y do i feel so awful.

the day before the big day.

y do i feel like that.

明天的毕业典礼 将为这四年的学习生涯 划上完美的句点

从谢师宴回来 感慨万分

蓝老师说到 我觉得你会做很特别的工作 让我感到异常欣慰

"do sth extraordinary" he wrote

thank you for these 4 beautiful yrs.

你说要随风去流浪

我说

带我

一同飞翔吧

i walked out feeling wowed, and reminded once again, of why i am doing what i am doing.

it is so impt, that we do not allow our values to be diluted.

hold fast to the convictions of ur heart.

recently i have been forcing myself to think a lot. but i don't really think i want to bore you with whatever that I am thinking about. haha.

Dong came out on Sat and i had an awesome time fellowshipping with him! a pity we did not bring out our cameras, cos we had a great time hunting out haji lane. actually i think we were not at haji lane la, in the vicinity though. there were so many cool shops that we visited! that makes me feel like opening a store like that in the future.

anyway, i will try to put up some pics of taiwan. it is quite lame but i only took one picture there? haha. as in with me inside the picture. i think? at least none in my camera la.

so there you go!

it was a surprise trip so i only booked the tickets the day before. first time taking a plane alone so it was quite exciting. came back with pst zhuang n 2 other pastors from another church though. :)

upon arrival, i was prepared to take a bus myself to the hotel. but thank God, the workers from new life had to come to the airport so they came and picked me up. Had fun fellowshipping w them!

and the first night, we had nth to do, and guess wad?

i went shopping alone!!! haha. cos pst joe was not free, n everybody was doin rehearsals, so i went to tong hua night market myself and bought quite a lot of things. shopped for 2 whole hrs there. haha.

btw, i was really blessed cos the place we stayed was awesome. i liked the hotel. :)

This is my roomie! And u do know who she is right? haha. Miss Singapore universe 2006! She is really really nice and warm, and took good care of me! Enjoyed fellowshipping with her. She is gorgeous! Ppl will come up to her and ask to take photo with her. Haha. This is the only pic that u will see me inside i think. Ha.

give u a glimpse of the BIG toilet. It's really big. with a bathtub, a wardrobe and a shower cubicle. and the toilet bowl is the kind that u can find in ntu. Haha. with lots of gadgets and buttons and u can even warm ur toilet seat. Lol.

Cannot really tell but anyway this is my room la. Haha. n they had internet access so u see me on msn at night too! :)

I m taking a super long time to do this, and i want to sleep! will update more when i can. :)

Nights to all!

did i ever tell you

I HEART DR BERNARD.

listening to him everytime, is such an experience and privilege.

amazing how God can impart something like that and use man in such a way.

recently there have been many ppl ard me, who change in the way of their thinking, went far away from God or church for that matter. Some are people who grew up with me, some are people I love. I asked myself, if these people can fall, get discouraged, go off track, how about me? Can i really fight the good fight, and run the race of faith?

yest during worship, God showed me sth so beautiful, a scene that i almost forgot.

when i was in sec 2, i used to stay in my uncle's house which is on the 16 floor.

i will open the windows and window grills wide to overlook the whole neighbourhood and pray.

one night, i was moved by the Lord, 12 plus am in the morning, i was looking at the whole neighbourhood, lights and all.

with tears in my eyes, i told the Lord.

God, even if the whole world will give up on u, God forbid but even my ldrs, i will never...

and i said never...

give up on You.

and i stood there for a long time, with tears streaming down my eyes.

Yest, God reminded me. Ting, rem that promise?

yes Lord. i remember.

There was this random day at the airport, that me ting n dong overnight there. I think i was trying to do my fyp, ting trying to do her work, and dong was just purely bo liao. haha.

this is him w hair on. woo hoo~

just being random. (:

今天在小组的时候，婷说了一句话，让我好感动。

她说，当我看到晓亭的生命，在这六个月来，神所做的一切，我觉得很稀奇。我们真的可以相信，神为我们预备了美好的事。而且祂所应许的，必要成就。

是啊。

我真的无法想像。

今天在翻聚会时，pst aries 说，神赐给我们明确的呼召，常常是在我们进行一般的呼召时。（general calling）

你知道吗？我从来不知道我有能力去承担这一切。

主让我看到最美好的事情，也让我看到我前所未见不好的一面。

可以倾诉的人越来越少。

tdy pst joe said sth that i laughed at, but it went straight into my spirit.

he said, you are stronger than that.

what a statement.

主啊，我不明白，为什么这一切正在我眼前发生。我也不明白，你要成就的是什么。我很感恩，因为你带领我每一个脚步。我求你保守我，让我不停的爱你，为你而活。don't stop drawing me God.

and help me, to make sense of all that is happening. so much happen, that i don't seem to be able to digest.

and i need strength to face up to all these. there is a reason, and i believe i can.

I M BACK!

it has been a very enriching trip for me.

God has been speaking to me, and showing me different things.

Thank God for the opportunity to serve, and for speaking to me in my life.

总觉得，在这里真的有原因的。

但是我并不完全明白。

还是很感恩，很蒙福。

wun you show me?

i was just thinking, how nice it would be if i could go taiwan for a holiday n how nice if it would be to listen to dr bernard in taiwan!

it was just a desire that i did not really express out.

but God saw it!

and He made it come true.

how nice my daddy in heaven is, before i even asked, He knew.

i am really flying tomorrow. 1.10pm. coming back on Monday.

i am really excited. i feel my breakthrough is on its way.

在回来的路上，突然有很多感触。

正要尝试阅读朱天心的书，是王德威编的小说集。

我喜欢王德威的文字。哈哈。

今天发生了一些事，真的把我吓坏了，也让我上了宝贵的一课。

i was reminded of what lulu said, that life is too hard for us to walk alone.

喜欢文字，因为它把我无法说出来的话，印在纸上了。

很多时候，心里的话，不知该向谁倾诉。

知音难找是真的。

所以，以谜语的方式，把感触给写下来。

突然间，我想了很多。

再过一个月，就是7月28日了。时间怎么过的这么快。

7月24日就正式毕业了。

又要开启人生的另一页。

有时候，很想留在原地。或活在过去。小时候的世界简单些，也单纯些。爱他，服事他都简单多了。虽然现在，应该还是那份单纯的爱。

我想开始读散文。很喜欢散文给人的感觉，轻松、真实、不做作。

我们的人生，也应该如此。

今天和朋友聚餐时，谈到去中国旅行。勾起了当年的美好回忆。

好想念和爸爸游山玩水的日子。

爬山、逛园林、看沙漠、好想念～

想念一年一度的旅行。

想想，是时候找时间，再和爸爸游山玩水去。

父亲节要到了！

i want to be six again.

check out pst kong's latest blog post!

Pastor clearly talks about masturbation.

awesome article.

Thanks Pastor!

www.konghee.com/blog

i am feeling vexed, for reasons i don't know how to express.

最近我少了书写的欲望。

生活的忙碌，让时间在你不知不觉中流逝。

昨天牧师提到，人与人之间的关系是复杂的。

是啊，复杂到不行。

哈哈。我觉得啦。

我觉得自己也是个复杂的怪胎。

真的。

所以，我也无法忍受自己有时候干下的蠢事。

现在真的觉得，我需要“六根清净”。

on my way to jurong today, i was just pondering about something, after reading sth online.

was just sitting in the cab, and thinking abt this journey.

that day i was talking to bennie, and was just thinking.

a couple of things that i learnt in these few months.

all of us are just imperfect people trying to serve a perfect God.

suddenly i was just feeling, how small and insignificant we r. honestly, God doesn't need us or our help. But He still chooses to use us.

i was on the cab.

n i was reminded, the other day when i was talking to lulu on theology, just felt this.

finite beings trying to understand an infinite God.

was staring at the sky, and feeling how big and infinite God is.

and what touched me the most, is how small we r, yet He still love us, and continue to woo us and draw us.

我们永远都无法了解祂的爱的

长 阔 高 深

i m touched.

actually, i wish i can tell u all that i'm feeling in my heart. so much has happened and my life zooms past me so fast that it's hard even to update and talk about what's happening.

but amazing thing is how God's promises never fail, and it just simply comes true, supernaturally.

sometimes i will pinch myself, and wonder if i'm in a dream. things have happened so fast that i don't have time to stop and think, and wonder and ponder, how amazing my God has been.

one of the things that touched me in a BIG way was mini-emerge. i sat there telling God, i want to be the next generation. Yest pastor prayed for the youth again. and i told myself again, yes i want to rise up and be that next generation.

今天听到的歌曲，真的感动了我。

祷告时，我对祂说，我要献上完全的我，换上完全的袮。

我要成为你的器皿。

最近，对这个字情有独钟。器皿。

it has been amazing, working with different people, experiencing different things, and building new friendships.

thank God for the chance, to work with great leaders, that's always something i can learn.

God never promised an easy journey, but He promised adventure.

I'm excited.

told myself. "ting, give you 4 months. to go there n make it."

not that everything will stop aft that, but i will really run these 4 mths. take stock aft that, and run again. u go girl, and be unstoppable. (:

i love my life.

是一条漫长的道路。

是充满曲折的一条路。

我现在了解，我的每一步，都需要祂的带领。

lead me Lord.

"many are called, few are chosen, and even fewer are found faithful."

this thing has been resounding in my mind for a while, and it came up again during SOS.

i wept, and to tell the truth, i dunno why i did.

but i do know that i was overwhelmed.

was sharing with her, how years ago, this thing came to my mind, and i was telling God, what if i "drop out". through my yrs in church, there had been so many that "dropped out", will i be one of those?

then after some time, God told me, "xiaoting, you are my chosen one".

i could not believe it then. i asked God if He is sure.

a few years later, what i heard is "many are called, few are chosen, and even fewer are found faithful".

to many, this is so foolish. soooo foolish. to the intellectual, xiaoting is an idiot. i am so trapped in this, there's no turning back. is it worth it even?

many have left. this is one of those times, i felt so much abt xinhong's blog. it totally resonated with what i am feeling inside.

i just want to say,

to you, it may be foolishness. i know. to majority of the people, yes. sometimes you do make me feel that i am so silly. sometimes i wonder if i am right. but do you know, i really love Him so much, that i don't want to forego anything. i don't mind being a fool for Him. i really don't want to be called, yet not be chosen, or worse, not be found faithful.

and i feel sad, when you don't resonate with me.

really.

she asked me tdy, why? i told her, because He asked. it's as simple as that isn't it? if He asked, i will give up even the most precious things, in exchange for Him.

i'm not saying you r wrong, we all have our paths and ways, but i have decided a long time back.

there's no turning back. i will live, lay down my life, and walk this path of "foolishness".

i will be a fool for Christ.

my blog is feeling so dead! that is very bad. can u all pls revive it or sth?

haha. but many times when i'm here, i dun really know what to blog about.

maybe when i'm more inspired. Sidenote.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO WJ N MX!

AND HAPPY UPCOMING BIRTHDAY TO TING N KEN!

AND WHY IS EVERYBODY'S BIRTHDAY IN MAY????


note: my new best friend is called Honey. Meet him and say hi. (: he's the cutest bear in this whole world. gonna post up his pic soon.

some people said that blogging is therapeutic. i am trying it to see if it really is. recently, i'm looking for a way to destress. or maybe not recently la. haha. just need to do sth to get away from the buzzzzzzzzzz.

sorry for the lack of updates and the speaking in unknown languages.

ANYWAY.

we had an awesome time w Pst Kong today. I was really blown away by what he shared, and God really spoke into my heart.

The authority that Pst carries. is so amazing.

and whatever that i'm going thru in this season, God really showed me.

Pst said, that in his early twenties, he was constantly seeking God regarding the call of God upon his life.

He spoke abt being a bondservant, who will willingly lay down everything.

He said there is a moving, and there is also a moment.

You know at the end of it all, i wept and wept and wept.
we sang that song, we wholly follow you.
i was brought back to that place, 10 yrs ago, where i knelt down before Him, sang the same song and said, God i wholly follow you.
and once again He asked, will you?
with tears flowing down my cheeks, i cried, saying, I will.
Jesus, I really do love You.
and He reminded me of what He told me.
that one day, just like Peter, i might be brought to places i dun wan to go.
but that day will come, when you're all living for the Lord.
it's all abt Him.

so, r u willing to lay down?
r u willing to sacrifice?
r u willing to be separated?
r u willing to do all that He wants you to do?
r u willing to be a bondservant?

最近发生了很多很多事情。

问题是许多事情，是不能说出来的。

晓亭的心里真的憋了一肚子的苦水。

我只是希望，你可以看到，在表面以下的我，体谅在这坚强的外表底下，藏着的脆弱的心。

empathy - the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to,and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.