27.

Another 30 mins to the end of 28 July. Cannot remember when was the last time I had such an uneventful birthday.... So just allow me to indulge.... 

Disclaimer: I'm not complaining, just ranting perhaps.

Since jan 19, 2013, my life has never been the same and will never be. I am not exactly feeling depressed about this, because I know motherhood is a high calling, but I have been feeling it soooooo much nowadays, the sacrifices one has to make is so massive... I cannot count and will not attempt to.. Count the sacrifices and amount of things I gave up just because of this... 

最近地心情确实有点低落。很多的牺牲，很多的调整，很多的寂寞。出嫁那天已经做出一大调整，但做母亲的调整，完全超乎我的想像。但我必须澄清，我并非后悔，因为这是我选择的路。是先苦后甜，还是先甜后苦。唯一的问题是，我感觉有些迷失。生活的琐碎，让我似乎迷失了方向。我不知道自己未来应该期待的是什么，难怪赵牧师常说。。。我们需要异象和异梦。

这突如其来的落寞感让我有些措手不及。我一般上是个非常积极正面的人。。。而且一直都知道自己前面的方向该怎么走。。。虽然孩子的到来在我的预想之中，但自己可能没有预料到当中要舍去的一切。

But to round it up, I am very thankful. Thankful for hubby, for baby, for church, for cg, for ministry, for friends... 

I hope I can see light in this tunnel very soon.... 

He restores my soul

Pst mike came and in this last day, he talked about us restoring our souls. And I felt it struck a chord in me. Life has become so busy and hectic, that sometimes I just cannot take time to restore my soul.. Or rather.. I dunno what it takes for my soul to be restored. Maybe I should really pray n ask God to show me... 

Whenever life and ministry get overwhelming, I find myself withdrawing and wishing I don't have to do anything. I just hide. And right at this moment, I'm so desperate for a getaway. To the point that tears will well up in my eyes when I think about it, because I need a break so much. 

The rest of this year looks so overwhelming that I feel tired just to think about it.. When bern interviewed Pst, he said this... He lives one day at a time. I think I just have to learn that... 

And I do want to get away so badly...