i cant tell u how touched i felt, when i saw the posts.

just like i cant tell u how hurt i felt, when those words were being uttered.

it brings joy to know that there're ppl running with you; it brings pain to know that some are not.

and yes, i love the quote on yl's blog. pardon the copyright. quoting from yl's blog.

"We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesnt work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: "Oh, well, i didnt really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how."

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

this speaks it all. ALL.

why m i feeling so upset.

dun make me feel unappreciated.

dun make me feel it's all not worth it.

dun duN DUN.

DON'T.

i think i need You.

and i think i need a break.

a great battle fought. but i wonder if we won victoriously.

communication.

love.

fellowship.

company.

friends.

quality time.

the biggest battle ever fought.

but why do i not feel victorious at all.

take my hand and lead me through, won't you?
i also need the light of Christmas to light up my **** days.

i was packing my room, and while clearing my shelves, i saw the prom booklet, Clair de lune. (now that's hwa chong, they always come up with some funny names which we dunno what it means. haha) and guess what i found? my chow's note to us!!!! and seriously, when i read it, i almost cried. now here it is for all of you. and i found pics of me in crutches then! haha.

零三S六一班同学，
还记得曾经对你们说过黄城的故事吗？（很感人吧！）
还记得曾经教过你们牛顿定律的中文版吗？（Newton's Laws!）

还记得曾经我们一起“熬”过的“Physics Camp"吗？（也许可申请成为健力士最长的补课时间纪录！）

还记得曾经在补课后到6th ave 吃 laksa 吗？（这么辣 Kian wee 还加特多的辣椒！xiaoting's note: yes and i remembered how 8 of us squeezed into chow's car, and the ruth and futh joke!! oh that is so classic!）
还有许许多多的曾经 （许许多多我们都忘了）。

最后一节的CT课，不是CT的我也来了（哈哈，好kaypo哦！）。原本要好好道别的，但考试的气氛笼罩着大家，纵有千言万语，只好改为勉励的话。

在梁文福的《曾经》读到这么一句话，觉得很有意思：”只要曾经有过令我们惦念不已的美丽，你在城中小小暂驻，又岂是慢慢风烟所能烟灭？“

Mr Chow (Physics) 周爷

读到这里时，我差点就哭了。是的，我无法忘记在黄城的小住，有人问我，是中学好，还是初院好，我说，因人而异，但对我而言，我无法忘记黄城的美好时光。

missing and loving u guys, 03S61! l

ove,ting aka xiao bian :P
P.S. could we pls meet up with mr chow???

that day i had a conversation with MY. i was telling her, many times as a leader, we may think that we have already arrived, but the truth is, that there is still a long way to go. I have always admired people who choose to keep on moving on, to keep on becoming better.

And MY said sth that really struck me hard. She said, people choose to move on because of a vision. They move on because they have a vision of what they want to become. What a revelation. Not that it is something i don't know about, but there and then, suddenly it hit something in me.

Last Sunday, Pastor also preached about being a person of vision. I really felt God speak to me. What kind of person do I want to be? What kind of disciple, leader? What kind of future do i want? It was something that i started to ponder. What do i want to see in 2009?

Read someone's blog by chance. What she wrote in her blog reminded me of certain things. Coming back to the secret place again. Wanting to seek Him for more, to have more of Him. Like what Pastor said, God is first, Family second, Ministry third.

ending 2008 with a big bang, and looking forward to 2009.

xiaoting, RUN!

ting called. while i was lying on my bed. letting it flow.

thanks girl. your call meant a lot. in that dark moment.

thanks for reminding me, i'm not alone, n someone cares.

i was talking to a member in the week and i was telling him, one of the most important thing in our christian life is to have hope. many ppl leave, becos they lose hope. in Hebrews, the word of God said, the hope of God is the anchor of our soul. how true.

i really dunno wad i can do. really. if u could help me, pls do. i'm so on the verge of tears.

thinking about a lot of things. wish that life can be a little slower, and wish that i can just take time to do what i want to do. i don't like it, when life just takes me along, and brings me wherever it wants to go. i wish i could be more in control, and do what i really want to do.

was thinking abt something last friday but i din blog it down. here it is. you know, i just realised, that being a cgl taught me a lot abt parenting. haha.

as a cgl, when ur ppl are growing up, you never play a controlling role. becos u cant. eric said this one time abt parenting, that when they're young, you give them ur unconditional love. when they're older, you teach and impart. when they r teenagers, u become their friend. and when they finally grow up, you let them go.

you know i really agree, that i just have to let my ppl grow in the Lord, grow in their faith. i know God has a unique path for everyone of them, and not everyone of them will turn out like me. i have to let them discover the path that God has for them. the truth is, that my disciples can be very different from me, have different ideas, and that's perfectly alright.

but you know something? when a parent gives birth to a child, they have the same dna. as much as the child can be very different from the parent, there's sth that runs in the blood. it's the same thing. as much as i know that my disciples can be very different from me, in turns of personality, style, character and even fashion sense, there are things that run in the blood, and these are convictions and values..

seriously, i do not expect my disciples to be identical to me, but i do expect that the same dna is found in them. the same convictions, the same values, the same intolerance for certain things, and the same standard. that is the dna. this is the dna of chc. and really, many things are not taught, they are caught.

i will be proud, when i produce disciples, who are very different from me, doing great things, but yet carrying the same convictions and values regarding the things of God.

some things just cannot be compromised.

today while i was in school, i just randomly started to play this song in my head, "running after You".

it's a praise song that we used to sing, that says

"I don't care what people will say

I'm running after You

I wouldn't turn back and go their way

I'm running after You

No matter what may come my way

I'm running after You

It's You I'm following today

I'm running after You"

One of the definitions of "run" -- to move, roll, or progress from momentum or from being hurled, kicked, or otherwise propelled

I was thinking in my heart, although we describe our Christian life as a walk with God, but we also often say, we're running after the Lord.

Interestingly, the nature of the word "run" is not something that is passive. It always indicates something active and of great energy. Similarly, it is reflective about our Christian lives. Our lives are never meant to be a "kay sarah sarah, whatever will be will be". The Lord did not save us, so that we can comfortably retreat somewhere in a cottage, and sleep the rest of our lives away. He did not call us into passivity. But instead, He has called us into a race.

Paul said, "I press toward the prize for the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

As Christians, we are called to run, we are called to fight, we are called to do something. The very nature of "run" brings us to a destination. God has called us to lay down our lives, and run for a cause. We were never called to stay where we are, within our comfort zone.

That is what I have been thinking nowadays. What am i running for? What is the thing that I would lay down my life for? What is the cause that I am fighting for in my life?

I feel that I am searching, and i know, that He has something in store for me.

Dear all, RUN!!! Don't stop, don't walk, focus your eyes on the Lord, and RUN!!!

跑出一片属于自己的天堂!

原本平静的心，又再一次荡漾起来。

原本已抛到九霄云外，现在又卷土重来。

我要简单。我要自然。我要在他的安排下。

我也不想再想了。

i promise i will do another proper post on GSIF soon. a lot of thoughts which i need to pen down. i totally think that it's so true. If u have not said it out or written it down, you have not thought it through. So i want to pen down all those thoughts.

just a sidenote. it was not a fantastic morning yest, but other than that, everything else was. GSIF, fellowshipping with friends. i really love it.

i enjoyed the bus ride with my friend back then, and i m falling in love with siglap area. hurhur. and to be back at 85 is great. lol. back mx left, feeling really angry with me!!! so sad! it has been such a long time since saturday boys met up, and it felt just like yesterday.

a lot of thoughts, a lot of inspirations, a lot of feelings that need to be expressed. give me a day to just think things through. i'll be back with more. (:

lots and lots and lots of love from me. (((((:

p.s. dun u just think that love is in the air? haha. wad a cliche statement. but everybody seems to be getting attached! and no i'm not. not yet. haha. but it's just such an interesting happening nowadays. haha.

it has been an awesome 2 days at GSIF -- global social innovators forum.

mind-blowing, and the passion of the people in the place was so contagious. i m so glad for the opportunity to be there, thank you and YOU!

my takeaways -- it doesn't take much to do something, does it? and it's amazing that people really believe how "little" they do can make this world a better place. wow.

some of the simplest ideas to improve the lives of people. i realised i m so cut out for entrepreneurial stuff.. because i feel totally at ease, networking, attending the forums and i love all the workshops.

going for minor in entre was one of the best things that i did in my uni life, i feel.

and if everyone would just play a part, truly, we would make this world a better place.

do u noe that jet li and all the rest really believed in that?

cool.

a sidenote, guess who i met at the forum??? helen shen la. that's way so cool because we were supposed to meet this week. our much-postponed date. and in the end, we saw each other for 2 days in a row at the forum. that's like way cool la. and i like that i thought. it's cool to see what she's doing at work and what i'm doing in my life. the sad thing is we din take pictures la!!!! and i met her good fren from MA prog too. haha. now we're a little more updated.

just now i was talking to somebody. and he was telling me that he wasn't feeling good. n he din sound esp nice. and i was thinking in my heart, that i wasn't feeling too good either. in GSIF, they kept talking abt partnerships n collaborations. it takes a team to make sth work. it takes a team to make the vision come to pass. i need a team, committed, passionate and enthusiastic. yes although i believe one person can make a difference, i also believe, with u on board, much more things will happen. join me in transforming the world, wun u?

elim chew said.. impossible is also i m possible.

ya i believe that too.

now give me a little courage, a little strength, and a little encouragement, to take that little step, and walk that little mile.

something that i have been thinking abt nowadays. about believing people, and about speaking into our lives.

that was sth i took back from AC, how we can change the world, one at a time.

believing, yes you can, and yes we can.

recently i have been thinking abt a lot of things. a lot on friendships. dr bernard always says, relationships precede ministry. a lot of dilemma, a lot of work. it's funny how a fren stepped in, cos he said he felt friendships r so valuable. and it's appreciated la. i know where he's coming from.

but sometimes i just feel, it's never a one-way thing. and i hate it to be one-way. u know me. and sometimes i wish, i don't have to do that much, and press in as much. toking specifically abt certain things and people. don't think too much.

sometimes i wish, all these could be a lot simpler.

on another note, it's never accidental. close friendships are forged because we chose to, open our hearts and lives to certain people. it's becos we chose to press in, and we chose to let them in. i know it's silly that i was thinking of that, but there's a reason why. i don't like to feel obliged, and it's more than that.

HC443 must be the most discouraging module i have taken. seriously.





i never find it difficult to write papers, study for exams and do well.





but everytime i meet my prof for this module, i feel more disheartened than ever.





and that is why, when i was listening to the various speakers in AC, i feel the need to excel more than ever. but i just received an email, which is not a fantastic comment.





now to quote ting, u tell me how???





exams in 2 days. fyp due i dunno when.





haix lord i nd ur help.





ok i must start confessing positively to my world.





just a clarification. richard soon is not my member. haha. for those who dunno. n this is THE classic photo. lol.

so cool. lol. thank God the reporter din write, 20 yr old richard soon. i will die of OD laughing. to quote dr bernard.

on another note, i met pst kevin loo yest at the airport. aiya shld have taken photo with him! haha. and sending off all the china delegates. love them like crazy. pics will be up soon. (:

i'm so gonna blog this down.

it has been awesome. what God has been doing in our hearts and lives.

today i stood there, n i saw pastor call him out.

mx n i both saw him on camera, and were wondering in our hearts, if pastor would be calling him out. and he did.

when pastor said, i feel the glory of God upon you. i smiled.

and i was thinking in my heart, this guy served the Lord in his ministry faithfully every wk. here is his reward.

without the sacrifice of availing himself to serve, he would never be standing on stage, being a catcher. but that very opportunity gave him an encounter with the Lord.

i dunno how to tell u, but i feel so glad.

there's sth greater upon this guy.

and i felt my heart smiling when Pastor spoke to him, and like wad ken said, i was thinking in my heart, that's my friend!

so to my dearest friend, i'm so proud of u. without the willingness to go the extra mile, u wun be where u r today. and u have a tremendous calling upon your life. God is calling u to Himself, more than the ministry and the serving, God is calling u to Him, a life of intimacy with the Holy Spirit. and i love wad pst phil said, u will minister the Holy Spirit for the rest of ur days. WOW.

it feels like i have been prophesied over instead. lol. but from the bottom of my heart, can i tell u, i feel soooo glad. God is awfully good.

MR RICHARD SOON, I M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!

haha. and i feel really happy for u. (:

a little battle-weary. though it seems like everything is ok, i felt like i fought such a tough battle this week.

just a little tired.

the God I know
righteous and holy
the God i know
faithful and true
the God i know
my tower of refuge
hearts are healed
Christ revealed

the God i know
light of the city
the God i know
strengthens the weak
the God i know
Your heart beats within me
as You are, so are we

the church He knows
righteous and holy
the church He knows
faithful and true
the church He knows
a tower of refuge
hearts are healed
Christ revealed

the church He knows
light of the city
the church He knows
strengthens the weak
the church He knows
is strong and mighty
as He is, so are we

battles after battles. i'm just a little tired, a little weary, a little worn out, and feeling a little alone.
talked to many many ppl this week. encouragement and affirmation.
i felt that i needed it too.

a fren said that my blog seems so emo. sorry but this is a channel to vent my frustration and problems. sometimes i just nd to blog to let it out.

when i heard this song yest, i was abt to weep. it was the cry of my heart, especially for these 2 weeks. carrying that burden.

when he called, i felt that it just din matter anymore. really.

tears flowed, and flowed, and flowed.

let the weak say, i am strong.

on a more positive note, i know it's going to be great next wk. and i noe, battles tell me, that my breakthrough is coming.

GREATER

anyway just a side note, it really brings joy to my heart when i talk to certain ppl, and when people enjoy my company and open up to me. thank God for such ppl in my life. (:

for the first time in such a long while, i went for BS today. partly cos i really wanted to hear jeremy teach, and partly cos he was teaching on the role of the pastor.

the word of God spoke to me tdy. when he was sharing, i was smiling in my heart, cos i really knew what he was talking about. and recently, i m feeling it a bit more, feeling for the people a bit more.

i m getting busier. doing a bit more things, handling a bit more responsibilities. but yet, i still love the people all the same. love talking, discipling and seeing people grow.

and i pray that God will really use me, and us, for something greater.

there's just so much more in store.

i nd to really start mugging! haha. and start doing my research. yes xiaoting work harder. :)

just came back not long ago. after meeting some frens. it's really unusual that i m home so late on sat night.

along the way, met some ppl and friends. and i felt God knocking on my heart. i was reminded y i am doing the things i am doing.

i pray, that i can continue to be used, in a greater way, to see lives changed.

it's wonderful living for you. (:

nights.

after so many days of ploughing through, finally i m done with my 20 page essay. and i realised, it's abt 10000 words!!! so not so bad la.

it's just been a difficult time, to say the least, and now my friends, sch is really, officially over.

no more lectures, tutorials and reports for the many days that follow, except for my fyp of cos, which i need to start next wk.

and i can only say, xiaoting, jia you jia you n jia you. (:

and i would love to go out one of these days. i need a good break! before i start again.

counting down 20 hours to the handing in of report, things don't look so bad after all. lol. it's only missing a night of sleep. n i m looking forward, to handing in that report tml, and take the ride from boon lay to eunos, and eventually lying on my bed. waking up to thinking, that's one report down and a final one to go.

jia you ms chiong.

live up to ur name man.

haha.

on another note, obama really really won. wow.

尽管眼睛快要闭上了，还是好想把这一刻的心情给写下来。

刚看了high school musical 3.

看了后，完全可以了解杨丽玲在说什么。

很cliche的一部电影，但总能勾起许多美好的回忆。

让我想起初高中时期。

电影中有一幕，男主角在考虑自己前面的路该怎么走，唱道，他希望拥有自己的梦，当下突然感觉，这是我的心情写照。

我和许多人提起，却从来未曾在这地方表达我的感受。

再过一个星期，我就非正式的毕业了。

说非正式，是因为正式的毕业典礼在明年7月，但是过了下个星期，我再也不需要回学校上课了。

这样矛盾的心理，让我看了这部电影后，感触更多。

因为还是学生，总可以为自己找千千万万的理由不去长大。SHE的歌完全形容我的心情，我，真的不想长大。

感觉自己好像还是大一，混着日子过，但是转眼间，我已经要毕业了，要为将来的日子打算。

不知道究竟有多少人问过我，晓亭你以后要做什么？

我也从来不记得自己说过这么多个“不知道”。

我还是第一次感到这么茫然。

小六毕业时，我就决定，我要念哪间中学。

中四毕业后，我就决定，我要上哪所高中。

高中毕业时，我连想也没想，就申请了南大中文系，至今仍是个我没有后悔的决定。

虽然在这当中，我希望有许多事情我是可以重新再做的，但我不行，所以最后一次的报告，的大考，我更想做的最好。

在心目中，我一直都是19岁。却在这一刻，我无法不承认，我已经22了，所以必须为将来打算。

说实在的，那的确很恐怖。

那个。。一直都知道自己要做什么的晓亭，也有这样的一天，这对许多人来说，太难理解了。

是的，我，也有茫然的时候。

那就是现在。

但是，我仍然对未来，抱着信心，充满希望，殷切盼望。

替我加油吧。

我也要找到我未来的梦。

This amazing gp of ppl that won 90 dollars ben and jerry's vouchers. haha.

and again!

sending off mx. just to make this look emo. lol. u see wj lol-ing. cos the photographer was pretty funny. and the next funny thing is, somebody asked him to take pic for them, and a little girl asked for his number! ok not that little la. haha. maybe like 16 or sth?

pics that make me smile. 26102008. (:

i am glad that the weekend has come to an end. although i wished that i am in sentosa now, (because i missed it twice in a row!! last yr and this yr!) nevertheless i m glad i have some time to just study n reflect n think.

昨天发生了一些事情，让我感触良多。原本听了一个朋友的话，改变了想法。

但是，我真的对这整件事略有烦感。

不要和晓亭提起这事好吗？我真的不想知道。

希望我不会觉得，这多年的友谊，是不值得的。

it's a lot a lot of thoughts that flood through my mind. i gave it a chance again and again. but i feel so...

on the other hand, while thinking yest, i also asked myself. maybe i haven't been a good friend too. and if that is the case, then () is not to be blamed.

n if i have been such an awful fren, and we r just not "fated" to be frens, then i think, i m willing to ...

用文字，无法表达我的感受。我没有刻意去想，但这件事总在我脑海里反反复复的出现。历史好像又重现了。

but i really did ask myself, if i have been a good fren. and really, maybe i have not. maybe () have always felt that this friendship has been taken for granted. and maybe, we have never been good frens after all.

never mind about such a thing. haha. i m supposed to be busy now, thinking abt sth else. (: like my studies, and my beloved cg.

i m glad that Get Set Get Wet has come to an end, and the people really enjoyed themselves. All thanks to the leaders. i love u guys lots man. n i m proud of u e357! (: you guys r amazing!

this week, give me some time to settle the things that i need to do, and i will be up and going again.

终结孤单

約你你說不來　
來了你又不high
大家開開心心出來玩　
你只埋頭吃飯

如果你的孤單　
只是你的習慣
一直把你自己鎖起來　
實在太不應該

心情好　心情壞　
怎麼開始　怎麼辦
你有的不爽　讓我來分擔

Everything will be alright
Tomorrow will be fine
太陽依然燦爛　
Hey　地球繼續轉
Everything will be alright
Tomorrow will be fine
有我的陪伴　你再也不孤單
(有我的陪伴　一起終結孤單)

衛冕者接受挑戰　難免也會失敗
人生雖然像一場比賽　
還是要保持樂觀
請你把頭抬起來　
幫你把勇氣加滿
有我這樣完美的朋友　
High不High　當然很High

下午看康熙来了。
小钟唱这首歌。
让我有一些些微笑。（：

Xiaoting is contemplating...

how to be a good leader.
how to be a good disciple.
how to be a good student.
how to be a good teacher.
how to be a good friend.
how to be a good daughter.
And..
how to be a good child, of this house.

this is one of those times, that i spent so much effort into something.

one thing is because i m coming to an end of my sch life, but another thing is because i feel that a good prof deserves better.

but it's not that i m not trying.

突然间，我觉得有点沮丧，因为这真的是我花很多心思的一次了。

因为是最后一个报告，也是因为他是一个不错的老师。

it is not that i dun care. i m really trying.

seriously, grades do not matter so much. it's the efforts being recognised really.

it was so liberating!!!!

when finally i knew exactly what to write for my report. I THINK. haha. but the fact that i managed to make some sense out of the whole thing lifts my entire burden.

God is so good. haha.

and our 100 portfolios were sold out today!!! wooooo. lol.

i m still 20,000 words away. haha. but it's ok. one step closer yeah?

(((((((((:

disclaimer: the previous entry is just an emo post.dun read too much into it yeah? haha.

it's funny how this thing affects me so much more than that, but it honestly does.

i know it is silly to think this way, but i cant help but feel like this.

i dislike it, when people claim to be something, and yet they are not.

i dislike it even more, when friendships r not treasured.

i hope no one would ever come and ask me about this thing.

i dunno and i dun ever want to know. i think.

:( why like that.

有些东西，是你的就是你的，不是你的，终究在你手上，也会失去。

it has been a heart attacking week.

i m just glad they din all come at a time.

and well, it's just a great opportunity to stretch and enlarge my faith. haha.

although i m considering to

1. put on sackcloth and mourn now.
2. pray that i will be zapped to mars
3. hope that God will pause time for me like Joshua, but not for one day, but for one month.
4. close my eyes and hope it's all a dream.
5. just get on with it.

lol.

有些事，尽在不言中。

言语的交谈，固然重要。

但有时候，你听不到的，更加重要。

i was so encouraged. an old fren of mine came for make up cell tdy, and she said..

"... ur cg really has potential...." and some other stuff. haha.

it's so great hearing from someone outside the cg, affirming me what i have been doing in the ministry. sometimes we're in the midst of all these, and we fail to see what God really has in store.

And like what she said, GREAT things r in store!

i feel so excited, becos i felt it was a great cell meeting, at least i noe the presence of God was there tangibly. God spoke, moved and it was a great time in the Holy Ghost!

it was so funny. i shared w my members what God spoke to me last night. becos i could not get to sleep. here's a not very good poem i came up w last night after praying. haha.

she spoke to me
and i was scared
and did not know
how to react

i was stressed
and more afraid
of that which truly lies ahead

i tried to sleep
but failed in it
thus woke up
and spoke to Him

i said lord
i feel alone
in this fight that requires me to stop the moans

i prayed and asked
who would be there
in this ardous journey
that has no end

i lost frens
and fellow men
who gave up halfway
before the end

i prayed and asked
Him for strength
that He would one day lead me there

He smiled and cheered
proud of me
that i would one day
have the dare
to reach that end

and i thought of you
and made a wish
that you would move on once again

and i believe
you have in you
what it takes
to touch the world for Him
that once again

for so many hrs i have been whining.. so it's time to stop whining! lol.

xiaoting stop wallowing pls can u. :P

yes yes i will. stop whining, get the work done, get the things out, and meet my deadlines.

i did study tdy! and get a better glimpse of wad i am doing. and got things started.

tml WILL be a better day.

so to all my faithful readers and frens,

love u guys! u guys r awesomeeee.

haha. and yes of cos i love my abba father.

for tolerating w my nonsense these 2 days. haha.

was just randomly googling and saw this nice nice pic of greenland.

i realised that i love nature. lol.

this is the after effects of trying to read ALOT ALOT abt media and democracy. lol.

xiaoting jia you!

good frens r hard to come by. :P

just heard sth abt a fren of mine, and the feeling that i dunno wad i can do.. does not feel good.

i wish sometimes i can say sth so that u can feel better.

and i feel that i wish there is sth i can do.

but many times, i can't.

jia you my fren.

though i noe u wun read this, i wish that u will feel it.

my support for u.

no matter what happens, i still respect and admire u alot.

world shaker and history maker ya?

his calling is irrevocable.

i'm not doing it justice if i dun blog in chinese.

so i'm not blogging abt the trip now, at least not today.

it was refreshing i think.

i love the air and the nature, far from the busyness of the city.

sometimes our lives r just so flooded with things.

and we need some peace and stillness in the air.

and my heart feels, more peaceful than ever before.

no more running wild,
i'm Yours for life
Well You got me here
You got me

I hear Your call tonight
Your heart is mine
Well You got me here
You got me

now i know, y 2 weeks ago, when i was singing this song, my heart was beating. God was preparing me for this time.

wad a life i'm living for You.

blessed.

i just sent an email to my fren, and a wave of nostalgia swept over me.

i miss 61 and hwa chong like crazy.

miss chow and miss lep, miss my gang of crazy lep-ers and 61ders.

my wish is, i can make it for the next 61 outing. lol.

it's amazing how there is this calmness that comes over me, and how i have grown in this area.

i know probably i will get increasingly frustrated, and really, things would not just work out this way, but the peace that God has given me, and the word, touches me in a big way, and i really do treasure it.

treasure how i will not be vexed. treasure the faith in God. lol. fang will noe exactly wad i m toking abt.

n becos of the peace and the faith, it saves me a lot of time from thinking abt it, and helps me to focus in a big way. oh man. thank you Jesus.

leaving for northeast asia in 3 days' time. gosh lord that is very surreal.

and i have a feeling, this trip will change my life. completely.

sth that i dreamt abt for so long, is really going to come to pass.

and i think, i would come back, having a better grasp of my future.

u think so? (:

keep me in prayers. thanks.

No more running wild
I'm yours for life
Well You got me here
You got me

I hear Your call tonight
Your heart is mine
Well You got me here
You got me

The second time we sang it for service, i think.
But i fell in love with the song.

Missed Pastor Kong so much, and I was so glad that he was back to preach again.
What a powerful word in season.

What we heard, what was spoken these few days was really thought-provoking.

and yes, how many will really heed the call, to move on, and not stay where we r?

i felt a lot when i was singing this song on Sun. Having been through those things, when i sang it, tears filled my eyes. i was really telling the Lord, no more running wild, i'm Yours for life.

for many years, i heeded the call, run for the vision, yet holding on to those many things in my heart. Lord can i do this? Lord can i do that?

and yet after all these things, i come back realising, His way is always the best way. and suddenly, i just feel so satisfied doing what He wants me to do.

if i was asked to give up all these for the Lord, i would gladly do it. it's a promise Lord. from me to You.

was reading a few friends' blog.

was walking out of my tuition kid's condo, on a sat evening, seeing all the kids swimming and the families bbq-ing.

and then i started to feel, i think i need to do sth for my soul.

you know recently, with juggling so many things, it seems like i m not seeing where i m going.

i was telling my fren, it doesn't make sense for me to drop everything in sing and go northeast asia, when i m up to my head with things.

and i was still feeling overwhelmed by so many things.

then that day when i was on my way to settling my visa, the Holy Spirit spoke to me, reminded me.

ting, isn't that wad u always wanted to do? northeast asia?

hasn't it been in ur heart?

and then i started to realise the big-ness of it all.

i m seeing destiny unfold right in front of me. and yet i almost missed it.

suddenly, it was like.. magic.

i m really going. in 8 days' time.

that dream 4 years ago, that i tremble at, cry at, is coming to pass.

sometimes i m living so much in wad i m doing, that i fail to see the significance of it all.

guys, remind me.

i love you!

it has not been such an easy week. i m starting to feel the heat.

was toking to ting yest, then ended up with this conclusion that this is gonna be my life.

i m a lil stretched, and ting mentioned that i have been stretched before.

but i felt that i m now living in a different season. it's not a season of stretching, it's stretching permanently.

though doing a lot of things at the same time, i really dun wan to be overwhelmed. i dun wan to drown, i want to be swimming at ease.

and i noe, in order to do that, i need Him.

but i m living in exciting times! things are happening, and i feel it.

there's so much in store for us.

a fren reminded me, for such a time as this, we are made.

wad an apt description.

and just like how David served his generation by the will of God, i want to do that as well.

BIGGER dreams, GREATER works.

how ironical, to realise, after so long, i really dun know u.

perhaps sometimes the closer u r , the higher the expectations would be of the other party.

that's y sometimes, i'm just afraid of getting too close.

i am afraid i would put all my expectations on u, and end up with lots of frustrations, just like umpteen years ago, or actually, it wasn't that long.

sometimes, i realise, the fault is not w a person, but differences between men. which God has placed in all of us.

so xiaoting, stop that nonsensical thinking of urs.

yes pls.

you know, recently i have been facing this.

101 thots running thru my mind, and none, or close to none, i can,or know how to pen down.

currently using jt's laptop. (thanks jt!)

everything's great, except that i cant type chinese!!!

can u imagine that?

lol//

God kept on bringing this up the last few weeks.

It has been ringing in me.

And today, sth broke on the inside.

Can i really do it?

MY said sth the other day, and the tears just flowed.

she spoke into sth inside.

and today I asked,

is it all too late? can i still do it?

then He said,

I will restore back to you the years the locusts have eaten away.

and there i was, thankful .

after yest.



i wish that i was bolder, and less fearful.



i wish that i was more confident, and less insecure.



i wish that i would dream bigger dreams, and be less limited.



i wish, n i wish.



recently, my dad has always been waiting for me to come back.



that is so sweet.

to all my faithful readers, my com is down.

haha.

after i returned my friend's laptop to her, now my pc is down too.

haix.

praying that God will deliver a miracle. maybe when i m home, there will be a new com? haha.

i will pray for that.

for now, suffering from withdrawal symptoms. lol.

dun miss me yeah? ciao.

blogging. acty lots of thoughts r running thru my mind nowadays, but there r too many to blog.

till another time.

i haven blogged for 15days. wad an achievement. haha.

it has been a wonderful wkend. meeting minorE ppl, i almost forgot how it felt like to be part of inferno. and i miss the ah-huatness in everybody, as usual, esp ah huat. lol. he's incredibly funny la. amazingly i sat thru the whole day, just a lil tired at the end.

a lot of things r happening. it's the "happening" season. but my heart has never felt this peaceful.

had a wonderful time of fellowship with pst, vic, von, meiyan and the ldrs. it was amazing. i love the fellowship, and i went home, with a big smile on my face.

and i wonder, God wad have i done, that u place such amazing ppl and leaders in my life.

truly, i was so happy. i love my leaders. really.

finally told meiyan sth that is in my heart.

it has been running thru my mind. a little too much. haha. so i m glad i said it.

and i really appreciate the smile. it feels good to have support.

but for now, it's time to focus.

i did nth for one whole day. goodness gracious.

it's really really time, to discipline myself, and do GREAT things, for thy kingdom.

love you!!!!!! like never before.

ok. i have had that little bit of time. so i decided to just do a proper post for everybody.

seriously, it feels TOTALLY weird not to be in church on a sunday morning. i cannot remember for how long i have been attending service EVERY SUNDAY. and suddenly, to be able to slp in on sunday morning feels totally funny. haha.

anyway, ok this is the birthday post i owe everybody. (:

so here's the story.

my members have tried really hard to think of a bday surprise for me, because this yr we r just so into surprises. hahahaha. it just gets from glory to glory.

so..

they thot of this cinderella story, and turned me into the cinderella for the day(s). haha. on sat night(26 Jul), i received this sms from an unknown no.. sth like do u want to noe how the cinderella's story unfold (in chinese), stay tuned to find out! something like that la. haha. n i thot the no looks awfully familiar, so it turns out to be ting's sis' no.

then 845 am on sun morning, my 3 stepsisters (and a step brother, ie. the AHS girls plus 1 AHS guy) turned up at my main gate with breakfast. (awww so sweet, but alas i dun drink soya milk. ya they bought that) they pretended to be my stepsisters, ordering me to do chores and all before heading down to church. haha. and i was in a maddd rush running to church!!!

and after the service, they celebrated my bday, gave me my presents (which i really like- a pair of glam-looking wedges and bag from river island, and a eye-shadow base from mac) and told me i must wear them for my "ball" on monday. that was the first time i rem my cg praying for me, and that was cool. (:

and i spent the afternoon in my aunty's house, celebrating with my cousins and all. and it's amazing how much blessing i received. thank You Jesus.

and after dinner with my dad and sister, i met wj n mx n did some awfully lame stuff. cos i cannot even rem what i did. haha.

ok let's fast forward to my birthday k? haha.

i was supposed to meet wj n mx in town to sing k. and the irritating guys din want to sing k box and wanted party world, only becos it's 4 dollars cheaper, which i felt was dumb la. haha. so i unwillingly went with them to party world, and it's so funny, cos they were like passing msges to one another n all, (it's hard to ignore) and it was totally obvious sth is going to happen. HAHAHA. how to not see when there's only 3 ppl in the room and 2 idiotic guys r like passing the hp ard? and running every other moment out of the room to make calls? hahahaha.

so after singing for 2.5 hours, n wj insisted on finishing forever love, which i will post up soon, wj picked up a tiara, a pair of sunglasses and note from outside the note. i was supposed to put them on, and the sunglasses is opaque, so i could not see at all. (ok except for one small slit)

to cut the long story short, they brought me up the bus, to suntec, walked me thru the malls and brought me to a salon for my makeover. so i was supposed to keep my eyes closed until my hair cut was done, which i did, and wad u see now is the final result. 劲爆. to the max la.

then they made me close my eyes, brought me out of the salon, and we had a go at "the bachelorette" to choose my prince charming la. so it ended up with jj and they accompanied me to my dinner at ps. haha.

u can tell i'm really lz after a while, cos it's an awfully long post! so here's for the impt stuff. anyway i'll post up pics soon yeah?

to my cg, i have said it many times i guess, but YOU ARE APPRECIATED!!!! haha. it's a beautiful surprise, and ppl asked me, how could u allow ur members to do that to u??? but well i told i'm in good hands, and when i told my fren, he said that ur members really love u!!! which i agree, so guys, THANK YOU!!! i feel weird telling u guys such stuff face to face la, but i really love u all. E357 really rocks! and I LOVE U ALL!

to my CGCs, u have done an awfully great job and thank you for running with me for the vision all these while!

seriously E357, u r the most fantastic members any leader could ask for. :)

and to wj n mx, thanks guys for all the efforts. really appreciate ur company and all. u guys have been great frens to xt!

and to MY subzone, THANKS for being my fellow c0-workers.

and to my bestest frens, good frens and all, (u all know who u r)
thanx for always being there for me thru thick and thin. i appreciate the fact that all of u r a phone call away, and u nv fail to be there for me when i need u. thanks for the company always and always, for investing time into my life, for believing in me, for all the encouragement and the edification, for running this race with me, for inspiring me always, to do greater things for God.

did i tell u?

i m truly humbled by His mercy and grace. and i m eternally grateful that He placed all of u in my life.

i'm entering into the 23rd year, a new phase of my life. it's gonna be great.

with lots of love,
ting (:

i admit, i m not feeling too good.

if i m so unaffected, then it's so inhuman.

it hurts me becos it hurts my loved ones.

i saw my dad, n i know it hurts.

God, it does hurt. take care of it won't u?

when i recalled how we sat there, i thought to myself.

i cannot never imagine it possible.

then i thought

if it really happens,

it can only be God.

suddenly, i was reminded of the pain 12 years back. it's an awfully long time.

i m so supposed to update on my very exciting 22nd birthday. but i m just a little too tired.

it has been awesome though.

my biggest thank you goes out to all who made my day. you guys rock, really.

to my cg, i m amazed by you guys. thanks for your love! i will specially put up a post in dedication to you guys k? haha. i love the cinderella story. n i enjoy being a princess. haha.

to my dearest frens in MY subzone: guys, my warmest thanks goes out to you, for always being there for me, for being my frens, and my fellow co-workers. indeed it's a great priveilege to serve God together with you.

to the many many who wished me happy birthday, over msn, phone, sms etc etc, i m touched! :) and i have not finished replying them yet. haha.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and last but not least, i thank YOU for being in my life, for bringing these great frens into my midst, for putting me in a great physical and spiritual family, for never failing me, for being the very reason of my existence. for without You, all these would not have been possible.

love You Lord.

promise i will put up a proper post soon. ciao for now!!!

近期来，因为需要休息，星期六下午总会在家。或许，人老了，总会珍惜在家里的时光。哈哈。

因为星期六下午在家，所以爱上了《白色巨塔》。

爱上这部剧的原因有很多，当然其中之一是因为言承旭。喜欢他的率直和热忱，总觉得他是一个不一样的艺人。

很久没有看到这么有深度的电视剧了。

最近的电视剧，多数以偶像剧为主。i'm not complaining, 因为我自己也常追看。但是，这样的一部写实剧，真的很难得。像蔡导说的，他希望《白》不仅仅是电视商品，而我认为，他做到了。

这部剧很精彩，跳叙的手法，人物的多层面，让剧情更贴近生活。

故事中的许多瑕疵和不完美，让人更能感觉它贴近人生。

真的是 一部很精彩的作品。

我好想买下dvd来珍藏。(:

我真的很喜欢言承旭。

when is the right time to step out.

wad is the critical balance.

this has been the question for so long.

i m struggling.

i gave up many opportunities cos i was afraid that i made the wrong choice.

i am thinking.

when is the right time to go out.

he said, so u r going to get out of your well.

my well.

these things have been tugging at my heart.

show me how to live
teach me in your ways
that i may walk with u all my days.