i cant tell u how touched i felt, when i saw the posts.

just like i cant tell u how hurt i felt, when those words were being uttered.

it brings joy to know that there're ppl running with you; it brings pain to know that some are not.

and yes, i love the quote on yl's blog. pardon the copyright. quoting from yl's blog.

"We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesnt work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: "Oh, well, i didnt really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how."

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

this speaks it all. ALL.

why m i feeling so upset.

dun make me feel unappreciated.

dun make me feel it's all not worth it.

dun duN DUN.

DON'T.

i think i need You.

and i think i need a break.

a great battle fought. but i wonder if we won victoriously.

communication.

love.

fellowship.

company.

friends.

quality time.

the biggest battle ever fought.

but why do i not feel victorious at all.

take my hand and lead me through, won't you?
i also need the light of Christmas to light up my **** days.

i was packing my room, and while clearing my shelves, i saw the prom booklet, Clair de lune. (now that's hwa chong, they always come up with some funny names which we dunno what it means. haha) and guess what i found? my chow's note to us!!!! and seriously, when i read it, i almost cried. now here it is for all of you. and i found pics of me in crutches then! haha.

零三S六一班同学，
还记得曾经对你们说过黄城的故事吗？（很感人吧！）
还记得曾经教过你们牛顿定律的中文版吗？（Newton's Laws!）

还记得曾经我们一起“熬”过的“Physics Camp"吗？（也许可申请成为健力士最长的补课时间纪录！）

还记得曾经在补课后到6th ave 吃 laksa 吗？（这么辣 Kian wee 还加特多的辣椒！xiaoting's note: yes and i remembered how 8 of us squeezed into chow's car, and the ruth and futh joke!! oh that is so classic!）
还有许许多多的曾经 （许许多多我们都忘了）。

最后一节的CT课，不是CT的我也来了（哈哈，好kaypo哦！）。原本要好好道别的，但考试的气氛笼罩着大家，纵有千言万语，只好改为勉励的话。

在梁文福的《曾经》读到这么一句话，觉得很有意思：”只要曾经有过令我们惦念不已的美丽，你在城中小小暂驻，又岂是慢慢风烟所能烟灭？“

Mr Chow (Physics) 周爷

读到这里时，我差点就哭了。是的，我无法忘记在黄城的小住，有人问我，是中学好，还是初院好，我说，因人而异，但对我而言，我无法忘记黄城的美好时光。

missing and loving u guys, 03S61! l

ove,ting aka xiao bian :P
P.S. could we pls meet up with mr chow???

that day i had a conversation with MY. i was telling her, many times as a leader, we may think that we have already arrived, but the truth is, that there is still a long way to go. I have always admired people who choose to keep on moving on, to keep on becoming better.

And MY said sth that really struck me hard. She said, people choose to move on because of a vision. They move on because they have a vision of what they want to become. What a revelation. Not that it is something i don't know about, but there and then, suddenly it hit something in me.

Last Sunday, Pastor also preached about being a person of vision. I really felt God speak to me. What kind of person do I want to be? What kind of disciple, leader? What kind of future do i want? It was something that i started to ponder. What do i want to see in 2009?

Read someone's blog by chance. What she wrote in her blog reminded me of certain things. Coming back to the secret place again. Wanting to seek Him for more, to have more of Him. Like what Pastor said, God is first, Family second, Ministry third.

ending 2008 with a big bang, and looking forward to 2009.

xiaoting, RUN!

ting called. while i was lying on my bed. letting it flow.

thanks girl. your call meant a lot. in that dark moment.

thanks for reminding me, i'm not alone, n someone cares.

i was talking to a member in the week and i was telling him, one of the most important thing in our christian life is to have hope. many ppl leave, becos they lose hope. in Hebrews, the word of God said, the hope of God is the anchor of our soul. how true.

i really dunno wad i can do. really. if u could help me, pls do. i'm so on the verge of tears.

thinking about a lot of things. wish that life can be a little slower, and wish that i can just take time to do what i want to do. i don't like it, when life just takes me along, and brings me wherever it wants to go. i wish i could be more in control, and do what i really want to do.

was thinking abt something last friday but i din blog it down. here it is. you know, i just realised, that being a cgl taught me a lot abt parenting. haha.

as a cgl, when ur ppl are growing up, you never play a controlling role. becos u cant. eric said this one time abt parenting, that when they're young, you give them ur unconditional love. when they're older, you teach and impart. when they r teenagers, u become their friend. and when they finally grow up, you let them go.

you know i really agree, that i just have to let my ppl grow in the Lord, grow in their faith. i know God has a unique path for everyone of them, and not everyone of them will turn out like me. i have to let them discover the path that God has for them. the truth is, that my disciples can be very different from me, have different ideas, and that's perfectly alright.

but you know something? when a parent gives birth to a child, they have the same dna. as much as the child can be very different from the parent, there's sth that runs in the blood. it's the same thing. as much as i know that my disciples can be very different from me, in turns of personality, style, character and even fashion sense, there are things that run in the blood, and these are convictions and values..

seriously, i do not expect my disciples to be identical to me, but i do expect that the same dna is found in them. the same convictions, the same values, the same intolerance for certain things, and the same standard. that is the dna. this is the dna of chc. and really, many things are not taught, they are caught.

i will be proud, when i produce disciples, who are very different from me, doing great things, but yet carrying the same convictions and values regarding the things of God.

some things just cannot be compromised.

today while i was in school, i just randomly started to play this song in my head, "running after You".

it's a praise song that we used to sing, that says

"I don't care what people will say

I'm running after You

I wouldn't turn back and go their way

I'm running after You

No matter what may come my way

I'm running after You

It's You I'm following today

I'm running after You"

One of the definitions of "run" -- to move, roll, or progress from momentum or from being hurled, kicked, or otherwise propelled

I was thinking in my heart, although we describe our Christian life as a walk with God, but we also often say, we're running after the Lord.

Interestingly, the nature of the word "run" is not something that is passive. It always indicates something active and of great energy. Similarly, it is reflective about our Christian lives. Our lives are never meant to be a "kay sarah sarah, whatever will be will be". The Lord did not save us, so that we can comfortably retreat somewhere in a cottage, and sleep the rest of our lives away. He did not call us into passivity. But instead, He has called us into a race.

Paul said, "I press toward the prize for the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

As Christians, we are called to run, we are called to fight, we are called to do something. The very nature of "run" brings us to a destination. God has called us to lay down our lives, and run for a cause. We were never called to stay where we are, within our comfort zone.

That is what I have been thinking nowadays. What am i running for? What is the thing that I would lay down my life for? What is the cause that I am fighting for in my life?

I feel that I am searching, and i know, that He has something in store for me.

Dear all, RUN!!! Don't stop, don't walk, focus your eyes on the Lord, and RUN!!!

跑出一片属于自己的天堂!

原本平静的心，又再一次荡漾起来。

原本已抛到九霄云外，现在又卷土重来。

我要简单。我要自然。我要在他的安排下。

我也不想再想了。

i promise i will do another proper post on GSIF soon. a lot of thoughts which i need to pen down. i totally think that it's so true. If u have not said it out or written it down, you have not thought it through. So i want to pen down all those thoughts.

just a sidenote. it was not a fantastic morning yest, but other than that, everything else was. GSIF, fellowshipping with friends. i really love it.

i enjoyed the bus ride with my friend back then, and i m falling in love with siglap area. hurhur. and to be back at 85 is great. lol. back mx left, feeling really angry with me!!! so sad! it has been such a long time since saturday boys met up, and it felt just like yesterday.

a lot of thoughts, a lot of inspirations, a lot of feelings that need to be expressed. give me a day to just think things through. i'll be back with more. (:

lots and lots and lots of love from me. (((((:

p.s. dun u just think that love is in the air? haha. wad a cliche statement. but everybody seems to be getting attached! and no i'm not. not yet. haha. but it's just such an interesting happening nowadays. haha.