a song for myself, and for u my fren.

每一天都有一些事即将会发生
每段路都有即将要来的路程
每颗心都有值得期待的成份
每个人都有爱上另一个人的可能
相爱就不能害怕会有伤痕
没有人完整却有人能信任 才找到永恒

想到达明天现在就要启程
只有你能带我走向未来的旅程
想到达明天现在就要启程
你能让我看见黑夜过去
天开始明亮的过程

it has been so loong since i blogged.

today i was on my way to ikea. and i got down 2 stops before. it wasn't intentional, and i had to walk a long way to get there. din mind it though, i think i need some time to clear my head.

as i was walking, i heard Him speak. my eyes watered and the vision was blurred. and He said, there's so much more in store, and He held my hand.

记得很久以前的自己，是个爱思考的晓亭，真的。i used to do reflections all the time. 我最讨厌的， 是做一个普通的人。我讨厌普通，讨厌平常，讨厌原封不动，讨厌停滞不前。但是，为什么在我没有发现的情况下，我却渐渐让自己停留在现在。

我需要重新规划我的人生。

this few days have been busy busy cos xmas is coming. aren't u excited? i m! n to make it better, i have new clothes. haha.

i always love the end of the yr, cos it's a time of reflections and thanksgiving, to really look back at what God has done in my life and in the cg, n it's also a time for new hopes and dreams. i m really look forward to 2008. i wanna grow more than ever before and to really come up to another level.

visions and dreams for 2008.

growth n multiplication.

disciples being raised up.

dreams n destinies fulfilled.

people come and people go.

i have learnt that.

and i have learnt, i dun have to be helpless abt it.

when it's time to let go, i will.

readily, willingly, spontaneously.

有些人在你生命中只是个过客，该放手时，就潇洒一点吧。 :)

a chapter is closing, another chapter is beginning.

i m looking forward to 2008. another great yr.

love You!

恶作剧之吻2放映了！呵呵。我刚看了第一集。赞！

有这么一个时候，我曾经问过我自己，如果再发生多一次，我会怎么做，我可以承担吗？

而当时，我给自己的答案是，一定不会发生的。

我想我错了吧。

我以为我可以的，我以为会很容易的，我却发现，并不是这样的。

我很想允许自己脆弱，允许自己掉泪，允许自己自艾自怜，但是，我知道事实不是这样的。

这是一次我真的不知要跟谁说，我需要你聆听的耳朵。

晓亭会不会很感情用事？

是不是太感性？

要我用那铁做的心肠去，我真的做不到。

我可以装着一切都 ok，在夜深人静时，我知道，其实并不是这样的吧。

i will move on. ok?

i missed blogging, missed my laptop. :)

came back feeling heavy-hearted. different things have been happening n i m really exhausted.

breakaway n ignited have been fantastic, although i m really tired.

to add on to that, all the burdens for those different ppl made me heavy.

plus uncle admitted into hospital. and spending many of my evenings there. i wanna be there.

God gave me a wonderful passage last night. thank You.

thank you to MY leaders. u guys are fantastic. i love the times spent with you.

thank you to Sunday (Saturday) boyz. i think u all shld be called Sunday boyz really. becos you guys nv fail to brighten up my Sundays. thank you. it's great that i dun have to say or do anything. i simply enjoy the fellowship. u all may not know what is running thru my mind n life, but your presence and the joy that you bring brightens me every wk. i love my Sundays becos of you, and of cos, becos of Him and His house.

i realised i m really learning to love, and i m loving my members more. but that also means sth else.

to sum it up all, xiaoting is tired. i really nd to tok to somebody but i dunno who. i nd my break. ppl who r supposed to go OS tog, can we pls quickly plan?

xmas is coming. it's gonna be great.

we will end this yr well.

i feel the devil is hitting me left right up down n centre. i dun feel defeated, but i feel tired. i dun have that strength to retaliate. i nd a good break to get up and fight again. i sprained my shoulder, my finger, and maybe my ankle. pray for me won't you? i will walk thru victorious. and i will.

i m feeling upset. n i dun dare to tok to anybody. boohoohoo. n i dun wan to be at home!

过了这么久，我开始更加清楚地看清事实。

记得一开始，有人告诉我，是不需要担心的，因为是短暂的。会过去的。

我勉强相信。到底，人总是需要一个希望的。即使这个希望不明显，只要有一丁点儿，我都宁愿抓住不放。

但是时间过去了。

一切的一切让我更加清楚。我一直以为我很了解的。我也一直很相信的。但是，我对自己也越来越没有信心了。

其实，我不明白的事情有这么多。

不明白他为何能对朋友那么残酷，不明白他怎么能说出如此狠心的话，之后却当着什么也没发生。不明白他为何如此践踏友情，不明白他怎么能把别人的关心当作是理所当然的。

一时的迷失，我可以接受的。

但是，如果是人品的改变，我不可以。

我可以接受人有弱点，我也愿意等到你改变。

但是，如果变得自私，自我，不顾别人的感受，这已经在我能接受的范围之外了。

那某人又说，是时候放手了。

奇怪，说暂时的人是他，叫我松手的人也是他。

我不敢松手，因为我怕我会后悔。

但是。。

我却不知该如何不放手。。

亲爱的读者，如果你能够告诉我，我应该怎么做，我会很开心的。

this SUPER BIG thing happened tdy. wad? i m not gonna tell u. haha. ok this is childish. na, as usual, if u ask me, i will.

anw, i was jus reminded of how good God is.

i remember, if this happened 1/2 yr ago, or 1 yr ago, u will get a totally different reaction from xiaoting.

but tdy, i can say, i m really ok. :) and my frens will testify to that.

there wasn't any anger or sorrow, really, but more concerned for the readers. my God will stand up for me.

and thanks to my frens who readily encouraged. n i told ce. perhaps in the past i would not be like that. but God really strengthened my heart. and i m glad. i used to think i cannot go thru attacks like that. God showed me all things r possible.

we r busy. very. in the natural n in the spiritual.

but God is still very good.

there r times that i m apprehensive. but when i read it, i was thinking. sth great is really going to take place. that is y the devil is trying so hard. n everybody agreeed, it's so random! :)

n in my mind i was jus concerned abt sth else. n i read your blog.

tears used to well up. but this time, it's for a totally different reason.

thank You for showing me it's all worth it.

i m so proud of u girl.

特地为了看“康熙来了”，这个时间才睡。当然，来宾是小猪。

我以前并不能够完全明白，为什么很多人觉得康永哥很厉害。看了这集后，我了解了。

哈哈。

他对小猪和 selina 的逼供，是厉害的。

而从这集，你当然也可以看出一些头绪来。

Selina 真的有快招架不住，小猪真的很不正常。哈哈。你看到小猪这一面，还真的觉得有点奇怪。他认真得有点尴尬。

和 selina 跳舞那一段，他说忘记了。hmm.. 哈哈。整个东西就很有破绽。

i m just amazed. :)

sometimes, no matter how hard people try to cover up, there is still wad u call, "truth" after all.

你的感情，或许会出卖你吧。:) 这是我个人的感觉。it's just a feel n assumption. dun take it too seriously k.

it's weird. i m sitting in long john blogging. haha. cos i had a craving for long john tdy after today's fasting. haha. :) we had a good time praying.

anw, i did sth really exciting tdy. haha. to weijian. but i feel i should not write out the conversation. even though i m very very tempted to. haha. if u ask me in private wad happened, i promise u i will tell u. maybe.

hahha. wj u totally brightened up my day. although i din get to tok to u much nowadays, that one conversation is enough to blow me up!!! haha. thank you. although u were unwilling.

chan eng scolded me. cos she said i abuse my influence. wahahaha. wj did i? she was saying it's very scary to do that. haha. i agree.

i m a busy busy. but happy happy girl. :)

ok. here it goes.

其实，对于小猪的演唱会，我并没有很多很多要说的。

我忘了有没有说过，要看他的演唱会，是因为这是他的第一次，我想分享这个第一次。

看了台湾演唱会的片段后，我不敢对新加坡的有很大的希望，因为我不要失望。

芳已经给了我 warning，新加坡不会那么好。

也对啦。

奇怪的是，那天有好多人到场，都抱着一种“看个究竟”的心态。我不了解。他们是很有钱，然后来看看吗？

新加坡缺少了那种疯狂，这也是所以演唱会的气氛，不会那么的好。but i still enjoyed myself.

小猪唱了那些我们都懂的歌啦，像精舞门，shake it mama shake it, 幸福猎人，chance chance，等等。

他的舞技，依旧是很精湛，歌声，也没有我想象的不好，所以都是不错的。

只是来看演唱会的人不够热情，情绪无法 high 到极点。这是一点点遗憾。

芳希望这场演唱会能很感人，但是少了全心支持他的人，有点困难吧。

但是说实在的，当我听小猪唱好朋友，唱我不会唱歌，我心里确实浮上了一阵感动。

他的真诚，他的认真，在整个商业化底下，还是能够感受到的。

虽然新加坡的歌迷，不能真的感受到那种气氛，但是他的真诚，认真，努力，是有目共睹的。

我，看到了。

it's an experience, really. my first time really paying n going for a concert. 我本来真的真的很兴奋，但是，常常到了actual thing，我总会以平常心对待。only exception is God-related stuff. i will always be excited till the end. i was full of anticipation really, but when we went into indoor, i lost it. haha. i m always like that, i know myself. jus like how i really look forward to the end of exams, but when it has ended, there will never be a whoosh from xiaoting, it jus ended, lor.

yep so that is abt it. i will put up the pics n videos soon. btw, i got really 劲爆 photos of wanquan n yulan n ting.

this is where u see yulan in her "prettiest". stay tuned for more. hurhur.

i m gonna quickly blog and then go out n play. no la. i m getting my friends' beloved presents. hurhur.

虽然忙碌，可是我喜欢这种感觉。

记得在最忙碌的日子，和helen讲话时，我们总会谈到两个是如何喜欢这样fast-paced的life.

we thrive under stress. i think. haha.

我总是认为，最困苦，最忙的日子，会磨练你。

当然，不能盲目的为忙而忙。但是，这样的日子，对你的训练来说，是很棒的。

所以，我还是很开心的。Slack了这么久，可以整个人投入去做一件事情，是一个很棒的感觉。

those who know me, i dun believe anything is impossible. esp ce will noe. that is y i believe in making things happen.

but the last time pst yk toked abt yoido full gospel church, he said, u wun really feel that they tried very hard to make things happen. there is just a flow.

pst kong said yest. when u r connected with God, u can do GREAT things. i believe in that. n the need to get spiritual.

for the month of december, NEW things.

BREAKAWAY the old IGNITED with the new.

u believe it? i do.

just a side note, sometimes i will be very touched during service. n i will really cry in the presence of God. just like yest. He will come in a powerful way n fill me totally on the inside. and everytime i sit beside a friend, (nf that is) they will ask m i ok. sometimes it's kind of embarrassing, but i m pretty much used to it. hurhur. but it's quite funny ah. haha. at the end of the service they will be like, xiaoting r u ok? haha. it's jus sth funny.

anw, i was so excited. yest sze yin (wj's sis) sent me jw's pic. the service was JAMMED PACKED with ppl sitting on all the steps. i m just sooooo excited.

we r living for a time like this. n it is time to rise up, ppl.

i will tok abt xiao zhu soon. dun have time too. another day perhaps. n u may have to wait quite loong. haha.

it was somewhat physically tiring, but i was really really happy to get involved and be part of this.

there must be something greater in store.

BREAKAWAY the old IGNITED with the new.

我发现。。我是一个喜欢很早很早的早晨，和很夜很夜的夜晚的人。

刚才走在大路上，感觉着迎面而来的风，突然发现，我真的很喜欢这个时候，走路的感觉。

宽敞的大街，一个人独自走着。

换成是以前的我，总会在想很多事情。但是，今天的我，什么也没想，就这么走着。

有时候，身旁有许多值得我们去注意，去发现的东西。

不管是晚间的凉风，大街的灯光，在这个晚上，感觉异常特别。

考试完了，但是和往常一样，我并没有特别的放松。或许因为考试一直对我来说，都不是那么重要。生命里，对我而言，还有更多更重要的事。

不是不要付出，而是害怕伤害。

在付出真心和保护自己这两者，告诉我，你会选择什么。

我，迷上了你。迷上了夜里的你。迷上了爱思考的你。迷上了潇洒的你。

迷。上。了。你。

dun read too much into wad i m writing. it's really fictitious in some sense. allow me room, for imagination.