i spent some of my afternoon looking at facebook, uploading photos n stuff. n i was looking thru helen's pics in italy. oh man it really made me drrrooooollllll! i just simply love europe can???



somebody blogged this, that God reads blogs, n i certainly think so.



so dear God, i have a little wish.



i wish that the one will take me to europe for honeymoon. haha.



i dunno.i really hope it comes to pass. if it doesn't, i pray that i will have a chance to tour europe with him. at least italy, france, n london??? hahha. i *HEART* europe!!!!

i m such a faithful blogger nowadays. haha. i wasted one and a half days doing nothing!!! urgh. m a little upset with myself. ok la. i din like do nothing, just that i was not pdtive in studying. i guess i will have to burn the oil tonight. yes i hope i will stay up, even if it's for just a little while. n i will MUG!!!!

i m just relieved that it's over. :) haha. i felt like if anything, this will be the toughest paper, n yes, to quote my fren, i m just glad to be out alive. hurhur. nah that's a joke.

i was feeling nostalgic today walking alone in ntu premises. after so many weeks, i finally paid a visit to the new library. it's not because i din go to library ok, it's becos i spent most of my time in the "chi-na" library. haha. n oooh, i m so impressed with the new library. i m slow, i know. haha. but it's a really nice place. n i was feeling nostalgic thinking that i m leaving the sch in a year's time. wad a privilege it is to be a student. u noe i was offered the minor in entrepreneurship, and i hesitated to accept it, but eventually i did, becos i rem wad i told joanna a while ago, that one reget i have in my life is to maximising my time in uni, n i figure, that this minor is going to make this uni life worth it. after all, it has to be a fulfilling experience right?

and i feel really loved. suddenly there r ppl who r so concerned for my exams. haha. usually it doesn't happen, becos i m quite relaxed abt exams too, BUT i do study. but this time round i badly want to do well, n to all my frens, thanks for all the smses, prayers and phone calls, they really encourage n motivate me alot. so that's all peeps. i'm gonna take a good break, and start mugging again.

i love sch, love being a student, and sometimes, even love exams. haha.

u noe i m now so conscious of what i write? n i m watching my words, so that every sentence sounds right, structurally and grammatically. hurhur.

a short one before i hit the books again.

i received a call in the middle of the night yest, from a rare guest.

n i was pleasantly surprised when i realised he had no agenda whatsoever, n simply called to remind me to study, "to put things into perspective", so he said.

and i m appreciative for this call that came out of nowhere.

thank you my fren.

n i have, like i was told, studied.

n i promise, i will really try to put in my 110% for these exams.

so back to the books. :) or rather, notes. haha. n let me swim in that sea of ancient Chinese philosophy, n i pray, i will not drown, but get to the other side. hurhur.

我快要抓狂了。读到孟子我就不行了。啊！！！！现在才发现，中国思想史还真是折磨人耶！*叹气*

但是，却对孔子这句话情有独钟。

“岁寒，然后知松柏之后凋也。”

呵呵。你一定在想这句话什么意思，不告诉你。哈哈。改天再来问我吧。:) 哈。

我要回到孟子了。:(

this morning i woke up and while i was bathing, this verse came into my mind.

2 Tim 4:7

"i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith."

and yes, in my heart a voice echoed, i want to fight the good fight, i want to finish the race, i want to keep the faith.

Phil 1:6
"... and He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."

i m standing upon it.

and we will triumph victoriously.

just wanted to blog a quick one. exams in 3 days my frens! n yes, as u can see, xiaoting is really not in the mugging mode. haha. nobody even feel that i m having exams. BUT. i m really going to mug hard n do well this time round.

well, i got into the minor in entrepreneurship. i dunno to be happy or sad really. haha. it's really a great programme but i will burn 1 and 1/2 months of my hols in sch. :( but i have already accepted the offer so i guess i m in. haha.

u noe i was writing my essay on thurs night, and realised how my English has "deproved", and according to my fren, there is no such word too! haix. and my fren was laughing at me for how CMI my English has become. yes people, officially i m very sad. i used to have great grammar and i hate making spelling mistakes, but now... haix. it's time to buck up on english again u noe? i m definitely going to spend my hols reading, reading and more reading. promise!

i love every sat cos i love going for cg. sounds cliche, but it's really true. every sat when i walk home, i will always be smiling becos u guys bring soooo much joy into my life. i was telling mingli just that i really love my people to bits; they are the ones who make it all worthwhile. and yes she agreed with me that my members r so fun n funny. haha. love u guys!

felt like i might be a bit mean just now, but it's really all abt trust. n i wish that u can trust me a bit more. haix. i dunno is it unwise of me to tell u, even before i have decided, but i really hope no one, and i mean no one, will come n bug me abt it. i can feel it, that it's not going to be an easy route.

it will really be mugging, mugging n more mugging for the next few weeks. n i pray, for the next few weeks, i can really give it my all and cross my fingers, hoping that i can get the As that i want. and yes ppl, pls correct my English if it sounds terrible. haix. i need to improve! on my English AND Chinese. Gee. till then, ciao!

heyy guys, i finally finished my essay. Honestly, i never thought that at 6,7,8 am, my brain is still effectively working. apparently, it did not fail me. and yes, i m officially finished with my essay. :) and now i m going to sch without sleeping to hand it in and to do some reasearch.

i m sooo proud of myself. haha. for staying up to finish this thing. it's a great sense of achievement.

ms ching, u see it? haha.

look at the time!!!! haha. i feel so proud of myself that i m awake. to quote alice, 给自己一个热烈的掌声！呵呵。

miss ching, this is the greatest testimony to xiaoting staying awake. nope i m not done yet. still got like 1/2 of my essay to go. but i m just so excited i have to blog abt this. hee. :)

ok. i m going to do one last post for now n i m really going to embark on that seemingly insurmountable literature essay. haha. oh God i really nd ur grace. :)

there's just such a smile on my face nowadays really. God has been so good, and His mercy and love has just been pouring. I am just so happy. Really. Even when i was toking to huiying yest on msn, she could sense the joy flowing out of me. i m really happy.

first up, so glad that jian yong is back! :) it feels weird that i have been toking to him on msn when he is in europe, and aft waiting for soooo loooong, he's really back, n to use the word ting used, it's surreal. n yes, the only thing i m sad abt is that i was not at the airport.URGH. haha. i wanted so much to be there! but from their descriptions, i may come back feeling really tired too. so... haha.

acty, i dunno wad else i want to blog. haha. i m so excited for cg this wk, i can sense it's gonna be such a great one. well, till then, it's mugging, mugging n more mugging!

keep me in ur prayers peeps!

and all thanks to my good fren, i m really really staying up to do my essay tonight. FANG u see this? i will come back n blog once i m done. so that i can testify to it. haha. i feel so energetic now. byeee guys. :)

LIFE IS SOOO BEAUTIFUL! :)

i had the loveliest dream last night.

i dreamt that i was in europe, in a little cottage by the sea.

and guess who were with me?

e357. haha. how cool ah.

weirdly, ck appeared in the dream too. hahah.

i fell in love with this song after hearing the little girl sing it on bai fen bai. and i want to dedicate this song to my dear ALICE. haha.

《隐形的翅膀》张韶涵

每一次 都在徘徊孤单中坚强
每一次 就算很受伤 也不闪泪光
我知道 我一直有双隐形的翅膀
带我飞 飞过绝望
不去想 他们拥有美丽的太阳
我看见 每天的夕阳 也会有变化
我知道 我一直有双隐形的翅膀
带我飞 给我希望
我终于 看到 所有梦想都开花
追逐的年轻 歌声多嘹亮
我终于 翱翔
用心凝望不害怕 哪里会有风 就飞多远吧
隐形的翅膀 让梦恒久比天长
留一个 愿望 让自己想象

this song is beautiful. (:

HY, i m really happy. :) let's rem Bob the builder. ha.

GOD IS SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so He said. all things work tog for the good of those who love Him!

HALLLEEEEELLLLLUUUUUJJJJAAAAHHHHHH!

will u trust Me again?

the vision for growth.

the breakthru anointing.

we will stand.


many r called, few are chosen.

诗篇23

耶和华是我的牧者，我必不至缺乏。

他使我躺卧在青草地上，领我在可安息的水边。

他使我的灵魂苏醒，为自己的名引导我走义路。

我虽然行过死荫的幽谷，也不怕遭害；因为你与我同在，你的杖，你的竿，都安慰我。

在我敌人面前，你为我摆设筵席；你用油膏了我的头，使我的福杯满溢。

我一生一世必有恩惠慈爱随着我，我且要住在耶和华的殿中，直到永远。

my fave psalm at this time.

i woke up in somewhat of a shock that it's already 3am. and like wad fang say, haix, i always dun manage to stay awake. oh man. i feel upset with myself for slacking. now i need a miracle. i noe everything will be ok, haix, but that doesn't mean i can excuse myself for procrastination n lack of discipline. i m gg back to listen to what pst tan has said the last 2 weeks again.

soo many things on my mind. so many things that happened.

alice was saying that my ppl shld be feeling more troubled n frustrated, i guess so ba, but i m suffering from my share too.

i really hope that everything is gonna be alright.

i pray that everything is gonna be alright.

i had so much on my mind that i acty dreamt of all of u ;ast night. alice, ting, ying, and somewhat weird, but leon.

all things work tog for the good of those who love Him.

i will hang on to that.

it was such an eventful week and weekend that i m just glad it's over. in the last few days, my emotions went thru such highs and lows, but God has been good through it all.

During service today, i start to wonder, why is it that all these r happening? in the midst of me going to have exams, i feel the heat and pressure. not from my studies, but from the devil. and i felt a little sad, a little tired and weary.

but God was good. He showed up powerfully in the CG meeting, n i m more than thankful.

and tdy during service, i felt a boost of faith. at the end of the service, i was praising God with all that i had. becos i rem wad i preached, that praise is the language of faith. and indeed when it ended, i felt faith in my emotional tank. I rem wad pst said, that success puts a demand on ur heart. yes it does, but with God, we will prevail. and i really felt at the end of the service, that everything is going to be ok, and that me, and the cg will be victorious.

and i pray, that at the end of the valley, i will see the light.

and the breakthrough will come.

i m gonna pray, hang on, and press thru.

thanks to all that spared that listening ear. thanks to MY for being there,no matter how late and tired. You r an awesome leader to me. thanks fang yes, for picking up my call 1am in the morning, when i was so depressed. u r appreciated. thanks to G for that msg that really encouraged me, and ur concern. thanks to my members and all who stood by me.

i love the fellowship. the joy that's released in this place. i love u e357, u really light up my life. and thanks to MY leaders, it has been a joy fellowshipping with u!

to cecilia(hope u r reading this), happy 20th! u have a great destiny in u u noe that? like really. enjoy :)

all things work tog for the good of those who love Him.

this is the verse this week. and..

yea though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil. u r with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me. :)

YES!!!

WE WILL BREAKTHROUGH. HURHUR. I BELIEVE IT YEAH? :)

i feel battle-weary. i need Him.

i dun wan to hang on. i want to breakthrough.

i need strength from the Most High.

stand with me.

ok. now i feel ready to tok, or rather write. let's start.

today i was just sitting in the cab, n thinking abt random stuff, n i dunno y, suddenly i feel that God was so good to me. I still cannot honestly rem wad i was thinking abt, but i rem His presence came n warmed me gently. and there again. He was there alright.

after the quiz, went to meet meltoh's boss. i know him, becos i rem him from israel trip, even before i met him. and it's so strange that he acty rems me, and he made a comment, wad a strong impression. hmm. to put it simply, i like him. not becos of anything, but one thing cos of his spirituality. when he spoke abt his life n everything, tears pricked my eyes. i felt God. n i noe, this is one boss i would like to have. more than just abilities, talent, intellect, wad impress me the most is people's love for God and that closeness to Him. he carries God, now that i recall, i feel moved toking to him, really.

i guess i m a step closer to destiny. i will never think that i will tok abt this career as destiny, n to tell the truth, the money factor is such a pull. but actually, i really feel destiny nearing me. no kidding. n from tdy, i felt a step closer. i know exactly where i m heading and what i m heading towards. i noe there r a few barriers to cross, and just maybe, after this, i will be there. at least i feel that He is drawing me there.

that meeting stirred up so much in me, that when i was downstairs, i felt God so near that tears came to my eyes. destiny.

meeting wanquan. given a chance to disciple and to challenge. i m thankful.

celebrating eugene's bday. i honestly felt, he has grown up. i could almost feel tears well up in his eyes, and really, all the sowing has been worth it. n i m just reminded, this is wad loving people is about isn't it? i really love u guys.

and toking to ying. i felt a lot. i know wad phase u r at. and i wish...

u noe over the years, i began to learn more abt being a ldr. and one of the things God has done in me, is a heart for people. and i really learn to love my members. and i wish that i could express it so fully, from the bottom of my heart, i really love every one of u, and i really wish, u will see God's destiny fulfilledin your life.

and it's never too much to say it again, it is a privilege.

it was an oh-so-emo day i felt. first of all meeting up with meltoh's boss who shared stuff that almost made me tear. i was really holding the tears back.

then meeting wanquan, celebrated bday for eugene. and toking to ying.

each was an experience on its own, that really stirred me up thinking so hard.

God was there, every step of the way. I felt He was so near me tdy. I felt like i had a brush with destiny. I felt like i was so close.

and I am just appreciative.

He really spoke today, really. like really. from this morning till now. and He still is.

i will just hang on there for a little, i know it is sooo close. i know.

just want u to know, i love every single one of you. frens n members, u r great ppl God has placed in my hearts. really. THANK YOU.

今天上了一堂很精彩的张爱玲的课。很喜欢倪老师的教书方式，虽然有些人认为在这堂课上，听得一头雾水，我还是非常的享受。是啊，能够听一个好老师讲课，对晓亭来说，确实是种享受。

而今天上课的结果是，我真的对张爱玲好有兴趣。说实在的，有许多我想要接触的东西，我都没有时间去。真想利用这个假期，好好的自我充实一下。呵呵。

说到这里，我不得不感慨，大学的生涯还真的短暂。哈哈。我真的会怀念这段日子。:)

pics for u from yest's nerd party. it's really hilarious. see if u can spot the winners? haha.

前方是绝路，希望在转角。

so he said.

i really feel terrible. usually i m really not like that, but i m really overwhelmed by it all. to tell the truth, i dunno y. i feel battle-weary. yes J said that i m xiaoting, n somehow i will walk thru all these. but i really really feel terrible. i feel so bad i feel like i m exploding on the inside.

it's the burden. it's not anger.

i m only one person.

wad can i do. wad must i do.

i wish i could do sth, to get rid of this awful feeling inside of it.

i really hate it n dread it. no kidding.

someone help me pls?

stand with me i pray.

ohhh. weijian is coming back tml. haha. i decided to come up n blog some random stuff after blogging such cheamology for so long. hurhur.

this year's easter was really good. God has been so good to us. and i'm so convinced that prayer works. what it takes, is to pray, and pray and pray. I'm believing! 10! :)

it has been exciting living for God, seeing the different things He's doing. After this sem ends, it will be another life in Him and i'm anticipating. haha. and becos of reading G's blog, i have caught on the "because He lives" song. haha.

yest, certain things that a fren said really encouraged me. thank God for ppl who r constantly believing in me. i m blessed. :) haha.

jj, samuel and cally getting baptised on sun leh. so cool! haha. i'm excited. :)

很享受和你谈话的过程。

更享受身为朋友，我们总知道朋友在附近，在需要的时候会出现，能依靠。

最近和不同人的接触，让我真的很向往那样的生活。

都和你说了。我真的问他了。但是我没有得到答案。

我也曾想过你想的问题。从这个层面看来，我们真的还很像哦。哈哈。

我在2008年的祷告，is that you will be so real in my life.

其实我原本祈求的，是你的同在。But You gave me more than that.

在长大的过程中，你慢慢让我了解到，甚至是在我的未来，你还是那么的真实。谢谢。

Somebody msged me. Life is worth the living just because He lives.

Yes I know. It really is.

This Easter, I started to realize, how impt it is that Jesus is alive. Thank You for speaking Lord, even today. :) Love You!

很高兴你告诉了我。

这一次的感觉，真的像 dejavu.

不久前（也没有不久啦，好象是几年前），在差不多那样的时间，我和你也在拥有相似的谈话。

讲真的，你可以的啦。哈哈。

这一次，总觉得没有上一次沉重。

感觉是，如果你没有通过那个考验，就会一直重来不是吗？

呵呵。

I’m so flattered that I’m part of the major decision-making process of your life. Wahahaha.

虽然我的人生中，还真的没有什么重要的决定了。

除了结婚生子。

哈哈。

还有那隐藏在心中的梦想。应该只是这样吧。

前者，我一定会先请教你。

毕竟，你比我有经验嘛。哈哈。

后者，我不问，应该就已经会知道你的答案吧。 :)

我很庆幸，我不在场。

因为，我应该不懂得如何露出微笑。

当我做出那个决定时，我就已经知道，是一个结束。

但是一个结束，应该也是另一个开始吧。

今天跑步时，看到一颗星星在闪烁。

想到。。

当你抬头看到星星在闪烁时，请记得，是星星在提醒你，我在想你。

当你抬头看不到星星时，请记得，虽然看不到，我还是在不远处。

今天抬头时，的确又想到你。

我挣扎了很久。对与错。该与不该。我选择的，是放手。

希望一个结束，将会带来一个更美好的开始。

on another note, time seems to pass a bit too slowly nowadays. I can't believe after so long, weijian has not even left for 2 weeks. hahaha. although the thought that he's coming back next thurs feels like it's quite soon.

it's a new phase.n i'm really excited. for the rest of 2008.

posting the pics for u. sending jian yong off on mar 12.



these ppl really nd special care! haha.

can u see wad it says? no sitting. haha. ting is breaking the rules!

see the thing hanging on his shirt? done by us! in case he gets lost. haha.

There's sth wrong with blogger again. So can only post up these pics. will try again another time.

God is soooo good.

really. thank You.

prayers really work, and You answer prayers as i stand in faith.

a phenomenal, breakthrough easter!

You are bringing revival, into E357 and City Harvest!

someone asked. will u love pastor by loving souls as much as he does?

i din even bear to look at the sms. cos my heart broke on the inside.

pastor kong spoke. i heard. every word. speaking into my heart.

and i asked Him.

what does it take Lord? what does it take?

这一直是我心中在问的问题。

我真的渴望。

the greatest gift i can give to you this easter, is what that will make heaven rejoice right?

and what/who m i? if i fail to see the real meaning of easter. that u came, died for us.

I need a breakthrough. 真的。

stand with me, won't u?

Lord i really really need u. REALLY.

i m just simply grateful. really. in the midst of my apprehension, He has been so good. thank You Lord, for calming my nerves, and for showing me, everything is in control and in Your plan.

You are good.

sometimes, i'm just so overwhelmed by how You have blessed me, and how You brought ppl into my life. Yes Lord sometimes it is filled with heartbreaks, but You always take my heart and mend it, and show me, for that one bad thing that happened, so many good things can come out of it. and I'm just so glad that i have learnt to trust in You. and sometimes that little voice says go, and i will, and that voice says, dun, and i won't, and in the midst of all these, everything is just in Your control. and suddenly, i know wad it means, that all things work tog for those who love Him, according to Your purpose.

thank You. I am humbled, grateful, and truly appreciative.

God You see that tiny desire in my heart, and for what i gave up 3 yrs ago, i wish i can reap out of it. it's a dream. really. maybe it will happen, maybe it will not. but it's a desire. but like 3 yrs ago, if u say stay, u noe i will say, yes Lord. 3 yrs ago it was like that, that hasn't changed Lord. Because i still love You more than anything else, more than my ministry, more than my calling, more than my dream and my desire. and my dreams and desires, i lay at Your feet.

show me how to live
teach me in Your way
that i may walk with You all my days.

最近，一些人的举止，真的让我很感动。而我会想，他们真的没有必要这么做，可是你深深的感受到他们的珍惜。

人与人的相处之道，可能是我们生活中最重要的东西吧。

最担心，害怕的，是有一天，我们这么的盲目，只看到自己，却看不到别人。

as i read again, i felt misunderstood.

n it's sad.

it's such a contrast n conflict of feelings these few days really. nah i'm not getting into the emo mode, because i really got too much things to do. so ting n ying, stop laughing at xiaoting can? u all r like.. laughing at me. haha. i know it ok? :)

i feel so tempted to say again. but nvm. God is good. He balanced that "affectedness" by the very very kind gestures of friends. once again, thanks. i'm blogging like at this unearthly timing, n i'm awfully tired. pls prayyy for me. thank you.

seriously, i feel soo awfully blessed. no kidding.

suddenly i felt, it must be all the sowing that i have done, ha.

tdy i was still thinking abt it, and it was only like 15 hrs after we sent u off, n u r already missed! oh man.

and my fren, THANK YOU so much. oh it's so appreciated when i'm really just so tied up with everything. really. and that gesture of kindness touched my heart so much.

recently, i keep receiving acts of kindness from ppl and i genuinely feel so touched can? God is so good.

thank you my friends. u light up my awfully busy life. :)

in just 1 week, i sent 2 soons away. :) one after another. but yet it was 2 very different sending off. weird to say this, but they r 2 brothers that really mean a lot to me, and both of them feel so much like my younger brothers, serious, and that's y i'm the da jie i guess. ha.

they seem so alike in many ways, n yet so different. yes very different indeed.

jy, jus hope u get to read this post though. :)

there is this verse in Heb 13:17 that says, let ur leaders serve you with joy and not sorrow, and i m proud to say, u really allowed me to serve you with joy. the 2 weeks after u r saved, have really brought me so much joy, by simply teaching u the word of God, prayer, reading the Bible, it's just amazing n beautiful. and thank you! (oh man it feels like u r going for 3 yrs already)

and yes definitely u r coming back in a piece, but this is one of the few times i send ppl off feeling so awfully sad, which i think u r too la. :) but it's really an experience in a lifetime, so instead of leaving with regrets, enjoy ur trip to the fullest.

and seeing u tdy, really made me see such a touching side of u, ha, thanx for being so awfully nice.

we really look forward to ur return 28 days later. n counting down!

u r appreciated for making me feel so appreciated.

(honestly, if not for me being in such a high mode tdy, that just covered over every other emotion, i may have ended up like ck. )

you'll be missed!

wanted to blog this yest.

running creates a very funny feeling.

before i run, i dread it. force myself with every ounce of my energy to do it.

during my run, it's painful but enjoyable. the kind of "mind over body" is wad i need to train.

after my run, i yearn it. wished that i had run a bit more, becos the feeling of burning fats is fantastic.

昨天，在回来时，刚好听到范范的“黑白配”，陶醉在其中。抬头一看，在想，怎么又没有星星了？星期五跑步时，也没有看到星星，心里感到纳闷。

怎知，我瞧啊瞧，发现星星都一颗颗的跑了出来。

不久，天空真的充满着星星。

and He spoke to me.

当你被黑夜围绕时，你会以为，星星都不见了。但是，如果仔细地去看，星星藏在黑夜里，认真去找，他们是存在的。

times when u go thru the darkest moments, thinking that His light is not there. think again. the next time u lift up your head and see, u may just see the faintest twinking assuring u, my child, i'm here. :)

my greatest joy is..

to walk down the aisle (not getting married) with you and seeing you give your life to Jesus

to see you growing, loving God and being serious with God

to see you maturing, stepping into your calling in God

to see you living out the word, even when you were not told to

to build a relationship with you, for relationship precedes ministry.

my greatest priveilege..

is to be here when u need me.

is to disciple u when u make mistakes, and u humbly listen to my advice

is to pray with u, and hear your passion in prayers

is to have you serve me, when i m called to serve you

my greatest priveilege..

is to be given a chance to love you, make a difference in your life, like how He has called me to.

i m priveileged, blessed, honored to have a cell group like you.

轻轻的，淡淡的，美美的，爱情故事。

这似乎是这几天，我所看的电影的特征。:)

《誓约》就是这样。

它的淡和美，和我看的偶像剧产生了强大的对比。

有人认为，太不切实际，太像童话了。

有时候，看了这样的戏后，我总会提醒我自己，梦，仍然是梦。

但是，有时候和他说话时，他也总会提醒我，爱情，在生活中，仍然存在的。

人生如戏，戏如人生嘛。

是，我始终是爱情的头号粉丝。

对于布拉图的那个希腊传说，我还是有那么一点点心动。

someone once said, We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.

i like wad jeremy said in leap years,

"i think it takes courage to resist being with someone for the sake of being with someone."

how apt a quote, for the world we live in.

"a leap, of love"

today is my best running so far. i was really dreading it, and felt like it was really torturous. but to tell the truth, i really din feel that torturous while running today. in fact, i kind of enjoyed it. that's my greatest achievement so far! haha. i used to hate running in sch so much and i really dun like 2.4km, but now i'm amazed by the progress. *crossing my fingers and praying this routine will last*. so frens, u will support me won't u? Pls help me by not asking me out for supper, or at least bring me out n forbid me from eating. that u're doing me a great great favour.

i hope i have enough determination to last me through, and i hope i only take 3 months to shed all the weight i want to. I pray, i focus, i ask.

and friends, u will support me huh? :)

on another note, just heard abt chen guan xi.

讲真的，虽然每个人都对他的过错非常生气，但是，人非圣贤，孰能无过？佩服他的勇气，喜欢他站出来的决心。给他多一个机会吧。我似乎太宽容了一点，可是对于勇敢认错的人，我还是欣赏的，不是吗？

i really dunno wad to post. haha.

recently, i have a bit of time on my hands, for some reason i dunno. BUT. i dun think this situation will last long. becos i started like publicising it, so i believe i'm gonna get bz soon.

and i need to exercise, and lose weight. i have no idea how much weight i put on, but it's definitely not little.

and Pst Tan preached an awesome msg. certain things in my heart. i hope u caught it.

and thank God for friends, for the joy, the support, the company, it's really appreciated. thanx for the v day company, for the suppers, for the movies, for the phone calls, for the sms-es, for even saying hi, n for replying me on msn.

i appreciate the fact that i'm a priority in ur life, and in urs, and urs and urs. really. thank you for letting me in, thank you for always sharing, thank you for always listening, and thank you for letting me know, if ever i need u, u'll be there.

i love you, and you and you and you. love you friends. i think u guys noe who u r.

to some, which i hope u catch it, there r certain things xiaoting can do if i want to, but i can't do it forever. i want to be there for u, but i also want u to learn to move on. and i honestly believe u can. u have this thing inside inside inside, that's waiting to release itself.

let's get up and live, shall we?

最近唯一感到的一些些苦恼，是当我看到朋友们难过，伤心，distressed, 而我爱莫能助。是一个“洁癖”吧，我真的希望身边的人，可以过得快乐。因为对我来说，快乐是一个多么重要的东西，不是吗？

不管你身边发生什么事，我们都可以让自己开心的笑，不是吗？

我发现，如果要选择，该烦恼的事情，要烦恼的事情还是很多的，但是。。。

yest i said, sleep is the greatest commodity of my life. acty i think, joy is more like it.

i can't live without smiling, and having joy in my life for a day.

and i want to walk out every day, knowing that i can smile, becos i have Him in me.

ya?

so to all my frens, i wish u happiness and joy, always n always,

n if there is anything i can do to make u smile in the midst of ur tiredness, stress, weariness, i will gladly do it. (haha i hope.)

this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!!

jus finished watching coffee prince and i had a good time praying. He is good. love u Lord. and love Your presence and how it comforts my soul. Thank You Jesus, for showing up whenever I need You there.

i will sing forever
Jesus I love You Jesus I love You

CNY is going to be over soon, before i knew it, it just passed me by like that. :) it's back to work, cg, church and frens again.

anw, met up with 61ders on tues. had a good time laughing, toking rubbish and crapping with them. it's jus awesome.

i realised that most of us have not really changed, but we have grown.

from "gossiping" about ppl, to toking abt the society, abt politics, abt our lives, we have grown, haven't we?

before we know it, wedding bells will start to ring.

time passes me by so fast. so fast. that is y i've decided.

我要非常认真的过生活。

真的。

wanted to blog. abt stuff. i'm excited every mon becos i get to watch 斗牛要不要. seriously, he is shuai. haha. ok enough of that.



just to update.



ok sat i went to taka to watch lim yang n frens, aka samba masala busk. honestly it was quite cool. :) kind of like strikeforce, n there n then i experienced the "power" of the percussion instruments.



then i told minyi, i like guys who can play the drums, piano, guitar and sax. siao right. such a wide range. but i think that guys who play drums r really cool. haha. which reminds me of sth i was toking to jeremy abt tdy. but anw let's forget abt it.



anw to sum it up, i think that percussion is powerful! and interesting really. i'm glad i got to meet them on sat. frens r such impt ppl huh. haha.



最近发生了一些事情，在一些人身上。过了这么久，我真的感觉到一种无力感。对于自己的无助，我真的真的很难过。或许人都是这样的吧，我们都对自己不能控制的事情而感到沮丧。



not being able to be there, not being able to doing sth for you, you and you, sometimes makes me feel like i'm not a good fren, or even not a good ...



i wish i can be there. i wish i can share ur sorrows. i wish i can stretch out my hand and u'll take it, and i can pull u out of that ditch.



i wish...



to end off, here's a pic of samba masala. (SMU) oh man i'm promoting them on my blog! haha.







i think ly is a nice bf. :) and i think his head will really swell.


and i think u shld pay me for promoting u on my blog. this is great advertisement. ha.

it seems like a looong while since i blogged. recently i'm really not so in the mood for blogging. :)

acty, i also dunno wad to say. haha.

but anyway, i'm glad CNY is coming. it's a time for food, for fun and for laughter.

was just toking to Minyi just now and she was persuading me to go orchard tml.

just want to say, that i really appreciate her and lim yang. yes LIM YANG. hahha. trying to emphasize that and insist on not calling him Yang. hee.

we dun really meet a lot, tok a lot or share a lot, but somehow, i do treasure this friendship that i hide at the back of my life somewhere.

and honestly, i've got to repeat myself, LIM YANG HAS CHANGED!

everybody thinks like i'm toking nonsense but it's true it's true it's true. He really has.

and he has changed for the better.

cool eh i'm complimenting him on my blog. haha.

i used to rem me n mei used to say when we were in sec sch, that he will make a good bf. haha. so that's true too.

k tml watching lim yang busking at taka. :) i'm being nice huh.

signing off peeps. seriously i cant really stand the trend nowadays. nth for me to buy. sho sad.

it is sooooo nice! i'm looking forward to next sunday. wahahaha.

it was a phenomenal weekend. i really felt blown away, from sat's service, to sunday's, and to leader's appreciation.

sth exploded on the inside.

i love dr bernard.

and i love You more.

and i have a new desire.. that is..

servant is who we are, lead is what we do.

i like this pic from xmas. nice!

cg during xmas. :) though it's incomplete.

the pic says it all.

yes this is LIM BAY HUNG.

and this is QUAH MING XUN.

and this is SOON WEIJIAN. i decided to put a nice pic of him, after the unglam one. and that is a self-made scarf by him! haha.

and that kinda completes the saturday boyz series.

seriously, i had this funniest and most ridiculous conversation with wj's sis - soon sze yin!!! oh man she is just so incredibly funny.. and you should listen.. to how she promotes her brother n sister!!!!!!! hahaha. i love her to bits. excuse me for that. hahaha.

i was just telling her... that i wanted to ...... her brother as ...... (hahah yes guess ppl but dun try too hard) and she was asking me.. do u want my sister too???? yes i do want ur sister but she dun want me!!!!!!! and i really find her incredibly cuteeeee!!! sorry for this really lame post and i think weijian's SISTERS are irresistible.

show u their pics man.

These r weijian's 2 irresistible sisters. hahha.

ok. i m supposed to post this up like millions of yrs ago. this is wj in his most unglam moment. actually, i have just obtained photos of him being more unglam. but to be nice, i wun put it up. this is for now! for this unglam and yet "popular" boy, i thought he has cute sisters.

anyway, perhaps after today, many many many more ppl will visit my blog. sze yin u noe y? haha.

i was just thinking abt it. wad do i want to do and how.

then she said sth that struck my heart.

and i realised, all that i want..

is to be a fren.

on another note, it was another awesome week. an awesome zone meeting, an awesome cg meeting, an awesome service.

dr bernard preached a word that just exploded me on the inside.

and i was telling wj. it's amazing what dr bernard preached is such a simple yet powerful truth. n i love the way he puts things across.

we used to hear alot about the Holy Spirit from Pst Ulf. and it's different hearing it from dr bernard. same Holy Spirit, same "wow" in my spirit, yet a whole different way of presenting..

my good friend. the Holy Spirit

we need you so much Lord. that we can be compelling witnesses for you.
and really, we are nothing without you.

"that experience at Pentecost would have to be so real, so spectacular, so tangible that the disciples were such convincing witnesses that 3000 souls believed that day."

"it was so real it could represent that physical presence of Jesus."

"it isn't the things, it's the quality."

"we aren't married to a religious system, we r married to a person. and it's about Him."

"you dun have the power, you are power."

God has been speaking to me over this week, again and again. and i m really thankful for that. and my wish for 2008, is that You will be more real to me than ever before in my life.

so. i was reminded.

recently, i kept getting reminded.

by ppl, by things.

like wad i said in my last entry, God has been moving, and He has been speaking.

软弱，怯懦，是我从来不能苟同的词眼。

那份热忱，一发不可收拾，简直到了疯狂的境界。

有人像鸽子，有人像狮子。

我曾经更像后者。

最近一些人，最近一些事，激发了我，让我无限感慨。

为什么我在做我现在所做的事？

星期二，他的一句话，真的激发了我。

星期五，他的一句不经意的鼓励，给了我推动力。

奇怪的是，这些轻轻说出来的话，让我心里泛起涟漪。

不是暧昧的。

让我再次冲动，再次被提醒，晓亭是谁。

a short one before i "whisked away" for cgm.

just feel really great this wk cos God has really been working in my life.

Amazingly, just a remark from a fren, or just a meeting up with someone really changed my thinking n perspective on things.

thank you frens. once again, u have touched my life and made a difference. really.

and xiaoting (i believe) has become better because of you.

love ya peeps.

it's weird that our conversation was not fluent, it felt like nothing, but it impacted me in a big way. thanks my fren.

i doubt u will ever see this, but i just want you to know, that one call or that one conversation on msn really meant a lot to me. :) and sometimes, u touch me, impact me and inspire me in ways u do not know.

just like yest.

thank you for forcing me to face up to reality, to realise that time is running out, and to step out and do something.

i know, i have been weak, scared, feeble, easily intimidated, and your words did stir up something in me.

what a great word that was given in meeting yest.

Step out and run. God will give strength to the feeble knees, that you may RUN. Pick up your mat and walk, and run.

thank you, and thank You.

在华初 lep, 得到最可贵的，是那份对中文、对文学、对写作那份纯真的执着。

刚读了维彪的部落格。feeling nostalgic。

很多人认为，晓亭很勇敢的追求着自己的梦和坚持，不管他人的眼光，读了看似很没有用的中文系。而且对于一个对教书没兴趣，更不知道毕业后要做什么的人，这样的决定是勇敢，是愚蠢，还是。。？

在市侩的世界，那份对文字的热爱，温暖了我的心。

我自叹不如，对于自己为什么在读中文，其实我真的不知道。

文笔我真的没有，学问则不算什么，和这些人的热忱相比，总觉得自己差了这么一大截。

填满了半桶水之后毕业，又算是什么？

允许我自嘲一番。

yest i had a dream. it was kind of a weird dream to appear at this timing, but it was such a vivid dream that i still could remember it when i woke up.



then i heard Michael W. Smith song - Friends. and it fitted my dream so well.



Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

Can‘t believe the hopes He's granted

Means a chapter in your life is through

But well keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong



Chorus:

And friends are friends forever

If the lord's the lord of them

And a friend will not say never

cause the welcome will not end

Though its hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.



With the faith and love God's given

Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you'll live in

Is the strength that now you show

But well keep you close as always

It wont even seem you've gone

cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong



and i dreamt of this image.

我梦见，和想念的两个背影。

也发现，我好久没看见这两个背影了。

i m back from kl!!! yes i noe for many many days already. obviously i m supposed to blog abt it n show u pics. but i m really lz. sorry peeps. wait for inspiration to strike k. haha.

anw, i just want to say.. my dad was so sweetttt tdy!!!

it was raining really heavily and i got a call from him on my way back. he asked where i m n asked if i need him to pick me up!!! n he very nicely picked me up from the mrt so that i dun have to get drenched in the rain. sooooo sweeeet right. it's really rarely that he does that n i m honestly sooo touchedddd. love u daddy!

anw tdy is the second day of sch n i m starting on my readings! r u proud of me?? i m. haha.

here's a pic of me n ce in kl. nice waffles they have there. :)

it was an amazing thanksgiving. really. thank You Lord.

Pastor shared a really good word.

God will watch over the land, from the beginning of the yr till the end. What's more u n my life?

Hold fast to your confidence.

When we appreciated pastor, he shared sth that he really touched my heart

One pastor once said, the best thing we can do in life, is to get up the next morning. despite the challenges, difficulties, obstacles, discouragements, the best thing u can do, is to get up the next morning and continue to do what you should do. Continue to love when u dun feel like loving, serve when u dun feel like serving, praise God when u dun feel like praising God.

wow. i m impacted.

i really have been wondering and thinking. will i really live that "great" life i think i will have? Many ppl told me, ting you have a great destiny in God. i was really starting to doubt that. I din have the confidence to believe that i will really do great things for him. to tell the truth, i m scared. i m scared that i will just stay where i m. that i will never move on, and nv fulfill my destiny.

But what pastor shared really touched my heart.

Hold on to your confidence. Heaven and earth will pass away, but His word will never pass away. Hold on to what God has spoken in your life. thank You Lord.

when the clock struck 12, we ran up and see fireworks. and as i stood there, this was what He said.

烟火短暂，但辉煌。记得，当烟火一开始时，我们真的以为，只是这样而已吗？我们什么都看不到。但是，渐渐的，烟火越来越灿烂。他说，这是你的生命。一开始，看似没怎么样，但是，会越来越璀璨，辉煌。and there will be a legacy left behind. do u believe it? yes i do.

打从心底地说感谢。谢谢你的不离不弃，谢谢你的信任，谢谢你一直相信我。我也要一直为你这样活下去，好吗？

我能够做的，就是在最难过，伤心，失望，沮丧的时候，get up the next morning, and continue to live for You.

once again, it's an awesome awesome priveilege.

my greatest honor will always be.. to serve my Lord and King.

a song for myself, and for u my fren.

每一天都有一些事即将会发生
每段路都有即将要来的路程
每颗心都有值得期待的成份
每个人都有爱上另一个人的可能
相爱就不能害怕会有伤痕
没有人完整却有人能信任 才找到永恒

想到达明天现在就要启程
只有你能带我走向未来的旅程
想到达明天现在就要启程
你能让我看见黑夜过去
天开始明亮的过程

it has been so loong since i blogged.

today i was on my way to ikea. and i got down 2 stops before. it wasn't intentional, and i had to walk a long way to get there. din mind it though, i think i need some time to clear my head.

as i was walking, i heard Him speak. my eyes watered and the vision was blurred. and He said, there's so much more in store, and He held my hand.

记得很久以前的自己，是个爱思考的晓亭，真的。i used to do reflections all the time. 我最讨厌的， 是做一个普通的人。我讨厌普通，讨厌平常，讨厌原封不动，讨厌停滞不前。但是，为什么在我没有发现的情况下，我却渐渐让自己停留在现在。

我需要重新规划我的人生。

this few days have been busy busy cos xmas is coming. aren't u excited? i m! n to make it better, i have new clothes. haha.

i always love the end of the yr, cos it's a time of reflections and thanksgiving, to really look back at what God has done in my life and in the cg, n it's also a time for new hopes and dreams. i m really look forward to 2008. i wanna grow more than ever before and to really come up to another level.

visions and dreams for 2008.

growth n multiplication.

disciples being raised up.

dreams n destinies fulfilled.

people come and people go.

i have learnt that.

and i have learnt, i dun have to be helpless abt it.

when it's time to let go, i will.

readily, willingly, spontaneously.

有些人在你生命中只是个过客，该放手时，就潇洒一点吧。 :)

a chapter is closing, another chapter is beginning.

i m looking forward to 2008. another great yr.

love You!

恶作剧之吻2放映了！呵呵。我刚看了第一集。赞！

有这么一个时候，我曾经问过我自己，如果再发生多一次，我会怎么做，我可以承担吗？

而当时，我给自己的答案是，一定不会发生的。

我想我错了吧。

我以为我可以的，我以为会很容易的，我却发现，并不是这样的。

我很想允许自己脆弱，允许自己掉泪，允许自己自艾自怜，但是，我知道事实不是这样的。

这是一次我真的不知要跟谁说，我需要你聆听的耳朵。

晓亭会不会很感情用事？

是不是太感性？

要我用那铁做的心肠去，我真的做不到。

我可以装着一切都 ok，在夜深人静时，我知道，其实并不是这样的吧。

i will move on. ok?

i missed blogging, missed my laptop. :)

came back feeling heavy-hearted. different things have been happening n i m really exhausted.

breakaway n ignited have been fantastic, although i m really tired.

to add on to that, all the burdens for those different ppl made me heavy.

plus uncle admitted into hospital. and spending many of my evenings there. i wanna be there.

God gave me a wonderful passage last night. thank You.

thank you to MY leaders. u guys are fantastic. i love the times spent with you.

thank you to Sunday (Saturday) boyz. i think u all shld be called Sunday boyz really. becos you guys nv fail to brighten up my Sundays. thank you. it's great that i dun have to say or do anything. i simply enjoy the fellowship. u all may not know what is running thru my mind n life, but your presence and the joy that you bring brightens me every wk. i love my Sundays becos of you, and of cos, becos of Him and His house.

i realised i m really learning to love, and i m loving my members more. but that also means sth else.

to sum it up all, xiaoting is tired. i really nd to tok to somebody but i dunno who. i nd my break. ppl who r supposed to go OS tog, can we pls quickly plan?

xmas is coming. it's gonna be great.

we will end this yr well.

i feel the devil is hitting me left right up down n centre. i dun feel defeated, but i feel tired. i dun have that strength to retaliate. i nd a good break to get up and fight again. i sprained my shoulder, my finger, and maybe my ankle. pray for me won't you? i will walk thru victorious. and i will.

i m feeling upset. n i dun dare to tok to anybody. boohoohoo. n i dun wan to be at home!

过了这么久，我开始更加清楚地看清事实。

记得一开始，有人告诉我，是不需要担心的，因为是短暂的。会过去的。

我勉强相信。到底，人总是需要一个希望的。即使这个希望不明显，只要有一丁点儿，我都宁愿抓住不放。

但是时间过去了。

一切的一切让我更加清楚。我一直以为我很了解的。我也一直很相信的。但是，我对自己也越来越没有信心了。

其实，我不明白的事情有这么多。

不明白他为何能对朋友那么残酷，不明白他怎么能说出如此狠心的话，之后却当着什么也没发生。不明白他为何如此践踏友情，不明白他怎么能把别人的关心当作是理所当然的。

一时的迷失，我可以接受的。

但是，如果是人品的改变，我不可以。

我可以接受人有弱点，我也愿意等到你改变。

但是，如果变得自私，自我，不顾别人的感受，这已经在我能接受的范围之外了。

那某人又说，是时候放手了。

奇怪，说暂时的人是他，叫我松手的人也是他。

我不敢松手，因为我怕我会后悔。

但是。。

我却不知该如何不放手。。

亲爱的读者，如果你能够告诉我，我应该怎么做，我会很开心的。

this SUPER BIG thing happened tdy. wad? i m not gonna tell u. haha. ok this is childish. na, as usual, if u ask me, i will.

anw, i was jus reminded of how good God is.

i remember, if this happened 1/2 yr ago, or 1 yr ago, u will get a totally different reaction from xiaoting.

but tdy, i can say, i m really ok. :) and my frens will testify to that.

there wasn't any anger or sorrow, really, but more concerned for the readers. my God will stand up for me.

and thanks to my frens who readily encouraged. n i told ce. perhaps in the past i would not be like that. but God really strengthened my heart. and i m glad. i used to think i cannot go thru attacks like that. God showed me all things r possible.

we r busy. very. in the natural n in the spiritual.

but God is still very good.

there r times that i m apprehensive. but when i read it, i was thinking. sth great is really going to take place. that is y the devil is trying so hard. n everybody agreeed, it's so random! :)

n in my mind i was jus concerned abt sth else. n i read your blog.

tears used to well up. but this time, it's for a totally different reason.

thank You for showing me it's all worth it.

i m so proud of u girl.

特地为了看“康熙来了”，这个时间才睡。当然，来宾是小猪。

我以前并不能够完全明白，为什么很多人觉得康永哥很厉害。看了这集后，我了解了。

哈哈。

他对小猪和 selina 的逼供，是厉害的。

而从这集，你当然也可以看出一些头绪来。

Selina 真的有快招架不住，小猪真的很不正常。哈哈。你看到小猪这一面，还真的觉得有点奇怪。他认真得有点尴尬。

和 selina 跳舞那一段，他说忘记了。hmm.. 哈哈。整个东西就很有破绽。

i m just amazed. :)

sometimes, no matter how hard people try to cover up, there is still wad u call, "truth" after all.

你的感情，或许会出卖你吧。:) 这是我个人的感觉。it's just a feel n assumption. dun take it too seriously k.

it's weird. i m sitting in long john blogging. haha. cos i had a craving for long john tdy after today's fasting. haha. :) we had a good time praying.

anw, i did sth really exciting tdy. haha. to weijian. but i feel i should not write out the conversation. even though i m very very tempted to. haha. if u ask me in private wad happened, i promise u i will tell u. maybe.

hahha. wj u totally brightened up my day. although i din get to tok to u much nowadays, that one conversation is enough to blow me up!!! haha. thank you. although u were unwilling.

chan eng scolded me. cos she said i abuse my influence. wahahaha. wj did i? she was saying it's very scary to do that. haha. i agree.

i m a busy busy. but happy happy girl. :)