sick.

it's been a long time since i fell sick. n i feel really terrible. my stomach has been hurting for 2 whole days! n vomiting n diarhorea. and eating very little for almost 2 days! will i slim down? haah.

awfully tired.

it seems quite silly to post sth n say that i m awfully tired. which i m. n i m probably not gg to get enough sleep in a really long time. haah. God help me!

tdy i had a revelation of something. anyway i felt in my heart that me as a person, i got to move on to the next level. spiritually, mentally etc. in my leadership, in my studies and many other areas of my life.

it has been tiring going to sch and doing many other things at the same time, but at the minimum, my life is slowly getting into the order i wan it to be in. this is how i wan it to be. but i wan to live at a higher level. i like a fulfilling life.

to be lagging, jus wannna update a bit. i m falling in love with the show. my name is kim san jung. it is sooooo cool. no kidding. the show is like so fantastic. but jus that i can only watch it next wk. cos i got tons of things to do now till next wk.

computer is lagging. so i shall blog another time.

many many thoughts

the same thing is happening to me again. overwhelming thots flooding my mind. wad happen tdy really caused me to think.

first things first. thank u Jesus. tdy's service was amazing n fantastix. yepp. i did feel healed. though it was really weird sitting with the new frens yet crying my heart out, but i still did. no one family is perfect isn't it? God showed me a revelation to wad i should do. n wad i m holding on to.

i dun always fancy putting this up here. but many times, i will ask the pple ard me. m i a good leader? not that xiaoting is slipping into self condemnation or self doubt la. but i have wondered if i have caused anybody to stumble.

and it jus tells me i m not perfect. n i really m not. there r so many times i feel so inadequate. being a leader, i jus need to learn to be a better one always. n God, i jus feel i have so many lives in my hands. sometimes i m afraid. sometimes i m helpless n i dunno wad to do.

show me how to live
teach me how to pray
let all i think n say please u Lord

show me how to live
teach me in ur ways
that i may walk with You all my days

help me be the best ldr i can be. God i m not perfect. u make up for my inadequacies Lord. thank u.

was jus reading a primary sch fren blog. wad amazes me was how both of us can be of the same age, came from the same sch, yet lead such different lives. she is now on nepal, and she has a bf from nepal.

sometimes i wonder has it been right to take this route.. this route commonly taken.. this route that is safely tested. and as i grow older, i m really seriously thinking. ting, what do u wan to do in the future?

for a really long time, things have been smooth sailing. so different compared to the life i had when i was younger. but it was those days that mould me to be who i m tdy. that kind of strength i have.

i dun wan to live my life as the average university student anymore. i need to jump out of it. live another life. fulfill my potential.

jus another random thing. i was jus telling my fren. i feel like i m living in a bubble. 与世隔绝。

jus feel like blogging

here to blog some stuff after so long.

God is good, really good. (: I love u Lord.

good things have been happening. sept blast has been good, studies has been good. i m so happy.

had a great time fellowshipping with my members tdy. it felt different. n good. yest i was jus thinking bout my childhood. and was telling them the silly things that happen. it is great to be a kid isn't it? but yet it is also wonderful to be growing up.

hereby..

i wanna congratulate kevin! (my EX boss..haah. cos he is going to be promoted.) congrats and congrats!

n to all who worked really hard for sept blast!.. it is great to be part of the same team as u.

n to my cg.. i love u. (:

hey i m really studying. so far so good. using my brains u noe. haah.

changed

for these couple of days, i felt like God was doing a brand new work within me. i dunno how it happened, but i felt sth was different. and it feels amazing.

太远了
似乎走得太远了

thank You Lord for the great things that u have done n r going to do. yesterday today n forever.

沟通

不是我不想说
是因为你不想听

不是我不想听
是因为你要的不是一个听众
你要的是把自己的想法强加在别人身上

不是我不想沟通
是因为你不想听我说
我也并不想听你说

如果无法站在别人的立场而一味地坚持自己的想法

这不是沟通

不要怪他
我愿听他说
是因为他先愿意听我说

对于对我的一切有兴趣的人 我才愿意把心打开

the much awaited photos

these r the much awaited pics with my boss, kevin on the last day of work. (:

acting cute. :P

all of them look almost the same! i know! that shows our lack of creativity and experience of front of THE camera. haah.

最近少了言语，多了画面。其实好想利用图画把心情描写出来，但是，应该做不到吧。

脑中现在思考的正是蓝老师昨天说的东西。媒体摆出来的东西，只有靠我们去考证，不停的考证，我们才会越来越靠近真相。

心里不知对老师这样的一个看法是赞成还是反对。但是，突然这么发觉，我们心里好像都有个指南针。有时候指南针好像坏掉了，但是却有时候，它能够准确地告诉我们真实的方向。

这世界是黑暗的，可是你的世界可以是光明的。

人与生俱来就有那种潜能，那种不管发生什么，还是能够勇敢面对的潜能。所以认为你不可以，而要逃避根本就是看不清自己。人有很大的潜能，干尽十恶不赦的事，却也有那个能力，去创造自己想要的生活。

我需要那一点时间与空间，去创造属于晓亭的天地。

奇怪的是，每次一blog，总会在还没“发泄”完后，就想停笔。勉强是没有幸福的。

脑袋突然空白。好像是最近常有的事。真的。现在就是。

有太多的感受，情绪。有太少的文字，言语。

isa 54

1 "Sing, O barren, You who have not borne! Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, You who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate Than the children of the married woman," says the Lord.
2 "Enlarge the place of your tent, And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; Lengthen your cords, And strengthen your stakes.
3 For you shall expand to the right and to the left, And your descendants will inherit the nations, And make the desolate cities inhabited.
4 "Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
5 For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.

a dream

有时候我感觉自己活在梦里。但是现实却又是这么的真实。我不要睡醒，不要梦醒。我喜欢道明寺。

living with you is jus like living a dream. sometimes it seems so unreal. so unreal that in this world u put me in, dreams can come true.

everytime i see how u make things happen, i know this is more than a dream. it is a dream come true. u r everything i wish for and more. thank you.

dr bernard said.

order brings freedom.

Jesus wants to restore order into ur life so that u can maximise your potential and be the person he wants u to be.

let there be divine order in my life.

there is a need to talk

for some reason, right now within me, there is such a big need to talk to somebody. but also for some reason, whatever i m feeling right now is beyond words.

i told chan eng i have changed. the xiaoting in the past used to be able to talk nonstop kind of thing. that is y lim yang said, to him, i m always noisy n he can nv imagine my voice as sweet. *laughs* i still do that occasionally. rattling on n on. but more than ever before, there is silence in my life. i can't match my feelings to any word in my vocabulary. it's like there is so much within me, n i jus dunno wad to say.

i love talking. especially when i get to communicate quality stuff to people. it thrills me to have "intelluctual conversations" always. conversations with depth. i need to fulfil the need within me to link n connect to pple, with skin on.

exhausted

i m amazed by people who can last after studying for long hours, because right now, i m feeling really exhausted. but happy. (: it feels good to study hard, to use ur brains, n to know that i m alive and thinking.

this is wad living for God is all abt. this sem i made a resolution to mug. n i m really sticking to it. yeah man xiao ting. u r doing a great job! jia you jia you.

i wanted to type this yest. one of the greatest people i can ever know is somebody who has great confidence in himself, yet is extremely humble. i wan to be like that. confident yet humble.

show me how to live
teach me how to pray
let all i think and say please you Lord

show me how to live
teach me in your ways
that i may walk with You all my days

i think it is time to change my blog skin. cos it is really quite small. esp after i put in my photos. is there anybody who will volunteer to do it for me? haha.

i so want to write some stuff. but i m too lz. anyway, i jus wan to say this. i m going to mug.
MUG MUG MUG
i so want to do well this sem.

anyway, this is wad i did for israel. i miss israel. n i so want to try out the adding image thing here.

tired of mediocrity

God i m tired of mediocrity. i m tired of jus doing enough to get past. i m tired of jus fulfilling my duty.

God i wan to move on. weijian thanx for that word. u dunno how many pple that spoke to.

ailing i jus got to put this in my blog too. dun mind me "copying" it over.


Excerpts from Accept No Mediocre Life by David Foster:

"Procrastination feeds on the "someday" mentality. ... Someday I'll get serious about making my life count. Someday I'll take my life in God seriously. Someday prayer will become priority, and people will know I'm a force to be reckoned with... Someday I'll step up. Someday I'll be strong. Someday I'll slay those demons. Someday I'll stop saying, "Someday," and start saying, "Today," When you don't want to do something, any excuse will do."

"I remember one of my ethics professor asking, "How do you cook a frog?" Students looked at each other for answers. The teacher said, "To cook a frog alive, you place him in a pot of water at his favourite temperature. Start turning up the heat in small increments. The frog will sit still, adjusting to the rising temperature. Because of his ability to adapt to the hot water, he will be boiled alive before he thinks about jumping out" The application of this story was that we are just like that frog; we will adapt to the climate around us unless we resist. The mass of humanity tends to settle in the middle where mediocrity breeds best. Commitment cools. Vision leaks. Excellence tends to entropy, and energy defuses."

God, let me not be a person who waits for someday.
let today be the day. D-day. The day to run my vision. The day to see my vision come to pass. Let me stop procrastinating. stop waiting. ting jump up n run. NOW.

manulife financial.

let me do this right. i m not supposed to be here now. cos i got 830 lecture tml. n i m supposed to be in bed. but i m so afraid i will lose my inspiration. so here it goes. (this is gonna be a long post. so bear with me if u can)

hi, can i speak to XXX please?

hi XXX! this is xiaoting calling from manulife financial. is it convenient to speak to u at the moment?

it has been like this for the past 2 months and it has become such a part of me. so much so that sometimes when i m home, i will want to press one more 9, and introduce myself as xiao ting from manulife. which is wad i did today to the new fren i called. well done. haaa.

today is my last day of work.i really nv dreamt that i will work in this place, and much more to actually grow so attached to my job and to the pple there. i remembered. ever since i finished my 'a's, i turned down almost every single job that came my way, while my frens worked like mad in that 8 mths. some taught, some did sales, some did admin, i slacked. no la i din. i went overseas. i worked in chec. and this is officially the 2nd job i have. n i m grateful to God for it.

in these 2 mths, i have learnt a lot. brain knowledge. more abt insurance. to come to a greater understanding how it works. and to know it is not a cheating business. and to realise there is SO many insurance agents ard me. but i also learnt. alot of pple skills. alot of knowing how to achieve what u wan. and i think one of the greatest things i saw was how everything i leant n know in church was really applied there. maybe not everything. but a lot of things.

my eyes literally opened to the world i have nv known. probably God is preparing me to be a daniel. n i feel like i have been kinda ignorant. n suddenly there is a need. big need to know more n to see more. i feel like all my life wad i have learnt is so limited and restricted. that i nd to step out into different areas n venture. and know.

to my boss:

kevin, i m really really grateful. u have been a great inspiration to me really.wan u to know tht u r not jus an employer and a boss, but also a mentor of some sort and a tcher in many ways. u taught me many things! n i may not have the same conviction and values as u in many things, but u have still taught me alot. abt insurance, abt business, abt life. it has been great knowing u. as a boss and as a fren.

to God:

thank u dad for allowing me to indulge. to learn. to broaden my knowledge. to satisfy me. i m truly satisfied with this experience. thank u for opening my eyes to see ur world. the good the bad and the ugly. thank u for ur love and ur faithfulness. thank u for creating this world in its beauty and for making man in this way. becos i truly m amazed by ur creation.

i wish i m going back to work tml. wearing my nice heels. putting on nice make up. waiting a long long time for the bus to come. calling some people. trying to persevere. self entertain. look forward to my boss coming back to entertain me. observing the people and appreciating their humour. wondering how these people made it up there. wondering how successful they r. sometimes wondering will i be one of them one day. going downstairs and playing with the machines. trying to get the nicest balls and key chains. looking at the charts and wonder how u can get up there. writing silly notes before i go. making silly mistakes. leaving sometimes satisfied. sometimes down. sometimes on the brink of giving up. sometimes thrilled. sometimes hyper. jus like tdy.

i thot i will be sad. but i left in great spirits. smiling. with a cheerful heart. i hoped i have left sth behind. i dunno. maybe i will be there one day? nth is so absolute isn't it?

but this chapter of my life is officially closed. tml is the first day of my second year.
ting let's run for it!

happy 17th anniversary!

see i told u.. this is a whole few days of emo emo n emo. haah. i m overusing the word. but yest was chc 17th anniversary. happy birthday city harvest!

btw, jus a passing remark. i walked past a dead rat when i came home yesterday.. so gross!

anyway. let's continue bout 17th anniversary. jus wan to say this. that my heart is really filled with thanksgiving that i m in city harvest. this is a place! with no church politics and strife. yah there r differences, there r problems definitely, but this is the place i grew up in n i love. and i pray that this will continue. that there will not be gossip n slander in city harvest. that there will a greater unity in this place.

thank u pastor kong. u have been the best senior pastor any1 can have really. though u will not read this, but i jus wan to say that u have been amazing. leading us these 17 yrs, believing in us, sacrificing for us and u lay down ur lives for us. thank u!

i love u city harvest. love u for being my church and for being my spiritual family. i really will never want to leave this place, ever.

really getting sentimental. tdy met up with some of my classmates, teachers, juniors etc etc at yu shi hui guan. listening to ong tok about lep. ouch. i really m going to miss that place so much. really. i guess i have nv been in a place like lep. where we were all lovers of chinese. n we had such a strong sense of belonging to yu te. i still remembered the times in lep room. when we will sing 红蜻蜓，当你孤单 etc etc.. and we will be super high. and we had all kinds of games n we did all kinds of things. some late nights into playing n planning. the times we crossed the string to count the number of cans n we got it wrong. gee. i m going to miss hwa chong.

this is life, isn't it?

人生往往充满了许多无奈，王老师说，悲喜交集。。 是应该高兴，还是惋惜？

我好爱语特。语特里那股热爱华文的精神是依然存在的。我相信。

我也相信我在华初拥有的老师是最棒的。谢谢你们。u've made a difference in my life.

思念

我看到那小弟弟 失去了爸爸 倒在他怀里痛哭
我哭了

因为我清楚知道 非常了解 他之后会感受到的痛苦
我们都需要一个家 一个温暖的家

其实我一直都好想念 拥有家的感觉
好想念 你
好想念一个像家的地方

家人是不计较的
是无条件去爱的

i really miss u.

late at night.

at this weird time in the night, i m supposed to be asleep becos i m starting sch next wk. ying asked me if i m excited abt it.

i think i m getting really emo. how?

i promise after blogging i will slp n wake up early to go give bs. but b4 that, allow me to rant.

festival of praise was awesome. it was one of the best i have ever gone to. the atmosphere was fantastic. ccc band did a wonderful job rocking the stadium. don moen is so anointed. i felt so overwhelmed with the love of God.

you have captured my whole heart. mi corazon.

and pst ed silvoso preached an amazing word. yes. i m of the new generation n i will embrace the call. now i noe y gideon n y jerubbaal. it's amazing how God speaks to me.

i m getting really emo. how?

tml we r going yu shi hui guan. i realised i dun really noe how to deal with departures. especially with pple i love and i hold dearly. u noe that is y many times i dun dare to open too much n give too much.. other than my daddy in heaven, there r many things i look n hold at a distance. becos i m afraid of the disappointments and pain that will come with it.

i knew it. when i first stepped into it, i already knew it. he warned me. n if ever i dropped into it, den it's too bad. but i wun. my anchor is in Him.

i still miss working. n i think i gonna miss it for quite a while. if i get to take photos i will post it here. last day next mon. funny y i dun miss sch in ntu huh.. maybe i will next time.

just ranting.

getting sentimental

it's been a long time since i allowed myself to get sentimental. i guess i m such a person but i dun really allow myself to do that. but! tdy was my 2nd last day of work. and when i left, sitting on the bus to tiong bahru, there i was thinking, i m gonna miss this place.

the last time i really got sentimental was when we left hwa chong. and when helen left. but since then, i almost nv, did not, get myself into sth like this. tdy i indulged, a little.

allow me to indulge for a while. after all i m leaving.

坚持 是我一生守护的信念
永不言败 或许是我一生的格言

我可以失败 我可以沮丧 我可以气馁
但是
我不可以轻言放弃

这是我对你的承诺
因为你相信 所以我相信

因为你从没放弃 所以我不可以放弃

这世界有善有恶
你总选择相信他们的善 洗尽他们的恶

这是我对你的承诺
我把我仅有的交给你 让你把你所拥有的赐给我

我愿一生跟随你
我更愿意把一生交给你

这是我二十岁时 送给你的礼物 -- 我的全部

断了
是否意味着应该放手了

there is a time, there is a season for everything under the sun.

i promised my reflections. but i have not done it yet. it truly did not feel like birthday. not that i m complaining. it's jus that i lost that hype about turning a yr older and stuff.

many compromised. as u get older, it is as if we will compromise more n more. and i saw many who did that. i dun wan to. i m afraid i will jus be another mediocre person thru life, leaving behind my dreams n aspirations. i have not maximised my potential yet. this will be my dream always

reflections

tdy is my 20th birthday. but this yr's bday feels different. n i dunno y. it jus din feel like it is a big thing. usually i will get very excited over my birthday, especially when i turn the big 2 today. but it din feel like it.

nevertheless, i had a great time tdy. (((:

a big thank u to all who remembered and took the effort to wish me happy birthday. ur thoughts n ur love is much appreciated. i m reminded of the love n the friendships i have and i m thankful.

big thanks to chan eng for accompanying me tog and for being so lame. i cant believe we did it. haah.

this how i spent my day. i spent the first hour reading john grisham's book. and i woke up real early to do my translation. den i was half hour late for my movie lake hse. it was kinda nice. i like sandra bullock n keanu reeves. and i spent the rest of the day at wild wild wet like a real silly kid. but i enjoyed myself. will do my reflections later. (:

我好想要。。

一天的期待
换来一刻的空等待。
眼泪不住 掉下。
遮掩
希望你看不见
更希望自己看不见

遮掩那一刻的空虚无奈
还有那按捺不住的落寞
我希望
我期待
我抛开

等待着那份温暖
守护着那份希望

我好想要。。
我要的你却无法给。

just felt like blogging.

after trapping myself from shopping for ages, i had my fair share this week. i did it like on sunday, monday, wednesday. aint that madness? haha. n i was looking for my dream bag. but i really could not find one. gee. aiyah i also dunno wad to blog anymore. so forget it. haah.

tired and blogging.

walked for a whole day tdy. m dead beat but satisfied. buying nice things that i like really satisfies me.

tdy was in service. when they were playing the taiwan emerge video, i cried. i was so overwhelmed and i jus think it is so amazing. esp when pst was prophesying. i jus felt the presence of God so strong. i jus wan to say. i m so glad that i m part of city harvest, so glad that God placed me and called me here. God thank u thank u thank u. for calling me to this place. thank u.

i love u, love the church n the leaders and SUN. she is jus amazing. i love everything u have done thru us and thru her and i love her so much. n i love u LORD.

总觉得现在要带上的帽子，好像太大，太不适合我了。我常常会这么做。 我会因为害怕，害怕失败，害怕做不到，而宁可守在安全区里。应该是我跟天上的爸爸说了什么，突然间我需要做的事都需要我 step out.

God i have always been scared. scared that i cant do it. scared that i m not good enough. n i guess it is enough. it is time to get out of these silly thoughts. becos. i will nv say i cant becos u say u can.

but Lord, it is really this period of time that i need u. i jus simply cant do it without u. i cant live without u, serve without u, lead without u. n Lord i need u to be here. Holy Spirit i dun wan to do it on my own. n i m so afraid one day u will leave me powerless. Holy Spirit dun. God.. dun take away the Holy Spirit away from me. you said, apart from me, u can do nothing. i noe. i noe. i cant do anything without u.

总觉得现在要带上的帽子，好像太大，太不适合我了。我常常会这么做。 我会因为害怕，害怕失败，害怕做不到，而宁可守在安全区里。应该是我跟天上的爸爸说了什么，突然间我需要做的事都需要我 step out.

God i have always been scared. scared that i cant do it. scared that i m not good enough. n i guess it is enough. it is time to get out of these silly thoughts. becos. i will nv say i cant becos u say u can.

but Lord, it is really this period of time that i need u. i jus simply cant do it without u. i cant live without u, serve without u, lead without u. n Lord i need u to be here. Holy Spirit i dun wan to do it on my own. n i m so afraid one day u will leave me powerless. Holy Spirit dun. God.. dun take away the Holy Spirit away from me. you said, apart from me, u can do nothing. i noe. i noe. i cant do anything without u.

pirates!

i dunno if u feel the same way as i do but i always get this tremendously satisfied feeling when i watch a great movie. n this is how i m feeling right now. many told me how fantastic this movie is n it is worth watching.. man do i not agree with it. it's jus absolutely stunning.

i love the scriptwriter, the producer, the director and whoever else involved and of cos, we all love johnny depp and jack sparrow. ha. i m so glad i watched 1 and now pirates 2. pst kong once said that all of us have 7 areas of our souls we nd to fulfill - and i did tdy! i think it is the aesthetic part of me, but seriously, i feel so fulfilled right now. haa.

it is sooooo recommended by me and i din think i was somebody who like such movies. but i m starting to cultivate a taste for it. and i think i m gg to embark on translation. (:

miss kuhlman

in case u din noe, i m a lover of biographies. i love to read bout how people's lives unfold, for deep within me i m always amazed by what man can achieve -- when they put their mind to it.

i love Benny Hinn's book -- Good morning Holy Spirit. it is one of the best books i ever read. and recently, i jus started embarking on kathryn kuhlman's biography. she is an amazing woman. i m not going to touch on that, but sth touched me deeply from the book.

love is my motivator. the book talks about how miss kuhlman will cry when she sees how God touches and mends lives. u noe y she is so successful in her ministry? becos love is her motivator. she is so broken. she loves the Holy Spirit so much and she loves people.

God uses imperfect people. no matter how u r like, as long as u love Him and want Him, and u love the Holy Spirit, and u r willing to pay the price, nothing is impossible for u.

break me Lord..

sth larger than myself

tdy i went to chec. a long time in many months. i enjoyed my days there. went to pick up my translation stuff. n u noe wad? i felt like sth within me was turned on. like God flicking a switch within me. this is wad i m supposed to be living for.

when i was younger, i used to think that i cant do much n there is only so much i can do for God. but now i realise, i m older, and i m 20. jus one or two days ago, i said, i feel like i m being forced to grow up. Part of me still wants to be that little HC ger in that little brown uniform.

suddenly i feel like my eyes opened.

come on i got to stop thinking that way. i got to stop living in the past. he who dwells in the past has no future. and it is no use people telling me since i m young, ting u have a great destiny in God.

you noe wad? i know i have a great destiny in God. I know that God has called me for sth greater. I know he wants me to go to china. i know he has called me for sth larger than myself. n i wan to live it. i dun wan to stay in that little small girl, with no dreams no visions, jus trying to live a day at a time.

ting rise up and grow up! come on live out ur destiny in God! stop living in ur comfort zone! stop being so limited! come on wun u do sth great for God today???

i wan to live for china. i wan to go for missions. i wan to preach the gospel. i wan to impact thousands and thousands of lives out there. i wan to do sth great for God!

think big act big talk big cos u have a BIG GOD!

if i have 8 hours to chop down the tree, i will spend 6 sharpening my axe.

i just got to say this. 小猪 is amazing! i kind of like him, but he always sprouts nonsense. but! when i saw him playing the drums, i m amazed by his talents. (:

i forgot that i wanted to say this.

i will rather be in the ark putting up with all the stinking smell than to be drowning outside in the flood.

jus recently, certain events made me realise how good God has been to me.

i discovered that all along since young, becos i grew up in church, i have always been living in a protected environment. it is not a bad thing really. but yet God has prepared me for the world. when i stepped in, recently especially, den did i realise things can get pretty ugly. i think pst robb said, if u r pretty, but ur character is ugly, den u become pretty ugly. haah. i think that is funny.

but i realise that the world out there is really dark. i cant imagine working in a place with a lot of politics and strife. i have been protected. but i think i m learning. but i still havent decided wad i wan to do next time. Daddy u will lead me.

i m growing up. i dun wan to. i said it before, it feels like i m being forced to grow up. but i jus got to learn to accept every season and every opportunity that comes my way.

isn't it scary to relate to people u dun really know and having to trust them knowing that at the end of the day they can hurt u? that is y i love the hse of God. becos things r jus so uncertain out there. u dun really know who u can trust and who u can believe and u dun really know wad is going on in their minds isn't it? they may be saying one thing but meaning another. saying something and thinking another. God u r jus amazing. becos u love all these people!

i m so tired. sooooo tired.

trapped in the lift.

nope, not me. i was not the one who was trapped.

when i was walking home tdy, these 2 china guys were trapped in the lift while they were moving hse. n guess wad? in half an hour, i saw really amusing things i nv thot i will see.

we called the lift maintenance to come n they took a really long time. half an hour?

in the half an hour that we were waiting, the 2 interesting guys were really panicky. they told us they could not breathe.. and they were really, in simple words, gan cheong. really gan cheong. and i realised they were scared. really scared.

people r afraid to die arent they?

i m filled. to the brim. a bit stressed. but i noe i can. i jus need Him.

recently was a bit stressed. ken n weijian will testify to that. cos i talked non stop while eating prata with them. n seriously people, dun go to simpang bedok! there is really nth there. but my dear boys (ken n weijian), i wan u all to noe.. u guys have been fantastic. and u have been a blessing in my life much more than u can imagine. i love every dinner and supper with u guys.

n recently i have silly dreams. since last sat. i dreamed about pastor. dreamed about MAKING PHONE CALLS. dreamed about my cg members. dreamed about germany n italy match! i had my own game in my dreams. dreamed about my boss. (it was not the nicest dream, yes boss i dreamed about u).

i need so much more of You.

trapped in the lift.

nope, not me. i was not the one who was trapped.

when i was walking home tdy, these 2 china guys were trapped in the lift while they were moving hse. n guess wad? in half an hour, i saw really amusing things i nv thot i will see.

we called the lift maintenance to come n they took a really long time. half an hour?

in the half an hour that we were waiting, the 2 interesting guys were really panicky. they told us they could not breathe.. and they were really, in simple words, gan cheong. really gan cheong. and i realised they were scared. really scared.

people r afraid to die arent they?

i m filled. to the brim. a bit stressed. but i noe i can. i jus need Him.

recently was a bit stressed. ken n weijian will testify to that. cos i talked non stop while eating prata with them. n seriously people, dun go to simpang bedok! there is really nth there. but my dear boys (ken n weijian), i wan u all to noe.. u guys have been fantastic. and u have been a blessing in my life much more than u can imagine. i love every dinner and supper with u guys.

n recently i have silly dreams. since last sat. i dreamed about pastor. dreamed about MAKING PHONE CALLS. dreamed about my cg members. dreamed about germany n italy match! i had my own game in my dreams. dreamed about my boss. (it was not the nicest dream, yes boss i dreamed about u).

i need so much more of You.

good morning Lord!

i woke up at 6 plus am tdy! man i love it. i really like waking up at this time. cos i feel that in the morning it is really beautiful. if i have time before i go work i shall pack up my room beautifully n keep it in a good state. i realise that having a neat room makes ur moods better. really. at least for me.

昨天走路回家时，脑子里有许多要写出来的感觉。这几天感触很多。

星期天我又回到了east coast.
我真的爱上了骑脚踏车。
我喜欢在车上驰骋的感觉
我喜欢逆风而行，风打在脸上的感觉。
我喜欢沿海而飞的感觉。（：
i will be back there again soon. cant resist it.

之后和一个老朋友见面，感觉真好。ahma我好爱你！看到你真得让我没有压力，虽然我们俩要烦恼的事有很多，但是就聚在一起说话，谈心，就是很棒的一件事。

我从parkway走路回家。有人说这是极度疯狂的举动。会吗？对我而言，它再普遍不过了。

我是一个很喜欢走路的人。
非常喜欢可以慢慢地走，自由的走。
那晚十点多。
走在路上，路上没什么人，电话刚好又没电。
一个人走着，祈祷着，和他说话着。
好美妙的感觉。

我喜欢他赐给我的这双脚。
因为他们会带我走到全世界。
他们不只会走在小岛国里，
他们也会带我踏上大陆的土地。
他们会带我走上世界各地，走到天涯海角。
直到地极。直到地极。

他们更会带我走过一生的风与浪，晴天和雨天。
我会一直走下去。keep walking.

我喜欢守承诺的人。喜欢守承诺的男人。所以我好爱他。

xiaoting

ok. n i shall do the post about myself. let's see how much i noe myself k.

i m a person who is weird. haah. weird as in i have weird ideas going on in my head n i love to do weird things. out of the world things. i can insist on eating sth every single day n really eat it. haah. i can like to eat sth very much n every day eat it. n for that, i call it 执著。我是一个很执著的人。when i have set my mind on sth, pple know, i will do it.

我是一个轻言放弃，却不容易放弃的人。haah. i always tok about giving up, but i seldom do. it is not a good thing. i shld stop that.. but probably the good thing is i only say but dun do that. i m determined and i persevere. most of the time.

i go where my heart leads me n i seldom worry bout how pple think of me. if i feel that sth is wad i wan, i will do it, no matter wad pple say. i dun like to do things to please pple. i dun like to dress to please. i love to be myself. n one of the reasons sometimes i dress weirdly becos i dun wan to come to a place in which i feel like i must fit in, and that to be accepted i mus be "normal". so i choose to be abnormal at times.

i love being myself. i dun like to be somebody pple think i shld be. not that i insist on doing my own things becos i noe many times i can be wrong. but i dun wan to be a blind follower. for wad i do, i mus noe the purpose behind the things that i do, and then i will do it well.

i love to discover. i love to know more. more about the world and all that it contains. there is so much in it! i m jus so amazed by God's creation. i m intrigued by man. not like male.. but all of human kind. we r such amazing creatures.. isnt it?

i love to lead, to inspire, to see lives change, to see myself make a difference. i love to help pple with no strings attached. haah. i jus simply love to bless in small little ways..

i m not easily satisfied. contented yes.. but satisfied, no. deep within me there is a craving n a longing for so much more. like the song says.. all of creation is longing.. for ur unveiling of power. that is how i feel within me.

and too much more that i m jus too tired to say it all.

总觉得和华文的距离越来越远，就是用华文来写出自己内心的感觉也有点怪怪的，真糟糕。

let's do it in english instead. man. i m just so not used to chinese. help me.

tdy was a crazy day. as usual. to describe my mood..? 歇斯底里。really.. i almost went bonkers with all the calling. seriously i dun understand how the telemarketers do it.. on wed when i had y music on and with pst kong preaching.. it was good. tdy wasnt.. nth really helped. except shredding paper in the office. i love it.

i remember chan eng did this post bout herself. i feel like doing it too. but before that let's jus write some stuff.

最近这一段时间，我让许多人看到我脆弱的一面，我把心打开了许多。这是我许久不曾做的。。 因为以前会认为，坚强留给别人，脆弱留给自己。发现到做人很累的一点是，我们总是不能把我们的心百分之百交给人，因为害怕伤害。可是最近我却违反了我自己的principle..我不知道这是好事还是坏事。

我一直在寻找， 在寻找。我还没找到。我知道我人生的方程式里一定有他，但是我不知道什么加什么会等于什么。我常常在想，许多人每天都一直在忙碌，他们到底在追求什么？而他们真的快乐吗？满足吗？

i m contented. but i m so not satisfied. my soul n spirit is crying out for more within me.

世界上最遥远的距离

世界上最遥远的距离
著：張小嫺

世界上最遥远的距离
不是生与死
而是我就站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你

世界上最遥远的距离
不是我就站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你
而是明明知道彼此相爱却不能在一起

世界上最遥远的距离
不是明明知道彼此相爱却不能在一起
而是明明无法抵挡这股想念
却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里

世界上最遥远的距离
不是明明无法抵挡这股想念
却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里
而是用自己冷漠的心对爱你的人掘了一条无法跨越的沟渠

"如果要为爱情加上一个期限，我希望那会是一万年。”

以前对蔡依琳的印象真的不是很好，总认为她跟其他新冒起的女明星没有什么分别，但是，看了上班女郎，及听了他的新专辑“舞娘”后，其实我觉得她好棒。她在台上说话，以及在跳舞唱歌时都判若两人，我真的觉得她不是一个“bimbo”。

尽管我认为像百分百这样的节目是有一些肤浅，我还是会一直看。哈哈。因为我欣赏小S的机智，而且我好喜欢大炳。但是，今天在看“有话就说”，觉得这个节目很棒。它真得让我很认真地思考一些问题，像今天，讨论的话题是服务业水准。这样的谈了一个小时后，我看到这个问题的不同层面，了解到要解决方法需要从那几方面着手。

今天是开心的一天。他让我感觉到。。 all is not lost. (: thank u Jesus. i feel like u r really good. n u r always faithful, even when we r faithless.

i m starting to stumble while using chinese. that is bad! man.. i really nd to buck up. let's start by reading. (((:

pressing in..

i m blogging again! tdy met up with the jc guys.. hey u guys r really very funny. no kidding. haah.

suddenly wad i told them really hit me.

one way that u really can grow is when u open up urself to ur leaders and share with ur leaders about ur life. i realise how true that statement is. man. i din jus teach them sth. i taught myself sth too.

when u r willing to press in into ur leader's lives, and be an armour bearer for him or her, ur life will be changed.

m i willing to lay down my life for my leader? to run the vision tog with her?

we need a strong sense of the corporate vision.

pressing in..

i m blogging again! tdy met up with the jc guys.. hey u guys r really very funny. no kidding. haah.

suddenly wad i told them really hit me.

one way that u really can grow is when u open up urself to ur leaders and share with ur leaders about ur life. i realise how true that statement is. man. i din jus teach them sth. i taught myself sth too.

when u r willing to press in into ur leader's lives, and be an armour bearer for him or her, ur life will be changed.

m i willing to lay down my life for my leader? to run the vision tog with her?

we need a strong sense of the corporate vision.

blogging. and again.

已经有两个月没有上课了。我和华文的距离越来越远了！天啊！再过一个月就要开学了！

今天到机场送走了珊。她的baby真的好可爱好可爱。

今天的心情很棒。不要问我为什么。就好开心好开心。虽然一整天的呆在公司里，对着那1234567890的数字，不停的旋转，围绕，又没有什么进展，我的心情还是依旧的漂亮。这才叫高难度吧。

对于一个新的学期，其实心里还蛮紧张的，不禁常问自己，当初真的应该走这一条路吗？但是我并不后悔。真的。我知道这是正确的。

then give me ur anointing to do it. thank u.

i need to buck up on my chinese. study doubly hard the next sem. xiaoting u go girl! study hard hard hard hard hard. let's start in july. yay.

hilarious

i find it so hilarious. ((((: haah. i was calling the pple from my list n i found one of my pastors' names on it! somebody asked me if i called. obviously not! haah.

but it brought joy to me. n i m in such a good mood tdy. (((:

blogging

blogging is an effective way of de-stressing i firmly believe. becos i m going crazy! haah. from all the calls. ken.. i m not slacking.. in fact i think i have been working hard. so help me! haah.

tdy went cycling with weiqi n ce.. to prove terence true.. i really did fall. had a couple of scratches on my legs. sob. :( haah. but it is ok. n my silly bike was not working properly until the last half hour or so. gee. and we cycled to dhs only to be rejected by the dearest security guard.

toked to ce on sun n i was asking her if i m emotional. well we came to this conclusion that i m somewhat emotional. which i nv thot i was. but after listening, i cant help but sort of agree that perhaps i m really emotional. haah. well. probably.

God help me to be fruitful!

wonderful weekend

it has been a most wonderful weekend. i love it. blogged bout my cycling on sat. on sat night, we went to music dreamer to see sun. she was absolutely gorgeous n i m seriously in love with her songs. no kidding. we had a great time! n it is such a nice place really.. (: God is a good God.

yest we had a blast too. haah. service was tremendous. i love going to the house of God. one thing i ask that i may dwell in Your hse forever. yeah man. thank u Jesus. i love ur hse.

in the evening.. we went to john's wedding! it was a beautiful beautiful beautiful wedding.. i love it! i was jus telling chan eng that i love attending weddings. it always remind me of the love of God. and it was really nice. pst kong was there. (: and john sang for lynn. it was so sweeeeetttt. haaah. and it was like laughter n tears n laughter n tears.. man.. i think every1 of us were thinking.. we want ours to be like that too! n the food was great! there was much food and they were simply yummy. and the chapel n the decor was really nice.. it is really walking down the aisle. they r such a fortunate couple.

n i really felt the love in that place. n i enjoyed the fellowship with our zone pple. God u r such a good God. n for putting such awesome pple in my life. i m so thankful.

cycling day!

it was such an enjoyable day! btw, i m going to say this. ken said that i m emotional.. m i? i always feel that i m not. anyway.. tdy i went cycling!! n u noe with who?? with my beloved 4 yr old nephew!! u noe sth?? kids r so adorable!! haah.

he is such a darling. i love kids. becos i love their innocence. i love their question asking.. n it reminds me this is how God made us to be. n he is such a pretty little thing. do u noe he has such LONG eyelashes tat make all the ladies in the family jealous? haah. jus kidding. but he is so cute. and when u see him riding on tht little 4 wheel thing u jus love him to bits.

but well kids r kids. we cycled for a really long time n he started getting tired n keep getting down his bike! n while waiting for his ice cream, he can acty strike up a conversation with some other kids. arent they cute??? haah.

n for those reading this, i wan u to noe... i can cycle!!!! the last time when i learned it.. i was unbalanced n stuff.. but now i can get up and get the bike going.. i can balance.. I CAN CYCLE!!!!can u believe it? i learned cycling when i m 20. haah. but now my legs n butt r hurting.. haah.

anyway i think cycling is so nice. becos u feel the wind blowing against u. i m definitely going again! east coast here i come!!

psalm 27

1 A Psalm of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked came against me To eat up my flesh, My enemies and foes, They stumbled and fell.
3 Though an army may encamp against me, My heart shall not fear; Though war should rise against me, In this I will be confident.
4 One thing I have desired of the Lord, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord, And to inquire in His temple.
5 For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; In the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice! Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8 When You said, "Seek My face," My heart said to You, "Your face, Lord, I will seek."
9 Do not hide Your face from me; Do not turn Your servant away in anger; You have been my help; Do not leave me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation.
10 When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me.
11 Teach me Your way, O Lord, And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
12 Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries; For false witnesses have risen against me, And such as breathe out violence.
13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.
14 Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord

it has not been the best day. n once again it is amazing to me always how quickly i can jus throw things away n regain composure. i have been trained i guess. but tdy was one of the most embarrassing day. but suddenly i jus wan to come to a place that i m not so self conscious anymore.

tdy's meeting was great. the presence of God was there n pst aries preached a great msg. i learnt a lot of things tdy jus by being there. was stepping into the room n i jus felt the presence of God so strongly. this is the reason y i do the things that i do, walk the path that i walk. it is for this. that the little girl once stepped into a place like that. when her world has fallen apart, there was sum1 who picked her up n gave her hope.

n i noe tdy, no matter wad happen, i m not hopeless, nth is hopeless. God strengthen me.

ken thanx a lot for being there n always listening. u r an awesome brother to have. n u dunno how timely ur msg came tdy. ha. jus at the right moment to remind me i m not alone.

thank u aunty audrey, though i think u will not read this, for putting things in the right perspective. i need time really, to come to terms with this. becos i cant at this moment accept wad he has done. i cant. i m sorry.

thank u chan eng for being so dependable. i noe if anything happen u will be there n u will take me in.

thank u jesus. for giving me tears when i dunno how to cry. for giving me laughter when i dunno how to smile. God sometimes i lie on my bed wondering how much of this i can put up with b4 i give up. but becos u r there, that makes a whole lot of difference. God i love u. and everything is worth it.

God tell me that i can. God tell me that u r there. God let me noe that i m not on the wrong path. God i really wan to be the person u wan me to be! amidst all the discouragements, accusations, disappointments, opposition, hurts, pain... i wan to noe that u r there, that u r there, that u r there. i need to feel u touch u. i need u to come take me in ur arms and exchange my burdens for urs.

u promised din u? that u will nv leave nor forsake. promise me that. u will nv leave nor forsake. i nd u.

did u ever feel like ur mind n heart is filled with things but yet there is not a single thought in ur mind? that is how i m feeling like.

脑子一片空白。有时候晓亭竟然可以这么冷静。冷静得怕人。

总觉得我比较喜欢华文字，因为它总是能够得更贴切形容我的感受。可是，在这一分一秒，我的脑子是一片空白的。我真的可以吗？

看到那些我想要成为的人，我不知我是否能抵达。

many dream to get there, but few arrive. this is wad i wrote to kevin.

i hope that i will not only dream. i will get there.

tired

i m feeling kinda tired. when i hear the song i'll be here for u, and i hear dayan's laughter.. it sounds amazing.

xiaoting is tired. tired of discouragements n heartbreaks. tired of fruitlessness. tired of bad attitudes.

God my heart breaks every time when these things happen, n that is y there r many times i ask u how many times can i go thru it. i m so afraid one day i will jus be numb n stop feeling anymore.

God after being a ldr, the biggest challenge is to open my heart n love. becos God i noe whenever i love, i m also facing the risk of being hurt. n God nobody sees the hurts that i go thru.

strengthen me wun u? tell me all these r worth it becos of u.

for u a thousand times over?

bad start

had a bad start to my day. jus need to blog here to vent my frustrations. u noe there r days in which things jus dun go really well? well this is how i feel like bout tdy.

was jus giving bs and was looking at the part bout the imptance of having a daily quiet time. it came back as a reminder to me wad i m supposed to do in my qt. to give devotion to God, to get direction from Him, to gain delight in Him and to grow like Him.

Lord i jus wan to ask give me strength to be the person u wan me to be, do the things u wan me to do, love the pple u wan me to love. God help me not to be helpless bout wadeva that is happening in my life but noe that u have given me the power that is in Jesus. i can go above n not under. help me Lord to have a great n fruitful day ahead of me. Lord help me cg to BREAKTHRU. thank u Jesus.

Lord i need u.

sentosa

it's been a long time since i went to sentosa. had a fun time tdy with my cg. i think for many of them, it is the first time we went to sentosa with the cg. sentosa nv fails to brighten somebody's day. haah. we had a good time really. (: thank you Jesus.

i m kinda in love with blogging. yest night i called yue rong n talked to her for a really long time. but it was a great conversation. from it God told me wad i needed to noe n wad kind of attitude i needed to have. kind of regained myself. but suddenly i jus felt like these few days i m organising my life, get my act tog n start sth new n afresh.

God has been a good God. He has been answering my prayers really. (: n i wan to live for Him. still wan to, very very much.

ting SOAR.

this song is for u!

歌曲：我永远都在
歌手：何耀珊 专辑：收获

填词:马嵩惟
作曲:vincent degiorgio johan rohr
编曲:吕绍淳

hey阳光多耀眼
天空那边 希望你也是晴天
my friend无论多遥远
快乐要诀 有你我就能体验
and i'll be there分享你所有喜悦
missing you哦美好的感觉
friend我永远都在
有爱 你的心中就有我陪伴

每一次想念都看见你的笑脸
alright就这么简单
和你透过真心交换
my friend我永远都在
想 我们许的心愿
流星划越 少了你的窗前
my friend回忆不怕离别
约好再见 梦想一起实现

and i'm here
每当你想要流泪
be with you 从来不改变相连的默契
心和心靠近 只因为有爱oh yeah

我会永远都在
friend永远都在
有爱 每一次想念 都看见你的笑脸(就到你身边)]
透过真心交换(因为有爱)

continued..

actually i still have a lot of things i wan to say. most of the things he said really caught me thinking. it's been a long time since i met somebody like that. he was sharing with me his travelling experiences. n u noe sth.. the life he lead is the life i wanted to lead. not anymore u see. cos "i have been crucified with Christ. it is no longer i who live but Christ who lives in me." but i noe deep within i will want to travel like that. n u noee wad? i think God will allow me to do that. he will give us the desires of our heart.

my heart is so stuck in the beautiful world. one of the things he said was that we need to see the world n experience life. n acty he described it so well, becos one of the greatest desires in my heart is to see the world. i love different cultures n people.. becos they remind me my God is a colourful god. n after all these things it really got me thinking wad do i wan to do one day when i m out of uni.. Lord guide me.

is it amazing? all these r wad i learnt in one week. spiritual, mental n emotional lessons. i haven told u bout the technical knowledge! but i will spare u with them. haah.

helen r u still here with me? was listening to sun's new album n one of the songs describe how i feel bout u my dear girl. stay with me k..

inspirations..

i m back to tok bout my job again. i was going to apologise that u r reading bout my job again. but den i decided. this is my blog! haah. so in a sense i can say wad i wan but yet exercise responsibility.

i guess it is really God who brought me to this job. initially, i was still feeling uneasy, not knowing is this wad God wants me to do.. but right now, i m kinda assured cos i really have a great boss. tdy i learnt a lot again cos my boss taught me more stuff. i love learning to him cos he will share tons of things with me. let me jus post some of them here k..

he asked me how is my job going.. and he decided to teach me some stuff cos he saw that i was realli bored. haah. oops.. i really like him to be around in the office.. but yet when he is ard i feel pressurised so i dun perform. wad an irony.

anyway..

he asked me how r things. and i said ok.. but i told him that i nd motivation. pple who noe me noe that there r few things that will motivate me, other than the things of God and the things of the spirit. n i was telling him that money really dun matter to me so earning lots of money dun motivate me. den he told me money is not the end.. it is a means to an end. n i was jus telling him that there r a lot of things i can do.. but i dun, becos i dun see y i must n i m simply not motivated to do them.

den he told me that i must find that goal n that motivation in my life to do wad i wan.. and although i told him there isn't, somehow deep in my heart wad he said struck a chord in me.

helen.. i hope u r reading this, cos this is for u.

gal, we always toked bout this. that we want to be people of greatness and we want to live a life of significance n leave a legacy behind. n gal.. along our way we always lose sight of wad we want to do.. u noe wad? i met a great boss. n he is somebody like that. as in he noes wad he wants n he does it. and u noe wad.. i noe that u will be as inspired by him as i m by him. u noe.. even as he was telling me that i need to find that motivation.. i was reminded of u girl. that we always said that we wanted to soar like eagles dear.. n i miss u! i miss the times we tok bout our dreams n visions..

dear girl.. i dun wan to be the walking dead. i dun wan to live my life not noeing y m i doing the things i m doing. when i m studying, i wanna give my best n shine. when i love God, i wan to love Him with all of my heart. i wan to fulfill my fullest potential. i dun wan to procrastinate. dun wan to wait anymore. tdy my boss asked me if there is somebody i wan to be. there r lots of pple i wan to be like.

God i pray from the bottom of my heart.. fire me up once again. let me not be satisfied with mediocrity, with having jus enough. God i want the best for my life, the best for my cg, the best for my studies, the best for everything. i wan to fulfill my fullest potential. i dun wan to be indifferent n apathetic Lord.

probably u really sent a person to hit me on my head n ask me to wake up!!!! wake up ting!!! wake up ting!!!! come on.. go out there n soar soAR SOAR!!!

i love my boss!

i just started a new job this week. n i love it! because my boss is simply great. (: he is such a nice boss. haah.

although the job is really a little bit boring, haah, becos u call the pple n say the same things to them like over 100 times a day, (sounds boring right), but like wad i said in the previous post, the experience's great. esp the training. this is the first time i understood insurance n i m a bit convinced that insurance is not bout cheating money. haah. wad a BIG prejudice i have isnt it? haah.

but totally i managed to clinch 3 appointments.. n today was kinda interesting. haah. like this guy.. when i tell him we have an investment programme that is risk free.. then he tell me.. there is no such thing as risk free investment. he says if it is risk free den it is not investment. den he say oh then i will have to end the conversation becos u said the wrong thing. n man m i glad to.. haaah. it was really interesting.. n tdy i tried to sell insurance in mandarin to this very interesting guy.. haah.

i enjoyed myself. though half of the time i was a bit bored. n my boss will tell me to take a break.. go msn.. pack up earlier n dun work so hard. haah. amazing isn't it? i love my boss. gee.

that is it..

working

i m supposingly hard at work now. other than tons of things i learnt yest during training, tdy's was kinda boring n brainless. but well.. temp job so u cant expect much. but i did learn quite a bit of stuff. about insurance n investment n things like that. n i m happy..

i surely hope that i will be fruitful.. haah. (:

i feel like blogging

everytime i start blogging, i will type wad i wan to say. and den suddenly i will jus feel like not continuing anymore. n that is y u will realise that i will say some stuff n stop saying anymore.

after emerge, in this entire week, many things got me thinking. plenty plenty of things. i started to ask myself again wad issit that i wan. u noe i was jus telling some frens, that i m a person that cant lead a meaningless life. i jus cant. if one day i wake up not noeing y i m doing the things i m doing, i will get really frustrated. and sometimes i feel lost n confused. but i hate feeling lost n confused! i hate not knowing where i m going n wad i going to do. i hate not being in control. but i also learn..

he is in control. that when i cannot see His hand, i can trust his heart.

我需要斗志。我需要继续战斗的力量。我需要必胜的信心。

you.. you r the God who will save
cling on to all that u say

let me do that Lord.

你的肩膀。何耀珊

那些日子
當你不在我身邊
那些感受不到你的日子
整個世界都不對
我以为我已经失去了全世界
還能這樣安靜的和你依偎
能在你的怀中
受過的苦都無所謂
是我一辈子的幸福

進進退退　我們之間
故事有點迂迴
轟轟烈烈　哭過幾回
從來沒有後悔
当初选择了你，我永远不会后悔。

依靠著你的肩膀
有風的味道也有雨的滄桑
躺在你的胸怀，让我感到多么坚强
為我去過了遠方
你带我到世界尽头
還好愛是我最固執的地方
還好再長的夜總是會天亮
我知道隧道之后一定有曙光
我終於等到你回來身旁
你一定会在我身旁
愛就是你的肩膀
你的肩膀就是我的坚强
能負擔我的所有快樂悲傷
相信你許下的願望
相信你的每个话语
一輩子的時間那麼的漫長
何必在乎當初寂寞多荒涼
你说不管发生什么事
我們的幸福會在下半場
你一定会为我写下漂亮的后来

loving Him

tdy i heard an astounding news. was shocked. totally. but it made me think. ting, how much do u love Him?

if the day comes when u lose everything, and all that is left is Him, wad will happen to u? will u be like king david who says, i will rather be a doorkeeper in the hse of God?

i wan to love You Lord. help me Jesus nv to stop loving You, never to stop laying my life at ur altar. let that day nv come.. that i love sth else more than You. i cant bear leaving u in my life.

for you a thousand times over

did u ever feel like ..

我想投身在一个虚拟的世界。我只想活在电视剧情，精彩作者的情节里，我没有勇气面对现实生活。

现实的挑战太多，勇气太少。
承诺太多，实现太少。
失望太多，希望太少。

我真的还可以吗？

真的吗?

希望这不是另一次的遐想。。

hiding place

i love this song.

I FIND YOU AT THE SECRET PLACE
I FIND YOU ON THE MOUNTAIN
I FIND YOU IN THE EARLY HOURS OF MY DAY

I FIND YOU WHEN I’M WAITING
I FIND YOU WHEN I’M IN YOUR WORD
I FIND YOU WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU WHEN I PRAY

CREATE IN ME A CLEAN HEART
AS I COME AWAY WITH YOU
WASH AWAY ALL OF MY STAINS
AND RESTORE TO ME THE JOY
I HAVE IN YOU

YOU’RE MY HIDING
YOU’RE MY HIDING PLACE
YOU’RE MY HIDING
YOU’RE MY HIDING PLACE

4e outing

i was so glad that at the end of the day some of us managed to go. (: and see, haha, it is not so difficult after all. n i do think we shld n need to get tog after so long. and the nicest surprise was to see ms andriany.

tdy we had a mini 4e gathering. me, lim yang, minyi, minling, meizhen, samuel and timothy. i think the rare guest was timothy? haha. i seldom remember seeing him. but now that he is single.. haah. i guess he is more free? haah.

samuel drove me back together with timothy. n suddenly sitting in the car, seeing a fren i knew for ages driving like a man, and all these pple r no longer boys in blue pants, suddenly it sunk into me that we r all grown up. i m almost an adult, although i really hate to admit it. that when i was younger, i would look at pple who r now my age and think wad's their life like. n now i m experiencing it for myself. i guess it is amazing. n all the more i felt, xiaoting u need to treasure ur life.

on another note, it was a beautiful thing seeing everybody. to get tog after 4 yrs, talking bout our past. and i felt this.. i m forced to grow up! haah. before i noe it, i will be out of uni working.

though many things have changed, some things nv changed. haah. like how they will tease and make fun of the same things, like timothy and ***.. haaah. it is just like the good old times. man.. God, thank u for memories. and thank u for frens.

n somebody i felt like he really changed is samuel. haah. if u r seeing this, hi! but i felt like frm a person who was fun-loving and stuff, to now being a person who noes wad he wants, who is really doing it and stepping into it, really made me wake up from reality. pple r different. and i wan to live my life to the fullest, sowing into my destiny and my future.

beautiful day. thank u Lord. wake me up!

i feel like unloading everything out here, but i cant. but i feel kinda suffocated with everything in me. i need to unwind everything that is within me. i felt like i woke up being whacked by the devil left right up down centre. sometimes i feel like telling God i dun feel like playing anymore. sometimes xiaoting feels like throwing in the towel. sometimes i jus cant seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. sometimes i jus dun feel like being strong. sometimes i jus need a fren, with skin on. sometimes i feel like lying in bed n stare at my ceiling and jus let the world rotate without touching me. sometimes i jus cant muster enough faith to do wad i need to do. oh sometimes sometimes

great men n women r not those who do not have lousy days, but those that despite their lousy days and feelings and circumstances, they held on the God, held on to their faith. den i pray i will one day be a great woman of God. gee.

以前当我看着别人过着高调的生活，心中总有无限的渴望与向往。我常想，如果当年没有遇到他，我今天或许会是一个流连酒吧，过着疯狂日子的女生，因为认识我的人都知道，我真的有这种疯狂的潜能。更或许，我会在某一个世界的角落，做一些很荒唐的事，如果不是他，我真的或许不会继续呆在这里。因为他是我的磐石，坚定不移，让我不再过着无根的日子。我有一个家，所以我不再任性，叛逆，我行我素。

记得在华初那年，陈老师要我们每个星期交出一篇创作。起初我是兴致勃勃，但过了一阵子，那创作的灵感却不常到来，而现在，我却好想继续写字。哈哈。我不止一次说过，我好喜欢文字。

不知道我自己是不是因为守在这个岗位里，而失去了很多。常看别人的生活，有时候也希望自己可以这样。但是，我知道，为了他，错过这一切是值得的。我爱他因为他先爱我。而为了这一个“爱”字，错过的是值得的，得到的更是无法计算。

晓亭的人生是美丽的。谢谢你。

anyway. jus recounting a few things that happened. been busy with pos and it is jus a great joy to be back. hope that we will do well this year.

tried doing surveys on the street the past few days. i almost died! but for the money i m still continuing tml. God save me man.. give me an amiable face. haah. but it is really tough.

pst phil came last sun. gave a great msg. i m blown away. n i m coming up! to another level in prayer. i just need the leading of the holy spirit more n more.

and we had a great time on tues in the presence of the Holy Spirit. back to that first love.

thoughts

i love it when the Holy Spirit is there, touching me. (: was at home tdy and had a great time in the presence of God. was reading songs of solomon n i was so touched by it.

God loves me a lot and He loves u a lot isnt it?

but He is looking n seeking for one whose heart is completely His.

i wan to be found by Him.

God forgive me for the times i neglected u, for the times that other things were impt than u. bring me back to that place of wholeheartedness.

i want to love u.

it is amazing how God lets u into His presence so closely. it is simply amazing how u can worship Him and love Him n be so close to Him.

wad a priveilege to be a worshipper of the Most High.

we often forget that.

MI3

Today i watched MI3 with chan eng. the first movie in many weeks or months. (i can't recall, really) If not for her, i think i would really not have watched this show. The next time they rate it, they should rate it like only for 40 and below or sth, cos u will have a heart attack watching it. (ok, i m exaggerating. (: )

but! it was really scary! haah. i think scary is not the word, i can't find the right word for it. but it is definitely not for weak hearts. as for me, i think i m not a person who will be able to stay through scenes that torture people mentally, emotionally and physically. gee.. i just think it is torturous! really.. it is probably worse than those HK triad society movies..

after all the negative comments, it is not such a bad movie. if u r a person who likes action, u really will like it. I m still amazed ever since watching things like matrix and minority report by the creativity and imagination of people. though MI3 is not as imaginative, that kind of technology that appears in the movie still amazes me. wonder where do all the scientists get their ideas? u dun have to look furthur. haha. probably this is really how they get their inspirations.

but i m still scared out of my wits. haah.

on another note, i m looking forward to them playing Mission Impossible this fri when pst phil comes. ((:

things in order

just felt like i need to get things in order. i dunno wad is that order, but things feel like they r not in order.

i love fellowshipping with people who love the Lord and give their lives to God. and i pray that God will raise up a generation like that for Him.

boy. i have been blogging an awful lot nowadays. but i m enjoying it! haah. my hols r here n it is high time to enjoy myself. gee.

有一天
你会找到属于你的
属于你的那片天空
以及那灿烂笑容
还有
只有属于你的那个眼神

而现在
你可做的
就只是
耐心。。等待

waiting for elections results! woo hoo!

"have i told u i love u?"

"no"

"i love u"

"still?"

"always"

读了伊能静的blog，让我真的爱上文字。希望我可以一直写，一直写出非常漂亮的文章。

文字是一样很奇怪的东西。我们所说的竟然可以和所写的截然不同。我们可以用那么扣人心弦的文字来表达心里一滴，一滴的感觉。

一连两天参加两个人民行动党的大会。我好像变成他们的支持者了。哈哈。这次的选举大受瞩目，也是我第一次真正去了解新加坡的政坛是怎么一回事。不管是行动党，还是反对党，都说得振振有词，但是，他们以的一切言谈举止，却让我认为，我们还差第一世界政府，第一世界反对党，第一世界国家还很远。惨了，说了这些话明天是否会被告诽谤？

在这样的一个竞争下，人的缺点都慢慢被暴露出来。还好大选的日子并不久，要不然，更糟糕的都会出现。chaneng说每个国家的政治大概都是这样的吧，他们都会撤别人的后腿，可是我真的认为这样的一个选举可以反映出一个人的人格及修养，在对待不同的问题时，他们有多少内涵则会一目了然。

到此为止。改天再说。

I wanna live my life to the fullest!

use every minute that i have. to build His kingdom! let's live our lives for God!

lazy blogger

i m such a lazy blogger. ha. i think partly wad jg said bout my blog is true. jus not realli bothered to write out my life n stuff. anyway.

exams r... unofficially over! haah. one last paper to go, and like wad pan lao shi said, the preparation for it is to sleep well! yay! i like that!

this period of exams was so loooong and tedious. realli. 艰辛。非常。每一次要把考卷做完都要有很大的意志力，多么想半途就走出去。哈哈。

but it has been a good weekend. God spoke to me thru pst ulf, thru pst mark, thru the pple in jc cluster, thru sis yilun, thru pst yk. it was like the same word jumping out in my face for dunno how manytimes. thank u Jesus. for the encounters, for the word u given, for the passion u put in, for using me.

now about after the exams.

this is wad im gonna do.

1. find work n earn money.
2. master guitar
3. read.. a lot a lot alot. eng lish n chinese n wad have u.
4. study the Bible.
5. have fun.
6. go overseas somehow. haah.
7. slumber parties?
8. play pool? i think i will do that.

i m so hungry now. gg off. buaix！

thank u!

thank u jc cluster!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tdy toking to u guys at expo and on the train.. den i realise i realli miss all of u alot! realli miss the times we tok and spend time tog.. thank u for being such a blessing!

and i was looking for the answer for sth.. and u guys gave it to me while toking to me!! God gave me a revelation out of our conversation..

thank u!!!!!!!!!!!

slping

it is amazing how i can slp for hours in the midst of my exams. but now when im sick n down with a flu, i dun seem to be slpy at all. gee.

rantings.

i have tons of thoughts running thru my mind but nothing is realli clicking n working. stop pushing the buttons xiaoting.

as i have always said, and i probably shld say less of this. i love to think. and at some point of my life, i will always look at my life and think. wad issit that i wan? on some nights i will lie on my bed, staring n stoning, asking myself, ting.. wad do u wan?

it is so amazing how God works in beautiful ways. God teach me to believe u for the BEST things.

was just reading my sis' thesis. realised sth that we realli have a lot in common. it is amazing how both of us grew up in entirely different envts yet both of us grew up with a big love for chinese. and she was writing a thesis bout some movies bout WW2. and the bigger coincidence is. she loves history just like me. man. when i was reading that thingy.. i felt so... dunno how to describe.

right now, i m left with 2 papers. n i feel so relaxed. yet i dun feel like sticking mysself in front of the tv. i realli kinda hate it. nor do i wan to sit infront of this com the whole night. and i keep asking myself. xt. wad do u wan for ur future.. for ur life???

u noe wad? this is wad i wan.

i wan to live my life the way God wants me to live it.
i wan to see my dreams n visions coming to pass.
i wan my cg to breakthru.
i wan to live every single min of my life to the fullest.
i dun wan to waste my life away!!! i cant stand that!
i wanna gain more knowledge, noe more things.
i wanna make more disciples for Him.

God fill me fill me fill me!

Rules: Bold the following that are true about you, italicize things you wish were true, add one true thing about you, and then tag five more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olive rice.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies. (eugh no)

I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I know how to cornrow.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal. (or Blog)
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently like someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have tried alcohol or drugs before.(1 mouth of beer?)
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbour or chum.
I enjoy some country music.
I would die for my best friends
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys/memes.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I am a pyro.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.

I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know who Santos L. Halper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I'm an artist.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary.
Weight is my enemy!
I'm a serious chocoholic.
I absolutely adore animals.
I love surprises.
I love to be seen.
I often act without feeling for people.
I like arguing for the sake of arguing.
I think most girls look better with spectacles.
My skin is peeling because i had been under the sun.
I want to ORD.
I wish i can be all that i wan to be, do all that i want to do.

as soon as i set my heart upon it, i felt him pressing nearer.

no weapon formed against me shall prosper. amen.

easter sunday

easter came. n easter left. i always look forward to every easter. n this yr.. once again, they used peter and judas. and i always liked the story of peter. of his repentance. he always reminds me that though i m imperfect, God can still use me. and that story of reconciliation nv fails to move me to tears.

God loves me! and i m incredibly grateful for that. God touched me! and i m eternally appreciative of that. God changed me! and words cant express my love for Him. He did so many things in my life and He is still doing. (:

Daddy, thank u for loving me when i feel unloved.
Thank u for believing in me when i could not believe in myself.
Thank u for giving me the strength n courage to move on.
Thank u for forgiving me when i felt so dirty with sin.
Thank u for telling me "ger it is okie"
Thank u for being there for me each time.
Thank u for not giving up on me though i made so many mistakes.
Thank u for my destiny n calling in u.
Thank u for dying for me 2000 yrs ago. on Good friday.

and for that, my life is urs, to take, to use, to teach how to live.

i exchange it for sth more.

random thoughts.

jus to blog some stuff before i go off.

dun ask me y. i jus felt like it was an eventful week though nothing much happened. this week exam started. it was good n it was okie. dun ask me wad i m saying. i realise that i m a person who loves people, but at the same time, i m...

i guess this is wad tat really bothers me right now. yest, i heard somebody say take care to me and that warmed my heart. tdy something took place over lunch table and my heart smiled.

my heart takes joy in little things like that, yet my heart will also ... at the little things. certain things may seem insignificant, or seem like nothing.. but i dunno, if i can go back to where i was before. can i or can i not? shld i, or shld i not?

追逐梦想

我要一直追求我的梦想。一直走下去。刚看了超级星期天，看到老师如何鼓励爱沙要一直走下去，实现她的梦想。我知道，我一定要认定自己的目标。一直走下去。不管周围发生多大的事，我都不轻言放弃。

不要轻言放弃，否则对不起自己。-MVP

girl, u can do it. no matter wad they say. and wad happen. u can n u will.

fun!

last sunday, for the first time in many months, i was in town playing. haah. now i sound like a kid? playing? question mark.. haah. but anyway i was in town with my members. and i had such a great time. i came home feeling like it's been a long time since i enjoyed myself like that. (: n pool is fun.

it is saturday again.

i think i said it before that saturday is a blogging day. n yep it is. here i m back blogging again. xiaoting loves toking. dun u think so?

this week certain things happen. n once again trials that come my way. with trials that also came a revelation. i need to rise up n overcome these things once again. i m an overcomer.

the last week we met sun a lot of times! n i m so excited. woke up at 5am on fri morning to go send her off. n i m awfully glad that i did. love ya lots sun n going to miss u alot.

n on wed night sillily rushed to tm to watch v for vendetta n missed out on 15 mins of the show. it is such an impt 15 mins! haah.

n i really did study quite a bit this week. great improvement. haah. hopefully n prayerfully i will be ready for my exams. jia you ger.

things may not turn out the way u wan it. but that doesnt always mean it is a bad thing. God is in control.

i m falling in love..

with blogging n history. haah. jus had my last chinese lecture yest. it was a blast! i really really like my chinese history tcher. so very much. yest i jus had a revelation. n i think it was the Holy Spirit who told me. that i m studying in china right now, i probably will not get this kind of history lesson. which i totally agree.

i was jus so excited and so stirred up by wad lan lao shi say n honestly, i think this is wad God wants me to know. and it might jolly well as sth to do with my calling. i m sooooo interested in cultural revolution. it is like such an interesting part of history. wad will the development of China be 3 yrs frm now when i get out of NTU? will it be the top country in the world tog with US or will it even overtake US to be the superpower in this earth? i cant imagine the kind of prospects that lie in China n i love China!

lan lao shi asked a question.. wad issit that can solve the problems in China? back from the 19th century, there were already many problems in China and all the different political figures who came up did not solve her problems. who n wad will? somehow in my heart i already have the answer. and somehow in my mind i already see the vision. yahoo!

excited!

i got all excited over a chess game n adrenaline is still pumping. amazing huh.. haah. i played chess for 2 hours n i m so excited now!

pay positive attention.

by phil pringle

The key to growing anything is to pay it positive attention.
'Pay' The price is time. Make time for the highest priorities-like your children, your spouse.

'Positive' Give attention to the positives. Don't be hijacked by the negatives which can so easily claim our attention.

'Attention' Give undistracted attention to the person. Turn off the TV, the cell phone, put down your pen, the book and look them in the eye. Listen, hear what they're saying. Connect.

我讨厌无理取闹！

在很迟钝的情况下，我有个惊人的发现，晓亭讨厌无理取闹。真得很讨厌。讨厌人家为了没有原因的原因发脾气，讨厌人家不好好把事情解释清楚，讨厌人家为了莫名的原因大作文章。

就一个早上，不知不觉听着cheryl的歌，我哭了。总觉得人走到一个阶段，需要滴下一些眼泪，让自己发泄一下，才懂得下一步要怎么做。现在晓亭正想这么做。。

有时我喜欢自己不停的忙着。。自己才不会想这么多。。

读了许怀良的访问。。莫名的感动。

看了“活着”，莫名的激动。。

上了蓝老师的课，莫名的共鸣。。

坐在这里。。 莫名的。。 莫名的。。 莫名的。。

my 200th entry

it is abnormal that i m blogging 2 times in a day. but i really enjoy writing, typing and what-have-u.

had a really good time reading my senior's blog. n i think this is an area in which helen n i r really alike, we love to discover and noe how pple think, esp those that r deemed as "intelluctual", in which we begin to be inspired by the things that they write. well, i was reading and was really enjoying myself until i came to a part, in which he started to say some stuff that disturbed me. and i stopped.

i feel like i m sitting in front of my com, knowing that i have tons of workload behind me, n i m supposed to do them, yet my mind is blank, but i m jus trying to conjure sth out. the truth hurts they always say. n i suspect i feel this way cos i had a revelation of the truth. not that i dunno wad to do. i think i do, but the truth still hurts.

ever wondered y u have frens? sometimes one of the things that i m most afraid of is human relationships. becos it is sth that is so unpredictable, it can bring u sky high, and cause u to fall valley low. sth i learn as a human being for yrs is --- pple do let u down. sad but real fact.

i used to think that i m strong, courageous but at times i beg to differ. and this is one of the times that i cant agree.

God strengthen my heart.

be careful bout the things u say, the attitude u have towards others. becos u can hurt them, before u noe it.

my mind is filled.. with so much "what-have-u"s. our world is so fallen.. humans r so carnal.

a lot of times i wished that whatever i m thinking up there, feeling in there, it will jus automatically transformed itself into words then appear here. gee. and probably i will not be so weighed down by them anymore.

ever hoped that life will slow down so that u can take a breather? i did. n i m still hoping. but it is not gonna happen i noe.

sorry guys i noe my entry sounds so big-time pessimistic and depressing.. and many would say.. ger this is so unlike u.

n it is! haah. but i will always conclude. no matter how tough things r in my life, how matter wad kind of discouragements or challenges i go thru, i noe He is here, walking with me.

walking walking walking.. n when i cant walk anymore. He carries me. and becos of that guys..

life is beautiful. *muackz*

i like adriano!

suddenly i feel so happy. although i really haven done much. muaahaha. i m a happy happy happy girl.. (:

a nice chat

it's been some time since i last blogged i think. and i always blog on saturdays i realise. saturdays r thinking days. acty thru'out the week there r many times i feel like blogging, but whenever i sit in front of the monitor, i will feel so tired that i dun really wan to try. and now.. i shall start blogging again.

i think i m realli a thinker. haah. as in i love to think. i do.. and i jus had a nice little chat with some nice pple and it evokes a lot of thought in me.

i love God. cos He is realli amazing and recently when i m jus thinking bout my life, i realise that i realli have grown a lot. and that was wad meiyan said will happen to me.. and i did. and i think being a cgl is really one of the best things that has happened in my life. i love it when God uses me to impact the lives of others.. that is one of the greatest joy i have being a cgl. to see my members growing, loving God more, being more committed, changed by the glory of God, seeing pple getting saved.. man.. i love my life.

jus reali wan to appreciate God for wad He is doing thru me. the great things. thank u Jesus

现实与理想

刚做完一个哲学的presentation,晓亭松了一口气，真的好开心，而且感觉很有满足感。但是，美中不足的是，现实与理想仍然是有差距的。

常觉得在我的生活里，在许多方面，总觉得理想与现实有个差距。想实现的，往往感觉目标太遥远，但是昨天在和朋友谈天时，又想到以前从瑞典的一个牧师说过，everything u see with ur physical eyes is subject to change. 有时感觉以前的我太消极，太沮丧。从今我要以另外一种角度去看待我的生活，相信-- 现实是可以符合理想的。

smith wigglesworth always say -- only believe.

i need You Holy Spirit.

more than ever before.

teach me how to live.

and how to lead.

to not do it on my own.

but by Your strength, power n might.

Teach me LORD.

Teach me.