blogging.

it's been quite a long time it seems that i m blogging. although on n off i will still put up posts. well that is a good sign. it shows that i m busy. when i m busy n tired, i really will not have the time to sit here n blog.

running out of things to say here. haah. but jus feel that recently life has been really great. many pple like to ask me, how's life? and being the xiaoting i m, who insists on being positive, i feel compelled to say it's great! which is true.. to some extents. haaah. but now if u were to ask me.. i will tell u.. life is truly great and i m loving every moment of it.

yest was toking to a fren in sch.. and she commented on how positive i was. thank God for that positive attitude. but well i guess to me, whatever i have to do, i jus have to choose to be positive or negative. and sometimes things really dun go my way.. but the fact is no matter what it is i m doing, i want to love every moment of it. one of the things i detest is to force myself to do the things i dun wan n dislike to do. i m very loyal to xiaoting. haaah. but i m truly enjoying every moment of my life.an d life with my daddy God is jus different. He holds up my world. plan my routes. light up my path. so i love you daddy God.

my GREAT BIG DADDY GOD.

what u see on the outside

alot of things happen tdy that just made me think. i was jus thinking abt how many times i always believe what things look on the outside. n in some sense, i feel that i m acty quite naive really. i told somebody before that i m really a pretty naive person. i have been in the kingdom. it's different.

there were many pple that i trusted. thot they were nice pple. but they really turn out otherwise. ying in case u r reading this, i m not jus toking bout *. and that is y i noe i really cant trust pple 100%. and tdy my eyes jus opened one more time.

i noe when i saw u, u look more perfect than what u really r. n i noe that somewhere in my heart Daddy did warn me to look beyond the surface. and i did slow things down n look carefully. with eyes in the spirit. n i saw much more. saw how u were imperfect n u were jus hu-man. but tdy i saw it all. beyond my wildest imagination, it seems as if i saw who u really r underneath that person i noe. i m not disappointed. cos i din really expect that much. but wad i read tdy, is really so far from wad i expected my fren.

and to some extent. although i say i m not, i m disappointed. i was inspired by ur dreams, ambitions and how u dare to live ur life to the fullest. n i thot u may have been able to teach me alot. but i realise there is only so much more.

i will learn.. one more time.. the hard way. not to trust pple the usual way. yes i noe Lord.

GREAT BIG DADDY GOD

Dear God, You know I want to be
A princess on a pony
Tarzan on a tree
Dear God, You know I want to have
Funky toys and Chunky shoes

Dear God, You know I want to be
The top in my class
To be a great big star
Dear God, but most of all
I want to be with You!

You're my great big daddy God
I want to sit on your shoulders
See the whole wide world
Sing and whistle down the road
Dance in your footsteps

Sing all the way home

黄城

只为那爱 我愿与你通行万里路
只为那爱 我愿与你携手向前迈步
黄城两载多短促 就算爱上了又为何不付出

i hope i got it right.

我好高兴我星期六决定要回黄城多一次。相信在我的生命里，黄城真的扮演一个重要的角色。

我一从车上下来时，就感到一股莫名的兴奋。
熟悉的楼梯 老师 朋友 人。
熟悉的食堂，central plaza, class bench.
我希望你不会厌烦
因为我会一直一直的重复 我爱华初

不知道要怎么说
但是感觉就是熟悉
开心 高兴
对黄城
终究有这么一个感觉

看到一个学长谈华初
才发现在不同人的生活里
都藏着我们对华初的一份感情 思念

i love u hwa chong. u gave me one of the most beautiful memories in my life.

i m proud to be a hwachongian.

失去了才懂得珍惜
人是否真的要失去了
才会懂得如何去珍惜

我是否在不停的被磨练
因为有时候
我真的会感觉
我或许可能真的会撑不下去
所以我真的觉得我非常需要你

当全世界 丢下了我 只剩下我一个人
你会在这里吗？

强颜欢笑
忍住泪水
多次转头让眼泪不准掉下
始终
按捺不住
在你走进去
不肯回头的那一刻
眼泪在不由自主的情况下
不听使唤
频频掉下

我并没有你认为的坚强
讨厌在陌生人面前掉泪
我讨厌在别人面前看起来脆弱
但是谁又知道
我真的并没有那么坚强

somebody told me. u r such a brave n strong girl.
i m not. really.

God i m so helpless about so many things. so many things r tugging at my heart. i noe becos u r ard, everything is going to be ok. but God, sometimes it is painful. sometimes i feel like i will bow under the pressure. sometimes i really dunno wad to do.

will u please promise me.. that no matter what happens, u will nv leave me? promise me.. that when my world threatens to crash.. u will hold it up for me wun you?

sad

daddy's leaving tml. i was actually quite ok abt it. after i prayed bout it. i knew it was a change, n in some sense for the good. but suddenly it jus hit me that i wun see my dad day in n day out. n i jus wan to say. dad i m really going to miss u. really.

till this point suddenly i jus felt like i really love my dad alot. yah he is imperfect but i noe he loves me lots. n i m gonna miss him big time. he is my joy, he constantly frustrates me.. but yet he brings joy to my life. his humour brightens me up really. 6 mths is a long time.

thank u for being a wonderful dad.

i m gonna miss u sitting there every morning, or making silly comments to wad i say. going to miss ur nagging i think. going to miss a home that i can come back to where i noe i can be who i m. where i can jus be myself. daddy i m really going to miss u. big time. love u lots.

did i tell u..

that day i was talking to a friend of mine. and we discovered that she had a pattern of liking, or shld i say xishang guys who r generally xi1 wen2. sorry i m too lz to type in chinese.

den i realise sth. i appreciate guys with shen1 du4 and depth! yah i noe i said that before somewhere in my blog. but i realise sth bout it, is that i really like pple (guys n girls alike) who have depth, who think alot, and reflect. that is what our brain for isn't it? and i m a really philosophical person la. so in everything i think.. i will jus pull it so far it becomes like philosophy. that is wad i mean in history class. haah. toking abt democracy n in the end i voiced it so far that i toked abt human beings. that basically human beings r good n bad at the same time. n becos we r imperfect. that will be no perfect system ever in the universe. becos we create the system man. sounds like deep stuff right, yah that is wad i always think DEEP within me pple. i dun always voice it out. cos pple generally dun get it and dun understand n few resonates with me in this area.

toking abt this. maybe i shall jus blog abit more. many times i have many thots but i dun voice it out. cos i think many will fail to understand, in the very first place, not many r interested to listen. abt all these silly and deep thoughts n reflections xiaoting has of the universe and of humans in nature. now u who r reading this mus think i m out of my mind. xiaoting.. y is the black hole in ur brain so big that u get sucked in so deep? so much so that u ponder abt life n humans!

i also dunno y.God created me this way! but i now i prefer to walk the walk, n not jus tok the tok.

i still appreciate guys who think, who r not himbotic, who write well.

i promise i will blog, pray, read my bible and sleep. i feel exhausted.

it is not that i din sleep enough. but my nose is really getting on me. i thot it may jus be sinus again, but apparently it's such a bad runny nose.

n i have a packed packed week ahead of me!! quizzes and quizzes.. and jus finished a 2400 word chinese essay. plus daddy leaving for china. *sobz*

we have already planned to go visit him next yr january. den i can go shopping at shen zhen n HK! yay! and i told my dad to sponsor me if i get straight 'a's. so gambetha xiao ting.

this sounds like such a bimbotic post. haah. and so unlike me. tdy i was reading long ying tai's book. and i loved it.

对她的感觉，真的是又爱又恨。爱的是她那锐利的眼光，恨的却是她有时候毫不留情批评的，可能是我，或是我处在的这一片地。但是，我还是非常欣赏她的文章。没有几个台湾认真的能写出像她这样的作品。

i believe. as long as i can walk thru the valley, there is sth greater in store for me.

我不会放弃的。我害怕放弃，害怕停滞不前。所以放弃这个字眼已不再出现。现在，最重要的是，大步大步的往前走。不要害怕。

keep me in your arms always. help me to never stop loving you. let my heart never grow cold. i will not forget you when i grow up.

a heart after you

yest i was listening to pst kong's msg, heart of worship. this morning i was praying.

when i was in the toilet bathing, running my head under the water, God asked me.

do u noe what is it that makes Pst Kong so successful as a pst? do u noe y he is there tdy he is?

den God told me.

ting cos he is broken n dependent. as "big" as he is as a senior pastor, ting he knows everything he has come from Me. he knows that he cannot live without me.

then God said.

ting he loves Me more than his church, his ministry, his wife, his family.

ting what abt u?

jus now i was jus looking thru the bs i m supposed to give. it talks abt the jerusalem church.

there was once upon a time that i was so amazed by what was going on in acts.

yes we r doing great things.

but there is so much more.

God i yearn to know u more. to long for u more than anything else in this world. to say

whom have i in heaven but u. there is none i desire besides you.

and i was looking at somebody's blog. and God. i wish

all my members will live a godly life. they will be spiritual, they will hunger after you. they only wan u in their life.

they will be pure, they will be holy. they will not lead a double life. they will not curse and swear, they will not lie, they will not make sin a lifestyle. they will be a light that shines in church, and even more in their schools.

God i wish they will be teachable. they will be willing to be discipled. God i wish they will want to progress with you, they will want to move on in you.

God i pray they will not be self-centred. God i pray all that they think abt will not just be themselves and themselves and themselves. God i pray that they will love you more than they love themselves.

God i pray they will love you and they will love people. they will have a passion for people jus like Jesus has. they will reach out. they will make evangelism a lifestyle.

God i pray they nv will think they r the centre of the universe.

God i pray they will LAY DOWN THEIR LIVES FOR YOU.

God i pray they will know how to honour their leaders, pastors and they will run with the vision of the church, every single day.

God i pray they will love the word of God. they will not be bored in messages, they will not fool around in church, they will treat the word of God seriously, take them notes and receive the word of God.

God i pray they will be faithful and fruitful. they will not be stubborn n refuse to change.

God i pray they will be kingdom-minded. they will not be distracted by the things of this world, by BGR, by playing computer games, by fun, but their eyes will be set upon you.

God i pray above all else, they will love You. with all of their heart, all of their soul, and all of their mind. I pray they will love You more than anything else in this world. they will desire you. God they will not wan anything else. God they will hunger and thirst for your presence.

God i pray. change us. all of us. bring us back to that first love. take us into the book of acts i pray i pray i pray.

God open all of our eyes. that we will not be blinded. but God we will look inside and say yes i need to change. and we will look outside and say yes the world needs us.

many times i will come to a place, in which that i feel that a lot of discussion is pointless. that is sth i dislike sometimes in sch. i understand that discussion is necessary. but i hate going on n on about the same topic yet all that we do is talk! what is the point of discussing a problem yet not doing sth about it.. hoping that by raising the problem, the government will be aware, somebody will be aware and do sth abt it? that is the job of an intellectual isn't it? to raise problems.

xq once told me oprah winfrey is a nice show. n i cant agree more. know what? i love pple like that more than the voices in the society. chan eng once told me that the pple knew that the US gov din do a good job in Katrina, and many protested. that is a good thing, becos u keep the government in check. but u noe what i like better? i like people like oprah winfrey. that she raises money, asked the pple to give, and she rebuilt the homes of the pple who lost their homes in Katrina. i appreciate pple who dun jus talk the talk, but walk the walk. that she will not talk about what is happening.. but she actually goes there and acts it out.

there r many voices in the society, really. everybody has a view abt everything, from the students to the taxi drivers to the working pple to the auntys and uncles at the market. but how many in the society really go out there and try to change our world? i jus wish, instead of doing a lot of talking, we will go out there, working within our constraints, and change our world.

yes make a difference.

walk the walk, not jus talk the talk.

intelligence

when i was younger, i din think much of myself. many relatives will praise me for being a good girl, and for being a good student. but i will jus smile. i m someone who always expects a lot from myself, and i m very hard on myself. perhaps cos my mum was very hard on me.

when i got my psle results, everybody was pretty amazed. but i thot i could do better.

when i got my o level results, i also thot i could do better.

when i got my a level results, i also thot i could do better.

lame right, but ya. i have nv been satisfied.

a lot of pple told me that "xiaoting u r a very smart girl!" -- no la that only came from kevin. haah. but a lot of pple think and said that i was smart. or shld i say intelligent.

but how do u define intelligence? and frankly speaking, what is being smart?

does it mean that u can get really good grades, that means u r smart?

does it mean u speak very well, that means u r smart?

what determines u to be smart or not? and what makes u noe if i m smart or not?

yest somebody asked chan eng. r u smarter or xiaoting smarter?

den chan eng said xiao ting. haah. but what is the basis of comparison? i really wan to noe.

when i m studying chinese, i dun really feel smart, seriously speaking. n i dun think i m very street smart either.

so xiaoting, what r u? haah

*i m not trying to boast that i m smart or intelligent. but jus wondering. r u smart?

being emo

it's weird that i m feeling a little emo right now. but i realise that i usually feel that on sat nights.

there was jus this realisation tdy in church. many times when i go thru problems, trials, obstacles and challenges, sometimes i will ask myself, the reason behind me doing all these things. many who noe me wonder y i gave up so many things for this. many think it is a pity. many, when they noe, r filled with bewilderment. it seems few understand.. y i lay down my life for Him.

i remembered i used to blog abt this incident. when my ex classmates wanted to go genting, they asked me. and when i knew it was on a weekend. i said no. becos i simply did not wan to miss church. and lim yang said. jus for this ah. den i said ya. and there r many things i have given up for God. and tdy..

when we started the service, and i was standing there singing n worshipping God, i felt like yes. this is wad i m living for. when the presence of God hits me, i jus like.. yah God. everything. really everything. i will not exchange anything in this world for this.

i love u lord.

i will not forget the times i promised i will lay down my life for u.

i will nv forget how i stood at the window and said, if this world is to give up on u, i will nv give up on u.

i will nv forget how every time things go wrong, whenever i m devastated, lost, hurt, disappointed, wounded, u will lovingly take me in ur arms and say, ting everything's gonna be ok. becos i m around.

it's you
you who have won my heart
taken me into your arms
comforted me like a friend
your love
surrounded me from the start
i nv want to be apart
from u ever again

pple with depth, talents and character.

u noe wad?

i m always appreciative of pple who has depth, meaning 深度，talents and character. especially guys who r like that.

we need to! raise up men like that. with depth, mature in their thinking, responsible, disciplined, talented yet with great character.

God pls move.

the 300th entry.

this is not directed towards anybody but jus thoughts about how this world has become.

jus felt that what the Bible said is so true.

2Timothy 3:1
"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! "

somehow in my heart i felt that this is the case in this world, especially in our generation and the generations below me. many have lost the spirit to serve, the spirit to give. love is benefiting others at the expense of yourself. i dunno if i m being over critical or what. but somehow i m so overwhelmed. by the fact that so many jus place themselves as the centre of their lives. one of the things i dislike to hear is ..

"but i jus dun wan to.."
"i dun feel like.."
"can i dun do this.."
"huh.."

i really pray from the bottom of my heart. there will a new generation who will rise up. pple who will lay down their lives for God. pple who will not live for their own desires. pple who will not jus wan to do things their way. many times pple say n think. but i want to do this.. i wan to do that. my question for u is. what does God wan u to do?

i remember since young, i have learned. of living out the will of God for my life. in everything i do, i will ask God. is this what u wan me to do? but i feel like the entire paradigm has changed. instead of asking God, christians now turn to themselves. what do i wan? and it is I, I, I, I, me, me, me and myself. pple dun serve God the Father, Jesus the son, and the Holy Spirit. they serve I, me and myself.

christians who r reading this. my members who r reading this. my frens who r reading this. u noe i seldom say such things on my blog. but there is a burden i m carrying right now in my spirit. and i have got to say.

i beseech you brethren. if u r living only for urself right now, if u r always living for ur own priorities, for ur own life and pleasures, stop this moment to think. love is benefitting others at the expense of urself. i beseech you! stop living for urself. start living for God. ask God what He wants u to do. i really believe, that God is burdened, at seeing a new generation who lives for themselves. Bible said, David served God's purpose in his generation.

Will u serve God's purpose for ur generation?
Will u run with the vision of the church?
Will u live for, not urself, but for the vision God has placed in u, in ur cg, in city harvest or where u r?

frens stop looking inward. stop looking inside and say "I want this, I want that". start looking up to Him and say "what do u wan Lord?"..

let's be pleasers of God.

reflections

tdy saw sth a guy did n i felt so touched. he has learned to love, and he has learned to protect and to stand up for. and i have been amazed. and this is wad i think is manhood.

man who stands up when necessary. not to fight, but to protect.

man who will love n commit.

man who will be there to offer a shoulder or a listening ear.

that sisters do not have to take their place.

God raise up real men in our midst.

living to be near You Lord
I long to seek Your face
Lord forever You're my secret place

sun looks so good!!!

check out these pics. i think she looks incredible. especially the first one. i dunno if i m supposed to put it on. but i cant resist it. she looks amazing.

He gave me my answer

i was thinking, troubled over that entire problem. i was telling God i dun have the capacity to handle it.

but God works thru amazing ways. I was jus watching get rea! on channel newsasia and God gave me my answer.

the show was talking about this girl's home and how the founder is acty a pastor and he helps them in totally unconventional ways. i will not say i exactly agree with it, but i agree with love.

yes i agree with love.

i saw how he faced the struggles he does, how many times more difficult it is acty being a pst to these pple, how he loved them unconditionally.

this is wad i m called for.

beyond growth, multiplication, i m called to make disciples, to love them, to see them one day impacting their worlds for God. yes this is wad i m called to do, isn't it?

random thoughts.

this is what happens to u when u stay at home for looong hours. u start thinking a lot of nonsense. haah.

有时候感觉我的世界不停的威胁着我
它誓言要垮下
许多时候
如果剩下的 影响的 是自己
或许我会无所谓
但是我身上背负的
却是更多更多
这些更多更多
让我一定要向前走
让我不能停滞不前

我不知道
为什么我这么喜欢在原地踏步
我已经那么习惯现在的生活
但是习惯是一件很怕人的事情
当我看到那座山
我真的好害怕
我好想转过身来
往后逃啊逃
我真的不想去面对
真的

但是。。
我却没有选择。
当初做的决定
让我如今没有选择
一定要往前走
一定要

when my world threatens to crash, will u promise to hold it up for me?

sick.

it's been a long time since i fell sick. n i feel really terrible. my stomach has been hurting for 2 whole days! n vomiting n diarhorea. and eating very little for almost 2 days! will i slim down? haah.

awfully tired.

it seems quite silly to post sth n say that i m awfully tired. which i m. n i m probably not gg to get enough sleep in a really long time. haah. God help me!

tdy i had a revelation of something. anyway i felt in my heart that me as a person, i got to move on to the next level. spiritually, mentally etc. in my leadership, in my studies and many other areas of my life.

it has been tiring going to sch and doing many other things at the same time, but at the minimum, my life is slowly getting into the order i wan it to be in. this is how i wan it to be. but i wan to live at a higher level. i like a fulfilling life.

to be lagging, jus wannna update a bit. i m falling in love with the show. my name is kim san jung. it is sooooo cool. no kidding. the show is like so fantastic. but jus that i can only watch it next wk. cos i got tons of things to do now till next wk.

computer is lagging. so i shall blog another time.

many many thoughts

the same thing is happening to me again. overwhelming thots flooding my mind. wad happen tdy really caused me to think.

first things first. thank u Jesus. tdy's service was amazing n fantastix. yepp. i did feel healed. though it was really weird sitting with the new frens yet crying my heart out, but i still did. no one family is perfect isn't it? God showed me a revelation to wad i should do. n wad i m holding on to.

i dun always fancy putting this up here. but many times, i will ask the pple ard me. m i a good leader? not that xiaoting is slipping into self condemnation or self doubt la. but i have wondered if i have caused anybody to stumble.

and it jus tells me i m not perfect. n i really m not. there r so many times i feel so inadequate. being a leader, i jus need to learn to be a better one always. n God, i jus feel i have so many lives in my hands. sometimes i m afraid. sometimes i m helpless n i dunno wad to do.

show me how to live
teach me how to pray
let all i think n say please u Lord

show me how to live
teach me in ur ways
that i may walk with You all my days

help me be the best ldr i can be. God i m not perfect. u make up for my inadequacies Lord. thank u.

was jus reading a primary sch fren blog. wad amazes me was how both of us can be of the same age, came from the same sch, yet lead such different lives. she is now on nepal, and she has a bf from nepal.

sometimes i wonder has it been right to take this route.. this route commonly taken.. this route that is safely tested. and as i grow older, i m really seriously thinking. ting, what do u wan to do in the future?

for a really long time, things have been smooth sailing. so different compared to the life i had when i was younger. but it was those days that mould me to be who i m tdy. that kind of strength i have.

i dun wan to live my life as the average university student anymore. i need to jump out of it. live another life. fulfill my potential.

jus another random thing. i was jus telling my fren. i feel like i m living in a bubble. 与世隔绝。

jus feel like blogging

here to blog some stuff after so long.

God is good, really good. (: I love u Lord.

good things have been happening. sept blast has been good, studies has been good. i m so happy.

had a great time fellowshipping with my members tdy. it felt different. n good. yest i was jus thinking bout my childhood. and was telling them the silly things that happen. it is great to be a kid isn't it? but yet it is also wonderful to be growing up.

hereby..

i wanna congratulate kevin! (my EX boss..haah. cos he is going to be promoted.) congrats and congrats!

n to all who worked really hard for sept blast!.. it is great to be part of the same team as u.

n to my cg.. i love u. (:

hey i m really studying. so far so good. using my brains u noe. haah.

changed

for these couple of days, i felt like God was doing a brand new work within me. i dunno how it happened, but i felt sth was different. and it feels amazing.

太远了
似乎走得太远了

thank You Lord for the great things that u have done n r going to do. yesterday today n forever.

沟通

不是我不想说
是因为你不想听

不是我不想听
是因为你要的不是一个听众
你要的是把自己的想法强加在别人身上

不是我不想沟通
是因为你不想听我说
我也并不想听你说

如果无法站在别人的立场而一味地坚持自己的想法

这不是沟通

不要怪他
我愿听他说
是因为他先愿意听我说

对于对我的一切有兴趣的人 我才愿意把心打开

the much awaited photos

these r the much awaited pics with my boss, kevin on the last day of work. (:

acting cute. :P

all of them look almost the same! i know! that shows our lack of creativity and experience of front of THE camera. haah.

最近少了言语，多了画面。其实好想利用图画把心情描写出来，但是，应该做不到吧。

脑中现在思考的正是蓝老师昨天说的东西。媒体摆出来的东西，只有靠我们去考证，不停的考证，我们才会越来越靠近真相。

心里不知对老师这样的一个看法是赞成还是反对。但是，突然这么发觉，我们心里好像都有个指南针。有时候指南针好像坏掉了，但是却有时候，它能够准确地告诉我们真实的方向。

这世界是黑暗的，可是你的世界可以是光明的。

人与生俱来就有那种潜能，那种不管发生什么，还是能够勇敢面对的潜能。所以认为你不可以，而要逃避根本就是看不清自己。人有很大的潜能，干尽十恶不赦的事，却也有那个能力，去创造自己想要的生活。

我需要那一点时间与空间，去创造属于晓亭的天地。

奇怪的是，每次一blog，总会在还没“发泄”完后，就想停笔。勉强是没有幸福的。

脑袋突然空白。好像是最近常有的事。真的。现在就是。

有太多的感受，情绪。有太少的文字，言语。

isa 54

1 "Sing, O barren, You who have not borne! Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, You who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate Than the children of the married woman," says the Lord.
2 "Enlarge the place of your tent, And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; Lengthen your cords, And strengthen your stakes.
3 For you shall expand to the right and to the left, And your descendants will inherit the nations, And make the desolate cities inhabited.
4 "Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
5 For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.

a dream

有时候我感觉自己活在梦里。但是现实却又是这么的真实。我不要睡醒，不要梦醒。我喜欢道明寺。

living with you is jus like living a dream. sometimes it seems so unreal. so unreal that in this world u put me in, dreams can come true.

everytime i see how u make things happen, i know this is more than a dream. it is a dream come true. u r everything i wish for and more. thank you.

dr bernard said.

order brings freedom.

Jesus wants to restore order into ur life so that u can maximise your potential and be the person he wants u to be.

let there be divine order in my life.

there is a need to talk

for some reason, right now within me, there is such a big need to talk to somebody. but also for some reason, whatever i m feeling right now is beyond words.

i told chan eng i have changed. the xiaoting in the past used to be able to talk nonstop kind of thing. that is y lim yang said, to him, i m always noisy n he can nv imagine my voice as sweet. *laughs* i still do that occasionally. rattling on n on. but more than ever before, there is silence in my life. i can't match my feelings to any word in my vocabulary. it's like there is so much within me, n i jus dunno wad to say.

i love talking. especially when i get to communicate quality stuff to people. it thrills me to have "intelluctual conversations" always. conversations with depth. i need to fulfil the need within me to link n connect to pple, with skin on.

exhausted

i m amazed by people who can last after studying for long hours, because right now, i m feeling really exhausted. but happy. (: it feels good to study hard, to use ur brains, n to know that i m alive and thinking.

this is wad living for God is all abt. this sem i made a resolution to mug. n i m really sticking to it. yeah man xiao ting. u r doing a great job! jia you jia you.

i wanted to type this yest. one of the greatest people i can ever know is somebody who has great confidence in himself, yet is extremely humble. i wan to be like that. confident yet humble.

show me how to live
teach me how to pray
let all i think and say please you Lord

show me how to live
teach me in your ways
that i may walk with You all my days

i think it is time to change my blog skin. cos it is really quite small. esp after i put in my photos. is there anybody who will volunteer to do it for me? haha.

i so want to write some stuff. but i m too lz. anyway, i jus wan to say this. i m going to mug.
MUG MUG MUG
i so want to do well this sem.

anyway, this is wad i did for israel. i miss israel. n i so want to try out the adding image thing here.

tired of mediocrity

God i m tired of mediocrity. i m tired of jus doing enough to get past. i m tired of jus fulfilling my duty.

God i wan to move on. weijian thanx for that word. u dunno how many pple that spoke to.

ailing i jus got to put this in my blog too. dun mind me "copying" it over.


Excerpts from Accept No Mediocre Life by David Foster:

"Procrastination feeds on the "someday" mentality. ... Someday I'll get serious about making my life count. Someday I'll take my life in God seriously. Someday prayer will become priority, and people will know I'm a force to be reckoned with... Someday I'll step up. Someday I'll be strong. Someday I'll slay those demons. Someday I'll stop saying, "Someday," and start saying, "Today," When you don't want to do something, any excuse will do."

"I remember one of my ethics professor asking, "How do you cook a frog?" Students looked at each other for answers. The teacher said, "To cook a frog alive, you place him in a pot of water at his favourite temperature. Start turning up the heat in small increments. The frog will sit still, adjusting to the rising temperature. Because of his ability to adapt to the hot water, he will be boiled alive before he thinks about jumping out" The application of this story was that we are just like that frog; we will adapt to the climate around us unless we resist. The mass of humanity tends to settle in the middle where mediocrity breeds best. Commitment cools. Vision leaks. Excellence tends to entropy, and energy defuses."

God, let me not be a person who waits for someday.
let today be the day. D-day. The day to run my vision. The day to see my vision come to pass. Let me stop procrastinating. stop waiting. ting jump up n run. NOW.

manulife financial.

let me do this right. i m not supposed to be here now. cos i got 830 lecture tml. n i m supposed to be in bed. but i m so afraid i will lose my inspiration. so here it goes. (this is gonna be a long post. so bear with me if u can)

hi, can i speak to XXX please?

hi XXX! this is xiaoting calling from manulife financial. is it convenient to speak to u at the moment?

it has been like this for the past 2 months and it has become such a part of me. so much so that sometimes when i m home, i will want to press one more 9, and introduce myself as xiao ting from manulife. which is wad i did today to the new fren i called. well done. haaa.

today is my last day of work.i really nv dreamt that i will work in this place, and much more to actually grow so attached to my job and to the pple there. i remembered. ever since i finished my 'a's, i turned down almost every single job that came my way, while my frens worked like mad in that 8 mths. some taught, some did sales, some did admin, i slacked. no la i din. i went overseas. i worked in chec. and this is officially the 2nd job i have. n i m grateful to God for it.

in these 2 mths, i have learnt a lot. brain knowledge. more abt insurance. to come to a greater understanding how it works. and to know it is not a cheating business. and to realise there is SO many insurance agents ard me. but i also learnt. alot of pple skills. alot of knowing how to achieve what u wan. and i think one of the greatest things i saw was how everything i leant n know in church was really applied there. maybe not everything. but a lot of things.

my eyes literally opened to the world i have nv known. probably God is preparing me to be a daniel. n i feel like i have been kinda ignorant. n suddenly there is a need. big need to know more n to see more. i feel like all my life wad i have learnt is so limited and restricted. that i nd to step out into different areas n venture. and know.

to my boss:

kevin, i m really really grateful. u have been a great inspiration to me really.wan u to know tht u r not jus an employer and a boss, but also a mentor of some sort and a tcher in many ways. u taught me many things! n i may not have the same conviction and values as u in many things, but u have still taught me alot. abt insurance, abt business, abt life. it has been great knowing u. as a boss and as a fren.

to God:

thank u dad for allowing me to indulge. to learn. to broaden my knowledge. to satisfy me. i m truly satisfied with this experience. thank u for opening my eyes to see ur world. the good the bad and the ugly. thank u for ur love and ur faithfulness. thank u for creating this world in its beauty and for making man in this way. becos i truly m amazed by ur creation.

i wish i m going back to work tml. wearing my nice heels. putting on nice make up. waiting a long long time for the bus to come. calling some people. trying to persevere. self entertain. look forward to my boss coming back to entertain me. observing the people and appreciating their humour. wondering how these people made it up there. wondering how successful they r. sometimes wondering will i be one of them one day. going downstairs and playing with the machines. trying to get the nicest balls and key chains. looking at the charts and wonder how u can get up there. writing silly notes before i go. making silly mistakes. leaving sometimes satisfied. sometimes down. sometimes on the brink of giving up. sometimes thrilled. sometimes hyper. jus like tdy.

i thot i will be sad. but i left in great spirits. smiling. with a cheerful heart. i hoped i have left sth behind. i dunno. maybe i will be there one day? nth is so absolute isn't it?

but this chapter of my life is officially closed. tml is the first day of my second year.
ting let's run for it!

happy 17th anniversary!

see i told u.. this is a whole few days of emo emo n emo. haah. i m overusing the word. but yest was chc 17th anniversary. happy birthday city harvest!

btw, jus a passing remark. i walked past a dead rat when i came home yesterday.. so gross!

anyway. let's continue bout 17th anniversary. jus wan to say this. that my heart is really filled with thanksgiving that i m in city harvest. this is a place! with no church politics and strife. yah there r differences, there r problems definitely, but this is the place i grew up in n i love. and i pray that this will continue. that there will not be gossip n slander in city harvest. that there will a greater unity in this place.

thank u pastor kong. u have been the best senior pastor any1 can have really. though u will not read this, but i jus wan to say that u have been amazing. leading us these 17 yrs, believing in us, sacrificing for us and u lay down ur lives for us. thank u!

i love u city harvest. love u for being my church and for being my spiritual family. i really will never want to leave this place, ever.

really getting sentimental. tdy met up with some of my classmates, teachers, juniors etc etc at yu shi hui guan. listening to ong tok about lep. ouch. i really m going to miss that place so much. really. i guess i have nv been in a place like lep. where we were all lovers of chinese. n we had such a strong sense of belonging to yu te. i still remembered the times in lep room. when we will sing 红蜻蜓，当你孤单 etc etc.. and we will be super high. and we had all kinds of games n we did all kinds of things. some late nights into playing n planning. the times we crossed the string to count the number of cans n we got it wrong. gee. i m going to miss hwa chong.

this is life, isn't it?

人生往往充满了许多无奈，王老师说，悲喜交集。。 是应该高兴，还是惋惜？

我好爱语特。语特里那股热爱华文的精神是依然存在的。我相信。

我也相信我在华初拥有的老师是最棒的。谢谢你们。u've made a difference in my life.

思念

我看到那小弟弟 失去了爸爸 倒在他怀里痛哭
我哭了

因为我清楚知道 非常了解 他之后会感受到的痛苦
我们都需要一个家 一个温暖的家

其实我一直都好想念 拥有家的感觉
好想念 你
好想念一个像家的地方

家人是不计较的
是无条件去爱的

i really miss u.

late at night.

at this weird time in the night, i m supposed to be asleep becos i m starting sch next wk. ying asked me if i m excited abt it.

i think i m getting really emo. how?

i promise after blogging i will slp n wake up early to go give bs. but b4 that, allow me to rant.

festival of praise was awesome. it was one of the best i have ever gone to. the atmosphere was fantastic. ccc band did a wonderful job rocking the stadium. don moen is so anointed. i felt so overwhelmed with the love of God.

you have captured my whole heart. mi corazon.

and pst ed silvoso preached an amazing word. yes. i m of the new generation n i will embrace the call. now i noe y gideon n y jerubbaal. it's amazing how God speaks to me.

i m getting really emo. how?

tml we r going yu shi hui guan. i realised i dun really noe how to deal with departures. especially with pple i love and i hold dearly. u noe that is y many times i dun dare to open too much n give too much.. other than my daddy in heaven, there r many things i look n hold at a distance. becos i m afraid of the disappointments and pain that will come with it.

i knew it. when i first stepped into it, i already knew it. he warned me. n if ever i dropped into it, den it's too bad. but i wun. my anchor is in Him.

i still miss working. n i think i gonna miss it for quite a while. if i get to take photos i will post it here. last day next mon. funny y i dun miss sch in ntu huh.. maybe i will next time.

just ranting.

getting sentimental

it's been a long time since i allowed myself to get sentimental. i guess i m such a person but i dun really allow myself to do that. but! tdy was my 2nd last day of work. and when i left, sitting on the bus to tiong bahru, there i was thinking, i m gonna miss this place.

the last time i really got sentimental was when we left hwa chong. and when helen left. but since then, i almost nv, did not, get myself into sth like this. tdy i indulged, a little.

allow me to indulge for a while. after all i m leaving.

坚持 是我一生守护的信念
永不言败 或许是我一生的格言

我可以失败 我可以沮丧 我可以气馁
但是
我不可以轻言放弃

这是我对你的承诺
因为你相信 所以我相信

因为你从没放弃 所以我不可以放弃

这世界有善有恶
你总选择相信他们的善 洗尽他们的恶

这是我对你的承诺
我把我仅有的交给你 让你把你所拥有的赐给我

我愿一生跟随你
我更愿意把一生交给你

这是我二十岁时 送给你的礼物 -- 我的全部

断了
是否意味着应该放手了

there is a time, there is a season for everything under the sun.

i promised my reflections. but i have not done it yet. it truly did not feel like birthday. not that i m complaining. it's jus that i lost that hype about turning a yr older and stuff.

many compromised. as u get older, it is as if we will compromise more n more. and i saw many who did that. i dun wan to. i m afraid i will jus be another mediocre person thru life, leaving behind my dreams n aspirations. i have not maximised my potential yet. this will be my dream always

reflections

tdy is my 20th birthday. but this yr's bday feels different. n i dunno y. it jus din feel like it is a big thing. usually i will get very excited over my birthday, especially when i turn the big 2 today. but it din feel like it.

nevertheless, i had a great time tdy. (((:

a big thank u to all who remembered and took the effort to wish me happy birthday. ur thoughts n ur love is much appreciated. i m reminded of the love n the friendships i have and i m thankful.

big thanks to chan eng for accompanying me tog and for being so lame. i cant believe we did it. haah.

this how i spent my day. i spent the first hour reading john grisham's book. and i woke up real early to do my translation. den i was half hour late for my movie lake hse. it was kinda nice. i like sandra bullock n keanu reeves. and i spent the rest of the day at wild wild wet like a real silly kid. but i enjoyed myself. will do my reflections later. (:

我好想要。。

一天的期待
换来一刻的空等待。
眼泪不住 掉下。
遮掩
希望你看不见
更希望自己看不见

遮掩那一刻的空虚无奈
还有那按捺不住的落寞
我希望
我期待
我抛开

等待着那份温暖
守护着那份希望

我好想要。。
我要的你却无法给。

just felt like blogging.

after trapping myself from shopping for ages, i had my fair share this week. i did it like on sunday, monday, wednesday. aint that madness? haha. n i was looking for my dream bag. but i really could not find one. gee. aiyah i also dunno wad to blog anymore. so forget it. haah.

tired and blogging.

walked for a whole day tdy. m dead beat but satisfied. buying nice things that i like really satisfies me.

tdy was in service. when they were playing the taiwan emerge video, i cried. i was so overwhelmed and i jus think it is so amazing. esp when pst was prophesying. i jus felt the presence of God so strong. i jus wan to say. i m so glad that i m part of city harvest, so glad that God placed me and called me here. God thank u thank u thank u. for calling me to this place. thank u.

i love u, love the church n the leaders and SUN. she is jus amazing. i love everything u have done thru us and thru her and i love her so much. n i love u LORD.

总觉得现在要带上的帽子，好像太大，太不适合我了。我常常会这么做。 我会因为害怕，害怕失败，害怕做不到，而宁可守在安全区里。应该是我跟天上的爸爸说了什么，突然间我需要做的事都需要我 step out.

God i have always been scared. scared that i cant do it. scared that i m not good enough. n i guess it is enough. it is time to get out of these silly thoughts. becos. i will nv say i cant becos u say u can.

but Lord, it is really this period of time that i need u. i jus simply cant do it without u. i cant live without u, serve without u, lead without u. n Lord i need u to be here. Holy Spirit i dun wan to do it on my own. n i m so afraid one day u will leave me powerless. Holy Spirit dun. God.. dun take away the Holy Spirit away from me. you said, apart from me, u can do nothing. i noe. i noe. i cant do anything without u.

总觉得现在要带上的帽子，好像太大，太不适合我了。我常常会这么做。 我会因为害怕，害怕失败，害怕做不到，而宁可守在安全区里。应该是我跟天上的爸爸说了什么，突然间我需要做的事都需要我 step out.

God i have always been scared. scared that i cant do it. scared that i m not good enough. n i guess it is enough. it is time to get out of these silly thoughts. becos. i will nv say i cant becos u say u can.

but Lord, it is really this period of time that i need u. i jus simply cant do it without u. i cant live without u, serve without u, lead without u. n Lord i need u to be here. Holy Spirit i dun wan to do it on my own. n i m so afraid one day u will leave me powerless. Holy Spirit dun. God.. dun take away the Holy Spirit away from me. you said, apart from me, u can do nothing. i noe. i noe. i cant do anything without u.

pirates!

i dunno if u feel the same way as i do but i always get this tremendously satisfied feeling when i watch a great movie. n this is how i m feeling right now. many told me how fantastic this movie is n it is worth watching.. man do i not agree with it. it's jus absolutely stunning.

i love the scriptwriter, the producer, the director and whoever else involved and of cos, we all love johnny depp and jack sparrow. ha. i m so glad i watched 1 and now pirates 2. pst kong once said that all of us have 7 areas of our souls we nd to fulfill - and i did tdy! i think it is the aesthetic part of me, but seriously, i feel so fulfilled right now. haa.

it is sooooo recommended by me and i din think i was somebody who like such movies. but i m starting to cultivate a taste for it. and i think i m gg to embark on translation. (:

miss kuhlman

in case u din noe, i m a lover of biographies. i love to read bout how people's lives unfold, for deep within me i m always amazed by what man can achieve -- when they put their mind to it.

i love Benny Hinn's book -- Good morning Holy Spirit. it is one of the best books i ever read. and recently, i jus started embarking on kathryn kuhlman's biography. she is an amazing woman. i m not going to touch on that, but sth touched me deeply from the book.

love is my motivator. the book talks about how miss kuhlman will cry when she sees how God touches and mends lives. u noe y she is so successful in her ministry? becos love is her motivator. she is so broken. she loves the Holy Spirit so much and she loves people.

God uses imperfect people. no matter how u r like, as long as u love Him and want Him, and u love the Holy Spirit, and u r willing to pay the price, nothing is impossible for u.

break me Lord..

sth larger than myself

tdy i went to chec. a long time in many months. i enjoyed my days there. went to pick up my translation stuff. n u noe wad? i felt like sth within me was turned on. like God flicking a switch within me. this is wad i m supposed to be living for.

when i was younger, i used to think that i cant do much n there is only so much i can do for God. but now i realise, i m older, and i m 20. jus one or two days ago, i said, i feel like i m being forced to grow up. Part of me still wants to be that little HC ger in that little brown uniform.

suddenly i feel like my eyes opened.

come on i got to stop thinking that way. i got to stop living in the past. he who dwells in the past has no future. and it is no use people telling me since i m young, ting u have a great destiny in God.

you noe wad? i know i have a great destiny in God. I know that God has called me for sth greater. I know he wants me to go to china. i know he has called me for sth larger than myself. n i wan to live it. i dun wan to stay in that little small girl, with no dreams no visions, jus trying to live a day at a time.

ting rise up and grow up! come on live out ur destiny in God! stop living in ur comfort zone! stop being so limited! come on wun u do sth great for God today???

i wan to live for china. i wan to go for missions. i wan to preach the gospel. i wan to impact thousands and thousands of lives out there. i wan to do sth great for God!

think big act big talk big cos u have a BIG GOD!

if i have 8 hours to chop down the tree, i will spend 6 sharpening my axe.

i just got to say this. 小猪 is amazing! i kind of like him, but he always sprouts nonsense. but! when i saw him playing the drums, i m amazed by his talents. (:

i forgot that i wanted to say this.

i will rather be in the ark putting up with all the stinking smell than to be drowning outside in the flood.

jus recently, certain events made me realise how good God has been to me.

i discovered that all along since young, becos i grew up in church, i have always been living in a protected environment. it is not a bad thing really. but yet God has prepared me for the world. when i stepped in, recently especially, den did i realise things can get pretty ugly. i think pst robb said, if u r pretty, but ur character is ugly, den u become pretty ugly. haah. i think that is funny.

but i realise that the world out there is really dark. i cant imagine working in a place with a lot of politics and strife. i have been protected. but i think i m learning. but i still havent decided wad i wan to do next time. Daddy u will lead me.

i m growing up. i dun wan to. i said it before, it feels like i m being forced to grow up. but i jus got to learn to accept every season and every opportunity that comes my way.

isn't it scary to relate to people u dun really know and having to trust them knowing that at the end of the day they can hurt u? that is y i love the hse of God. becos things r jus so uncertain out there. u dun really know who u can trust and who u can believe and u dun really know wad is going on in their minds isn't it? they may be saying one thing but meaning another. saying something and thinking another. God u r jus amazing. becos u love all these people!

i m so tired. sooooo tired.

trapped in the lift.

nope, not me. i was not the one who was trapped.

when i was walking home tdy, these 2 china guys were trapped in the lift while they were moving hse. n guess wad? in half an hour, i saw really amusing things i nv thot i will see.

we called the lift maintenance to come n they took a really long time. half an hour?

in the half an hour that we were waiting, the 2 interesting guys were really panicky. they told us they could not breathe.. and they were really, in simple words, gan cheong. really gan cheong. and i realised they were scared. really scared.

people r afraid to die arent they?

i m filled. to the brim. a bit stressed. but i noe i can. i jus need Him.

recently was a bit stressed. ken n weijian will testify to that. cos i talked non stop while eating prata with them. n seriously people, dun go to simpang bedok! there is really nth there. but my dear boys (ken n weijian), i wan u all to noe.. u guys have been fantastic. and u have been a blessing in my life much more than u can imagine. i love every dinner and supper with u guys.

n recently i have silly dreams. since last sat. i dreamed about pastor. dreamed about MAKING PHONE CALLS. dreamed about my cg members. dreamed about germany n italy match! i had my own game in my dreams. dreamed about my boss. (it was not the nicest dream, yes boss i dreamed about u).

i need so much more of You.

trapped in the lift.

nope, not me. i was not the one who was trapped.

when i was walking home tdy, these 2 china guys were trapped in the lift while they were moving hse. n guess wad? in half an hour, i saw really amusing things i nv thot i will see.

we called the lift maintenance to come n they took a really long time. half an hour?

in the half an hour that we were waiting, the 2 interesting guys were really panicky. they told us they could not breathe.. and they were really, in simple words, gan cheong. really gan cheong. and i realised they were scared. really scared.

people r afraid to die arent they?

i m filled. to the brim. a bit stressed. but i noe i can. i jus need Him.

recently was a bit stressed. ken n weijian will testify to that. cos i talked non stop while eating prata with them. n seriously people, dun go to simpang bedok! there is really nth there. but my dear boys (ken n weijian), i wan u all to noe.. u guys have been fantastic. and u have been a blessing in my life much more than u can imagine. i love every dinner and supper with u guys.

n recently i have silly dreams. since last sat. i dreamed about pastor. dreamed about MAKING PHONE CALLS. dreamed about my cg members. dreamed about germany n italy match! i had my own game in my dreams. dreamed about my boss. (it was not the nicest dream, yes boss i dreamed about u).

i need so much more of You.

good morning Lord!

i woke up at 6 plus am tdy! man i love it. i really like waking up at this time. cos i feel that in the morning it is really beautiful. if i have time before i go work i shall pack up my room beautifully n keep it in a good state. i realise that having a neat room makes ur moods better. really. at least for me.

昨天走路回家时，脑子里有许多要写出来的感觉。这几天感触很多。

星期天我又回到了east coast.
我真的爱上了骑脚踏车。
我喜欢在车上驰骋的感觉
我喜欢逆风而行，风打在脸上的感觉。
我喜欢沿海而飞的感觉。（：
i will be back there again soon. cant resist it.

之后和一个老朋友见面，感觉真好。ahma我好爱你！看到你真得让我没有压力，虽然我们俩要烦恼的事有很多，但是就聚在一起说话，谈心，就是很棒的一件事。

我从parkway走路回家。有人说这是极度疯狂的举动。会吗？对我而言，它再普遍不过了。

我是一个很喜欢走路的人。
非常喜欢可以慢慢地走，自由的走。
那晚十点多。
走在路上，路上没什么人，电话刚好又没电。
一个人走着，祈祷着，和他说话着。
好美妙的感觉。

我喜欢他赐给我的这双脚。
因为他们会带我走到全世界。
他们不只会走在小岛国里，
他们也会带我踏上大陆的土地。
他们会带我走上世界各地，走到天涯海角。
直到地极。直到地极。

他们更会带我走过一生的风与浪，晴天和雨天。
我会一直走下去。keep walking.

我喜欢守承诺的人。喜欢守承诺的男人。所以我好爱他。

xiaoting

ok. n i shall do the post about myself. let's see how much i noe myself k.

i m a person who is weird. haah. weird as in i have weird ideas going on in my head n i love to do weird things. out of the world things. i can insist on eating sth every single day n really eat it. haah. i can like to eat sth very much n every day eat it. n for that, i call it 执著。我是一个很执著的人。when i have set my mind on sth, pple know, i will do it.

我是一个轻言放弃，却不容易放弃的人。haah. i always tok about giving up, but i seldom do. it is not a good thing. i shld stop that.. but probably the good thing is i only say but dun do that. i m determined and i persevere. most of the time.

i go where my heart leads me n i seldom worry bout how pple think of me. if i feel that sth is wad i wan, i will do it, no matter wad pple say. i dun like to do things to please pple. i dun like to dress to please. i love to be myself. n one of the reasons sometimes i dress weirdly becos i dun wan to come to a place in which i feel like i must fit in, and that to be accepted i mus be "normal". so i choose to be abnormal at times.

i love being myself. i dun like to be somebody pple think i shld be. not that i insist on doing my own things becos i noe many times i can be wrong. but i dun wan to be a blind follower. for wad i do, i mus noe the purpose behind the things that i do, and then i will do it well.

i love to discover. i love to know more. more about the world and all that it contains. there is so much in it! i m jus so amazed by God's creation. i m intrigued by man. not like male.. but all of human kind. we r such amazing creatures.. isnt it?

i love to lead, to inspire, to see lives change, to see myself make a difference. i love to help pple with no strings attached. haah. i jus simply love to bless in small little ways..

i m not easily satisfied. contented yes.. but satisfied, no. deep within me there is a craving n a longing for so much more. like the song says.. all of creation is longing.. for ur unveiling of power. that is how i feel within me.

and too much more that i m jus too tired to say it all.

总觉得和华文的距离越来越远，就是用华文来写出自己内心的感觉也有点怪怪的，真糟糕。

let's do it in english instead. man. i m just so not used to chinese. help me.

tdy was a crazy day. as usual. to describe my mood..? 歇斯底里。really.. i almost went bonkers with all the calling. seriously i dun understand how the telemarketers do it.. on wed when i had y music on and with pst kong preaching.. it was good. tdy wasnt.. nth really helped. except shredding paper in the office. i love it.

i remember chan eng did this post bout herself. i feel like doing it too. but before that let's jus write some stuff.

最近这一段时间，我让许多人看到我脆弱的一面，我把心打开了许多。这是我许久不曾做的。。 因为以前会认为，坚强留给别人，脆弱留给自己。发现到做人很累的一点是，我们总是不能把我们的心百分之百交给人，因为害怕伤害。可是最近我却违反了我自己的principle..我不知道这是好事还是坏事。

我一直在寻找， 在寻找。我还没找到。我知道我人生的方程式里一定有他，但是我不知道什么加什么会等于什么。我常常在想，许多人每天都一直在忙碌，他们到底在追求什么？而他们真的快乐吗？满足吗？

i m contented. but i m so not satisfied. my soul n spirit is crying out for more within me.

世界上最遥远的距离

世界上最遥远的距离
著：張小嫺

世界上最遥远的距离
不是生与死
而是我就站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你

世界上最遥远的距离
不是我就站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你
而是明明知道彼此相爱却不能在一起

世界上最遥远的距离
不是明明知道彼此相爱却不能在一起
而是明明无法抵挡这股想念
却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里

世界上最遥远的距离
不是明明无法抵挡这股想念
却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里
而是用自己冷漠的心对爱你的人掘了一条无法跨越的沟渠

"如果要为爱情加上一个期限，我希望那会是一万年。”

以前对蔡依琳的印象真的不是很好，总认为她跟其他新冒起的女明星没有什么分别，但是，看了上班女郎，及听了他的新专辑“舞娘”后，其实我觉得她好棒。她在台上说话，以及在跳舞唱歌时都判若两人，我真的觉得她不是一个“bimbo”。

尽管我认为像百分百这样的节目是有一些肤浅，我还是会一直看。哈哈。因为我欣赏小S的机智，而且我好喜欢大炳。但是，今天在看“有话就说”，觉得这个节目很棒。它真得让我很认真地思考一些问题，像今天，讨论的话题是服务业水准。这样的谈了一个小时后，我看到这个问题的不同层面，了解到要解决方法需要从那几方面着手。

今天是开心的一天。他让我感觉到。。 all is not lost. (: thank u Jesus. i feel like u r really good. n u r always faithful, even when we r faithless.

i m starting to stumble while using chinese. that is bad! man.. i really nd to buck up. let's start by reading. (((:

pressing in..

i m blogging again! tdy met up with the jc guys.. hey u guys r really very funny. no kidding. haah.

suddenly wad i told them really hit me.

one way that u really can grow is when u open up urself to ur leaders and share with ur leaders about ur life. i realise how true that statement is. man. i din jus teach them sth. i taught myself sth too.

when u r willing to press in into ur leader's lives, and be an armour bearer for him or her, ur life will be changed.

m i willing to lay down my life for my leader? to run the vision tog with her?

we need a strong sense of the corporate vision.

pressing in..

i m blogging again! tdy met up with the jc guys.. hey u guys r really very funny. no kidding. haah.

suddenly wad i told them really hit me.

one way that u really can grow is when u open up urself to ur leaders and share with ur leaders about ur life. i realise how true that statement is. man. i din jus teach them sth. i taught myself sth too.

when u r willing to press in into ur leader's lives, and be an armour bearer for him or her, ur life will be changed.

m i willing to lay down my life for my leader? to run the vision tog with her?

we need a strong sense of the corporate vision.

blogging. and again.

已经有两个月没有上课了。我和华文的距离越来越远了！天啊！再过一个月就要开学了！

今天到机场送走了珊。她的baby真的好可爱好可爱。

今天的心情很棒。不要问我为什么。就好开心好开心。虽然一整天的呆在公司里，对着那1234567890的数字，不停的旋转，围绕，又没有什么进展，我的心情还是依旧的漂亮。这才叫高难度吧。

对于一个新的学期，其实心里还蛮紧张的，不禁常问自己，当初真的应该走这一条路吗？但是我并不后悔。真的。我知道这是正确的。

then give me ur anointing to do it. thank u.

i need to buck up on my chinese. study doubly hard the next sem. xiaoting u go girl! study hard hard hard hard hard. let's start in july. yay.

hilarious

i find it so hilarious. ((((: haah. i was calling the pple from my list n i found one of my pastors' names on it! somebody asked me if i called. obviously not! haah.

but it brought joy to me. n i m in such a good mood tdy. (((:

blogging

blogging is an effective way of de-stressing i firmly believe. becos i m going crazy! haah. from all the calls. ken.. i m not slacking.. in fact i think i have been working hard. so help me! haah.

tdy went cycling with weiqi n ce.. to prove terence true.. i really did fall. had a couple of scratches on my legs. sob. :( haah. but it is ok. n my silly bike was not working properly until the last half hour or so. gee. and we cycled to dhs only to be rejected by the dearest security guard.

toked to ce on sun n i was asking her if i m emotional. well we came to this conclusion that i m somewhat emotional. which i nv thot i was. but after listening, i cant help but sort of agree that perhaps i m really emotional. haah. well. probably.

God help me to be fruitful!

wonderful weekend

it has been a most wonderful weekend. i love it. blogged bout my cycling on sat. on sat night, we went to music dreamer to see sun. she was absolutely gorgeous n i m seriously in love with her songs. no kidding. we had a great time! n it is such a nice place really.. (: God is a good God.

yest we had a blast too. haah. service was tremendous. i love going to the house of God. one thing i ask that i may dwell in Your hse forever. yeah man. thank u Jesus. i love ur hse.

in the evening.. we went to john's wedding! it was a beautiful beautiful beautiful wedding.. i love it! i was jus telling chan eng that i love attending weddings. it always remind me of the love of God. and it was really nice. pst kong was there. (: and john sang for lynn. it was so sweeeeetttt. haaah. and it was like laughter n tears n laughter n tears.. man.. i think every1 of us were thinking.. we want ours to be like that too! n the food was great! there was much food and they were simply yummy. and the chapel n the decor was really nice.. it is really walking down the aisle. they r such a fortunate couple.

n i really felt the love in that place. n i enjoyed the fellowship with our zone pple. God u r such a good God. n for putting such awesome pple in my life. i m so thankful.

cycling day!

it was such an enjoyable day! btw, i m going to say this. ken said that i m emotional.. m i? i always feel that i m not. anyway.. tdy i went cycling!! n u noe with who?? with my beloved 4 yr old nephew!! u noe sth?? kids r so adorable!! haah.

he is such a darling. i love kids. becos i love their innocence. i love their question asking.. n it reminds me this is how God made us to be. n he is such a pretty little thing. do u noe he has such LONG eyelashes tat make all the ladies in the family jealous? haah. jus kidding. but he is so cute. and when u see him riding on tht little 4 wheel thing u jus love him to bits.

but well kids r kids. we cycled for a really long time n he started getting tired n keep getting down his bike! n while waiting for his ice cream, he can acty strike up a conversation with some other kids. arent they cute??? haah.

n for those reading this, i wan u to noe... i can cycle!!!! the last time when i learned it.. i was unbalanced n stuff.. but now i can get up and get the bike going.. i can balance.. I CAN CYCLE!!!!can u believe it? i learned cycling when i m 20. haah. but now my legs n butt r hurting.. haah.

anyway i think cycling is so nice. becos u feel the wind blowing against u. i m definitely going again! east coast here i come!!

psalm 27

1 A Psalm of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked came against me To eat up my flesh, My enemies and foes, They stumbled and fell.
3 Though an army may encamp against me, My heart shall not fear; Though war should rise against me, In this I will be confident.
4 One thing I have desired of the Lord, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord, And to inquire in His temple.
5 For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; In the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice! Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8 When You said, "Seek My face," My heart said to You, "Your face, Lord, I will seek."
9 Do not hide Your face from me; Do not turn Your servant away in anger; You have been my help; Do not leave me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation.
10 When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me.
11 Teach me Your way, O Lord, And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
12 Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries; For false witnesses have risen against me, And such as breathe out violence.
13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.
14 Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord

it has not been the best day. n once again it is amazing to me always how quickly i can jus throw things away n regain composure. i have been trained i guess. but tdy was one of the most embarrassing day. but suddenly i jus wan to come to a place that i m not so self conscious anymore.

tdy's meeting was great. the presence of God was there n pst aries preached a great msg. i learnt a lot of things tdy jus by being there. was stepping into the room n i jus felt the presence of God so strongly. this is the reason y i do the things that i do, walk the path that i walk. it is for this. that the little girl once stepped into a place like that. when her world has fallen apart, there was sum1 who picked her up n gave her hope.

n i noe tdy, no matter wad happen, i m not hopeless, nth is hopeless. God strengthen me.

ken thanx a lot for being there n always listening. u r an awesome brother to have. n u dunno how timely ur msg came tdy. ha. jus at the right moment to remind me i m not alone.

thank u aunty audrey, though i think u will not read this, for putting things in the right perspective. i need time really, to come to terms with this. becos i cant at this moment accept wad he has done. i cant. i m sorry.

thank u chan eng for being so dependable. i noe if anything happen u will be there n u will take me in.

thank u jesus. for giving me tears when i dunno how to cry. for giving me laughter when i dunno how to smile. God sometimes i lie on my bed wondering how much of this i can put up with b4 i give up. but becos u r there, that makes a whole lot of difference. God i love u. and everything is worth it.

God tell me that i can. God tell me that u r there. God let me noe that i m not on the wrong path. God i really wan to be the person u wan me to be! amidst all the discouragements, accusations, disappointments, opposition, hurts, pain... i wan to noe that u r there, that u r there, that u r there. i need to feel u touch u. i need u to come take me in ur arms and exchange my burdens for urs.

u promised din u? that u will nv leave nor forsake. promise me that. u will nv leave nor forsake. i nd u.

did u ever feel like ur mind n heart is filled with things but yet there is not a single thought in ur mind? that is how i m feeling like.

脑子一片空白。有时候晓亭竟然可以这么冷静。冷静得怕人。

总觉得我比较喜欢华文字，因为它总是能够得更贴切形容我的感受。可是，在这一分一秒，我的脑子是一片空白的。我真的可以吗？

看到那些我想要成为的人，我不知我是否能抵达。

many dream to get there, but few arrive. this is wad i wrote to kevin.

i hope that i will not only dream. i will get there.

tired

i m feeling kinda tired. when i hear the song i'll be here for u, and i hear dayan's laughter.. it sounds amazing.

xiaoting is tired. tired of discouragements n heartbreaks. tired of fruitlessness. tired of bad attitudes.

God my heart breaks every time when these things happen, n that is y there r many times i ask u how many times can i go thru it. i m so afraid one day i will jus be numb n stop feeling anymore.

God after being a ldr, the biggest challenge is to open my heart n love. becos God i noe whenever i love, i m also facing the risk of being hurt. n God nobody sees the hurts that i go thru.

strengthen me wun u? tell me all these r worth it becos of u.

for u a thousand times over?

bad start

had a bad start to my day. jus need to blog here to vent my frustrations. u noe there r days in which things jus dun go really well? well this is how i feel like bout tdy.

was jus giving bs and was looking at the part bout the imptance of having a daily quiet time. it came back as a reminder to me wad i m supposed to do in my qt. to give devotion to God, to get direction from Him, to gain delight in Him and to grow like Him.

Lord i jus wan to ask give me strength to be the person u wan me to be, do the things u wan me to do, love the pple u wan me to love. God help me not to be helpless bout wadeva that is happening in my life but noe that u have given me the power that is in Jesus. i can go above n not under. help me Lord to have a great n fruitful day ahead of me. Lord help me cg to BREAKTHRU. thank u Jesus.

Lord i need u.

sentosa

it's been a long time since i went to sentosa. had a fun time tdy with my cg. i think for many of them, it is the first time we went to sentosa with the cg. sentosa nv fails to brighten somebody's day. haah. we had a good time really. (: thank you Jesus.

i m kinda in love with blogging. yest night i called yue rong n talked to her for a really long time. but it was a great conversation. from it God told me wad i needed to noe n wad kind of attitude i needed to have. kind of regained myself. but suddenly i jus felt like these few days i m organising my life, get my act tog n start sth new n afresh.

God has been a good God. He has been answering my prayers really. (: n i wan to live for Him. still wan to, very very much.

ting SOAR.

this song is for u!

歌曲：我永远都在
歌手：何耀珊 专辑：收获

填词:马嵩惟
作曲:vincent degiorgio johan rohr
编曲:吕绍淳

hey阳光多耀眼
天空那边 希望你也是晴天
my friend无论多遥远
快乐要诀 有你我就能体验
and i'll be there分享你所有喜悦
missing you哦美好的感觉
friend我永远都在
有爱 你的心中就有我陪伴

每一次想念都看见你的笑脸
alright就这么简单
和你透过真心交换
my friend我永远都在
想 我们许的心愿
流星划越 少了你的窗前
my friend回忆不怕离别
约好再见 梦想一起实现

and i'm here
每当你想要流泪
be with you 从来不改变相连的默契
心和心靠近 只因为有爱oh yeah

我会永远都在
friend永远都在
有爱 每一次想念 都看见你的笑脸(就到你身边)]
透过真心交换(因为有爱)

continued..

actually i still have a lot of things i wan to say. most of the things he said really caught me thinking. it's been a long time since i met somebody like that. he was sharing with me his travelling experiences. n u noe sth.. the life he lead is the life i wanted to lead. not anymore u see. cos "i have been crucified with Christ. it is no longer i who live but Christ who lives in me." but i noe deep within i will want to travel like that. n u noee wad? i think God will allow me to do that. he will give us the desires of our heart.

my heart is so stuck in the beautiful world. one of the things he said was that we need to see the world n experience life. n acty he described it so well, becos one of the greatest desires in my heart is to see the world. i love different cultures n people.. becos they remind me my God is a colourful god. n after all these things it really got me thinking wad do i wan to do one day when i m out of uni.. Lord guide me.

is it amazing? all these r wad i learnt in one week. spiritual, mental n emotional lessons. i haven told u bout the technical knowledge! but i will spare u with them. haah.

helen r u still here with me? was listening to sun's new album n one of the songs describe how i feel bout u my dear girl. stay with me k..

inspirations..

i m back to tok bout my job again. i was going to apologise that u r reading bout my job again. but den i decided. this is my blog! haah. so in a sense i can say wad i wan but yet exercise responsibility.

i guess it is really God who brought me to this job. initially, i was still feeling uneasy, not knowing is this wad God wants me to do.. but right now, i m kinda assured cos i really have a great boss. tdy i learnt a lot again cos my boss taught me more stuff. i love learning to him cos he will share tons of things with me. let me jus post some of them here k..

he asked me how is my job going.. and he decided to teach me some stuff cos he saw that i was realli bored. haah. oops.. i really like him to be around in the office.. but yet when he is ard i feel pressurised so i dun perform. wad an irony.

anyway..

he asked me how r things. and i said ok.. but i told him that i nd motivation. pple who noe me noe that there r few things that will motivate me, other than the things of God and the things of the spirit. n i was telling him that money really dun matter to me so earning lots of money dun motivate me. den he told me money is not the end.. it is a means to an end. n i was jus telling him that there r a lot of things i can do.. but i dun, becos i dun see y i must n i m simply not motivated to do them.

den he told me that i must find that goal n that motivation in my life to do wad i wan.. and although i told him there isn't, somehow deep in my heart wad he said struck a chord in me.

helen.. i hope u r reading this, cos this is for u.

gal, we always toked bout this. that we want to be people of greatness and we want to live a life of significance n leave a legacy behind. n gal.. along our way we always lose sight of wad we want to do.. u noe wad? i met a great boss. n he is somebody like that. as in he noes wad he wants n he does it. and u noe wad.. i noe that u will be as inspired by him as i m by him. u noe.. even as he was telling me that i need to find that motivation.. i was reminded of u girl. that we always said that we wanted to soar like eagles dear.. n i miss u! i miss the times we tok bout our dreams n visions..

dear girl.. i dun wan to be the walking dead. i dun wan to live my life not noeing y m i doing the things i m doing. when i m studying, i wanna give my best n shine. when i love God, i wan to love Him with all of my heart. i wan to fulfill my fullest potential. i dun wan to procrastinate. dun wan to wait anymore. tdy my boss asked me if there is somebody i wan to be. there r lots of pple i wan to be like.

God i pray from the bottom of my heart.. fire me up once again. let me not be satisfied with mediocrity, with having jus enough. God i want the best for my life, the best for my cg, the best for my studies, the best for everything. i wan to fulfill my fullest potential. i dun wan to be indifferent n apathetic Lord.

probably u really sent a person to hit me on my head n ask me to wake up!!!! wake up ting!!! wake up ting!!!! come on.. go out there n soar soAR SOAR!!!

i love my boss!

i just started a new job this week. n i love it! because my boss is simply great. (: he is such a nice boss. haah.

although the job is really a little bit boring, haah, becos u call the pple n say the same things to them like over 100 times a day, (sounds boring right), but like wad i said in the previous post, the experience's great. esp the training. this is the first time i understood insurance n i m a bit convinced that insurance is not bout cheating money. haah. wad a BIG prejudice i have isnt it? haah.

but totally i managed to clinch 3 appointments.. n today was kinda interesting. haah. like this guy.. when i tell him we have an investment programme that is risk free.. then he tell me.. there is no such thing as risk free investment. he says if it is risk free den it is not investment. den he say oh then i will have to end the conversation becos u said the wrong thing. n man m i glad to.. haaah. it was really interesting.. n tdy i tried to sell insurance in mandarin to this very interesting guy.. haah.

i enjoyed myself. though half of the time i was a bit bored. n my boss will tell me to take a break.. go msn.. pack up earlier n dun work so hard. haah. amazing isn't it? i love my boss. gee.

that is it..

working

i m supposingly hard at work now. other than tons of things i learnt yest during training, tdy's was kinda boring n brainless. but well.. temp job so u cant expect much. but i did learn quite a bit of stuff. about insurance n investment n things like that. n i m happy..

i surely hope that i will be fruitful.. haah. (:

i feel like blogging

everytime i start blogging, i will type wad i wan to say. and den suddenly i will jus feel like not continuing anymore. n that is y u will realise that i will say some stuff n stop saying anymore.

after emerge, in this entire week, many things got me thinking. plenty plenty of things. i started to ask myself again wad issit that i wan. u noe i was jus telling some frens, that i m a person that cant lead a meaningless life. i jus cant. if one day i wake up not noeing y i m doing the things i m doing, i will get really frustrated. and sometimes i feel lost n confused. but i hate feeling lost n confused! i hate not knowing where i m going n wad i going to do. i hate not being in control. but i also learn..

he is in control. that when i cannot see His hand, i can trust his heart.

我需要斗志。我需要继续战斗的力量。我需要必胜的信心。

you.. you r the God who will save
cling on to all that u say

let me do that Lord.

你的肩膀。何耀珊

那些日子
當你不在我身邊
那些感受不到你的日子
整個世界都不對
我以为我已经失去了全世界
還能這樣安靜的和你依偎
能在你的怀中
受過的苦都無所謂
是我一辈子的幸福

進進退退　我們之間
故事有點迂迴
轟轟烈烈　哭過幾回
從來沒有後悔
当初选择了你，我永远不会后悔。

依靠著你的肩膀
有風的味道也有雨的滄桑
躺在你的胸怀，让我感到多么坚强
為我去過了遠方
你带我到世界尽头
還好愛是我最固執的地方
還好再長的夜總是會天亮
我知道隧道之后一定有曙光
我終於等到你回來身旁
你一定会在我身旁
愛就是你的肩膀
你的肩膀就是我的坚强
能負擔我的所有快樂悲傷
相信你許下的願望
相信你的每个话语
一輩子的時間那麼的漫長
何必在乎當初寂寞多荒涼
你说不管发生什么事
我們的幸福會在下半場
你一定会为我写下漂亮的后来

loving Him

tdy i heard an astounding news. was shocked. totally. but it made me think. ting, how much do u love Him?

if the day comes when u lose everything, and all that is left is Him, wad will happen to u? will u be like king david who says, i will rather be a doorkeeper in the hse of God?

i wan to love You Lord. help me Jesus nv to stop loving You, never to stop laying my life at ur altar. let that day nv come.. that i love sth else more than You. i cant bear leaving u in my life.

for you a thousand times over

did u ever feel like ..

我想投身在一个虚拟的世界。我只想活在电视剧情，精彩作者的情节里，我没有勇气面对现实生活。

现实的挑战太多，勇气太少。
承诺太多，实现太少。
失望太多，希望太少。

我真的还可以吗？

真的吗?

希望这不是另一次的遐想。。

hiding place

i love this song.

I FIND YOU AT THE SECRET PLACE
I FIND YOU ON THE MOUNTAIN
I FIND YOU IN THE EARLY HOURS OF MY DAY

I FIND YOU WHEN I’M WAITING
I FIND YOU WHEN I’M IN YOUR WORD
I FIND YOU WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU WHEN I PRAY

CREATE IN ME A CLEAN HEART
AS I COME AWAY WITH YOU
WASH AWAY ALL OF MY STAINS
AND RESTORE TO ME THE JOY
I HAVE IN YOU

YOU’RE MY HIDING
YOU’RE MY HIDING PLACE
YOU’RE MY HIDING
YOU’RE MY HIDING PLACE

4e outing

i was so glad that at the end of the day some of us managed to go. (: and see, haha, it is not so difficult after all. n i do think we shld n need to get tog after so long. and the nicest surprise was to see ms andriany.

tdy we had a mini 4e gathering. me, lim yang, minyi, minling, meizhen, samuel and timothy. i think the rare guest was timothy? haha. i seldom remember seeing him. but now that he is single.. haah. i guess he is more free? haah.

samuel drove me back together with timothy. n suddenly sitting in the car, seeing a fren i knew for ages driving like a man, and all these pple r no longer boys in blue pants, suddenly it sunk into me that we r all grown up. i m almost an adult, although i really hate to admit it. that when i was younger, i would look at pple who r now my age and think wad's their life like. n now i m experiencing it for myself. i guess it is amazing. n all the more i felt, xiaoting u need to treasure ur life.

on another note, it was a beautiful thing seeing everybody. to get tog after 4 yrs, talking bout our past. and i felt this.. i m forced to grow up! haah. before i noe it, i will be out of uni working.

though many things have changed, some things nv changed. haah. like how they will tease and make fun of the same things, like timothy and ***.. haaah. it is just like the good old times. man.. God, thank u for memories. and thank u for frens.

n somebody i felt like he really changed is samuel. haah. if u r seeing this, hi! but i felt like frm a person who was fun-loving and stuff, to now being a person who noes wad he wants, who is really doing it and stepping into it, really made me wake up from reality. pple r different. and i wan to live my life to the fullest, sowing into my destiny and my future.

beautiful day. thank u Lord. wake me up!

i feel like unloading everything out here, but i cant. but i feel kinda suffocated with everything in me. i need to unwind everything that is within me. i felt like i woke up being whacked by the devil left right up down centre. sometimes i feel like telling God i dun feel like playing anymore. sometimes xiaoting feels like throwing in the towel. sometimes i jus cant seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. sometimes i jus dun feel like being strong. sometimes i jus need a fren, with skin on. sometimes i feel like lying in bed n stare at my ceiling and jus let the world rotate without touching me. sometimes i jus cant muster enough faith to do wad i need to do. oh sometimes sometimes

great men n women r not those who do not have lousy days, but those that despite their lousy days and feelings and circumstances, they held on the God, held on to their faith. den i pray i will one day be a great woman of God. gee.

以前当我看着别人过着高调的生活，心中总有无限的渴望与向往。我常想，如果当年没有遇到他，我今天或许会是一个流连酒吧，过着疯狂日子的女生，因为认识我的人都知道，我真的有这种疯狂的潜能。更或许，我会在某一个世界的角落，做一些很荒唐的事，如果不是他，我真的或许不会继续呆在这里。因为他是我的磐石，坚定不移，让我不再过着无根的日子。我有一个家，所以我不再任性，叛逆，我行我素。

记得在华初那年，陈老师要我们每个星期交出一篇创作。起初我是兴致勃勃，但过了一阵子，那创作的灵感却不常到来，而现在，我却好想继续写字。哈哈。我不止一次说过，我好喜欢文字。

不知道我自己是不是因为守在这个岗位里，而失去了很多。常看别人的生活，有时候也希望自己可以这样。但是，我知道，为了他，错过这一切是值得的。我爱他因为他先爱我。而为了这一个“爱”字，错过的是值得的，得到的更是无法计算。

晓亭的人生是美丽的。谢谢你。

anyway. jus recounting a few things that happened. been busy with pos and it is jus a great joy to be back. hope that we will do well this year.

tried doing surveys on the street the past few days. i almost died! but for the money i m still continuing tml. God save me man.. give me an amiable face. haah. but it is really tough.

pst phil came last sun. gave a great msg. i m blown away. n i m coming up! to another level in prayer. i just need the leading of the holy spirit more n more.

and we had a great time on tues in the presence of the Holy Spirit. back to that first love.

thoughts

i love it when the Holy Spirit is there, touching me. (: was at home tdy and had a great time in the presence of God. was reading songs of solomon n i was so touched by it.

God loves me a lot and He loves u a lot isnt it?

but He is looking n seeking for one whose heart is completely His.

i wan to be found by Him.

God forgive me for the times i neglected u, for the times that other things were impt than u. bring me back to that place of wholeheartedness.

i want to love u.

it is amazing how God lets u into His presence so closely. it is simply amazing how u can worship Him and love Him n be so close to Him.

wad a priveilege to be a worshipper of the Most High.

we often forget that.

MI3

Today i watched MI3 with chan eng. the first movie in many weeks or months. (i can't recall, really) If not for her, i think i would really not have watched this show. The next time they rate it, they should rate it like only for 40 and below or sth, cos u will have a heart attack watching it. (ok, i m exaggerating. (: )

but! it was really scary! haah. i think scary is not the word, i can't find the right word for it. but it is definitely not for weak hearts. as for me, i think i m not a person who will be able to stay through scenes that torture people mentally, emotionally and physically. gee.. i just think it is torturous! really.. it is probably worse than those HK triad society movies..

after all the negative comments, it is not such a bad movie. if u r a person who likes action, u really will like it. I m still amazed ever since watching things like matrix and minority report by the creativity and imagination of people. though MI3 is not as imaginative, that kind of technology that appears in the movie still amazes me. wonder where do all the scientists get their ideas? u dun have to look furthur. haha. probably this is really how they get their inspirations.

but i m still scared out of my wits. haah.

on another note, i m looking forward to them playing Mission Impossible this fri when pst phil comes. ((:

things in order

just felt like i need to get things in order. i dunno wad is that order, but things feel like they r not in order.

i love fellowshipping with people who love the Lord and give their lives to God. and i pray that God will raise up a generation like that for Him.