restores my soul

Pst mike came and in this last day, he talked about us restoring our souls. And I felt it struck a chord in me. Life has become so busy and hectic, that sometimes I just cannot take time to restore my soul.. Or rather.. I dunno what it takes for my soul to be restored. Maybe I should really pray n ask God to show me... 

Whenever life and ministry get overwhelming, I find myself withdrawing and wishing I don't have to do anything. I just hide. And right at this moment, I'm so desperate for a getaway. To the point that tears will well up in my eyes when I think about it, because I need a break so much. 

The rest of this year looks so overwhelming that I feel tired just to think about it.. When bern interviewed Pst, he said this... He lives one day at a time. I think I just have to learn that... 

And I do want to get away so badly... 

Solitude

3.5 months after giving birth, i have gotten used to a new addition in the family. But life has been crazy, work has been busy, and i find myself craving for a break and solitude, to be completely alone, doing nothing...

May is a hectic month, in every sense of the word.

How i wish... To just do nothing...

A Clean Breast

I stumbled upon Theresa’s blog one or two years back… (I could not even remember how and when!) But I was very touched by her posts that were so candid yet brutally honest about her fight with cancer.

When I knew she wrote a book and released it, I was so excited and eager to get hold of one! (Especially when I love reading real life stories; how inspiring they always are)

I finished it in one night, captivated by her account of how she emerged from her battle with cancer.

She is one courageous person, and it is amazing how God uses our lives to be a blessing and inspiration to others.

If you know of someone battling with cancer, or someone with a loved one facing cancer, I honestly recommend you to grab the book!

It’s such a good read!!

Thoughts on recent strike by PRC drivers

Much talk has been going around regarding the strike PRC drivers went on a few days ago. It is a first in many years for our Singapore society, obviously stirring up quite a storm in our supposedly-peaceful society.

Just wanted to pen down some thoughts I have, but I am of course no social analyst, but personally I do feel for the PRC drivers. It was said that lines of communications are open, perhaps in formality, but honestly, where and how can these drivers fend for their rights?

这些人人生地不熟，离乡背井来到一个陌生的地方工作，对这里的制度和系统不熟悉。说实在的，他们到底能找谁去帮他们争取福利，或是摆脱不平等的待遇？我自己认识一些在新的外籍人士，特别是劳工阶级的，我常感觉他们处于被剥削的状态，但却投报无门。

I have been reading some articles, and i do agree with many of them that say these workers have little bargaining power. For these people, it is almost seen as a “privilege” to be able to come to Singapore and work here. If you are not happy with what you are getting, you can jolly well leave this job and go somewhere else. 

So much more is needed to be done for these labour workers in Singapore, really.

初见曙光之时

妊娠期进入第三周期后，常会在早上四至六时之间起床，之后要再回去睡就成问题了。

今天也是这样。也因为接近预产期的关系，最近的我开始有了很多想法。

有点感觉自己面临身份危机。

一直以来，我都清楚知道自己要什么，该做什么，生活的不同时间也带着不同使命。突然之间，自己得放慢脚步，花了很久的时间才习惯。现在来到了第三周期，因为生活步伐放慢，我更是有时间思考我的人生。

今早想起了有人说的一句话。

在这段时间，我就是应该要陪在我孩子身边。

是啊，我们的生命在不同的时候，就该扮演不同的角色。

灵命，家庭，服事，工作。。。这一切都需要平衡。

Intricate balance.

有时有些焦虑，担心自己是否能胜任。但感谢上帝的是，我周围有许多敬虔的母亲，她们真的是我学习的榜样。

我需要。。。再次找到自己的定位。

给自己说声：加油。

heavy, bulky, bloated, clumsy and…?

thankful. (:

Now at week 27, going on to 28, I am starting to feel really pregnant and bulky. Feeling a little clumsy and that my skin is super stretched…

But just really thankful.

Today is the first time i experienced water retention in such a real way! my fingers and toes were swollen when i woke up, it was so bad that I could not really move my fingers in the morning… they felt too tight. My toes looked so bloated…

I think what is the most exciting at this stage… is not just feeling the baby move… but "seeing” the baby move! Not that u can see it with your naked eye… but the baby moves so much nowadays, i can see my clothes moving when she moves! She will jerk and if I am resting anything on my tummy, my hand will jerk as well. That is a very thrilling feeling… Hahaha…

Counting my blessings…

week 22

说时光飞逝，还真的不夸张。

当你看自己的肚子一天天变大，才发现时间很快的与我们擦身而过。

怀孕这个过程，的确很奇妙。

这一个星期，孩子不停的动，不停的踢，似乎要提醒周围的人她的存在。

是的，是个女的。

孩子有时候会很好动，最奇妙的是，在播放赞美敬拜时，她总是会动起来。好爱这一点啊！

我祈求我的孩子长大，也会热爱神的同在。

to be a lover of His presence. (:

Every blog entry is a musing in process.

I was thinking what to name this post, only to realise, every entry i post up, is a musing in process.

Had an amazing leaders’ meeting with Pst YK last night at YMCA, and I am still soaking in the presence from last night. 2 verses that God placed in my heart.. that is still resounding in my mind.

Ex 33:13 Show me Your way… that I may know You…

Moses prayed.

It came as a revelation to me yesterday..

Many times we pray, God show me Your way. But how many people pray… God show me Your way, that I may know You?

We pray for the will of God… but what is our motive?

Show me Your way… not for my success… not for my ministry… not for my vision… but show me Your way, so that I may know You.

I want to walk in Your will, so that I may know You.

The former has always been my prayer… but the latter… came as a revelation yesterday.

Was reminded of what Pastor Tan shared with us last week.

God brings us to mountaintops… and through valleys… so that we may know Him in a greater way.

发现到上帝常常让我经历一些看似孤单的日子… 这些时候，也叫我更亲近祂，更认识祂。

Musings.. Walking w God

Thoughts i have been having recently, or perhaps even in the past one or two years.

When we first started out as a believer, life was really simple. It's easy to have someone to fall back on, right and wrong seems so clear cut, following God was a simple affair.

As i progress more in this journey, i find that the hearts of man are so deep, sometimes u really wonder... N u start to realise man are fallible. People u know or thought u know are no longer the people u know... We learn that no man is perfect, and only God is. And i find that.. The line between right and wrong is so thin, it's so difficult to tell sometimes, what is right and what is wrong. What is of God and what is not of God.

And i am learning to navigate through all these. Today Pastor Tan shared something.. He said that sometimes in our walk with God, it gets lonely, because God is teaching us to trust in Him totally. That struck a chord in my heart. I do find that this route gets lonely sometimes, and it is indeed difficult to find like-minded people. And sometimes, when i look at things around me, i wonder, God what is ur will in the midst of all these? Ultimately i find that what i am really interested in is not what man thinks, but i want to know His heart, His ways, i want to have His perspective. How do u look at a matter, a person, that is ultimately what i am concerned about...

Just some thoughts as i watch things unfold around me.

No wonder all the great men of God prayed n said.. God show me ur heart.. Show me ur ways.. Show me ur paths...

The greatest place to be is to be in the centre of the will of God.

my 26th birthday

Before i knew it, my 26th birthday had come and passed me by. Strangely, after I got attached and married, and as my life streamlined, birthdays had become lesser of such a big thing to me. haha. it's just another day of spending time w family and friends and receiving presents. But as I grow older, presents hold less significance, and relationships hold greater importance. It was just an ordinary day, because it was Emerge weekend, having lunch with my members, interpreting for service and dinner with in-laws.

Maybe it's due to the fact that I am pregnant, I have become more of a homely person, enjoying time at home more than being out. Shopping and being out has become less appealing, perhaps due to the fact that there are less clothes I can buy. Hahahaha.

Anyway, birthdays are always a good time to take stock of our lives.

This one year flew past me (not surprisingly) but it was an amazingly fruitful year.

This time last year, i was still soaking in the bliss of marriage, and was getting used to married life. And one year down the road, I am 3 months pregnant. A friend commented that my life is so well-planned, and it just goes down the typical road. On hindsight, it does. Haha. But it is definitely not intentional, I just learn to take life one step at a time. Although i am looking forward to motherhood, there are many times I wonder if I am really ready for this. Gee. Reality check.

God really took me through many things this year, new friendships, in ministry, it was a whole new level together. I guess the biggest thing i will never forget, is interpreting for Pastor Kong and Mrs Cho on Suntec stage. What a moment. What an encounter. What a privilege.

This emerge, Pastor Kong said, he is just an imperfect vessel that God used to do His perfect will. I am reminded, that I am really a nobody in the hands of Almighty God, doing His will. Life has gone on, from a desire to achieve success, to significance. Will not forget this sentence that Pastor shared.

Looking back, my heart is filled with gratitude. Grateful to God for my super amazing husband who loves me with everything he has, and God for always being with me, taking me this far, my family and in-laws who love me so much, my friends and leaders that I can always lean on. My cg of young people that God has placed in my life and I so love... I am just thankful. Lastly thankful to Him for granting me the desire of my heart, giving me a child.

Looking forward, in this new year... my prayer is of course...

for my pastors and leaders... for full deliverance...

for a healthy baby...

to know Him in a deeper manner.. rebuilding my altar..

thankful for the last 26 yrs, and looking forward to even more glorious yrs ahead.. :)

What is in your heart?

After attending Chinese Cg yesterday, i was reminded of the word God gave me on 15 April…. When God asked me…

Show me your heart.

What is in your heart today?

Those words struck my heart… and I could not help it… but break down and cried and cried and cried…

I never dared to tell God what is in my heart.

It’s too impossible, it’s too big… and I am too small… too inadequate..

But that day, God put courage in me… i stepped up to the altar and told God… yes i believe you can use me…

In You, I can.

I was reminded of the word again yesterday. And tears overwhelmed me. I could not help myself. I was reminded of how God spoke to me… and less than 1 mth later… i will have a chance interpreting for one of the greatest man of God alive…

Behold what manner of love has our Father bestowed upon us…

最初的梦想—范玮琪

如果骄傲没被现实大海冷冷拍下
又怎会懂得要多努力才走得到远方
如果梦想不曾坠落悬崖千钧一发
又怎会晓得执着的人有隐形翅牓
把眼泪装在心上 会开出勇敢的花
可以在疲惫的时光
闭上眼睛闻到一种芬芳
就像好好睡了一夜直到天亮
又能边走着边哼着歌
用轻快的步伐
沮丧时总会明显感到孤独的重量
多渴望懂得的人给些温暖借个肩膀
很高兴一路上我们的默契那么长
穿过风又绕个弯 心还连着
像往常一样

最初的梦想紧握在手上
最想要去的地方
怎么能在半路就返航
最初的梦想绝对会到达
实现了真的渴望
才能够算到过了天堂
最初的梦想绝对会到达
实现了真的渴望
才能够算到过了天堂

挫折

这么多年来，似乎是一定的，挫折会在生命的循环里出现，而且总是在我下定决心后，它一定会来干扰我。

当下，我按捺不住心中的委屈和难过。

有时候会觉得，没有人看到我的牺牲、我的委屈，你那么努力，又是为了什么？不为名、不为利、不为钱，如果在外面的话，过得应该会舒服很多吧？我不知道，我从来都没想过，直到今天。

今天，竟然有这样的念头闪过，放弃的念头，但我也知道，它仅仅是个念头。

熬过了这么多个年头，你总是会，拍拍自己的肩膀，扫一扫灰尘，再站起来吧。

是你的就是你的，你只要相信，争取。

尽管肉眼看到的是现实的否定（更难过的是，有时候是人的否定），但在灵里面，我看到的是天父的肯定。

祂相信我，这，就足够了。

祂觉得我可以，那也就足够了。

但即使有一天，真的没实现，我还是会忠心的做，你要我做的事。

这是我的委身和摆上。

对你的承诺。

这是我活着的理由。

生活中的繁瑣事

最近的心情不太漂亮，健康情況不理想，搞得我疑神疑鬼。

工作有些令人喘不過氣，極其渴望能放個假，但現在只有忙裡偷閒的份。

想念和朋友聚一聚的時光，對生活的快步伐感到疲累，只希望我不需要有一堆的deadlines追著我。

因為心情不漂亮，人也跟著感覺不漂亮。

最近參加的一場婚禮，讓我感覺到，其實，做人，開心知足就好。

很多事情不是外在的，而是內在的，我們有時候太注重外表，卻常常忘記，其實內在更重要。

內心所充滿的，就會在外面表達出來。

重新調整自己，等待五月份再次出發！

Burdened

I have always felt burdened for different people, different situations, but this is one period in my life, that i perpetually feel burdened.

Maybe like what Sun shared, i just got to learn to connect people to God, and then Jesus will do the work.

I feel too tired to fight for myself, so let God fight for me.

I wish that God will do all the speaking, all the convicting, so that i can be free from all these things.

Whenever i feel like running away, it’s a bad thing, n that’s exactly what i want to do now. I just wish God will wave his magic wand and everything will be ok. And I can pretend everything did not happen, n it was just all a nightmare.

On retrospect, maybe I am just taking this thing too seriously, and I should learn to lighten up or something.

I feel that I’m not doing what I should do, the spiritual way. but i think i don’t have the courage and strength.

so God, over to You please?

Honeymoon (Taiwan)

While i was preparing a V day present for hubby, i browsed through all our honeymoon photos, and it brought back such fond memories!

 

Sunrise at 花蓮！

水岸森林會館

莫內花園畫展

浮潛@墾丁

小徑民宿 @ 墾丁

墾丁水族館！

Just some random photos.

Hubby will probably upload all on FB!

complexity vs simplicity

*warning: this is an emo post, just for today.

today i found myself thinking about something…

這些年來，事過境遷。。。

很多人、事、物都改變。。。

身邊的人也改變了。

漸漸的，認識的人多，朋友越來越多，但是。。。

知心的朋友還真的沒幾個。

今天，我在思考的一個問題是。。。

當有一天，我真正面對什麼事情時，除了老公以外，我第一個找的人會是誰？

我傾訴的對象會是誰？我尋找的對象會是誰？

陳牧師曾經說過，我們每個人都需要有這樣的一個人。

當我感到如此難過時，我竟然不知道。。。

我要找誰哭泣。

心中的感覺很複雜。

不是生氣，但是失望、是難過、是沮喪、是疑惑、是混亂。

我已經很久。。。沒有這種感受了。

可能是這些日子來，我都沒有正視過這個問題。我知道它或許存在。。。

而今天，當我真正知道它存在時，我的感覺是。。。手足無措。

知道了又怎麼樣？我又不能做什麼。

可能這種無助感是最可怕的吧。

到底。。。什麼是可信的，什麼是不可信的。。。

什麼是真、什麼是假。。。

求你以你的真理引導我。。。

1st post of 2012

Here i am, sitting in my interpreter’s room, the room that I spend a lot of time in, interpreting and encountering God too…

The year 2011 never fails us, and has gone by like a wind.

And 2012 has sneaked up on us quietly.

Every year i get really nostalgic, but amazingly, i did not, and allowed 2012 to just arrive.

Every year i seem to know what it holds, but this year i am still quite clueless. Hahahaha.

And surprisingly, I have no urge to make resolutions. Haha.

But there are desires, thoughts, rantings…

Yesterday I had my boss talk to me… and his sheer concern of me, my work and marriage touched me deeply. I am so blessed.

Today, i finally made it to the gym for the first time in 2012.

As I was listening to 张茂松牧师 on my ipod, he said this…

利未人只能跟着祭坛，他们不能跟着机遇、不能跟着食物走，只能跟着祭坛。

What a word. What a reminder.

I can only follow after the altar, I can only follow after Him, I am a levite. And I will be contented.

A verse God recently gave me:

Ps 16:5-6., 11

5 O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
6 The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.

¹¹ You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

(: thank You Jesus.

our forerunner

met a friend on my way home today, and we were talking and sharing.

she asked me, is it tough being a cell group leader…

i told her, yes and no.

i said, honestly, when God calls us, He never promised us it will be easy. it is not just about being a CGL. the fact is, to do anything for God, it is difficult.

but i told her, one of my greatest satisfaction and fulfilment, is to see people live out God’s best for their lives. I wish that they would see, how I live my life, they can follow after my footsteps and see that they can have this too.

I shared with her… the way our pastors and leaders live their lives… we follow after them…. just like Jesus is our forerunner… that is why Paul says, imitate me as I imitate Christ.

but one of the toughest thing honestly? is not to give up.

how… when people make mistakes, you just keep showing grace… keep showing grace… keep showing grace…

when you feel that you have already come to the end of yourself, you just keep showing grace, keep loving, keep believing, keep sowing, keep praying… and never give up.

#keeponkeepingon

rantings

sometimes you feel like what you say don’t matter.

sometimes you feel like giving up.

sometimes you feel like it’s pointless.

but you just got to keep on believing, keep on fighting, keep on keeping on.

Thoughts this Christmas

So many thoughts running through my head as i wake this morning.

Frustrations and restlessness in my soul.

The kind of  frustration, wishing things will turn out your way, but you know life is never perfect.

you deal with imperfect people, imperfect situations, imperfect world, and an imperfect life.

but sometimes, you honestly wish, things can change for the better. Honestly.

That one will make a right decision.

That one will live worthy of his/her calling in life.

That one will not take what he/she has for granted.

That one will live out God’s fullest for their life.

That one will meet Jesus and their lives be changed.

Oh God, just living out your perfect will for us.

That will be awesome.

Amen.

勇氣

昨天，在回家的路上，就在Paya Lebar 地鐵站遇到一個人。

這個人看起來很年輕，可能才20幾歲，他拿著一把吉他，在地鐵站外彈著。

第一個印象，這個人很窮嗎？為什麼需要這麼做？

他看起來很平凡，彈著吉他，我也打算就這樣走過了，但走過的時候，他一開口唱歌，我嚇到了，因為他的聲音實在很好聽！

他的聲音很有磁性，很感人，很醇厚的一把嗓子，令我留下深刻的印象。

我立即轉過頭，放兩塊錢放在他的吉他包裡，才看到一張Letter of Busking的信件在裡頭。

原來he is a busker!

新加坡很少有busking的概念，每一次看到這些人，我們有時候甚至會用可憐的眼光看他們，但我卻發現，他是特別在這裡表演的。當下，我的想法完全改變了，自己也覺得有點不好意思，我怎麼會有這種可憐他和瞧不起他的想法。

離開之後，突然很想鼓勵他，就回頭，跟他要了聯絡號碼，還對他說，你的聲音很好聽。他眼中的感激，讓我好感動。

他的勇氣，給我很大的鼓勵，他還在當兵，但卻選擇用這樣的方式追求他的夢想，好勇敢啊！

Dreams are worth the chase, 不是嗎？

the journey thus far

it has been suchhhhh a long time since i really blogged something decent. Life has this ability of just zooming past you, and sometimes, i really do treasure that little time i have to stop, think and reflect. Or “inflect”, the latest word we learnt in service recently.

I was just reading some other blogs, and many were blogging about their motherhood journeys, and I was thinking about my own marriage journey.

Tomorrow marks the 5th month into the marriage, and I know we both have such a long way to go.

The wedding is over, the honeymoon is over, even the weight is gained back, but what we are now left with, is each other.

We are not perfect, and there are moments we quarrel, we argue, we fight, we have conflicts, and at the end of the day, it’s commitment that keeps us going. After interpreting for n weddings, everytime we end up with a conflict, the words of all the pastors will come back to my mind, especially the words of Pst Aries that say, we always need to forgive and forget.

There are even days that I miss my singlehood, and miss my old room, which is not my room really anymore. Good on my dad, haha, who gives me no way to turn back. It has semi-evolved into a room filled with the smell of books and paintings.

But it is a way of no turning back. Once you have stepped into it, we never turn back really, and like what Pst Zhuang says, welcome to marriage, we share only one space.

And no matter what happens, it is for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish and to obey….

in spite of all our imperfections. I still really, do love you.

狗抓耗子

这样的时刻，心情很沉重。。。

我在想。。。

是不是因为自己多管闲事招惹出来的？

是不是自己太苛刻，把我的标准强加在别人身上？

是不是我太judgemental所造成的。。。

is it in the flesh or in the spirit?

…

认为发表了自己的看法之后，结果却。。。

*叹气。。。*

爱是。。。

林前13：4-8

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；爱是不嫉妒；爱是不自夸，不张狂，
不做害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，
不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；
凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。 
爱是永不止息。

昨天在看这处经文，想起牧师说的话。

这段话真的不是写给夫妻，而是写给教会里的弟兄姐妹。

这么多时候，在教会里，或婚礼上都会读这处经文，但昨天，它才真正在我心中沉淀了。

要爱人爱到这种境界，很难吧。

难怪我们爱，因为祂先爱我们。

因为只有借着基督的爱，我们才能够这样去爱人。

看了看，这个标准好高啊。哈哈。

清净，安静

最近很渴望有些清净、安静的时间。

很希望在忙碌的生活中，可以找到属于自已的一片天地和空间。

目前还在寻找着。。。

结婚之前，回到家就会累到不行。

结婚之后，时间流逝的速度，快得惊人。

我必须追着时间跑，找回属于自己的那么一个小天地。

最近很想很想回到看书的习惯，但专注力却大大减少。

有好书请介绍！特别是中文书。。。

有一点这种感觉。这个地方让我想念那些在垦丁的日子。哈哈。

好想花上一天的时间，泡在书店。。。

好想去度假。。。

好想。好想。

it’s all about our attitude

i have learnt a lot in this season, and learnt, that every time something happens, God is teaching me to become a better person, and become better in my attitude.

Saw an amazing verse on Mon night.

1 Thess 3:12-13

¹² And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all, just as we do to you, ¹³ so that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all His saints.

Our hearts are blameless in holiness, when we increase and abound in love to one another and to all.

We always thought,to be blameless and holy is simply to walk right, but God says, when we increase and abound in love, our hearts will be blameless in holiness.

It’s all about Love.

Self-doubt

自我疑惑。

Self-doubt is prevalent, in my life.

很久沒有這樣的感覺。記不起，上一次懷疑自己是什麼時候。

奇怪的是，有人說，我有很多要向你學習的。

我看著自己，想說，我真的沒有什麼值得你學習的。

最近，不停的懷疑自己，感覺自己一無是處。

我總是需要，再一次通過這個考驗，提醒自己，我的價值在耶穌基督裡。

這個比賽，沒有其他的競爭者，只有你自己。

你是你最大的敵人。

我們活著，不是為了討好任何人。

昨天，聖靈提醒我，we live for the audience of one.

我們的觀眾只有一位。

我們為祂而活。

Do not look to the left or the right, 當跑你該跑的路，當做你該做的事。

We don’t live to please men, we only live for the approval of God.

But we live, to serve men and to serve God.

The heart of a servant.

Lord, lead me in this season, and I pray, I will pass this test with flying colors.

Joshua my hero.

22nd anniversary

our 22nd anniversary has come, and has gone.

it went past so fast, even before i really realised it.

but somehow, it left a deep mark in me.

was just wondering in my heart, what a privilege.

what a privilege to hear from the pastor of the world largest church, and to hear him say, i am back in my own church.

what a man of faith he is.

no wonder he built the world largest church.

it’s time, to dream n have visions again.

and your vision will guide you, and change you.

on my list of fave people in the world – e357.

happy 22nd!

reminder to self

I kept on reminding myself.

we all have this unique path to walk.

that is why God always tells us.

do not look to the left, nor to the right.

walk the walk that He has ordained you to walk.

Musings

上一週，因為育強牧師的關係，會機會遇到一些大人物。

和他們團契，聆聽他們的故事，為他們做翻譯。

結果？

累到不行，但同時間，也開心到不行。

很久沒有服事得這麼開心了。那一種喜樂，是筆墨無法形容的。

JOY.

回來之後，疲累的身軀躺在床上，感覺神對我說。

服事我應該是這樣的。雖然疲累，但不是拖累。

負擔，不是重擔。

那種滿足感和喜樂，是我好像好久都沒有感受到的。

真正服事祂的喜樂。應當是如此。

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Show me Your glory.

週間祂給了我這個經文。

週末牧師講到這篇經文。

讓我感動到不行。

求你顯出你的榮耀。

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人與人之間的關係，是如此的脆弱。

需要呵護、栽培。

不能當作理所當然。

需要精心培養。

人不能疏離、不能孤立。

Error increases with distance.

距離越遠，錯誤越大。

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Some thoughts for this week.

1 Sam 1:19

¹⁹ Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her.

²⁰ So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the LORD.”

Samuel – This name means “heard by God”. 

婚姻生活的点点滴滴

上一次真正的坐下来写点东西，感觉像是好久好久以前的事。

我们结婚，已经有6个星期了吧。除掉蜜月的两个星期，回到新加坡，适应婚姻生活也只有一个月。这一个月里，几乎是酸甜苦辣都经历过。

一回到新加坡，不同的事情就接踵而来。我当时还在想，有时候，生活是否就能稍停片刻，等一等我呢？我都快喘不过气来了。奇怪的是，结了婚之后，真的发生了很多事情。不管是在家里、事工、工作等等，事情就像浪潮一样，不停的冲向我。

现在终于稍微站稳了点。

想说的东西或许太多。。。我们就一点一点来吧 :)

尽管生活充满了起起落落，但婚姻生活真的还是很幸福的。

牧师昨天说到，当我们得到改变，外在也会跟着改变。很妙的是，许多人遇见了我后，都说我变了。看到了幸福、看到了美丽等等等（哎呦，听起来像在自夸，哈哈）可是我真的感觉幸福。记得我曾经这么祷告过，神啊，不管你让我经历什么，只要有他，有你，我什么都不怕，我什么都能度过。现在，真有点这样的感觉。

想想，我应该写开心的事，还是内心最近在琢磨的事呢？

最近，有些事情发生，让我不停的在思考，人与人之间的关系。

其实，人类是如此复杂的动物，而也因此，人与人之间的关系真是复杂到不行。有时候，你多么希望人和人之间可以那么直接的去分享你们的感受。多么希望会有少些猜忌、少些误会、少些妒忌，而是人与人之间，以最坦诚、最真实、最客观的一面去面对彼此，那么人与人之间，或许就少了很多问题吧？

因此我发现，我非常珍惜的朋友和导师，是那些真的能够坦诚相对的人。

人际关系是如此的脆弱，即使十年、二十年的感情和关系，也能在一夕间摧毁。

感觉好像越来越沉重了。

提点别的。这次的蜜月，我们到了台湾。

当时决定去台湾时真的很挣扎。人家都到欧洲、澳洲、日本看似浪漫的地方，我干嘛这么特别，就要选一个人家不会去的地方嘛。

但心中的那一股冲动，是一定要听的。

所以我进行了一系列的计划，而我们抵达台北，再到宜兰，再到花莲，再到垦丁，再回到台北，快乐到不行。哈哈哈哈。

真的很开心可以这样来游台湾。

蜜月里一切，再找个机会诉说吧。:)

This is the sunrise we saw at hualien at our hotel during honeymoon. breathtaking, isn’t it?

24 hrs to go

counting down 24 hrs. to the BIG DAY.

many asked me, so how is it, are you ready… etc etc.

the feeling is… i don’t know what to feel.

we were busy tying down the details, and it is only during moments like this, that reality hits me, and i feel, i am really getting married.

it’s apprehension, nervousness, fear, and excitement all mixed together.

i think the strongest feeling that I am feeling, is unbelief.

can’t believe i m getting married. the second last day lying on my bed.

surreal.

side track, i love listening to Danny Yeo on City Radio Online. (:

so near yet so far

it is so scary that the big day is coming up in just a few hours.

i don’t really dare to count even, because the next few days look like climbing Mount Everest to me.

there r just so many tasks ahead, and so many decisions  to make, and it looks insurmountable.

JIA YOU BABE. YOU CAN DO IT.

it is so hard

was brooding over the wedding for quite a while, until i decided that it’s time to snap out of it, and i did.

began to thank Him, praise Him, and started to see amazing miracles happen.

sowed a seed 3 wks ago, and received a blessing yest that is beyond my wildest imagination.

Phil 4:19 is true.

whatever you sow, you shall surely reap, that is true too.

yet the wedding is also taking a toll in many areas.

challenges that we face in this whole process… and sometimes when i hear about others, i just wish that it will all be a little simpler and smoother.

but it’s ok. (: He allows me to go through becos He knows we can. and we will.

Today Sun tweeted.

“slowly but surely, inch by inch, prayer by prayer… u win! to you that’s out there, pls don’t give up!”

Thank u for the encouragement. We can do this. (:

inadequacy

one of the things that could possibly plague our lives and paralyse us the most, is the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy.

more often than not, the thoughts of  “can i do it”, “i don’t think I am good enough” floods our minds… and deters us from doing what God wants us to do.

But my Bible says,

Phil 4:13

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I will stand on that. (:

38 days to the BIG DAY!

the STRESS of getting married

i have to admit. i am stressed. with a capital S.

i never thought i will be this stressed, but of course i am still holding up and handling well.

no wonder they have this term called bride-zillas.

people asked me, what am i stressed with and why i am stressed.

i told them, actually to me, i really don’t need a perfect wedding.

a wedding is a one-day event, but marriage is for life.

yet in the midst of it all, there are still the struggles and challenges that you will go through.

how to communicate with people, how to work with people, how to get things done, how to plan things from scratch (like itinerary, places to visit and stay), how to reno a house (choose paint colors, furniture, cabinet colors, type of door, where u want your electrical points to be, what kinds of tiles u want for ur bathroom and kitchen and the list goes on)

now you know why I am stressed.

Stressed not because it affects my one-day wedding, but stressed because it affects my life after that.

my cousin said, the 2 most stressful things – wedding and house.

and i am in the midst of it both.

but i was very encouraged by Pst Phil’s word on Sun.

In everything and for everything, thank God.

I will. I figured that it is not going to be a smooth process (looking at how things are going), therefore I conclude, that no matter that comes my way, I am going to give thanks.

and that has already started to revolutionise my world.

I purposed that no matter what happens, i will not grumble or complain. I choose to give thanks.

Thank You Jesus for a great husband-to-be.

Thank You Jesus for great-in-laws and family.

Thank You Jesus for a house we can move into.

Thank You Jesus for provision every step of the way.

Thank You Jesus for the angels that are for us.

Thank You Jesus i found the right gowns and shoes.

Thank You Jesus for my beautiful photos.

Thank You Jesus for a great wedding venue and wedding date.

Thank You Jesus for great friends.

Thank You Jesus for nice bathroom tiles. (haha)

Thank You Jesus that my pastors can make it for the wedding.

Thank You Jesus for the many friends who are so willing to lend their helping hand.

I am blessed. and I thank YOU!!!!

Phil 4:6-7

Rom 8:28

SNEAK PEAK TO DA BIG DAY!

as i promised.

we supposed to reserve the best for the last… so this is just a sneak peek to some of the photos. hurhur.

SNEAK PEEK! VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

this made me smile

thank you my fren. (:

2 MONTHS AWAY!

WOOHOO~

i am officially 2 months away from May 15!!!!

As compared to a little depressed me a few days ago, I am now feeling much better, cheerful, thankful and really excited.

Yes there r many things waiting for me to do… yet God is so good.

In the midst of it all He brought us people, favours, finances, and I am believing, that all things work together for the good of those who love Him! (:

So now… i am down to confirming my wedding decoration, my caterer (food is very impt!) and I have already chosen my gowns!

I am one excited girl, because it is very exciting to put on THAT GOWN. u know u know!? Haha. I can’t wait to put up sneak peeeeekkkksssss so be patient!

Btw THE BIG DAY IS MAY 15 SO KEEP URSELF FREE!!!

OH before we go on to DA BIG DAY, we first must go through A NEW DAY!

hahahahhaa. We are going to suntec this weekend! YIPPIEEEEE!

and one more thing, i have been gaining weight after i entered phase 3…. SCREAMSSSSSSSSS. but its ok. i m praying, believing by faith, that SOMEHOW, i don’t know how, my body will listen to me, stop gaining weight, and start losing weight! AMEN.

2 more kg to go babe… YOU CAN DO IT!

Wedding preparations

People have been asking me… how are my preparations going???

After all, I am like counting down 2 months to DA BIG DAY!

Honestly, i cannot believe it. It’s a little too surreal. Haha.

That day, as I was praying for our big day, God gave me a verse.

Prov 16:9

A man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.

人心筹算他的道路，惟有耶和华指引他的脚步。

That brought me tremendous encouragement, knowing that as we plan our way, my Lord will direct our steps. Every step of the way.

Till may 15 and beyond.

I wish I can post up pretty pictures for you… but not yetttt. Hurhur.

Soonnnnnnn. (:

Oh btw, as of today, I have lost about 4.5 kg for my wedding.

I am thinking if it is enough. Obviously one can never lose enough. Haha.

Spot the difference.

my last valentine’s day as miss chiong

it was an extremely memorable valentine’s day.

for good and bad reasons.

兩人之間的感情是需要栽培的。

on a separate note, 大世界is really a pretty nice show!

on friendships, social networking and more.

something that keeps me connected to my friends is really social networking, especially when i cannot find the time to meet the whole world, and i love fb-ing at this time randomly, just to be updated with the world.

有時候，生活的步伐太快，快到你可能連自己都失去了。

somebody told me someone said this lately, people have changed.

sorry for the random statement, but as i think about it, i cannot help but feel how much people have changed around me.

perhaps i have too.

probably the sad thing is they have changed and moved on from your life, and our paths drift furthur and furthur away. i don’t know. are there friendships that can remain forever till eternity? i certainly hope so.

有哪一些是值得你去維持的友情。。。而又有哪一些，是不把你當一回事的朋友？又有哪些只用口說，卻毫無行動呢？

說了別人，也總要檢討自己。

i am sounding pessimistic tonight, much contrary to the normal self.

這幾天過得很快，很多事情接二連三的發生，我連喘氣的時間都沒有，處理自己情緒的時間也沒有，再加上做不完的事，又可能加上每一天的雨，讓我特別感慨人事已變。maybe it is becos of torres who requested to transfer out of liverpool. hahaha. of cos not.

On a happier note, God has given us amazing friends, leaders and people around me too. God, I am incredibly grateful for that, especially grateful for my lovely members, whom i know, many of which are willing even, to lay down their lives for me.

Thankful.

just a little teeny weeny

honestly, i did feel it. a teeny weeny sting in the heart.

sad that we were not really “friends”.

just a little.

relationships r harder to manoeuvre as  we grow.

and sometimes, it does affect u, just that little bit.

1月28日

每个月的28日是我最喜欢的一天。我总是对28情有独钟。

在这个月的28日，在那么多天的整理之下，我总算把房间清理完毕。

其实，我不知道是不是真的完毕，但还是有十足的成就感。

这次的大扫除是前所未有的大规模，因为是为搬家做准备。

我丢出的，给掉的，大概有20多袋东西吧。

哈哈。

很多人跟我说，我应该学习不要浪费。

或许吧。

夜晚的宁静

我很少有机会，在这种时候，坐在书桌前默默的思考，看着别人的文字，思考、反思、写博客。

通常都是精疲力尽的回到家，需要处理处理不完的事，我们的生命似乎充满着许多“噪音”。有时候真的需要静下来，好好的思考。

这两个星期，请了假，只因为我的房间已经乱到不行。我已经受不了了！！所以今天一口气就从早上9点一直清理到晚上6点。虽然还没完成我大扫除的工作，但看到那一包包的垃圾和被丢出来的东西，还是有种莫名的满足感。:)

真的很喜欢清理房间后的感觉。也真的很希望，搬到新家后，我能够把家里整理得井然有序。看到家里整齐的感觉，不会有很大的满足感吗？ :)

倒数106 天！

it is divine

Getting married is an awesome thing, because you really get to experience the supernatural grace of God.

God is really good to us, every step of the way. :)

We had an awesome shoot yesterday, and we are thankful for all the help rendered to us all this while.

Thank You Jesus.

Hectic New Year

This must have been one of the most hectic new years I have entered into.

I am swarmed with wedding preparations, and it is probably the biggest project one could ever undertake (or maybe not). There r many many decisions to make, big ones and small ones, and you have to decide everything. Gee.

For now, i am really feeling tired although i am only entering into the third week of the yr. I need the grace and wisdom of the Lord like never before. Honestly.

This yr is going to be a yr of preparation, whichever area it is in my life. :)

D-day construction Part 1

Today was D-day construction part 1. Big thanks to my MUA, PG, and Aaron, who did an awesome job shooting. :)

Meaningful photos and great team.

Wonderful weather.

CCK, Dover, Siglap and Langsat. :)

Thank you Jesus!

2010

Before I know it, 2010 has come to an end.

This year is really a year that I saw about the most number of changes in my life.

Needless to say, it was from getting attached to getting engaged, and in 4 months’ time, getting married.

This year is probably one of those years that I blogged the least, and spent the least time alone.

This year was also the year that I saw many changes in my CG, and by the grace of God, we have gone from glory to glory.

This year is the year that I went for missions to interpret, went onstage to interpret, and seeing myself growing in a great way in the area of my ministry.

This is also the year that I learnt to grow up – to handle finances, to do adult stuff more than ever before.

When I was praying this morning, I just can’t stop telling God how thankful I am to Him. For bringing the most important person into my life. For what He has done in my cg. For how He has taken me from faith to faith, glory to glory. For all the new-found frenships and old ones kept. For breakthroughs after breakthroughs. For His grace that helped me to grow and sustained me.

Thank You Jesus.

And here’s to a greater 2011. :)

CG appreciation 2010

Had our own mini CG thanksgiving, and it was one of the most beautiful CG meetings I have been to.

Kudos to Evelyn and Dong, we had such a great time of games! They did such a great job :) *clapsssss*

Next up, the presence of God was tangibly felt as we sang How awesome is this place, and my God reigns. It was a beautiful moment as I saw all my members lifting up their hands, just worshipping the Lord and declaring that "my God reigns". Yes Jesus you reign, in our lives, in CHC, in E357. And a big thank you to Chee Wee, who did such a great job every week on the guitar, contributing greatly to the atmosphere. :)

And thank you for evelyn, for sharing how God has touched and brought you through in every area of your life.

I honestly meant every word that I shared, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, for being so flexible, so willing, so persevering, so full of faith and so loving.

Thank you Eve, Chee Wee and Val! You guys had to put this up in a short period of time, and you did it :) Thank you for THANK YOU :)

Thank you for your generosity, for sowing into God's house, you guys are GIVING!

Thank you to Dong, for your passion for the lost, it nv fails to inspire me and touch my heart.

Thank you to Yifeng, for always availing yourself, taking such great initiative, to help out in every area possible.

Thank you to Chee Wee once again, who has done such a great job on the guitar, it makes my job as a songleader a breeze.

Thank you to Yuk, for loving God the way you do, and inspiring me with your simple love for God. (And a BIG thank you to Cally for your heart for people, and for helping Yuk becoming all that he is!)

Thank you to Alvin, for not giving up on God in spite of it all, you inspire me w your perseverance. And Kelvin, the other perseverance award goes to you, for persisting on this yr in every area of your life.

And to Eve, thank you so much for standing in the gap, God has great things in store for you.

And to everyone in E357, thank you for being here in 2010. I thank God for you, making mentions of u in my prayers.

Thank you to Dong, for rallying the people in a time to appreciate me, I was truly touched.

What a song you all chose, Do I make you proud.

Tears well up as I look into your faces, yes all of you make me very proud.

And though KT is funny as usual, but thank you for appreciating me :) Keep on keeping on.

And Eve, thank u for allowing me to be your leaders.

And Dong, that poem is beautiful! Maybe u shld consider E Lit after all. Can u pleaseeeeeee put up that poem here? Haha. I was so moved by that heartfelt poem. I love u dong! Thank you for being such an awesome member, for always being here, for being so teachable, you make the job of a leader so easy.

To Zhang Tingting!!!!! I miss you sooooooo much!!!! But i guess you will miss us much more!

Thank you gal for standing by me all these yrs. You saw my weaknesses as a leader, yet you stuck around, serving God and serving me, sharing my heart, fighting battles with me. You truly saw what many don't see, and my prayer for you always, (yes even when you r in China, I am still praying for you, out of sight, but definitely not out of mind) that you will fulfill God's destiny for your life, and become the person that God wants you to be. You have a great future ahead! And honestly, I can't wait for 7 Jan.

So thank you!

A special shout out to all from w497, thank you guys! It has not been easy going through the changes, but u guys hung around, stuck around, and I thank you for that! Thank you for allowing me to be your leader. Love u all *muacks*

I woke up in the middle of the night doing this at 3am becos I just want to pen down this beautiful memory.

What a great thanksgiving we had.

And Jesus, thank you for being the Lord of our lives. Thank you for knitting us tog as one, in one family, for giving us one another, that when we are tired and weary, we know someone is there to spur us around. We love you Jesus :)

So E357, thank you for fighting the good fight of faith, and let's end 2010 with a BIG bang! Souls saved this Christmas, disciples added, and a great zone thanksgiving awaits us!

LOVE YOU ALL!!

"Do I Make You Proud"

I've never been

The one to raise my hand

That was not me

And now that's who I am

Because of you

I am standing tall

My heart is full

Of endless gratitude

You were the one

The one to guide me through

Now I can see

And I believe

It's only just beginning

This is what we dream about

But the only question with me now

Is do I make you proud

Stronger than I've ever been now

Never been afraid of standing out

Do I make you proud

I guess I’ve learned

To question is to grow,

That you still have faith,

Is all I need to know,

I’ve learned to love,

Myself in spite of me,

And I’ve learned to

Walk on the road I believe.

Everybody needs to rise up

Everybody needs to be loved

To be loved

Everybody need to rise on

Everybody needs to be loved, to be loved

This is what we dream about

But the only question with me now

Is do I make you, do I make you proud

This is what we dream about

Never been afraid of standing out

Do I make you proud

Stronger than I've ever been

Never been afraid of standing out

Do I make you proud

Do I make you proud

Yes you do!

UP

the most amazing time we had at UP!

we are now going UP, to the next level.

thank God for the awesome committee, it was mind-blowing.

and i am so happy i met w God all over again.

it is a privilege to be a levite in this house.

love my pastors, leaders, and all the co-workers alongside me.

and love my God, who is bigger than anything in the world.

THANK U JESUS. :)

the kingdom mind

Jesus spent 3.5 years imparting to His disciples.

as i was reading the Word, i realised, He was just trying to teach them something, or rather, impart to them, the kingdom mind and the kingdom life.

He spent 3.5 years living life with them, and be a model of the kingdom life.

He spent 3.5 years teaching them, imparting the kingdom mind.

At the end of the day, it was so that they would catch His mind and live His life, and do what He has done, in a greater proportion.

God has called us, to change our thinking to be like His, to change our lives to be like His.

But many want their own mindsets and their own lifestyles (or the world’s) more than His.

Are you and I willing, for God to do that transformation work in us? To think like He wants us to think, and live like He wants us to live?

Christmas and love

Stepped out of suntec, with the streets still wet with rain, and seeing the red and white christmas deco reminds me of him.

It all started last xmas.

I still rem, xmas deco was up in suntec, n it was rainy all day long. It was the dark cherry mocha that warmed my heart in that cold "winter" in singapore.

It continued w late night phone calls, xmas gifts, n a date on xmas eve.

Christmas now has a evener bigger place in my heart.

<3
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

awake at 4.48am

i forgot to add. the reason why i am awake now, is because i spent the last 4 hrs packing my room.

just wanted a freshness in my room.

what Pst said is true. Our room does reflect the condition of our soul.

And I m getting my room cleaned up, in order.

Ps 84

God answered my cry today.

Not during the BS, not because someone spoke to me, not when i prayed, but just through the simple sharing of one, of how God reminded her of a verse. and it blessed me so much.

Ps 84:5-7

Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,
         Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.
 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
         They make it a spring;
         The rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
Each one appears before God in Zion.

I don’t know how to tell you, how much this verse actually speaks to me. but every part of these 3 verses speak right into my situation.

I m blessed.

My strength is in God.

My heart is set on pilgrimage, till i come to the place that He wants me to be.

The Valley of Baca is not a permanent place, it’s a place that we pass through.

When i pass through it, with my great attitude, i will make it a spring.

The rain of the Holy Spirit will overflow the valley of Baca with blessings.

I will go from strength to strength.

And I will appear before God in Zion, blameless.

When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

times and seasons

this season spells tough all over it, and from the bottom of my heart, i really feel that i dunno how to do this.

i dunno who to talk to.

i dunno what to do with it.

it’s just so difficult and sticky.

1 Cor 10:13

《浪淘沙·莫道谗言如浪深》

莫道谗言如浪深，莫言迁客似沙沉。

千淘万漉虽辛苦，吹尽狂沙始到金。

                                 

                                               - 刘禹锡

解释：

不要说流言蜚语如同凶恶的浪涛一样令人恐惧，也不要说被贬谪的人好像泥沙一样永远颓废沉迷。淘金要经过千遍万遍的过滤，要历尽千辛万苦，最终才能淘尽泥沙，得到闪闪发光的黄金。

约伯记23：10

“然而他知道我所行的路；他试炼我之後，我必如精金。 ”

Purposed in her heart

To always be contented with what God has given her

To always be thankful for the great life God has given to her

To always do the will of God in her life

To always love, in spite of

To discipline herself in every single area

To be faithful over what God has given to her

To always trust in Him, that everything is gonna be alright

She purposed in her heart

To be a woman aft His own heart
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

不照我的意思，照你的意思成就

最近，倍感壓力。

不僅僅是外在的，更多的，或許是內在的許多掙扎。

開始辨別出來，這是一個極大的考驗。

起碼，我的感覺是如此。

腦海裡一直浮現一些畫面和言語。

God said of David, he is a man after My own heart, and do all My will.

我反复思索，有多少人真的可以成為凡事都遵行祂旨意的人啊？

記得陳牧師曾說過，我們會在“忠心”這方面受到試探。

我們會有這樣的誘惑，不要再忠心下去了。

你會想要走別人的路，而不是自己該走的路。

你會想要做別人所做的事，而不是自己該做的事。

你會想要擁有他人的事工，而不是忠心的守住你的事工。

你會想要擁有他人的生命，而不好好活出自己的生命。

問題：如果別人的事工看似比你的成功，別人的生命看似比你的幸福，別人的領袖看似比你的優秀，別人的家庭看似比你的快樂，你是否還能忠心的做你該做的事？

而我的領悟？

我們都有一條自己該走的路。

His life is never mine, neither is my life his.

有多時候，我們會很想要做比較。

But there is really no basis for comparision.

神賜給你我的命定，不是讓你有多成功或了不起，其實只是，單單跟隨祂，活出祂的旨意。

我的祈求：

Job 23:10

“When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold. ”

“然而他知道我所行的路；他试炼我之後，我必如精金。 ”

我希望這是我生命的故事。

train is coming jingle

contrary to most people, i really think this jingle is super amusing.

and it gives me a good mood, cos it feels like x’mas is coming, haha, don’t you think so?

i am absolutely tickled by it. hurhur.

cheap thrill.

inspiration

i never truly understood the meaning of inspiration, until i met this couple, who laid down everything for the vision of God in their lives, then i understood true inspiration.

they truly inspire.

just like many around me have inspired me, in every single area.

and there came a secret desire, that i can live my life as an inspiration.

it is a burden in my heart.

the same DNA i caught, the same values i have, the spirit of sacrifice we carry, will be passed on, from this one, to the next, to the next and to the next generation.

it does affect me when people do not understand sacrifice.

because one of the essence of Christianity, is sacrifice. That is John 3:16.

it does affect me when people do not understand delayed gratification.

when they want something or someone, but they are not willing to wait for the right time.

when I saw the verse Acts 13:22, David did ALL of My will.

say “ALL” and all means, ALL.

how many of us, would one day be able to say, I have done everything God wants me to do.

My prayer, is that you, you and you, will walk worthy of the calling that God has given to you.

My prayer is, that my life can truly be an inspiration, that when u see how God has blessed me because I was willing to sacrifice, I was willing to lay down, I was willing to put aside my “wants”', as long as it is not in the will of God, God has blessed me 100 fold and beyond, and granted me the desires of my heart.

to walk worthy, of your calling. 

090910

and… I said “yes”.

made in CHC

that day a friend text me n told me, someone asked her, what did CHC teach you?

she asked me, if it were you, how would you reply?

this was my reply.

CHC taught me… everything.

From being a student, to being a teacher

From being a disciple, to being a discipler

From being a child, to being a parent

From being a girl, to being a woman

From being a single, to being a girlfriend and one day, to being a wife.

What I am today, my values, my attitudes, my perspective, my lifetyle, is imparted to me in this special place.

my friend put it aptly – made in CHC.

judge me if u like, but i m a product of CHC.

“You can leave a church, an organisation, a pastor, a leader, but you never leave a family.” – Ed Silvoso

this is my family.

my quiet monday

monday is such a pleasant day. haha.

no agenda, no deadlines.

just chilling time.

it was a slow monday…

eating at bugis, buying a pair of new shoes, and searching out books in the library.

after that, desserts with my baby! and home sweet home… haha.

i wanted to post abt dinner last night with dear dear’s family… it was his dad’s birthday.

had a great time, and his family is awesome. haha.

loving life.

enjoying all, in spite of :)

this week

題目越來越沒有創意。因為不知道要用什麼字眼，來形容此時此刻的心情。

神學院結束後，應該能松一口氣，but life, does not seem to allow you to do that.

我有點累了。這場仗，好像在不斷的延長，that makes me feel like, 我不想幹了。

但是，放棄，從來都不在我們的字典裡，不是嗎？

今早，送走一個很要好的朋友兼戰友，很驚訝，自己在機場的時候，淚情不自禁的流。

除了思念之情之外，也發現，因為身邊少了一個可以傾訴，可以並肩作戰的對象。

記得昨天看到一句話，是米雪說的，一個人，我依然會微笑。

記得去年，當祂對我說話時，我如何回應祂。最近又想起我們那段談話。

感覺。這是生命裡的新篇章，但不管怎麼樣，不管排山倒海，不管前面道路有多困苦，我們都要，一直不停的走下去。

ttz, you r missed. really.

but i will keep on fighting, keep on running, keep on keeping on.