A Clean Breast

I stumbled upon Theresa’s blog one or two years back… (I could not even remember how and when!) But I was very touched by her posts that were so candid yet brutally honest about her fight with cancer.

When I knew she wrote a book and released it, I was so excited and eager to get hold of one! (Especially when I love reading real life stories; how inspiring they always are)

I finished it in one night, captivated by her account of how she emerged from her battle with cancer.

She is one courageous person, and it is amazing how God uses our lives to be a blessing and inspiration to others.

If you know of someone battling with cancer, or someone with a loved one facing cancer, I honestly recommend you to grab the book!

It’s such a good read!!

Thoughts on recent strike by PRC drivers

Much talk has been going around regarding the strike PRC drivers went on a few days ago. It is a first in many years for our Singapore society, obviously stirring up quite a storm in our supposedly-peaceful society.

Just wanted to pen down some thoughts I have, but I am of course no social analyst, but personally I do feel for the PRC drivers. It was said that lines of communications are open, perhaps in formality, but honestly, where and how can these drivers fend for their rights?

这些人人生地不熟，离乡背井来到一个陌生的地方工作，对这里的制度和系统不熟悉。说实在的，他们到底能找谁去帮他们争取福利，或是摆脱不平等的待遇？我自己认识一些在新的外籍人士，特别是劳工阶级的，我常感觉他们处于被剥削的状态，但却投报无门。

I have been reading some articles, and i do agree with many of them that say these workers have little bargaining power. For these people, it is almost seen as a “privilege” to be able to come to Singapore and work here. If you are not happy with what you are getting, you can jolly well leave this job and go somewhere else. 

So much more is needed to be done for these labour workers in Singapore, really.

初见曙光之时

妊娠期进入第三周期后，常会在早上四至六时之间起床，之后要再回去睡就成问题了。

今天也是这样。也因为接近预产期的关系，最近的我开始有了很多想法。

有点感觉自己面临身份危机。

一直以来，我都清楚知道自己要什么，该做什么，生活的不同时间也带着不同使命。突然之间，自己得放慢脚步，花了很久的时间才习惯。现在来到了第三周期，因为生活步伐放慢，我更是有时间思考我的人生。

今早想起了有人说的一句话。

在这段时间，我就是应该要陪在我孩子身边。

是啊，我们的生命在不同的时候，就该扮演不同的角色。

灵命，家庭，服事，工作。。。这一切都需要平衡。

Intricate balance.

有时有些焦虑，担心自己是否能胜任。但感谢上帝的是，我周围有许多敬虔的母亲，她们真的是我学习的榜样。

我需要。。。再次找到自己的定位。

给自己说声：加油。

heavy, bulky, bloated, clumsy and…?

thankful. (:

Now at week 27, going on to 28, I am starting to feel really pregnant and bulky. Feeling a little clumsy and that my skin is super stretched…

But just really thankful.

Today is the first time i experienced water retention in such a real way! my fingers and toes were swollen when i woke up, it was so bad that I could not really move my fingers in the morning… they felt too tight. My toes looked so bloated…

I think what is the most exciting at this stage… is not just feeling the baby move… but "seeing” the baby move! Not that u can see it with your naked eye… but the baby moves so much nowadays, i can see my clothes moving when she moves! She will jerk and if I am resting anything on my tummy, my hand will jerk as well. That is a very thrilling feeling… Hahaha…

Counting my blessings…

week 22

说时光飞逝，还真的不夸张。

当你看自己的肚子一天天变大，才发现时间很快的与我们擦身而过。

怀孕这个过程，的确很奇妙。

这一个星期，孩子不停的动，不停的踢，似乎要提醒周围的人她的存在。

是的，是个女的。

孩子有时候会很好动，最奇妙的是，在播放赞美敬拜时，她总是会动起来。好爱这一点啊！

我祈求我的孩子长大，也会热爱神的同在。

to be a lover of His presence. (:

Every blog entry is a musing in process.

I was thinking what to name this post, only to realise, every entry i post up, is a musing in process.

Had an amazing leaders’ meeting with Pst YK last night at YMCA, and I am still soaking in the presence from last night. 2 verses that God placed in my heart.. that is still resounding in my mind.

Ex 33:13 Show me Your way… that I may know You…

Moses prayed.

It came as a revelation to me yesterday..

Many times we pray, God show me Your way. But how many people pray… God show me Your way, that I may know You?

We pray for the will of God… but what is our motive?

Show me Your way… not for my success… not for my ministry… not for my vision… but show me Your way, so that I may know You.

I want to walk in Your will, so that I may know You.

The former has always been my prayer… but the latter… came as a revelation yesterday.

Was reminded of what Pastor Tan shared with us last week.

God brings us to mountaintops… and through valleys… so that we may know Him in a greater way.

发现到上帝常常让我经历一些看似孤单的日子… 这些时候，也叫我更亲近祂，更认识祂。

Musings.. Walking w God

Thoughts i have been having recently, or perhaps even in the past one or two years.

When we first started out as a believer, life was really simple. It's easy to have someone to fall back on, right and wrong seems so clear cut, following God was a simple affair.

As i progress more in this journey, i find that the hearts of man are so deep, sometimes u really wonder... N u start to realise man are fallible. People u know or thought u know are no longer the people u know... We learn that no man is perfect, and only God is. And i find that.. The line between right and wrong is so thin, it's so difficult to tell sometimes, what is right and what is wrong. What is of God and what is not of God.

And i am learning to navigate through all these. Today Pastor Tan shared something.. He said that sometimes in our walk with God, it gets lonely, because God is teaching us to trust in Him totally. That struck a chord in my heart. I do find that this route gets lonely sometimes, and it is indeed difficult to find like-minded people. And sometimes, when i look at things around me, i wonder, God what is ur will in the midst of all these? Ultimately i find that what i am really interested in is not what man thinks, but i want to know His heart, His ways, i want to have His perspective. How do u look at a matter, a person, that is ultimately what i am concerned about...

Just some thoughts as i watch things unfold around me.

No wonder all the great men of God prayed n said.. God show me ur heart.. Show me ur ways.. Show me ur paths...

The greatest place to be is to be in the centre of the will of God.

my 26th birthday

Before i knew it, my 26th birthday had come and passed me by. Strangely, after I got attached and married, and as my life streamlined, birthdays had become lesser of such a big thing to me. haha. it's just another day of spending time w family and friends and receiving presents. But as I grow older, presents hold less significance, and relationships hold greater importance. It was just an ordinary day, because it was Emerge weekend, having lunch with my members, interpreting for service and dinner with in-laws.

Maybe it's due to the fact that I am pregnant, I have become more of a homely person, enjoying time at home more than being out. Shopping and being out has become less appealing, perhaps due to the fact that there are less clothes I can buy. Hahahaha.

Anyway, birthdays are always a good time to take stock of our lives.

This one year flew past me (not surprisingly) but it was an amazingly fruitful year.

This time last year, i was still soaking in the bliss of marriage, and was getting used to married life. And one year down the road, I am 3 months pregnant. A friend commented that my life is so well-planned, and it just goes down the typical road. On hindsight, it does. Haha. But it is definitely not intentional, I just learn to take life one step at a time. Although i am looking forward to motherhood, there are many times I wonder if I am really ready for this. Gee. Reality check.

God really took me through many things this year, new friendships, in ministry, it was a whole new level together. I guess the biggest thing i will never forget, is interpreting for Pastor Kong and Mrs Cho on Suntec stage. What a moment. What an encounter. What a privilege.

This emerge, Pastor Kong said, he is just an imperfect vessel that God used to do His perfect will. I am reminded, that I am really a nobody in the hands of Almighty God, doing His will. Life has gone on, from a desire to achieve success, to significance. Will not forget this sentence that Pastor shared.

Looking back, my heart is filled with gratitude. Grateful to God for my super amazing husband who loves me with everything he has, and God for always being with me, taking me this far, my family and in-laws who love me so much, my friends and leaders that I can always lean on. My cg of young people that God has placed in my life and I so love... I am just thankful. Lastly thankful to Him for granting me the desire of my heart, giving me a child.

Looking forward, in this new year... my prayer is of course...

for my pastors and leaders... for full deliverance...

for a healthy baby...

to know Him in a deeper manner.. rebuilding my altar..

thankful for the last 26 yrs, and looking forward to even more glorious yrs ahead.. :)

What is in your heart?

After attending Chinese Cg yesterday, i was reminded of the word God gave me on 15 April…. When God asked me…

Show me your heart.

What is in your heart today?

Those words struck my heart… and I could not help it… but break down and cried and cried and cried…

I never dared to tell God what is in my heart.

It’s too impossible, it’s too big… and I am too small… too inadequate..

But that day, God put courage in me… i stepped up to the altar and told God… yes i believe you can use me…

In You, I can.

I was reminded of the word again yesterday. And tears overwhelmed me. I could not help myself. I was reminded of how God spoke to me… and less than 1 mth later… i will have a chance interpreting for one of the greatest man of God alive…

Behold what manner of love has our Father bestowed upon us…

最初的梦想—范玮琪

如果骄傲没被现实大海冷冷拍下
又怎会懂得要多努力才走得到远方
如果梦想不曾坠落悬崖千钧一发
又怎会晓得执着的人有隐形翅牓
把眼泪装在心上 会开出勇敢的花
可以在疲惫的时光
闭上眼睛闻到一种芬芳
就像好好睡了一夜直到天亮
又能边走着边哼着歌
用轻快的步伐
沮丧时总会明显感到孤独的重量
多渴望懂得的人给些温暖借个肩膀
很高兴一路上我们的默契那么长
穿过风又绕个弯 心还连着
像往常一样

最初的梦想紧握在手上
最想要去的地方
怎么能在半路就返航
最初的梦想绝对会到达
实现了真的渴望
才能够算到过了天堂
最初的梦想绝对会到达
实现了真的渴望
才能够算到过了天堂

挫折

这么多年来，似乎是一定的，挫折会在生命的循环里出现，而且总是在我下定决心后，它一定会来干扰我。

当下，我按捺不住心中的委屈和难过。

有时候会觉得，没有人看到我的牺牲、我的委屈，你那么努力，又是为了什么？不为名、不为利、不为钱，如果在外面的话，过得应该会舒服很多吧？我不知道，我从来都没想过，直到今天。

今天，竟然有这样的念头闪过，放弃的念头，但我也知道，它仅仅是个念头。

熬过了这么多个年头，你总是会，拍拍自己的肩膀，扫一扫灰尘，再站起来吧。

是你的就是你的，你只要相信，争取。

尽管肉眼看到的是现实的否定（更难过的是，有时候是人的否定），但在灵里面，我看到的是天父的肯定。

祂相信我，这，就足够了。

祂觉得我可以，那也就足够了。

但即使有一天，真的没实现，我还是会忠心的做，你要我做的事。

这是我的委身和摆上。

对你的承诺。

这是我活着的理由。

生活中的繁瑣事

最近的心情不太漂亮，健康情況不理想，搞得我疑神疑鬼。

工作有些令人喘不過氣，極其渴望能放個假，但現在只有忙裡偷閒的份。

想念和朋友聚一聚的時光，對生活的快步伐感到疲累，只希望我不需要有一堆的deadlines追著我。

因為心情不漂亮，人也跟著感覺不漂亮。

最近參加的一場婚禮，讓我感覺到，其實，做人，開心知足就好。

很多事情不是外在的，而是內在的，我們有時候太注重外表，卻常常忘記，其實內在更重要。

內心所充滿的，就會在外面表達出來。

重新調整自己，等待五月份再次出發！

Burdened

I have always felt burdened for different people, different situations, but this is one period in my life, that i perpetually feel burdened.

Maybe like what Sun shared, i just got to learn to connect people to God, and then Jesus will do the work.

I feel too tired to fight for myself, so let God fight for me.

I wish that God will do all the speaking, all the convicting, so that i can be free from all these things.

Whenever i feel like running away, it’s a bad thing, n that’s exactly what i want to do now. I just wish God will wave his magic wand and everything will be ok. And I can pretend everything did not happen, n it was just all a nightmare.

On retrospect, maybe I am just taking this thing too seriously, and I should learn to lighten up or something.

I feel that I’m not doing what I should do, the spiritual way. but i think i don’t have the courage and strength.

so God, over to You please?

Honeymoon (Taiwan)

While i was preparing a V day present for hubby, i browsed through all our honeymoon photos, and it brought back such fond memories!

 

Sunrise at 花蓮！

水岸森林會館

莫內花園畫展

浮潛@墾丁

小徑民宿 @ 墾丁

墾丁水族館！

Just some random photos.

Hubby will probably upload all on FB!

complexity vs simplicity

*warning: this is an emo post, just for today.

today i found myself thinking about something…

這些年來，事過境遷。。。

很多人、事、物都改變。。。

身邊的人也改變了。

漸漸的，認識的人多，朋友越來越多，但是。。。

知心的朋友還真的沒幾個。

今天，我在思考的一個問題是。。。

當有一天，我真正面對什麼事情時，除了老公以外，我第一個找的人會是誰？

我傾訴的對象會是誰？我尋找的對象會是誰？

陳牧師曾經說過，我們每個人都需要有這樣的一個人。

當我感到如此難過時，我竟然不知道。。。

我要找誰哭泣。

心中的感覺很複雜。

不是生氣，但是失望、是難過、是沮喪、是疑惑、是混亂。

我已經很久。。。沒有這種感受了。

可能是這些日子來，我都沒有正視過這個問題。我知道它或許存在。。。

而今天，當我真正知道它存在時，我的感覺是。。。手足無措。

知道了又怎麼樣？我又不能做什麼。

可能這種無助感是最可怕的吧。

到底。。。什麼是可信的，什麼是不可信的。。。

什麼是真、什麼是假。。。

求你以你的真理引導我。。。

1st post of 2012

Here i am, sitting in my interpreter’s room, the room that I spend a lot of time in, interpreting and encountering God too…

The year 2011 never fails us, and has gone by like a wind.

And 2012 has sneaked up on us quietly.

Every year i get really nostalgic, but amazingly, i did not, and allowed 2012 to just arrive.

Every year i seem to know what it holds, but this year i am still quite clueless. Hahahaha.

And surprisingly, I have no urge to make resolutions. Haha.

But there are desires, thoughts, rantings…

Yesterday I had my boss talk to me… and his sheer concern of me, my work and marriage touched me deeply. I am so blessed.

Today, i finally made it to the gym for the first time in 2012.

As I was listening to 张茂松牧师 on my ipod, he said this…

利未人只能跟着祭坛，他们不能跟着机遇、不能跟着食物走，只能跟着祭坛。

What a word. What a reminder.

I can only follow after the altar, I can only follow after Him, I am a levite. And I will be contented.

A verse God recently gave me:

Ps 16:5-6., 11

5 O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
6 The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.

¹¹ You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

(: thank You Jesus.