上个星期，许多许多事情的发生，让我措手不及。我好久，都没有处于这样的状况，因此，我只能感觉惊慌失措。也让我发现，朋友的重要。

i was just a little disappointed. by ur decision. it seems not easy to befriend somebody all over again. i asked myself if i have gone too far, but i could not come to a decision. perhaps it has never mattered to you in the first place, but i wonder, why did it not even matter to you in the first place? what was the criterion for friends?

我发现，真的很不容易。

才渐渐了解，the marketplace is not for weaklings. 哈哈。

一语惊醒梦中人。不知道，为何同样的事会发生？连 ahma 都觉得我好笑。他和他的相似度，令我惊奇。哈哈。还好，我学聪明了。

回到宿舍，不喜欢离家的感觉。但是，扭开收音机，又开始喜欢这个夜晚的宁静，听着音乐，我好喜欢这种感觉。:)

i was very impacted, is it by svc today, or pm. touched. by how he met me. and spoke to me.

we were first called to enjoy his presence, before we do anything else isn't it? ya.

women are called, to be a supporter of the man's vision, isn't it? ya.

having said all, i would still choose you.

it's a promise.

i surrender all.

有人问我,值得吗? 当时,我真的不知该怎么回答. 昨天回家的路途上,我在想,应该是值得的吧. 但是, 今早, 带着疲惫的身体, 我只能说, 我不知道.

但是, 昨天让我遇到的人与事, 真的很神奇, 让心里的一股热血沸腾, 而我这才了解, 他为何忙, 为什么而忙.

是神奇的.

问我以后要做什么. 我真的不知.

带我去一个很棒的地方吧.

thank you for all u standing by. is it the support, the standing in the gap, the understanding, it is much appreciated. i feel sad to miss out on some stuff, yet i know it's definitely a give and take situation. it will be over in no time.

ting jia you. (:

to quote someone, it has been a perfectly horrid day.

i cannot rem when was the last time i felt like this.

but thank God for all of u who stood by me. i feel blessed.

thanx for the listening ear, the encouragements, the concerns, and for being there.

your presence made a big difference.

n what God told me in the morning came to pass.

thanx.

i will be strong.

yest night, when i thot abt not needing to wake up at 6. it felt STRANGE. i cannot rem when was the last time i slept till 12pm. n i wanted to go to work, cos it's really weird to be doing nothing, but in the end i was too sick that i gave up.

i m learning to enjoy this, n it was fun listening to different ppl's idea. i'm glad ours was so simple. haha. tml we start again, n i might be moving to hall for a week.

seriously, it feels so weird to be home that i dunno wad to do already. haha. everybody told me i shld rest. but wad do u do when u r resting? (:

ciao

I M HAPPY!!!!!!!!! BEFORE MY NEXT PROJECT STARTS ON THURS. TML I M FREE!!!! HAHA. N....... I HAVE A NEW PROJECT COMING UP ON THURS. WAHAHAHAHA.

DID I TELL U, I M STARTING TO ENJOY. N I LOVE MY TEAM MATES. HAHA.

something that i felt sad about, because of the busy schedule, is the lack of fellowship with friends and people. i miss my friends and my life! haha. many times when i talk to them or meet up with them, i would be so exhausted i don't really have much energy to talk or to communicate. just want to say Sorry guys for not having enough time to spend with u! sounds weird but awfully true. :(

and to someone that called last night, my sincere apologies. you know i m really too exhausted, so hang on there for a while k? n i really appreciate u pressing into my life.

and to all who stood by me, xiaoting says thank u. thank u for putting up with my complaints, my mia-ing, for willing to be my fren even though u noe i m so bz i have no time to tok to u. thanks for all ur understanding, i'll be back soon! haha. and to those who rose up n stand in the gap, u r much appreciated.

thanks for all the help rendered really, the encouragement in time of need, want u to know, frens, u make part of me. it is God, and it is you who keep me going. another few more weeks to go, n i will be through.

jia you. (:

reality hit when i reached home. w/o the lappy beside my bed, i just feel a little empty, and realised how impt computer is to my life. i simply cannot live without msn u noe. haha. but anyway, there's no news on it la. well i m still hoping n praying, somehow maybe sth will happen. if not God will be nice enough to bless me with a new laptop i hope. (: after hearing what my fren said, i might really consider switching to apple. haha. well, that is if i dun get it back la. :P k let's pray hard. cg tml n attending weddings! yay! haha. thank God for a pc at home. n for frens who were there n encouraging. thanks peeps.

i m just feeling a teeny weeny little upset. really. just that teeny weeny little bit.

i wish i have a little more faith. but i guess i m just a little tired too.

it doesn't help when u r hit, physically, mentally and emotionally.

i need to keep this going strong babe. girl u can do it.

my dear Lord, u r there right?

i cannot remember when was the last time i dreaded sch. i really loved sch a lot, even doing projects and assignments. but nowadays, sch is getting really dreadful. haix.i need to adjust my mentality and attitude to this thingy to start embracing business and business ideas. urgh. i spend a bit more time sleeping last night. so i m a bit happier. (:

but i had a great time in church praying tdy. i love going to church early n praying in the hse of God.

记得那个承诺：不离不弃。

i want to go taiwan!!!!!!!!! suddenly i just feel like i want to be there for the youth camps.. haix. but it seems like it may not be so possible. i m crossing my fingers n hoping n praying! (:

God answered my prayers. (: after i prayed last wk. and yest's meeting was really good. God really spoke to me, taught me certain things, teach me what to do, where to go and things like that. and a big thank you to my beloved classmate for driving me to school. i am appreciative. (:

i need Your grace!

tiredness has a new definition in my dictionary. haha. but i m loving my life. really. (:

En101's project has been completed!

this wk, i will be down praying in jw every morning. it is fantastic. the presence of God is so strong among our midst. God is certainly moving.

(:

a big thanks to my co-host, for making these 2 days such fun fun time. i had a great time hosting with him, he was so funny, hilarious and relaxed. (: it's nice to meet a new friend like that. thanks sir!

and a big thanks for my friend. thanks for the card. (: it was timely, encouraging and unexpected. your acts of love and service really touch my heart. love being your fren.

i have safely finished one week, still alive and kicking. it's the start of a new one. though i was physically a little exhausted, i had a lot of great company and fun. at hosting the father's day buffet, i m telling u, my co-host was really good! haha. many ppl said it was great so praise God for that! and we had quite abit of fun at michelle's party. happy to catch up with the frens that i have missed. (:

thanking God, for the awesome ppl He has placed in my life. love Ya.

i wanted to... just take some time off. do nth, slack, and blog.

even when i blog, i do it in such a big hurry nowadays it irritates me. so, i m just going to ignore all tiredness and do what i want to do. ha.

讨厌格格不入的感觉

不知道有多久

没有踏入一个陌生的环境

而开始感觉 不自在

有时候

我并没有那么喜欢自己

不安全感 慢慢爬了进来

我讨厌！无法做回自己

请帮我 找知音

i din feel good and comfortable. maybe i was trying hard not to be myself. i miss all the good company but i realised i really need to step out. just wish that i would stop trying so hard.

hosted for father's day buffet today. it was really fun. haha. i had a fun co-host and i had a great time. it was fun toking to brian, eric and the rest, they gave me a really interesting perspective to matchmaking. it was an eye-opener, so this is what it is like. haha. tired, but i din feel stressed. which is good. i'm enjoying. one more day n my wkend is over. n it's back to sch again.

i felt like i want to grumble etc etc, but tdy, sth on the inside reminded me, come on ting, u can do better than this. n i rem the word that was given to me, you r being strengthened on the inside. indeed i m. and i started to realise, yes i m busy, but i m definitely not limited. xiaoting u can do it. (:

let's look forward.. to something more.

it has been a crazy life since monday.

i cannot remember when was the last time i slept so little for such a long period of time.

and i am amazed i am hanging on, just that everytime i hit home, it's almost immediately my head hits the bed.

and it's only the first module.

i need Your grace.

you know i always wanted to be stretched, to expand myself, because i know, when you are stretched, your life will not go back to the same again.

and i am being stretched.

since monday, the earliest i am home was yest, i reached home at 930. from sch. ha.

i was telling ahma this is so not xiaoting u know? i used to stay in sch for almost only precisely 20 hours a week. now is entirely different.

i need to pray, need to seek Your face, need to love You. (:

it's the 4th day, and it's going strong. 14 days feel like a long time, i wonder how pastor does it.

i'm supposed to blog abt this shock that hit me yest, but i guess it's becos i was so tired, i was so shocked. haha. or the other way round, whatever it is.

n i started to think. whenever i walk on the streets, there are so many ppl i know that i would bump into. some are just meant to be visitors, some meant to be passers-by, some meant to be here for a lifetime. and i cannot imagine how many ppl have passed thru my life. and yest, i was reminded of one of them. relationship is such an amazing thing isn't it? i felt that's the power of viral marketing. and sometimes i wonder, who are meant to pass by, who are meant to stay, who are meant to be thee frens.. that last for a lifetime? i was reminded of what pst robb said.

k i m going off to pray. xiaoting jia you.

i was supposed to have gone out, but someone was very efficient and in the end i dun need to.

i m feeling bammed. fatigue.

i have muscleaches on my arms, shoulders, back, thighs and calves. haha.

so kua zhang right? i know.

3 days of OBS. i felt like it was ok yest. but totally, i m officially cui-ed.

to update, the night before OBS, i was trying to settle everything and pack. In the end, i slept at 430 am before waking up at 630 am to leave home and go for OBS. gosh. i was telling myself xiaoting u r mad. it's supposed to be xiong to the max and u r like almost dead already.

but amazingly, i survived. haha.

and God was good, cos on the first day, we just had a lot of team activities, which were not very strenous. and then we went out to learn kayaking, with the capsize drills and stuff. That was abt the most tiring thing we did. i thot we would end early la, but we were discussing some stuff for the next day, so i slept at 12 plus, woke up at 6am, 2nd day into OBS, and i have already lost my voice.

i m like super scared of heights, but then on the 2nd day, we had to do the high elements. honestly, cos i had already braced myself for it, it went ok. n it really helped when the ppl down there were cheering n telling u exactly wad to do. i love my team. haha. they were really really funny and fun to be with. we had uncountable fun moments. and i did go up the high elements. i wanted to try the really really high one, but it rained, so that really dampened our mood.

and after that, it was trekking. haha. we were supposed to walk to the other side of ubin. but acty, it was not that tiring, n we kept on taking photos along the way!!! we were like really enjoying ourselves n having fun.. and then we camped by the beach, and i was saboed into being one of the leaders for our sea expetition.

we were supposed to trek back to OBS camp, then change and kayak round ubin.

and we were supposed to leave our campsite at 6 plus, but they "turned us out" at 3am to go back to camp. n we only got 3 hrs of slp?? but it was ok la.

seriously, i thot that i will die in the sea or sth. haha. cos i just cannot make it!!!! but amazingly, i picked a super super good partner, who is a 2-star kayaker, and basically, he was the one paddling most of the way. n i learnt! not to kayak with my arm strength, but also with my back strength, and becos of my very zai partner, i had a lot of fun seriously.

to tell the truth, i learned to love the outdoors. esp during the kayaking. the sky was really pretty, the air was fresh, the water was cool and it was great fun. i felt bad cos most of the ppl really like pushed on thru, but for me, it was relaxing, and seriously, i m very very appreciative of my partner.

wad did i take back from OBS? our trainer asked us.

i m just glad i made it. n i realised, whether is it physically, mentally, spiritually, when i want to, it can be done. n i m just glad.

it was fun getting to know these ppl. different, fun. overall, i just had a lot of fun. haha. we really did a lot of nonsensical things, and i'm looking forward to the minor.

on another note,

sometimes i really feel it's inadequate. and the word came at such a time, and i cried and i cried and i cried. i really want to believe u for sth greater, and i pray, we would see that coming to pass.

would u believe? that it can be done. that there is something greater in store.

it has been burning in me.

that there must be something more.

updates for OBS coming up next. stay tuned!

it was an enjoyable time, not as gruelling as i expected it to be.it was good. (:

sth that hit me when i first reached that

"You cannot discover new oceans unless you first lose sight of the shore."

it was so apt for me.

camp alive tml. (: it's gonna be OUTSTANDING.