jus now lim yang n minyi called to ask me if i wanted to go genting after 'a' levels. on 26 nov. i was jus thinking n i asked him if it will cross the weekend. n he said yah.. mos prob coming back after sun kind of thing. den i said no. cos weekend is for God. haha. but i din tell him that lah. den he said u r not going cos weekend got church? den i say yah.. shld be not going lah. he said this.. 这样严重啊。haha. which struck me.. 严重？wad a word.. but yah.. 其实我已经入戏太深，或者我应该说是中毒太深吧。对，就是那么严重。

其实我也好想出国，我有好久好久都没有出国散心了，因为这几年我都放不下。我好喜欢出国的感觉，但是却已经好久没有出国了。刚才拒绝的时候，可以听见脑里有人要我妥协。

why do u want to be so "hard core"? ( this term is termed by yong xiang )
why not jus compromise?
look at all the things u r missing out because of God n church..

well, it is true that i m missing out on so much. but u noe sumtin, there is so much i gained that i cannot have with anything else. i love Him. with all of my heart. i will not trade this love He has for me for anything else in the world. if u love someone with all ur heart, u noe that u want to give Him ur entire life. that is wad i wan to do. i may seem like a fool.. but i will rather be a fool for Christ den to be a fool in the world. n i admit.. i m hopelessly in love.. hopelessly poisoned. everybody wants me to cut ties with God.. haha. my dad wants to go to china to cut off ties with city harvest.. nice try dad. haha. well.. i told him, if i can leave chc so easily, den the nine yrs i spent loving God has been wasted isn't it..

我已经中毒太深，直到我不能自拔。

u noe sumtin? i wish i m more in love with Him. i wish for MORE.