"many are called, few are chosen, and even fewer are found faithful."

this thing has been resounding in my mind for a while, and it came up again during SOS.

i wept, and to tell the truth, i dunno why i did.

but i do know that i was overwhelmed.

was sharing with her, how years ago, this thing came to my mind, and i was telling God, what if i "drop out". through my yrs in church, there had been so many that "dropped out", will i be one of those?

then after some time, God told me, "xiaoting, you are my chosen one".

i could not believe it then. i asked God if He is sure.

a few years later, what i heard is "many are called, few are chosen, and even fewer are found faithful".

to many, this is so foolish. soooo foolish. to the intellectual, xiaoting is an idiot. i am so trapped in this, there's no turning back. is it worth it even?

many have left. this is one of those times, i felt so much abt xinhong's blog. it totally resonated with what i am feeling inside.

i just want to say,

to you, it may be foolishness. i know. to majority of the people, yes. sometimes you do make me feel that i am so silly. sometimes i wonder if i am right. but do you know, i really love Him so much, that i don't want to forego anything. i don't mind being a fool for Him. i really don't want to be called, yet not be chosen, or worse, not be found faithful.

and i feel sad, when you don't resonate with me.

really.

she asked me tdy, why? i told her, because He asked. it's as simple as that isn't it? if He asked, i will give up even the most precious things, in exchange for Him.

i'm not saying you r wrong, we all have our paths and ways, but i have decided a long time back.

there's no turning back. i will live, lay down my life, and walk this path of "foolishness".

i will be a fool for Christ.

my blog is feeling so dead! that is very bad. can u all pls revive it or sth?

haha. but many times when i'm here, i dun really know what to blog about.

maybe when i'm more inspired. Sidenote.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO WJ N MX!

AND HAPPY UPCOMING BIRTHDAY TO TING N KEN!

AND WHY IS EVERYBODY'S BIRTHDAY IN MAY????


note: my new best friend is called Honey. Meet him and say hi. (: he's the cutest bear in this whole world. gonna post up his pic soon.

some people said that blogging is therapeutic. i am trying it to see if it really is. recently, i'm looking for a way to destress. or maybe not recently la. haha. just need to do sth to get away from the buzzzzzzzzzz.

sorry for the lack of updates and the speaking in unknown languages.

ANYWAY.

we had an awesome time w Pst Kong today. I was really blown away by what he shared, and God really spoke into my heart.

The authority that Pst carries. is so amazing.

and whatever that i'm going thru in this season, God really showed me.

Pst said, that in his early twenties, he was constantly seeking God regarding the call of God upon his life.

He spoke abt being a bondservant, who will willingly lay down everything.

He said there is a moving, and there is also a moment.

You know at the end of it all, i wept and wept and wept.
we sang that song, we wholly follow you.
i was brought back to that place, 10 yrs ago, where i knelt down before Him, sang the same song and said, God i wholly follow you.
and once again He asked, will you?
with tears flowing down my cheeks, i cried, saying, I will.
Jesus, I really do love You.
and He reminded me of what He told me.
that one day, just like Peter, i might be brought to places i dun wan to go.
but that day will come, when you're all living for the Lord.
it's all abt Him.

so, r u willing to lay down?
r u willing to sacrifice?
r u willing to be separated?
r u willing to do all that He wants you to do?
r u willing to be a bondservant?

最近发生了很多很多事情。

问题是许多事情，是不能说出来的。

晓亭的心里真的憋了一肚子的苦水。

我只是希望，你可以看到，在表面以下的我，体谅在这坚强的外表底下，藏着的脆弱的心。

empathy - the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to,and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

i was really thrilled tdy, when i sat in front of the both of them, hearing their exchanges.

2 people that i admire a lot a lot.

i feel myself bubbling w excitement.

dun ask me how i get here. I dunno. it's just trusting n following Him all the way.

reminded again and again. it's a privilege.

xiaoting dun you forget that.

and everytime i'm reminded of my inadequacies, i'm also reminded of His grace.

你的恩典是足够我用的。

(:

it's amazing how God fulfils dreams, and put people in my life.

i love my life.

i am dead scared.

n in times like this, Your word is my only assurance.

it hurt me deeply. for one reason. that u r close to my heart.

i knew it was not going to be easy, and i m not complaining, cos i love wad i am doing.

but, i am upset, becos of ur attitudes, and lack of love.