Just a month ago, I stumbled upon the story of a beautiful girl online, and her story captured my heart.
I must admit, I am not one that is especially empathetic.. there are just too many tragedies going on in the world. But her parents' struggle to find out what's wrong with her medical condition somehow caught my attention, and more importantly it was their faith and trust in God and how they did their best for their daughter. This beautiful girl was #courageouscaitie.
They were from the Philippines and I thought I wouldn't follow the story of this girl anymore, but somehow they came to Singapore in seek of medical advice and I continued to read about this girl every day. I remember.. for 1-2 weeks, I just couldn't get it out of my mind, what she's going through, what her parents are going through, Previously, I spent quite a bit of time thinking about suffering but I just could not process it.. I told God I was really scared... of having to suffer for Him. The thought scares me... I really didn't want it.
But that two weeks, the thought on suffering kept ringing in my mind.. reading her mum's blog.. I asked God.. why would He allow the parents to see their child suffer like that? And God actually replied me, because I saw My son suffer like that on the cross...
After two weeks of wrestling with God, I came to terms with it and told the Lord that I am willing... and later on they found out this beautiful girl was diagnosed w a rare form of Leukemia (that was why they couldn't detect what's wrong, it was very rare and hence difficult to pick up). Together with her parents, I prayed every night with Jaime for her healing, I was so glad though sad that she had a diagnosis.. and there was something to fight.
I was full of hope and faith.. rejoiced with them when Caitie discharged... seeing her trying to get back to health again.. eating again.. and it all looks good. I was envisioning her getting a bone marrow transplant.. nursing her health back and she will be a great great testimony for God.
But more than one week ago, things turned for the worse. An infection at first that just didn't seem to recover...and she had to be transferred to ICU.. I prayed and kept praying.. But things didn't pick up. I miss the beautiful updates of her smile and how hard she tried to fought her disease..
One or two days before her passing, when I was praying for her again.. I felt God drop this word in me.. Could you take it if she goes.. I told God no...
Just yesterday I opened my IG and realised she was in a critical condition.. I just prayed and prayed until I saw the update that she has gone home to be with Jesus.. I sat at my desk tearing for some time...
She was 3 year old just like Jaime.. and it's all too difficult. I tried not to think or read but I couldn't.. and would break down every time. Until I finally steadied my emotions because I had to lead CG meeting.
On my way home after CG, as I was thinking about her life, God brought back to my mind a verse "To live is Christ, to die is gain" (Phil 1:21). This was a verse that I had failed to fully grasp and had been toying with at the back of my mind for so long.. and suddenly, because of her life, it all makes sense now. She completely lived out the word... her courage, strength, life and death was such a great testimony for God... and that night, I thought a lot about Jesus, Heaven, eternity and hope. I saw at her funeral, how so many people turned up.. and online, how so many people were blessed and inspired by her story... in her death, she manifested the life of Christ.
Till today, I am blown away by how a 3 year old taught me about life, death and most importantly Jesus. I went home last night choked with emotions, as I hugged Jaime I cried. I am so so thankful I have a baby to hug, a family to love.
I realised.. I haven't talked enough about Jesus.. shared enough about Jesus..
This is a parenthesis in my motherhood journey that I will really treasure.
To love life, love family, and most importantly, love Jesus.
Thank you #courageouscaitie. :) See you in heaven...
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