just a really quick one before i run off to cg, wanted to pen my thoughts.

i remembered hearing at the Global Leadership and Mentoring Congress, from one of the speakers, that

"leaders produce leaders".

This statement hit me in a big way.

The strength of leadership is not merely in the number of followers u have, but the number of leaders u produce.

and i m glad to see, that after 4 yrs of cg ministry, i m seeing leaders being raised up in my ministry.

it's exciting, not just seeing them grow in God, but seeing them become world-shakers n history-makers as well.

and i am thankful for all my mentors, past, present and future, who have believed in me and discipled me, that i can be who i am today.

and now it is time, to take that and to believe in others, and see them realising the potential in themselves.

it has always been my dream.

to raise up a new generation of young ppl, who loves God wholeheartedly, loves people fervently, a people who will lay down their lives, for the kingdom of God. (:

it's such a cool day. and God has been doing so much that i feel so excited on the inside.

i started the day at 730am, when i was late for breakfast w ken n weijian.

and i ended my day at 1am, ending my supper plus crazy time w dong, ting, ying n kitty.

it has just been a whole lot of fun. :)

ahaha. n great fellowship. n lots of craziness.

thanks peeps. u guys r so amazing. haha.

just a sidenote, i feel REALLY excited for all my dear ones who are going sot. just have that feel, that God is going to do AMAZING things. it's really cool. i can almost see it. (:

i love my life. BIG TIME.

it may sound like just another statement that i make, but i can't help but say, my God is really amazing.

recently He has been answering my prayers in such amazing ways, that i can't help but be dumbfounded.

it is either i m really learning how to pray specifically, or He is trying to tell me sth.

when I pray, i really see His hand at work. and i mean really.

literally unfolds before my eyes.

and He just answered another of my prayers and questions, just like that.

sometimes my God is faster than light. haha.

there was one time that I prayed, that He will be sooooo real to me in my life.

He is answering this prayer too.

Because He has never been so real in my life.

thank You for remembering, and hearing, and answering. You are amazing.

突然发现，我最喜欢的时间，是7点钟。

不管是早晨7点钟，还是傍晚7点钟，都有吸引人的地方。

或许我喜欢的，只是早起的太阳，和傍晚的夕阳。

傍晚的7点钟，总是给人一种很奇妙的感觉。

那种，一天的努力后，回到一个幸福的家，香味扑鼻的晚餐，呵呵，很有画面。

今天在回家的路上，看到彩虹。

彩虹是多么美好的一个东西。

告诉你，不管雨下得多大，阳光总在风雨后。

可惜，很少会有这种机会在这个时间回家。

可能十年后，会有机会体验这样的生活。(:

prov 4:23

watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the springs of life.

老爸很厉害。

我只睡了几个小时，咳了两下，他就知道我病了。我都还没觉得呢。

但是今天醒来时，喉咙那种连吞口水都痛的感觉，真是不好受。

又是新的一天。

本来应该很开心的，但是因为那好像永远写也写不完的论文，让我每天都想不要醒过来去面对。

这样消极的态度，不是晓亭。我知道。

但谈到此事，我就忍不住叹气。

晓亭加油吧。

不可这样哦。

我们要乐观，积极的面对。

加油吧。

dr dyson spoke into my heart. haha. and what sze yin shared with me on fri night really encouraged and touched me in a big way. thanks girl, if you're reading. (:

one thing that dr dyson shared that really impacted me, was that he said that the man must be spiritually sensitive. that is really something that has been in my heart always. i m very attracted to guys who are spiritual, people who hear from God and are broken to God. and that must rank like no.1 on my list or something. haha.

another thing he shared, is about the right one. i won't attempt to summarise what he said here. haha. u got to check it online. but it is really a revelation.

whatever dr dyson shared gave me a very good perspective, on how to pray, what to pray and what to expect. thank You! (:

God has been awfully good nowadays. really.

a lot of questions, a lot of doubts, He is starting to answer them all.

and it's amazingly fast, 'cos i will wonder today, and He will answer tml.

and He just answered some of my questions today. Again.

i will share another time. haha.

and i had a very fun time toking to sze yin yest and today. haha.

and whatever that i shared w her, God answered it all today. my God is cool man.

it's strange how my emotions have been swinging like crazy this week. and i dun think that is a good thing, so i am trying to put a stop to it.

had a good time at emerge today. the most impt of all, was how God spoke to me, again and again. (:

was touched by what annabel shared. and at the end of the service, God reminded me again. When i was kneeling there singing "we wholly follow you", tears flowed and God brought me back to the old days. and He asked me, if I would always be willing to serve Him like that. I was crying and telling God, like what bel shared, everything may change, we may become sophisticated, but that heart of worship and dedication to God will never change. it's the same love that was there, 14 yrs ago, and i want to be at that secret place always. loved the presence of the Lord.

strong presence of God, and was touched by Him once again. yes i will serve Him.

and what pst zhuang said stuck in me, sometimes we allow circumstances to cause our attitudes to turn sour.

help me to have a right attitude always Lord.

and, i really do love you.

a lot.

thank you for everything.

昨晚，和个朋友有一了段有趣的对话。

有时候，我特别喜欢和一些人聊天。

他们当中，有一些特别了解我，总能挑战我的底线。

其他，总能让我开始思考，反省一些更重要的事。

是这些友谊，让我成为今天的晓亭。

(:

i like conversations that make me think. and leave sth longer, than the conversation itself.

sometimes, i feel really frustrated, and i feel like whining, complaining, why me!

sometimes, i feel really negative, and feel like ending this all.

and sometimes, and sometimes.

during these "sometimes", He will gently remind me, that in the multitude of words, sin is not lacking.

in these "sometimes", He will remind me, negativity is not from Him.

in these "sometimes", He will stop me, and remind me to contain it all.

i cannot change people, and i cannot change my circumstances.

but i can change myself, and how i respond to situations ard me.

that was wad pst tan shared before.

when i change myself, i change my family, and change my community, and change my society, and change my nation, eventually changing the world.

that is what Confucius said too.

修身齐家治国平天下。

change starts, from me today.

to quote pst tan, BIG change is possible.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

suddenly, a renewed love for reading. so i bought like 6 second-hand books just now.

from the alchemist:

"Why don't people's hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?" the boy asked the alchemist.

"Because that's what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don't like to suffer."

to solve the mystery yest, here it goes.

one of the most amazing thing happened last night.

i was talking to God about something on sunday night. it was a very sad time, and that explains the not-so-positive post u saw. i din pray abt it; i merely talked to God and told God some stuff.

and you know what????

God spoke to someone regarding the very same thing i prayed!!! like the very next day!!!

and it's so impt to me becos God gave me my answers. He was trying to prove me wrong, and getting me to change my route.

WOW.

i cannot tell u, how amazed i was last time. and how happy i am now.

and the kind of feeling is like,

God remembered me. and He cares about me. (: every single aspect of my life.

dear God, i am touched n humbled.

my revelation for today.

it takes maturity, to move beyond superficiality.

my dear friend,

we r proud of you say we r proud of you!

i was just dumbfounded, flabbergasted, overwhelmed by what God did.

i cant reveal the details here.

but it must be one of the moments, that God is so real.

Dear God, thank You.

thank You for the reassurance, for the encouragement, and for clearing the doubts.

i m blessed. and i really love You a lot.

You are amazing. (:

i like being home at this time. (:

it's peaceful and tranquil.

it's returning home time.

to offset the negativity felt in the previous posts, and finally regaining my sleep. this are happy pics for you to enjoy. (:



thanks for the flowers! nope it's not from an admirer. haha. i m not a flower. i m a gardener. haha. i only remembered receiving sunflowers and stalks of roses before. so this must be the first bouquet i have received!

i love clarke quay riverside a lot. it must be one of my fave places in sing. i love the rivers, the waters and the oceans. (:

v day's outing.

nice pic! but my hair is messy. lol.

we had fun on v day and yest night. just that i m really tired. took so long to recover.

i realised, it doesn't really hurt to do nothing. sometimes i just want to sit down somewhere, and stare and rot and stone. nah. prob more to think. haha.

yest while i was walking home, i rem someone that i admired once took off her shoes and walked. and i decided, let's try it too.

and i did. it was a little painful. cos i was walking on the main road. but it was really fun.

on another note, i miss ecp a lot. for some reason.

i admit. that it is really an emo night.

i cannot believe, how tears are flowing as i am typing this post.

the tears that have been hidden inside for so many days.

beneath the smile and laughter, there r a lot of heartaches.

i carry the burdens of others and fight for them. i wish someone will fight for me too.

i hate the superficiality. i really do.

i m afraid of being hurt. i really am.

i talked to meiyan abt it last wk, and when i was praying abt it in morning prayer, the tears just flowed. i told God, daddy it hurts a lot. and i never want to go back to the place again.

and i felt a teeny weeny little bit of that pain tonight.

Proverbs 12:8

"A man will be commended according to his wisdom, but he who is of a perverse heart will be despised."

God was speaking to me from this verse today. Somehow He has been toking to me a lot abt wisdom.

wisdom.

humility.

patience.

brokenness.

preparation.

to enter into your Promised Land.

this is what i want in 2009.

break my heart for what break Yours.

---------------------------------------------------------------

updated.

wow. check this out. i check up The Message version of this verse.

And what this is what it says.

Proverbs 12:8 (The Message)

"A person who talks sense is honored; airheads are held in contempt."

and the dictionary defines an airhead as "a scatterbrained, stupid, or simple-minded person".

God is really speaking.

nowadays, i have a phobia of opening my ntu mail.

i am afraid of what i will see.

and indeed, what i was afraid to see, i saw.

i feel the heat.

sometimes i m scared, though most of the time i am not.

but when i receive sth like that, there's only one word that describes it all.

STRESS.

like really.

i really seldom use this word.

this is a rare occasion.

so it shows....

i am really stressed.

gosh God help me out pls.

you know i totally cannot do it without you.

i know i can do this. but everytime i read sth like this, i really get scared. but "fear" is not in my dictionary. so baby, you can do it.

c'mon.

i was reminded sometime ago, abt wad wj shared. regarding jeremy saying, one of the impt things is to prepare, prepare and prepare.

suddenly, it just hit me hard.

for this month, the conversation that was going on with God was abt waiting, and patience, and waiting, and patience, and preparing myself.

not just training up the patience, it's a time for me to build myself up i believe.

there r days that i wish things could be easier, and there r days i know God is more interested in my character than my comfort. so there you go.

from the alchemist.

"Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realising the dream for which we fought all our lives.

Oscar Wilde said: 'Each man kills the thing he loves.' And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the sufferings we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal ----- when it was only a step away.

This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the things you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here. "

-Paulo Coelho

do you understand how i feel? and what i am really saying? and where exactly i am.. at this point?

我最近一直反复的在思考这个问题，特别是踏入了新的一年以后。

有时候我认为，可能是我想太多，这一切或许只是我的 imagination。

但是又有时候，却真实地让我无法相信。

说实在的，我宁愿不要知道，因为我害怕失望。

---------------------------------------------------

在那天和 Sheryl 谈完话之后，她说的一个东西，一直印在我脑海里。

我知道她在说什么。

但是有时候，i just want to take the easy way out.

---------------------------------------------------

when i look back i feel sad.

but i do know, that i really want to move on.

i feel sad for how things have turned out and become.

but.

i just want to be all that He wants me to be.

join me my friends?

to enter your promised land.

不知不觉，在图书馆里，就坐了一个下午的时间。遗憾的是，我没有达到我预期的成果。进度是。。。慢。

怎么感觉，好像有灰灰的云，笼罩着你我，怎么挥也挥不去。有时又想想，它只不过是一篇论文，有必要这么痛苦吗？

只是我讨厌有一块石头悬在心中，拿不起，却也放不下。

我
真
的
希
望

明天我一张眼，论文就写完了！

哈哈。

actually, i'm not so pessimistic as this thing sounds. haha. just that i'm a little frustrated. lol.

at the national library.

doing work n research. and honestly, feeling a little bored. lol.

so... i'm blogging!