61

sorry for flooding my blog. haha.

那天在这么多天后，终于看到61的朋友，可惜大便不能来。

我很喜欢见到chow。他是一个与众不同的老师，他总是能够和我们打成一片。和他在一起没有冷场的时候，我们总是能无所不谈，而看到61的人，总是能让我想念61的日子。

i love 61.

61 给我的感觉就是不一样。可能是在那里遇到的朋友，我很珍惜61的outing。

彪，gonna miss u really. 你总是我们的joker,更珍惜你和kw的presence.你们总是能让开怀大笑，想到以前的一切，总是让我好开心好开心。

helen, 你一直都会在我心里有个特别的位置。因为你是个很特别的朋友，真的。love u.

现在不想写给其他人，时间到了就会写吧。只是想到我可能很久很久都不会看到全部聚集在一起，总会有点难过。

天下无不散之筵席

感觉我们长大了。

也感觉it's time to step out.

make this yr the best yr yet.

我们要翻转世界

我们长大了

我感觉到自己老了

很喜欢做的一件事情，是看到61的朋友。在61，我们就是有着一种不一样的默契。感觉就是不一样。也是在和他们聚在一起时，我感觉自己在成长。

这个星期，当我告诉别人我要21岁时，我的堂姐们都是，哇，这么快！

是啊，这么快。我长大了

正在和维彪谈话，只有21岁的人，才会说到我们要做什么，去哪里吧。

我以前从来不觉得21岁有什么了不起。现在才觉得，其实老了，责任也多了。

but maturity doesn't come with age, it comes with the shouldering of responsibility. that's right.

我要长大了

(:

我要恢复

我好想念华语

刚看了一个朋友的部落格

发现自己用华语写字好幼稚，好不成熟

是时候了

taiwan emerge

脱颖而出

我为此行感谢神

因为他是信实的

在新加坡 台湾

我的生命

因你而改变

能服侍你

是我这辈子最大的荣幸

it is a priveilege to serve.

thank u for making me a part of history,

我要为你翻转世界。

lovely day

u know after so many days, this is one of the most wonderful days i have.

i woke up feeling that God is smiling over me and everything will just be ok.

and i had a beautiful time in bible sch. God was so good. thank you for the word. thank you for that shoulder and that ray of light i know i need in time of need.

and i had a great time toking and fellowshipping with ting n yl. u guys r growing up! n i m so glad about it yah? keep on growing.

n *** i hope u r reading this. i pray u r not brooding over it ok? yah i will not 看不起你. so pls be strong n well and u will do great! and i will do great too.

n my fren, although i have so many so many things to do, i jus wan to say..

i was so glad that i went to meet u. it was worth it. haha. although i went with reluctance, but i must say, i m happy that i went.

u r a fren i will treasure for a long time, becos i want to see us doing great things! dun brood and be frustrated over all those things k.. like wad i said, u will do great! so let's jia you tog. ((:

n u r an encouragement to me, by the fact that u r willing to share, i m very happy.thank you! ((:

many r called, few r chosen.

in conclusion, i m a very happy girl. and to add on to that, i m going taiwan tml!!!!!!

thank u Lord for the great day and the great life.

i just want to shout out loud

I LOVE YOU!!!

good night's rest

i feel happy. because for once in so many months, i had a terrific night rest. i slept so well. gee.

yest i slept at 11 plus! woke up at 7 this morning feeling so good. Jesus i love u! ((:

挥着翅膀的女孩

was jus feeling a bit low. then i saw the song ken send me in my email.

昨天晚上我就这样扭开电视，看到容祖儿在唱歌，这首歌叫 挥着翅膀的女孩

我并没有注意歌词 只是觉得旋律很美

今天看到歌词

我哭了

谢谢你

common grace

挥着翅膀的女孩 容祖儿

当我还是一个懵懂的女孩
遇到爱 不懂爱 从过去 到现在
直到他也离开 留我在云海徘徊
明白没人能取代 他曾给我的信赖
See Me Fly
I'm Proud To Fly Up High
不能一直依赖 别人给我拥戴
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
就算风雨覆盖 我也不怕重来

我已不是那个懵懂的女孩
遇到爱 用力爱 仍信 真爱
风雨来 不避开 谦虚把头低下来
像沙鸥来去天地 只为寻一个奇迹
See Me Fly I'm Proud To Fly Up High
生命已经打开 我要那种精彩
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
你曾经对我说 做勇敢的女孩

我盼有一天能和你相见
骄傲的对着天空说 是藉着你的风
Let Me Fly
I'm Proud To Fly Up High
生命已经打开 我要那种精彩
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
你曾经对我说 做勇敢的女孩
我不会孤单 因为你都在

believe me i can fly

希望

希望时间会停在这刻
秒针会停止跳动

让我看完我想看的书
让我约我想约的朋友
让我做完我想做的事

为什么别人一天有48小时
我只有24呢？

希望一切能在24小时做完
然后
星期二就会到来

兴奋！

凌晨两点，我在和彪谈话。虽然已经需要去睡觉了，却因为他提到的非常非常多书籍而感到兴奋！

刚才读了洛夫的诗。好美!

烟之外

在涛声中唤你的名字而你的名字
已在千帆之外
潮来潮去
左边的鞋印才下午
右边的鞋印已黄昏了
六月原是一本很感伤的书
结局如此之凄美
——落日西沉

你依然凝视
那人眼中展示的一片纯白
他跪向你向昨日那朵美了整个下午的云
海哟，为何在众灯之中
独点亮那一盏茫然
还能抓住什么呢？
你那曾被称为云的眸子
现有人叫作
烟

台湾！！

终于在等了两年后，我可以再一次回台湾。

今天我在和vicki说，我真的很想很想去台湾！神是信实的！有时候，有些东西总是会让你在灵里兴奋起来。现在就开始了。

好开心，再过两个星期，就要开学了。这次的开学充满期待，我要作盐作光！

而能够再回校之前去台湾，真令我开心不过。

当这世界。。

当这世界不在的时候，你否会与我守候？

我可能会把这整个部落格变成华文，那个让我感到既亲近又疏远的语言。

很久没有写散文，没有用漂亮的文字，来形容我那有时糟糕的心情。

失落

沮丧

讨厌刚强

尽在不言中

我没有你想象中的好，坚强

有时候 我真希望

不只我一个在战场上

让我拥有那一分钟的软弱吧

因为你是我软弱中的刚强

happiness is love..

Day 4

st Augustine said:
He who is filled with love is filled with God Himself.

Love stretches ur heart and makes u big on the inside.

suddenly i feel that i may miss hall after all. i love the peace and the envt here. although most of the time i m alone, esp during sot, but the tranquility is amazing.

i love it when it's into the wee hours, and i have my radio playing. it feels good.

my hse is a bit too constipated.

prayer answered.

God is good. so good.

i was praying that God will speak. n He spoke. the same thing He spoke to me.

God take it a bit deeper i pray. a deeper work i pray. a greater ability to discern the things of the spirit i pray.

i am happy and content because i think i m

i can't remember who i was toking to about being happy. i was reading a r bernard's book abt happiness. i promised u i will do it every day! well i m trying. (:

anyway, tdy he said that happiness is a way of mind.

so, despite of what happened just now, i will choose to be happy.

Happiness requires to train yourself to see the good in everything, no matter what happens.

God i will decide to do that.

ken rem wad i told u tdy? i said i dun like to be angry. becos if i m angry i cant be happy. n if i can, i want to be always happy. n not make life difficult for myself. (:

carrying a lot of things in my heart, but not sharing. tok abt happier stuff.

tdy went out with helen. babe i love u! it's just wonderful everytime i go out with u. i jus feel comfortable with u, toking to u. gee. n i cant believe u r leaving so soon when i really din get to hang out much with u... will spend more time with u.

bought my makeup and stuff.. so happy. haha. n bought a vest tat's really nice at forever 21! which i think it really suits me anyway.

service was good tdy.

sch starting in 1 month plus time. so fast.

i jus did my hair. when i get a chance will post up a nice pic of it. dun get a shock alright? haha.

are you willing to celebrate your life today?

if you had to be the person you are today for the rest of your life, will you be happy? if not, it's time to change now.

i will not. n i will change now. dun look back n say yest i was happy. dun look forward and say some day i will be happy. look at your present and choose to celebrate. today be all that God wants u to be. (:

so far i have really done it. one day at a time.

tdy i experienced the goodness of God. he is so good.

and everything will work to your time and season. love u.

happiness is..

i was just thinking that i want to pick up a book and read. n saw dr a.r. bernard's book on the shelf. so i decided to do what he said, to read one entry every day and to pen down my thoughts, just that i m blogging here.

he said.

happiness is finding wisdom and understanding.

my thoughts.

the happiest life u can live is probably the life that God has intended for u to live. but for u to do that, u must be able to look at things from God's perspective. to be a wise person, u need to dig into His word. Billy Graham said, knowledge is horizontal but wisdom is vertical. It comes from above. Every day, we need a renewed mind so that we can live the life God intended for us.

if u wan to be a happier person, be a wiser person. (:

God's words for today.
Salt creates thirst.

一片宁静

好享受这样的一个时刻。今天是星期天下午。现在在宿舍里。宿舍什么人也没有，学校是一片安静的。我好享受这样的一个时刻。。。坐在这里，听着933，没有dj，只有歌曲，让我的心情自由的漂浮。。

有时候真的觉得生活很充实，却又忙得怕人，所以这样一个人的时刻是让我感到很开心的。。
虽然我还有很多的deadlines，but i appreciate this moment of peace.

was just looking thru ken's friendster. and just feeling a little nostalgic. xiaoting is feeling alone, but not lonely, and i love this moment of solitude. really.

i wish i can have more of this. no phone calls, no msges waiting for me, just enjoying my sunday afternoon.

i love it.

gain

i love sun's latest album embrace.. yet in my heart there is still a special place for gain. i just love the album to bits. i like the feel of it.

so i sought for a man among them, who would make a wall, and stand in the gap, but i found no one.

God is looking.

for a new generation that will love Him with EVERYTHING they have, and love people fervently. who will lay down their lives for Him and impact their campuses.

God. raise up a new generation.

youths who are willing
kingdom-minded
love You wholeheartedly
love people fervently
holy dissatisfaction
hungry for You
yearn to be fruitful.

raise up youths that are different

that's my cry.

will you answer the call?

hello

haha. it's been a while i blogged. i thot it has been a really long time, only to realise it's only 2 weeks. but 2 weeks it's enough. after you've been through emerge, it's as if like one year has passed or sth, because so many things have happened and your life is so transformed!!!

this year's emerge, as usual, has been tremendous. it is as tremendous as usual, yet it is not as usual, because this year it is bigger, greater and better! God has been really good, so just some updates for u.

well first of all, this yr my dream came to pass and i made it to the finals of word power. it's an ordeal, ask all my frens the turmoil i went thru.. haha. nah just kidding. but we really almost din make it.. so.. thank you Jesus! we got second.. ((: so all thanks to jeremy and annie. i love u guys lots. u guys are great team members. annie i m so proud of you that you noe that verse.. and yes jeremy, u really have worked hard and earned ur keep. haaha. you make me look good being ur team member. (:

secondly, sun was back. celebrated her birthday. heard liu geng hong sing. (((: and propose at the same time.

thirdly, i met a bunch of pple that rox. the ntu pple!!!! yah and *** will say he is so surprised to see this. *** was surprised to see me at bbq.. haaah. so that is me la.. the girl who is totally not in tune with ntu.. nah just kidding. knowing them was a pleasant surprise God brought into my life. they are really funny pple tat light up my life. you guys rox..!

last but not least, God came, moved, touched and did a new work.

God, just wan to say thank you for moving once again. words cannot describe how i feel. thank you for loving me, forgiving me and always giving me a second chance. thank you for the call. thank you for being willing to use me.

i want to treasure this forever. this call you have given. this family you have placed in. these friends that are so precious.

i love my life, my cg, my church, my frens, my family, MY GOD.

spirit-filled

i m at fang's house now, supposed to do my assignment. but i dunno y there is no urgency, so it's just bad. gee. it's ok, i promise i will finish though it's already 11pm and i m only at chap 4. xiaoting jia you. haha.

anyway. i m so excited that emerge is coming. yes i m finally in word power finals! mus come n cheer for me k.. haha.

yup that's all pple. off to mug.

想家

从小就对“寄人篱下”这样的感觉不陌生，所以我一直认为自己是以很可以适应的人，又或许是我老了！。。所以我真的不喜欢陌生的环境，我真得很喜欢家的感觉。

现在家里的房间一团糟，可以我很讨厌两头不到岸的感觉。就是讨厌。。宿舍感觉很陌生，因为少了人的气息。。 但是家里又感觉少了我。

发现我真的需要常常与人相处。因为在宿舍，特别是假期里，是完全没有人的。寂寞的感觉常常会涌到心头来，（this sounds like a wrong expression. haha）虽然这样的时候不是很多，因为我其实没有什么时间去想这些事情。但是，我真的想念家的感觉。

以前我总觉得，家和宿舍的分别在哪里？反正我每天都是早出晚归。。 在哪里都没有分别。是有的是有的。。 想念家里有人的感觉。特别想念老爸。。想念有人会帮我关灯，然后骂我。。我真得很想念。

因为这样我想。。 或许下个学期我要回到我名副其实的狗窝去了。

但是又贪图那每天来回的3个小时。。

进退两难！

blessed

i really feel blessed beyond words.

last wk pst derek talked about being at the right place at the right time.

then he asked, how many of you know that u r at the right place at the right time?

and we were like agreeing. then he said, how many of u know.. that there r also people who r supposed to be here but they r not?

and i felt a tinge of sadness.

God has been so good to us this few weeks. wonderfully blessed by service every single weekend. and it's not just the weekends. during sot every day, we meet with God in worship. We learn to be led by the Spirit, and everything is just so cool. God keeps speaking to me every single day.

tdy pst preached a powerful powerful msg. blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,

i want to see you remarkably clear. i want to experience you.
i want to be totally devoted to you.

one life
i lay at your altar
one love
i have with you
touch me again
fill me as you hold
my outstretched hands

one word
you know i will follow
one heart
broken to you
use me again
your mercies follow me
for all my days

i want to be more in love with u than i've ever been before.

i mean that

acquired taste.

loving God n lingering in His presence is an acquired taste.

i haven't updated for one week, but it felt like eternity. it seems like everything u have not heard from God was just revealed to you in this one week.

God is good.

i need brokenness.

God is moving.

sometimes i m scared. becos i dunno if i really can. can i?

sot again

officially attended 2 days of sot. it feels like it is so much more than 2 days. fri, sat, sun, mon. every day having new encounters, new revelations, it's so much more than what i can wish for. God is so good. He is answering our prayers!

i want to.. raise up a new generation of young people, who loves God, will not compromise, and build their lives on the sermon of the mount. In pst's words, no more convenient christianity. yes!

God is really doing a new work in City Harvest, and i want to be part of it! i want to be the end-time church He raises up, where we will see dreams and visions.

Sermon on the mount was really really good! I am so happy that Pastor is doing this. A new revival Lord..

Ask of me, and I will give You the nations as Your inheritance..

The sacrifices of the Lord are a broken and contrite heart..

purify our motives.. purify our hearts. raise up pple, that has a different spirit God..

sot

happy that exams r over today, totally excited that i am starting SOT tml! after hearing so much from everybody, i am just excited. But i want to start SOT right. (:

Today had a really nice talk with my. There is one thing that has not changed since i am young, i love talking to her. She is someone of great wisdom and can always provide me with great insights on things. It always triggers certain things while talking to her.

One thing i learn as a disciple is to press into my leader. As i grow older in God, this thing jus keeps coming up to me. It is important ting, to press into your leader. To draw from the man/woman of God. I remembered there was once God prompted me to go up to her, and ask her to pray for me, because I want to have what she has. I was freaked out, but I decided to obey God. In the past I used to be super scared of her, but i have learnt that that is silly. To be discipled is a good thing, becos u learn. We all must learn in the process to have a right attitude, not one of fear, but of respect and servanthood.

I thank God for her, for all that she has imparted to me, and I thank God for the many greater years to come!

The greatest leader of all is the greatest servant of all. God taught me that tdy.

I m really excited. But now it's 3 plus am! i better sleep soon. (:

i feel like i died, went up to heaven and lived again.

family

family day 2007. 1 may.

R we a family?

R u part of this family?

In a family,

We give because we love.

We give our time, our finances, our energy.

We sacrifice because we love.

In a family, we go all the way out not because u r asked to, but becos u love this family.
And because you love, you will do anything for ur family members.

Do you love ur family? Do you love the vision? R u a part of this family?

We do wad we do, becos we love.
We love, because He first loved us.

not because we r told to.

I wish you will read this. I wish you will understand.
Becos i love my family. But i m heartbroken. Becos u dun love our family. You noe that?

What happened has really broken my heart.

By this shall all men know you are my disciples, if you have love, one for another.

You dun have to do it if it is too hard on you really. You dun have to bother if u dun love our family. Really. You dun.

woooooo

suddenly i was looking at the past yr papers. n i got a little bit scared. ok. thou shall not be scared. i think i really nd God to take me thru. gee.

简单

那天在报纸上看到一则有趣的文章。文章的结论是：

人生可以简简单单美满，美美满满简单。

今天在走路时，感到心情很漂亮。今天发生了一件令我好高兴的事！但是这里不方便说。。 (: God is so good.

人生可以是简单的。一个心想事成就让我好不开心。

i m happy. sho happy. sho sho happy.

做你的公主mv

this is really very nice. awesome.

散文日记

看到很多朋友的部落格。好想念这样写部落格的方式。所以我决定了！考试后我真的会set up wordpress blog. 我想开始用华文记录好多东西。。好想念





近来有很多扰人的事，脑海里一直围着那几件事打转。考试有像是个摆脱不了的负担，这也不是，那也不是。又有几件烦人又缠人的事，想摆脱也摆脱不了的东西。haix.





一件令我超级开心的事。是跟我的陈资凯聊天。对了，他使我的新上任男朋友。没有啦。。他是我的5岁外甥。他最近超可爱，而他是令我最开心的聊天对象。((:





上个星期和他妈妈聊天，然后和他讲话，他开始问我又可爱又好笑的问题，让在念书的我好不开心。





matthew: yiyi.. where r u now?


me: yiyi is in sch.


matthew: how come u still in sch?


me: becos yiyi is studying in sch. tml got exam.


matthew: how come u still studying in sch? how come u nv go home?


me: becos yiyi is studying in sch lor.


matthew: how come ur sch so late still haven close? how come u nv go home?


me: yiyi's sch dun close one. yiyi's not going home. going home tml.


matthew: how abt the tchers? are the tchers there also?


me: no matthew.. the tchers have gone home.


matthew: how come the tchers go home? then who teach u a lesson?


me: becos the teachers need to rest. yiyi studying myself..


matthew: how abt ur frens? r ur frens in sch..?





and so the conversation goes.





then he asked..





matt: is ur sch in frankel ave? (which for ur info is the add of his sch. ha)


me: no.. yiyi's sch in jurong west..


matt: how come ur sch not in frankel ave? how come ur sch in jurong?





...





matt: is ur sch like brighton montessori? (which is the name of his sch btw)


me: no.. yiyi's sch much bigger than brighton montessori.


matt: but brighton montessori is also very big! ur sch got toys?


me: no yiyi's sch no toys..


matt: how come no toys.. then then .. how about lego? does ur sch have lego?


me: no matthew.. yiyi's sch no lego..


matt: how come no lego.. then.. what about toilets? ur sch got toilets?


me: yes matthew.. yiyi's sch got toilet..


matthew: how come ur sch only got toilet.. (drifting away)





my beloved nephew. can u believe he is five? a few days.. he asked his mum to call me becos he wants to tok to me. to cont this conversation. and what i heard is before i picked up.. he is already toking to me. and after he hung up on me, he was still toking. haha.





my fave boy.

have u fallen in love with him? haha. i noe he is absolutely adorable. love him to bits.

there r many fantastic kids in my family. jus love them.

另外一件事，就是星期四是我最后一天在kumon。我会好想念。。我的同事，更会想念我的学生！下次才给你们照片看！(:

i thot this is a pretty interesting post. muahaha. self praise is no praise.

you are sovereign

God. you are sovereign.

yes i noe u r sovereign.

as ur child, i dun have to beg, dun have to lower my standing, dun have to try in that manner.

yes i know that.

i know that u reign.

i know that vengeance belongs to u.

i know that you reign.

i know that u will fight for me.

i know that u will protect me.

i know that u will come through for me.

i know that no weapon against me shall prosper.

i know that u r on my side.

i know that u r sovereign, so sovereign.

so i will fear not, fret not, worry not.

you r in absolute control. n no weapon no weapon no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

他们真的不了解。

嗯，我知道，没有几个人其实能够了解。我知道。

多么希望会找到一群能了解的人，会在等待，会两肋插刀。

你们常说你们会，有时候，在我最需要的时候，你们会在的。

有时候，在我最需要的时候，我是一个人躲在一旁哭泣的。

你是没有看到的。

我仍然觉得

友情是需要培养的。

但是，不想一个人去培养。

我不是无聊。不是寂寞。不是可怜。只想要有一个陪在身边的人。

就这样而已。

你真的了解吗？

我要友情。我要quality time. 我不要你施舍时间来陪我。我不要觉得自己好像在祈求别人的时间。我不要，我不要，我不要！

你了解吗？你们了解吗？有人了解吗？？

你们有尝试了解吗？

benny hinn

one of my fave christian books is good morning Holy Spirit. this was the book that really taught me how to get to know the Holy Spirit. and tdy even as i attend pst benny's meeting, i think it's just amazing.

this is what happens when u simply walk with the Holy Spirit, right?

i really crave to have such a relationship with the Holy Spirit, that when u sing and worship, the room is filled with the presence of God. that u can invite the Holy Spirit, and becos of ur relationship with Him, he will show up when u ask me to.

Holy Spirit, teach me how to noe u more.

Pst benny said. Jesus is coming back. We r running out of time.

urgency!

i have decided to move on

i have decided to move on.

i have dwelled too long in the past.

Jesus said, follow me.

noe wad?

even if u dun follow Him, He will still move on.

His life is to do the will of the Father.

i have decided to move on.

i have issued to all an invitation.

if u r with me, come with me to change the world.

if u r not with me, and u dun wan to move on, u can stay where u r.

it's not that i dun wan to bring u along, but u chose to stay where u r.

i m moving on. with or without u.

u choose.

i m NOT staying back. i m going where He wants me to go.

R u with me?

sun 做你的公主

或許你沒看出來　周圍的人都在猜
有種感覺正在我們之間展開
喜歡你偶而作怪　
不經意留露的壞 其實體貼實在　
孩子氣的胸懷
曾經有過的戀愛　彷彿一片空白
直到遇見你 我才真的存在

我只想做你的公主　
擁有那平凡的幸福
華麗的珍珠　不如眼底的專注
對我深深呵護　
我想我是你的公主
終結這多年的追逐
當你抱著我　地球也暫停腳步
我剎那間清楚　
你是我的幸福
沉潛太久的孤獨　這一刻獲得救贖
我忽然好想哭　感激你這一路
陪我笑　陪著我辛苦
無悔的付出

i really love this song.

thoughts

God looks at the heart.

sometimes i cannot understand, y people try to be someone else. is it in front of me, in front of others, y try to be someone else? even if tdy i can't see, God sees.

guys, God is not interested in the outward. God is not interested in wad u say, wad u promise, sometimes even wad u do, if wad u do is different from wad u feel.

God wants commitment and passion, from the inside out.

pls dun hide. be totally honest before God.

on another note, it's back again.

felt like God is putting me thru that test again.

i din make it the other time and God is a wonderful tcher.

he makes sure that i pass it. haha.

so it is back again.

brace urself to pass the test girl.

although i have been whining abt the tons of reports that i have to write, especially 342, i still kind of enjoy really doing it. it has been pretty exciting getting down to writing it and also to research and find out all those things happening in the international society, a quest for knowledge. i never thought i could digest a book as theoretical as this, i thot it would be really tough to "swallow" it all. but i was wrong. i did enjoy reading all these things. (: though sometimes i can get a bit sleepy.

but now, 515am in the morning, sitting at canteen b and attempting to do my 342 is an achievement indeed. go for it xiaoting.

easter is coming!

He is the reason for this season.

jia you.

朋友

nothing happens by chance.

nothing happens automatically.

昨天很不经意的。。 这样对朋友说

“感情是需要我们去刻意经营的。”

这次。。 我对友情的感受很多

无可逃避的，在不同的地方念书，自己和别人的距离越来越远。
但是，我非常非常珍惜友情。
真的
不管你是在新加坡
或是在美国
只要你在我心里占一席之位
我就一定会抽出时间
和你聊上那一句话

我知道
时间很少
事情很多
never ending projects, reports, essays, tut, homework

but u noe sth?
frens r still so impt

“友情是需要你我去刻意经营的”

sometimes we think that.. even if we dun spend time with one another
it is ok.

things will still remain the same.

really?

有时候我觉得。。
有些东西真的已经变了。

pretend this does not exist.

我真的不想放手
好久都没有这样的感觉
这次没有让我感觉想要窒息

晓亭成长了吧

i really dun wan to let you down.
in the grandstand, the only audience in you.

有时候会觉得
我是不是做错了

只希望你脸上
可以出现满足的笑容

pls take care of everything

sun

好爱你的新专辑《拥抱》

谢谢你的勇敢
给我力量一直不断的走下去

谢谢你的歌声
给了我无限感动
让我在最黑暗的夜晚
也不觉得孤单

是你的坚持
让我坚持到底
不停下来

是你的阳光
照亮我的心

我没有听到另一把能让我如此感动的声音
谢谢你的坚持
谢谢你不放弃
一直一直透过音乐把感动和爱带给我们

love u sun.

read an article that moved me so much. i love her courage. thank you.

戏剧

今天戏剧盒的人来到南大，谈关于戏剧方面的东西。

他们的一字一句，牵动了我的心。

我不知道这是不是我的calling, 但是我想参与媒体工作。不是记者，不是新闻播报员，我也不懂我要的是什么，可是，心里总有一点的不满足，my soul needs sth more.

或许会做广播，戏剧。。我也不知道，但是我要参与aesthetics的东西。i need to fulfill my soul.

met Him yest.

it was wonderful.

to feel Him close by, speaking straight into my life.

to have His logos jump out on me.

i never want to lose this love for u.

only wan to love u more. n more. n more. n more.

a sip is not enough. i need a well, a fountain of ever lasting water.

draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.

be there Lord.

i feel kinda tired. with the tons of reports due plus exams in one month, it's a little bit scary. but God is always good.

was reminded tdy on how i always lean upon the Lord for strength. N God reminded me to do that again.

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. "

had a wonderful zone meeting.

on another note, tdy did our presentation for game play.

总觉得自己可以做得更好，虽然面对的限制很多，但我还是想做到最好。真的有放进不少努力，所以觉得老师的批评还是相当残酷的。

但是我们总是需要面对批评，才能够学习，我还是更好的学习吧。

真的好累

allow me to be emo for just these few minutes.

the end of something marks the beginning of something greater. God kept on reminding me.

it was a tough decision to make. but i noe God has sth greater in store. so i did it. and here's for u.

to my dearest cg,
i love u. (:

to peter,
everytime we gather and tok bout u, that one word is lame. other than that, mx will always mention how scared u r of me and how tense up u r. (: but i wan u to noe that i m so proud of u! especially when u called me n tell me bout ur results, at the moment i felt so so so proud of u and i jus wanted to tell the whole world that u did it! i noe u struggled real hard with ur studies in the past 2 yrs, but yet i also noe that u really did all that u could for this exam and u really did it! i m so proud of u! u do have a talent n a gift amidst all that lameness. grow to be a man of a greater stature n fulfill the vision i gave to this cg in the beginning of this yr. fulfill ur destiny.

to jordan,
thank u for being so teachable. since the first day u came, u have been teachable and always so willing to be taught. u r always so willing and available, always there, always faithful and u r so great as a member! i see tremendous potential in ur life so really develop ur relationship in God and grow the best u can! u will shine!

to iris,
it has not been an easy road for u i think. from how u first came and got saved, and see people close to u backsliding, but yet u have held on. i noe there r times our faith in God will waver, sometimes it happen for me too, but keep on holding on to God and walk with Him. i noe u will do well in e195.

to huiying,
from that girl that i first saw 2 yrs ago up till tdy, u have come a long way. n i m thankful to God for that. to see u loving the things of God, being excited abt the things of God, becoming more n more spiritual reminds me always y i m still doing the things that i m doing. ur enthusiasm spreads! (: so keep on shining for Him wherever u go..

last but not least,
to ying.
it has been a long discipleship and walk with u, as ur leader and fren. since u were sec 1, that girl with that 2 little plaits, whom i took such a long time to get u to come for cg n svc, to this girl that i see today, strong, spiritual, mature, serving God in this kingdom, i m inspired. gal i saw how u grow all the way, from that little girl till today, it is not easy to let u go. u have been great as a disciple and a helper, enduring all that scoldings from me, standing in the gap, sharing my burden and making things happen, and always loving people, it has been a priveilege to be ur discipler. i pray with all of my heart that i will see u soar like an eagle and fulfill God's call for ur life. you were born, for such a time as this.


it has really not been an easy decision. but this marks sth greater. the rest of us in E357, let's see God's kingdom in this place. (: we spend 2 yrs of our lives tog, it has been awesome, and it will be more awesome.

i love e357. old n new.

the end of sth marks the beginning of sth greater.

whenever i m scared n overwhelmed, this song rings in my head.

all this time
since the day that i was born
i nv known a time like this
i dun wan to let u down



some people see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were n ask why not. what your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

was just reading a fren's blog to realise that leaders r only human. alot of times when i look at the lders ard me, somehow i feel that they r so amazing and they look so "shen". but yet, tdy i jus feel, ldrs r really only human.

we can get disappointed
we can be frustrated
we can be discouraged
we can be angry
we can get hurt
we need relationships
we need frens
we need God

i m only human. gee

my mind is in a really blank mode now. i wan to type but dunno wad to type.

God............. what should we do? n what can we do?

说不出口。。

...

today he asked me.

"will u carry on?"

"yes i will.if u ask me to."

"will u go on for me?"

"yes Lord,for you i will do it."

"even though it's not going to be easy,will u still do for it for me?"

"yes Lord i will.for you i will.'

and then he asked me.

"will u stay?"

"yes if u ask me to i will"

"thank you girl"

"at your word i will do it.i love you.enough to give it up for you."

"at your word Lord.it's hard n painful.but if u say it,i will do it."

singapore

blogging again. to pen some thots for the day.

toked to liu xiao peng tdy while having meeting. he is hilarious. no wonder everybody asked me to take his lesson. hahaha.

but he said sth that really taught me sth tdy.

i remembered.. when i was in china, i felt so much like y r these pple so "chong yang".. they feel so much that the things out of china r better.. and they look "out" for china to think there is a greater world out there, when i simply feel that it is the contrary, that they have so much assets n talents in china themselves!

then tdy liu lao shi said sth that sort of like gave me a revelation. haven we.. the so-called "elites".. also despised what is of Singapore.. thinking that it is LC, of no quality, and always thinking that the cultured things r so much better. but tdy liu lao shi gave me a total different perspective.

he is totally in love with "ben tu" movies.. like i not stupid, money not enough etc. and he said.. that all these feel like a "nan han" from the lower income pple in singapore.. and he loves the songs n everything.. thinking that they r so cool..

he said.. what is wrong with singlish? for a culture and background as complicated as ours, it is interesting how we develop the lang that belongs to us uniquely.. this is singapore! and y must singaporeans get rid of singlish.. or despise wad is local?

i m amazed. this is a perspective that i've not heard before. and to my amusement/amazement, we r just like the mainland chinese that i saw huh.. who r so convinced that what is outside is so much better than what is inside.. but actually, there is sth valuable in this island i live in.

i think i shld learn to change my perspective, to stop being so "chong yang", and to love "ben tu", and to be proud of being a singaporean.

3 cheers to singapore!

photo updates!

these r the pics i took from Hk macau n shen zhen. pls enjoy! more pics to come! stay tuned.. otherwise pls visit stargazing28.multiply.com

it's funny..

how i have taken up a whole new challenge.. and the devil launches his attack. good try.

i feel like i m at wit's end, but yet i know i must once again rise up, to call what You have called me.

I will answer the call, rise up to the occasion, and do what it takes to be that person You wan me to be.

2007 will be great.. and it will be the greatest yr!

here's to..
excellent academic results
growth in the cell
growth in xiaoting's life
growth in chc

and here's to xiaoting being the person god has intended her to be..

cheers!

world shaker. history maker.

i promise u.

against all odds i will make it. with You.

all this time
since the day that i was born
i nv known a time like this
i dun wan to let you down

christmas

i m really supposed to be sleeping now. but i jus wanted to blog abt this.

i always love attending big celebration services, just like our xmas tdy.

tdy after i watched the drama, when i was holding the candle, i was just so filled with awe.. and with thanksgiving. in my heart i was telling God.. thank You for coming 2000 yrs ago for me, n for u and the entire human race. (:

and the second time i was holding the candle, Jesus spoke to me. Ting i came to be a light to this world, to dispel darkness, n whoever has me, they will not live in darkness, i will light up their life, just like the little candle that lit me up. i may not be able to see many steps ahead, but becos of the light that is guiding me, i can walk every step of the way.

he leads. n he lives.

happy birthday Jesus.

n merry xmas to all.

戏后感想

很神奇的一件事是，每一次看一些笨到不行的家庭温馨影片，我都会哭得稀里哗啦。记得有一次我很伤心的回家，看着《我家四个宝》的大结局，我竟然哭了起来。真是荒谬。

刚才又在电视上看了类似的电影，又哭得稀里哗啦。电影的尾端写着：

献给那些为爱坚持和牺牲的人

突然想起以前常跟朋友说的话，现在走的这条路，似乎困难重重。天天都在“打仗”，好不辛苦。但话又说回来，我那时这么对朋友说，有什么值得争取的东西又是轻而易举的呢？

生命里值得我们追求的东西，不是都需要我们去披荆斩棘，才能得到吗？

success is not a destination. it is a journey. now i sound like some motivation speaker, which i hate.

总觉得每个人的生命里，都需要一个我们去坚持的理由。我常对朋友说，(yes n again) 其中一个让我这么珍惜有他的日子，因为他给了我活着的意义。我讨厌一些无聊的推动力，来逼我做我不想做的事。什么你需要一张好文凭啦，你需要赚很多钱等。。这些并不是不好的，但是，只为了追求这些而生存，我的生活也太没意义了。

当我看到老一辈的人时，总觉得感慨。看到我退休的老师们，爸爸和他的朋友，脸上流露着沧桑，希望我以后不会是这样。一股。。我们在这社会打滚了几十年，这世界是没有什么意义的。。 如果活了半百年，而又这样的感慨，实在令人感到难过。

所以。。

2007年的心愿，就是尽心地过每一天，活出自信，活出精彩，在我在生命里的这一篇添上美丽的色彩。

i wanna live a legacy behind.

a penny for ur thoughts

some things some pple said in the week that really spoke into my heart.

"If we have an escapist mentality, we will miss God big time. "
~sophie

"The Holy Spirit always do a greater work in the newer generation. If you are 24 and under, u r the next generation, n u will see God move in a greater way. John --> Jesus --> disciples. Greater works u will do than me, Jesus said. Dun say, not yet. Dun say, let me wait till tml, next yr, 5 years later. Today is the day of salvation. Rise up u new generation n equip urself to do the greater work! there will be a greater anointing, and the Holy Spirit will come, and He will use you for the greater works!!"
~sth pst tan said in my words.

pastor tan once said in one service.
"Disappointment is the hijacker of ur plane, that stops u from getting to ur destination."

equip me for the greater works. like how u used mary, use me.

let it be to me according to Your word.

in addition.

oh a few more things i forgot to blog bout.

last mon was miss sim's birthday! happy bday gal! love yaaaaaa! (((((:

and last fri was hui ying's bday too. sweet 16!

last sat went out to eat with esther daryl n sophie. seriously,i was really inspired by esther. working for her under half a yr.. i learnt some stuff but not alot cos i was too scared all the time. but now esther being in our zone, i really look up to her. n for once, i m unable to express the reason y i think she is so cool. really. but she has alot of confidence, she is a great leader, but she is not jus zai in the spiritual aspect, although she is really very zai as a spiritual ldr, she is more amazing than that. oh God help me to be like her!

and .. and..

DIYA ROCKS BIG TIME AT SUPERSTAR!!!!!

oh man i m jus so proud of her. i think she was so great n so cool.. i hope she really keeps it up all that way! go diya!

the past one week.

it has been an eventful week. God has been revealing many things to me and i learnt many many things. exams r finally over.

i love the service today. i dunno y but suddenly i m treasuring the days in church so much. yest i was jus standing outside the audi n i really felt the presence n anointing over city harvest. i love u church. n i feel like i jus wan to fall in love with You all over again. to be down at Your feet o Lord.

prayer meeting was awesome. i thot cg meeting was great too. feel like the breakthrough is coming.. we jus got to pray UNTIL we feel the presence n power of God.

tdy during prayer meeting, God was speaking to me. n God was telling me.. all that i had to do is to be like shamgar.. to hear n to obey. and the key to ur walk is to pray, hear n obey n pray.

i jus wan to fall in love with you. fall in love with you. nth beats spending with u lord. i can play, get wild, have fun with my frens, but i wan you.. so much in my life. becos without u, there is nth in my life. let it not get mechanical. let everything flow.. out of a love for You.

it's december!!!

i can't believe it!!!! we have stepped into the month of december! oh man.. and in a matter of 30 days, we r coming to an end of 2006! i really want to end this yr well with a super big bang! oh God i need ur grace oh so much!

jus read abt the ahs prom night. reminds me so much of my dhs and hc days. due to me toking more frequently to my ex-classmates, i miss uniform sch days so much! can't wait to get tog with the dhs and hwa chong frens!!! and my dear helen girl, i can't wait for u to come back! i havent seen u for a yr!!!! can we like go count down tog and get wild???? haaaha.

suddenly i really miss hanging out with frens n stuff. to all those who r reading my blog now.. especially my ex-classmates, i wan u to know that i miss u so much!!!! miss hanging out with all of u!!!! can we pls organise some outings.. and for those pple in 4e, come on man let's go out! haaha. stop waiting for somebody to organise.. haaha. i m jus gonna call somebody n initiate it.. i m so good at arrowing people. but pple, i miss u!!!!!!!!!

it's kind of SHOCKING to find out.. that all of us r going to be 21 next yr, and that the guys r all going into uni and become our juniors. muahahaha. but it's cool and it's brilliant n i simply cannot wait to meet up with all of u...

so for the month of december.. this is the song for u! Let's get loud.. let's get loud! haaaha

nah.. the mth of december marks a month of SOULS N BREAKTHROUGHS!

n it marks ending the yr with a BIG BANG!

n it marks reflections.. for all the wrong things i have done n need to change.. and to think abt wad i m going to do for the rest of my life.. haaha.

n it marks planning my 21st birthday! i think it's realli gonna get loud.. haaaaha.

n it marks meeting up with frens.. all the dhs pple and hwa chong pple.. let's meet up!

n it marks helen coming back.. u dunno how much i miss u girl..

n it marks CHRISTMAS!!!! christmas is coming...!!!

He's the reason for da season. so everything is going to be so great!

let's have a wonder-licious... DECEMBER N CHRISTMAS!!!!

其实我并没有什么也别想写的东西，感觉好像是硬逼自己坐在电脑面前，脑袋一片空白，手指却不停的打着。不知从哪一个时候开始，我学习如何让自己的脑袋放空。以前的我，脑袋总是充满了101条思绪。现在的我，却好像有点失了魂的样，有点和自己的思想和心情隔绝了。

i need to get in touch with my soul. i wonder how i can do that.

我好想飞。好想做一些很疯狂的事。有时候人在忙碌的时候，或许会迷失自己。我感觉晓亭迷路了好久，快点找到回家的路吧。

来临的一月，我想要消失。你想不想跟着一起来？让我们随风飞去，消失在人海中吧。

一个人 消失在人海中
如何 在人海找到自己 那是关键

我快要到家了 请等一等我吧。

sth new to blog abt

ooo. finally the exams r over! haaha. seriously i dun feel the sense of happiness i thot i will feel. nevertheless, i m happy, and i think i have worked hard. (not too bad la. quite hard)

went out with a fren tdy. i had quite a lot of fun n learned quite a lot of things. n from here, i m going to blog.

Hey gal,

what happened really changed my thinking. rem i used to tell u those things i said last time (pls dun reveal wad i said to him k).. i feel like i shld take them back, but i wun. but i must say, i m impressed. haaah. and this will make somebody's head very big. i really hope it will not, but this is from the bottom of my heart.

knowing him since quite a while ago makes us think that he is casual, laidback, and not much of a passionate person. no doubt we agreed he will make a very good bf, somehow we thot he din really proved to be so. but gal, i thot he has proven what we said right.

when i was toking to him, from the little things that he said, i learnt a lot of things. n i have to say, i think u found someone u can entrust urself to. no doubt there r things to be changed, but everyone of us has, but when u find someone who has a heart for you, and who thinks abt u in every little thing, i think that is wonderful. and i can really feel that love, care n concern in his voice. he is a great bf to have. and u r a great gf to have to, of course.

and girl, i think u r blessed. i m kinda convinced that he is really a great person.. and i hope he will live with passion and achieve great things.

and from the bottom of my heart, wishing u love forevermore.

to him,

i dunno if u will end up reading this or not, but u really impressed me big time. haah. u must be wondering y. i end up feeling that she is really the girl for u.

treasure her big time k.. i feel that my fren is so precious. n i think i know u will.

and dream big! and plan big! and do big things! i think u really can. so go there n do it, and be the BIGGEST TREE u can be, and provide the greatest shelter, stability and security.

and the most sincere blessings from my heart, your fren,
xiaoting

it has not been a very easy time. i feel like i m in the wilderness. n that my faith is being tested. i kept asking God, y r things not happening.. then i had a thought. maybe the angels delivering my answers r wrestling with the demons, so I NEED TO KEEP ON PRAYING.

i have nv or as far as i can remember, got myself into such a situation. i need help from You God.

daddy you will not allow us to go thru anything we cannot bear. and for every situation, there is always a way out. so i m really trusting in You. to come through for me.... Lord. help me. please.

do i look silly in this thing? i love it. haah. cos it's like sth that some mongolian princess will wear. but i look really dumb right? haah.

me n qi were really sound asleep n some evil pple took our pictures. haha.

my very good fren. this was taken on my birthday.celebrated it with my cg at 85.

this is evidence that i know belinda! but i m not sure if she remembers us. we were from the same bus in israel! i think she is pretty.

it has been a long week.

i realise i always recuperate by sleeping. is it physically, emotionally, or mentally.

it is not always that effective.

not as effective as the presence of God anyway.

but i slept. and left 6 chaps of my astronomy untouched. n left 1 plain prata n 1 egg prata untouched. wad a waste of my money. ha.

sometimes God leave u hanging to the thinest line possible, so that u can hang on the biggest God possible.

i feel like.. if God is not going to see me through, i m dead.

yep.

but.. He is going to see me thru. so..

LIFE IS STILL BEAUTIFUL. DESPITE ITS IMPERFECTIONS. THANK U!

is there anything too hard for Me?

Eze 22:30

so i sought for a man among, who would make a wall and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, but i found no one.

For a moment, i thot i was wrong.

Meiyan said sth, that i felt it might be really so. it went into my spirit.

perhaps it is time for a change. a big change.

"is there anything too hard for Me?"

i serve a BIG God. what bout u?

enjoying

was jus chilling out with chan eng at sing post. i know. wad a place right. haah.i was waiting for my bag. which i manage to slash the price from 32.90 to 25! it's either the person really jack up the price so much or i m a good bargainer. haaah.

but i feel deprived for so long. that for so long.. i think almost for one mth.. i have no life. n i realise how much i miss fun.. miss shopping.. miss hanging out. i need a breather! to all who r reading my blog right now, if u r free, u r invited to hang out with xiaoting after 29nov. haah. pls... ask me out to play! anything will do. i m considering to.. go to the zoo? go shopping.. watch movies.. vivo city.. etc etc etc. n i m going HK in jan i think n i hope.

my grandma jus moved into my hse. n i used to think that it is such a horror. but i realise, it is not so bad afterall. she is really nice. and having an old lady in the hse is nice. i realise old pple can jus get lonely. and they r jus looking for company. i love my grandma! haah.

i love my life. all thanks to the river that flows.

i need God.

i need the Holy Spirit.

i need sum1 who will stand in the gap.

i need a fighter.

i need sum1 to make things happen. for me n for You.

one last blog

i m going back hall. tml is my exam. somehow i feel like... i dunno. but this exam is really impt to me. i guess i have not taken exams so seriously since a long time ago. becos the xiaoting in jc n secondary n pri has been really hardworking. but since i came to uni, i forgot what it is like to work hard.

but i must get started now. n i have had a track record for the past 13 weeks. n i pray n i pray, i can run the last lap well and fight the good fight of faith.

i m still looking to my good grades. n today is the last day. xiaoting u must really start mugging very hard!!!

i really need grace. need grace to study hard in the midst of exams plus all the different activities.

God, empower me to succeed. thank You.

God's word for this week

John 7:37-38

"..'If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scriptures have said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. "

I need the rivers of living water. i need to drink from the well that never runs dry.

when u r in the Spirit, there is a river and that is a flow. things dun get hard going. things dun get dry. becos the river flows.

Holy Spirit rain down upon me, upon us, upon my cg, upon this church i pray.

i wan to know the one who holds my hand as i run this race.

more of You Holy Spirit.

what lies ahead of me looks scary n insurmountable. but becos u r here, n u hold my hand day by day, everything is going to be ok. thank You.

i m always very appreciative of pst ulf's appearance. becos he nv fails to remind me wad i m missing out on. haha. whenever i see him, i will think n wonder n be in awe. becos he always demonstrates that "high" level that a minister can go up to. n i wish i have that kind of anointing n love n relationship with God.

it seems like as u grow older, u become more n more set in ur ways. n u have less n less desire for the extraordinary. i hate that happening to me. i wan to have a DEEP hunger for the things of God. a THIRST for the Holy Spirit n for what God has in store for me.

sometimes when u get busy, u jus get too busy to think. i have sort of spent less n less time thinking. n cos of the lack of laptop, i blog less n less. i like blogging. cos blogging makes me think. forces me to think.

yest studied at th airport overnight with ting zimu n jeremy. m amazed by zimu. he demonstrates an amazing depth of knowledge n opinions for his age.

noe wad? i wan to really have that kind of depth. jus now jeremy mentioned that terence (not that terence, haha) has depth. n i kind of have been missing out on that for a while. i really wan to be a great leader, who is anointed, who is fruitful, and i wan to have the rivers of living water flowing out of me. yet i also wan to be someone who qualifies to be sum1 great in the marketplace. that pple look up to u for ur wisdom, ur knowledge.

it is only when i grew up, that i learn, what did pst mean by ur life changes only when ur thinking changes.

Lord, help me put on ur mind everyday.

help me to have a heart after you.

help me to love like u do.

help me to have a hunger like Jesus has.

i wan to love u more more more than ever before.

i wan to be more in love with u more than ever before.

i wan the Holy Spirit. so much.

感觉还蛮痛的
最讨厌的应该是尽心去做一件事 却不得要领
有时候感觉
因为某件事情的发生
世界好像要垮下来了
但是
常常这么想
从另一个角度
things r really not so bad..

so when u learn to look at it from a different perspective.
when u learn to let go n let God

而当你知道 不管发生什么事
he is in control.

everything will be ok.

n i love you Lord for that very assurance. (((:

random n goong.

i dunno how it happened. but i felt in love with goong. i m not supposed to, i guess, but i jus could not really help it. it jus happened one day. anyway i m so glad that i have finished watching it after endless sleepless nights of looking at shin goon. hahaha.

我猜想
每个女孩的心里都有一个属于她的童话故事
而每个女孩都期待自己的白马王子
但是你又会发现
戏里面你能看到的信
或许在真实的世界里
是不会出现的

but anyway. it is over. although i m still in love with shin goon. haha.

everytime u climb to mountain top, u can expect to see a valley?

i m still learning to get used to hall life. it's not too bad now, after i brought my hifi in. i realise i cant live without music. i rather have some weird dj toking to me den to be reading in sheer silence. scary.

but i think i really love the privacy of my room. n hall enables me to sleep n eat alot. but i hate it when there is no hot water for my bath!!! haha. lame right but ya.

i m really gonna mug this time round. jus taught the pple in cg last wk abt how.. when u lay down ur life for God, u enter into a covenant relationship with him, then He will gather all of heaven to empower u to succeed. i thot this is how i m feeling right now.

thank u Jesus.

thank You for being so gracious, for forgiving the things that i have done.

thank You for letting me know that in every valley, u r there.

thank You for giving me hope.

thank You for ur blessing, for empowering me to succeed.

and thank You that u made me. (:

love ya.

无可救药

暗戀是一種禮貌
暗地裡蓋一座城堡
然後再當你的警衛跑腿跟小貓
隨時你要我重灌電腦
隨時你要我隨傳隨到買麵包 雞排跟水餃
你每次對著我笑
你的笑裡面有毒藥
我看著你出了神還丟掉了解藥
可能你從來沒感覺到
最好你永遠感覺不到
愛上你 越來越無可救藥
一天一天越來越無可救藥
一生一次愛你到無可救藥
我 才慢慢體會到
幸福是被愛的人需要
一天一天越來越無可救藥
一生一次愛你到無可救藥
我 才狠狠決定要
就愛吧就醬吧就不逃
愛你到無可救藥

-阿信-

he is cool. ha.

i need to get in touch with my soul n emotions.

free me.

hall 4

today is my second night in hall. i was initially very excited to stay in hall. but yest while i was in sch, i thot abt how "lonely" my hall is gonna be, with no roommate, no laptop, no music, i felt like my heart sank. I m scared of the silence in it.. and i miss home. :( i know i sound so kiddish.. n it is so unlike me becos i m usually not like that. i thot i was independent n stuff too, n i still think i m, but prob not as much. haha. i really miss the security of home.

家是我的避风港
是每天我回去
最向往的地方
家有我熟悉的味道
由能牵动我心的音乐
由我不需要用脑放轻松的电视
没错
我好想家

而且我发现
想的不是家人
是家

it's so good to be home.

i din realise i will take time to adapt. really din. n i realise my heart is attached to alot of things at home. n i m super dependent on my com. without msn, without blogging, i feel empty!! haix.

ok, to take things at a lighter note, i m ok. haah. jus missing home alot. esp my bed n my com. n everything la. realli.

害相思

i m still here! going home tml. n coming back on sun night. i will mug hard ok.. haah.

fake.

i m scared of pple who r fake. i m serious. i hate discovering hypocrites in my life. get thee behind me!

i hate my time being wasted.

i know it's not supposed to be reciprocrated.

but i dun owe ____ anything, do i?

i m kind of tired. to do this for ____ and to leave nothing for __ .

it doesnt feel good not to be ____________.

fill in the blanks.

thoughts and more thoughts

like what i said. i have been having a lot of thoughts lately. i hope i can blog them down.

to whoever that is reading this right now. this is the first time u r hearing xiaoting's dream i think. except for a few close frens, i din reveal it to anybody. and now it is. *drumroll*

when i was younger, i wanted to serve full-time one day. but when i first heard pastor preach abt the marketplace, i wanted to go into the marketplace as well. there i was. torn. i could not figure whether i should go full-time or go into the marketplace.

then i tried out different jobs. n somebody who really sparked off an idea in me was kevin. i had almost nv ever dreamed of being an entrepreneur. (i jus din think i was cut out for it) but it was him who gave me the idea and told me i have what it takes. and that was when i really started thinking. amazing how God uses pple isnt it? n kevin said sth that really impacted me. which i felt it was God speaking thru him. wow. well God uses non-believers too. He said i could start sth and become successful and let it run, while at the same time i can serve God. this implying that i could serve full-time, yet not draw a salary from the church, what's more giving to His house. i was still pondering bout it.

till a couple of weeks ago. pst mentioned this very idea in church. n God confirmed the word. i felt a sense of excitement in my heart to really be a high flier in my career yet serve God. like bro wahju (sorry i dunno how to spell his name)

tdy i was toking to my cousin. i told her my dream one day is to be so rich, that i can have houses all over asia. n whenever pastors go overseas for missionaries, i can house them. n whenever my relatives go overseas, i can house them.

we were in a cab. n when i got down, the cab driver said, 希望你的梦想实现。

and i said, 会的。

that went straight into my spirit.

when we were at sph, when i told wang lao shi n biao i wanted to be an entrepreneur, they laughed. but dear all, xiaoting has nv been one who would settle for the average, the norm, the usual. i wan the extraordinary in my life.

who said.. 中文系的学生一定要当老师，参与媒体工作？

who said.. 南大中文系不应该是你的选择？

who said.. 中文系的学生不可以出来创业，有一天成为百万富翁？

my friends, when i came to know Jesus, one thing He did, He took out the impossible in my life.

in Him, all things r possible.

and i hope my life will be a living testimony to

with man it is impossible. but with God, all things r possible.

u believe that? i do.

thoughts and ideas

i actually have alot of thots in my brain.esp after class.u jus feel like blogging.but sadly,i forgot abt them.n some of them r unsuitable to be written here.haix.i m sorry to deprive u.haah.let me jus blog some random stuff k..

a couple of posts ago, i wrote bout how much i like long ying tai. now i beg to differ. dun really like pple who use emotions to get their way. yep shan1 dong4 xing4. recently i have become lazy to type chinese. yes i have. forgive me for that frens. haah.

tdy when i saw that scene, thoughts flooded my mind n heart. i know it seems like this is not the time for it, n yet i know i have also promised you greater things. sth is tugging at my heart. i know i have high expectations, n yet within me there also lies a fear. and u noe what i m afraid of. u noe how i try to look like i dun care, but u noe deep within i do.

i m searching for my resonance.

blogging.

it's been quite a long time it seems that i m blogging. although on n off i will still put up posts. well that is a good sign. it shows that i m busy. when i m busy n tired, i really will not have the time to sit here n blog.

running out of things to say here. haah. but jus feel that recently life has been really great. many pple like to ask me, how's life? and being the xiaoting i m, who insists on being positive, i feel compelled to say it's great! which is true.. to some extents. haaah. but now if u were to ask me.. i will tell u.. life is truly great and i m loving every moment of it.

yest was toking to a fren in sch.. and she commented on how positive i was. thank God for that positive attitude. but well i guess to me, whatever i have to do, i jus have to choose to be positive or negative. and sometimes things really dun go my way.. but the fact is no matter what it is i m doing, i want to love every moment of it. one of the things i detest is to force myself to do the things i dun wan n dislike to do. i m very loyal to xiaoting. haaah. but i m truly enjoying every moment of my life.an d life with my daddy God is jus different. He holds up my world. plan my routes. light up my path. so i love you daddy God.

my GREAT BIG DADDY GOD.

what u see on the outside

alot of things happen tdy that just made me think. i was jus thinking abt how many times i always believe what things look on the outside. n in some sense, i feel that i m acty quite naive really. i told somebody before that i m really a pretty naive person. i have been in the kingdom. it's different.

there were many pple that i trusted. thot they were nice pple. but they really turn out otherwise. ying in case u r reading this, i m not jus toking bout *. and that is y i noe i really cant trust pple 100%. and tdy my eyes jus opened one more time.

i noe when i saw u, u look more perfect than what u really r. n i noe that somewhere in my heart Daddy did warn me to look beyond the surface. and i did slow things down n look carefully. with eyes in the spirit. n i saw much more. saw how u were imperfect n u were jus hu-man. but tdy i saw it all. beyond my wildest imagination, it seems as if i saw who u really r underneath that person i noe. i m not disappointed. cos i din really expect that much. but wad i read tdy, is really so far from wad i expected my fren.

and to some extent. although i say i m not, i m disappointed. i was inspired by ur dreams, ambitions and how u dare to live ur life to the fullest. n i thot u may have been able to teach me alot. but i realise there is only so much more.

i will learn.. one more time.. the hard way. not to trust pple the usual way. yes i noe Lord.

GREAT BIG DADDY GOD

Dear God, You know I want to be
A princess on a pony
Tarzan on a tree
Dear God, You know I want to have
Funky toys and Chunky shoes

Dear God, You know I want to be
The top in my class
To be a great big star
Dear God, but most of all
I want to be with You!

You're my great big daddy God
I want to sit on your shoulders
See the whole wide world
Sing and whistle down the road
Dance in your footsteps

Sing all the way home

黄城

只为那爱 我愿与你通行万里路
只为那爱 我愿与你携手向前迈步
黄城两载多短促 就算爱上了又为何不付出

i hope i got it right.

我好高兴我星期六决定要回黄城多一次。相信在我的生命里，黄城真的扮演一个重要的角色。

我一从车上下来时，就感到一股莫名的兴奋。
熟悉的楼梯 老师 朋友 人。
熟悉的食堂，central plaza, class bench.
我希望你不会厌烦
因为我会一直一直的重复 我爱华初

不知道要怎么说
但是感觉就是熟悉
开心 高兴
对黄城
终究有这么一个感觉

看到一个学长谈华初
才发现在不同人的生活里
都藏着我们对华初的一份感情 思念

i love u hwa chong. u gave me one of the most beautiful memories in my life.

i m proud to be a hwachongian.

失去了才懂得珍惜
人是否真的要失去了
才会懂得如何去珍惜

我是否在不停的被磨练
因为有时候
我真的会感觉
我或许可能真的会撑不下去
所以我真的觉得我非常需要你

当全世界 丢下了我 只剩下我一个人
你会在这里吗？

强颜欢笑
忍住泪水
多次转头让眼泪不准掉下
始终
按捺不住
在你走进去
不肯回头的那一刻
眼泪在不由自主的情况下
不听使唤
频频掉下

我并没有你认为的坚强
讨厌在陌生人面前掉泪
我讨厌在别人面前看起来脆弱
但是谁又知道
我真的并没有那么坚强

somebody told me. u r such a brave n strong girl.
i m not. really.

God i m so helpless about so many things. so many things r tugging at my heart. i noe becos u r ard, everything is going to be ok. but God, sometimes it is painful. sometimes i feel like i will bow under the pressure. sometimes i really dunno wad to do.

will u please promise me.. that no matter what happens, u will nv leave me? promise me.. that when my world threatens to crash.. u will hold it up for me wun you?

sad

daddy's leaving tml. i was actually quite ok abt it. after i prayed bout it. i knew it was a change, n in some sense for the good. but suddenly it jus hit me that i wun see my dad day in n day out. n i jus wan to say. dad i m really going to miss u. really.

till this point suddenly i jus felt like i really love my dad alot. yah he is imperfect but i noe he loves me lots. n i m gonna miss him big time. he is my joy, he constantly frustrates me.. but yet he brings joy to my life. his humour brightens me up really. 6 mths is a long time.

thank u for being a wonderful dad.

i m gonna miss u sitting there every morning, or making silly comments to wad i say. going to miss ur nagging i think. going to miss a home that i can come back to where i noe i can be who i m. where i can jus be myself. daddy i m really going to miss u. big time. love u lots.

did i tell u..

that day i was talking to a friend of mine. and we discovered that she had a pattern of liking, or shld i say xishang guys who r generally xi1 wen2. sorry i m too lz to type in chinese.

den i realise sth. i appreciate guys with shen1 du4 and depth! yah i noe i said that before somewhere in my blog. but i realise sth bout it, is that i really like pple (guys n girls alike) who have depth, who think alot, and reflect. that is what our brain for isn't it? and i m a really philosophical person la. so in everything i think.. i will jus pull it so far it becomes like philosophy. that is wad i mean in history class. haah. toking abt democracy n in the end i voiced it so far that i toked abt human beings. that basically human beings r good n bad at the same time. n becos we r imperfect. that will be no perfect system ever in the universe. becos we create the system man. sounds like deep stuff right, yah that is wad i always think DEEP within me pple. i dun always voice it out. cos pple generally dun get it and dun understand n few resonates with me in this area.

toking abt this. maybe i shall jus blog abit more. many times i have many thots but i dun voice it out. cos i think many will fail to understand, in the very first place, not many r interested to listen. abt all these silly and deep thoughts n reflections xiaoting has of the universe and of humans in nature. now u who r reading this mus think i m out of my mind. xiaoting.. y is the black hole in ur brain so big that u get sucked in so deep? so much so that u ponder abt life n humans!

i also dunno y.God created me this way! but i now i prefer to walk the walk, n not jus tok the tok.

i still appreciate guys who think, who r not himbotic, who write well.

i promise i will blog, pray, read my bible and sleep. i feel exhausted.

it is not that i din sleep enough. but my nose is really getting on me. i thot it may jus be sinus again, but apparently it's such a bad runny nose.

n i have a packed packed week ahead of me!! quizzes and quizzes.. and jus finished a 2400 word chinese essay. plus daddy leaving for china. *sobz*

we have already planned to go visit him next yr january. den i can go shopping at shen zhen n HK! yay! and i told my dad to sponsor me if i get straight 'a's. so gambetha xiao ting.

this sounds like such a bimbotic post. haah. and so unlike me. tdy i was reading long ying tai's book. and i loved it.

对她的感觉，真的是又爱又恨。爱的是她那锐利的眼光，恨的却是她有时候毫不留情批评的，可能是我，或是我处在的这一片地。但是，我还是非常欣赏她的文章。没有几个台湾认真的能写出像她这样的作品。

i believe. as long as i can walk thru the valley, there is sth greater in store for me.

我不会放弃的。我害怕放弃，害怕停滞不前。所以放弃这个字眼已不再出现。现在，最重要的是，大步大步的往前走。不要害怕。

keep me in your arms always. help me to never stop loving you. let my heart never grow cold. i will not forget you when i grow up.

a heart after you

yest i was listening to pst kong's msg, heart of worship. this morning i was praying.

when i was in the toilet bathing, running my head under the water, God asked me.

do u noe what is it that makes Pst Kong so successful as a pst? do u noe y he is there tdy he is?

den God told me.

ting cos he is broken n dependent. as "big" as he is as a senior pastor, ting he knows everything he has come from Me. he knows that he cannot live without me.

then God said.

ting he loves Me more than his church, his ministry, his wife, his family.

ting what abt u?

jus now i was jus looking thru the bs i m supposed to give. it talks abt the jerusalem church.

there was once upon a time that i was so amazed by what was going on in acts.

yes we r doing great things.

but there is so much more.

God i yearn to know u more. to long for u more than anything else in this world. to say

whom have i in heaven but u. there is none i desire besides you.

and i was looking at somebody's blog. and God. i wish

all my members will live a godly life. they will be spiritual, they will hunger after you. they only wan u in their life.

they will be pure, they will be holy. they will not lead a double life. they will not curse and swear, they will not lie, they will not make sin a lifestyle. they will be a light that shines in church, and even more in their schools.

God i wish they will be teachable. they will be willing to be discipled. God i wish they will want to progress with you, they will want to move on in you.

God i pray they will not be self-centred. God i pray all that they think abt will not just be themselves and themselves and themselves. God i pray that they will love you more than they love themselves.

God i pray they will love you and they will love people. they will have a passion for people jus like Jesus has. they will reach out. they will make evangelism a lifestyle.

God i pray they nv will think they r the centre of the universe.

God i pray they will LAY DOWN THEIR LIVES FOR YOU.

God i pray they will know how to honour their leaders, pastors and they will run with the vision of the church, every single day.

God i pray they will love the word of God. they will not be bored in messages, they will not fool around in church, they will treat the word of God seriously, take them notes and receive the word of God.

God i pray they will be faithful and fruitful. they will not be stubborn n refuse to change.

God i pray they will be kingdom-minded. they will not be distracted by the things of this world, by BGR, by playing computer games, by fun, but their eyes will be set upon you.

God i pray above all else, they will love You. with all of their heart, all of their soul, and all of their mind. I pray they will love You more than anything else in this world. they will desire you. God they will not wan anything else. God they will hunger and thirst for your presence.

God i pray. change us. all of us. bring us back to that first love. take us into the book of acts i pray i pray i pray.

God open all of our eyes. that we will not be blinded. but God we will look inside and say yes i need to change. and we will look outside and say yes the world needs us.

many times i will come to a place, in which that i feel that a lot of discussion is pointless. that is sth i dislike sometimes in sch. i understand that discussion is necessary. but i hate going on n on about the same topic yet all that we do is talk! what is the point of discussing a problem yet not doing sth about it.. hoping that by raising the problem, the government will be aware, somebody will be aware and do sth abt it? that is the job of an intellectual isn't it? to raise problems.

xq once told me oprah winfrey is a nice show. n i cant agree more. know what? i love pple like that more than the voices in the society. chan eng once told me that the pple knew that the US gov din do a good job in Katrina, and many protested. that is a good thing, becos u keep the government in check. but u noe what i like better? i like people like oprah winfrey. that she raises money, asked the pple to give, and she rebuilt the homes of the pple who lost their homes in Katrina. i appreciate pple who dun jus talk the talk, but walk the walk. that she will not talk about what is happening.. but she actually goes there and acts it out.

there r many voices in the society, really. everybody has a view abt everything, from the students to the taxi drivers to the working pple to the auntys and uncles at the market. but how many in the society really go out there and try to change our world? i jus wish, instead of doing a lot of talking, we will go out there, working within our constraints, and change our world.

yes make a difference.

walk the walk, not jus talk the talk.

intelligence

when i was younger, i din think much of myself. many relatives will praise me for being a good girl, and for being a good student. but i will jus smile. i m someone who always expects a lot from myself, and i m very hard on myself. perhaps cos my mum was very hard on me.

when i got my psle results, everybody was pretty amazed. but i thot i could do better.

when i got my o level results, i also thot i could do better.

when i got my a level results, i also thot i could do better.

lame right, but ya. i have nv been satisfied.

a lot of pple told me that "xiaoting u r a very smart girl!" -- no la that only came from kevin. haah. but a lot of pple think and said that i was smart. or shld i say intelligent.

but how do u define intelligence? and frankly speaking, what is being smart?

does it mean that u can get really good grades, that means u r smart?

does it mean u speak very well, that means u r smart?

what determines u to be smart or not? and what makes u noe if i m smart or not?

yest somebody asked chan eng. r u smarter or xiaoting smarter?

den chan eng said xiao ting. haah. but what is the basis of comparison? i really wan to noe.

when i m studying chinese, i dun really feel smart, seriously speaking. n i dun think i m very street smart either.

so xiaoting, what r u? haah

*i m not trying to boast that i m smart or intelligent. but jus wondering. r u smart?

being emo

it's weird that i m feeling a little emo right now. but i realise that i usually feel that on sat nights.

there was jus this realisation tdy in church. many times when i go thru problems, trials, obstacles and challenges, sometimes i will ask myself, the reason behind me doing all these things. many who noe me wonder y i gave up so many things for this. many think it is a pity. many, when they noe, r filled with bewilderment. it seems few understand.. y i lay down my life for Him.

i remembered i used to blog abt this incident. when my ex classmates wanted to go genting, they asked me. and when i knew it was on a weekend. i said no. becos i simply did not wan to miss church. and lim yang said. jus for this ah. den i said ya. and there r many things i have given up for God. and tdy..

when we started the service, and i was standing there singing n worshipping God, i felt like yes. this is wad i m living for. when the presence of God hits me, i jus like.. yah God. everything. really everything. i will not exchange anything in this world for this.

i love u lord.

i will not forget the times i promised i will lay down my life for u.

i will nv forget how i stood at the window and said, if this world is to give up on u, i will nv give up on u.

i will nv forget how every time things go wrong, whenever i m devastated, lost, hurt, disappointed, wounded, u will lovingly take me in ur arms and say, ting everything's gonna be ok. becos i m around.

it's you
you who have won my heart
taken me into your arms
comforted me like a friend
your love
surrounded me from the start
i nv want to be apart
from u ever again

pple with depth, talents and character.

u noe wad?

i m always appreciative of pple who has depth, meaning 深度，talents and character. especially guys who r like that.

we need to! raise up men like that. with depth, mature in their thinking, responsible, disciplined, talented yet with great character.

God pls move.

the 300th entry.

this is not directed towards anybody but jus thoughts about how this world has become.

jus felt that what the Bible said is so true.

2Timothy 3:1
"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! "

somehow in my heart i felt that this is the case in this world, especially in our generation and the generations below me. many have lost the spirit to serve, the spirit to give. love is benefiting others at the expense of yourself. i dunno if i m being over critical or what. but somehow i m so overwhelmed. by the fact that so many jus place themselves as the centre of their lives. one of the things i dislike to hear is ..

"but i jus dun wan to.."
"i dun feel like.."
"can i dun do this.."
"huh.."

i really pray from the bottom of my heart. there will a new generation who will rise up. pple who will lay down their lives for God. pple who will not live for their own desires. pple who will not jus wan to do things their way. many times pple say n think. but i want to do this.. i wan to do that. my question for u is. what does God wan u to do?

i remember since young, i have learned. of living out the will of God for my life. in everything i do, i will ask God. is this what u wan me to do? but i feel like the entire paradigm has changed. instead of asking God, christians now turn to themselves. what do i wan? and it is I, I, I, I, me, me, me and myself. pple dun serve God the Father, Jesus the son, and the Holy Spirit. they serve I, me and myself.

christians who r reading this. my members who r reading this. my frens who r reading this. u noe i seldom say such things on my blog. but there is a burden i m carrying right now in my spirit. and i have got to say.

i beseech you brethren. if u r living only for urself right now, if u r always living for ur own priorities, for ur own life and pleasures, stop this moment to think. love is benefitting others at the expense of urself. i beseech you! stop living for urself. start living for God. ask God what He wants u to do. i really believe, that God is burdened, at seeing a new generation who lives for themselves. Bible said, David served God's purpose in his generation.

Will u serve God's purpose for ur generation?
Will u run with the vision of the church?
Will u live for, not urself, but for the vision God has placed in u, in ur cg, in city harvest or where u r?

frens stop looking inward. stop looking inside and say "I want this, I want that". start looking up to Him and say "what do u wan Lord?"..

let's be pleasers of God.

reflections

tdy saw sth a guy did n i felt so touched. he has learned to love, and he has learned to protect and to stand up for. and i have been amazed. and this is wad i think is manhood.

man who stands up when necessary. not to fight, but to protect.

man who will love n commit.

man who will be there to offer a shoulder or a listening ear.

that sisters do not have to take their place.

God raise up real men in our midst.

living to be near You Lord
I long to seek Your face
Lord forever You're my secret place

sun looks so good!!!

check out these pics. i think she looks incredible. especially the first one. i dunno if i m supposed to put it on. but i cant resist it. she looks amazing.

He gave me my answer

i was thinking, troubled over that entire problem. i was telling God i dun have the capacity to handle it.

but God works thru amazing ways. I was jus watching get rea! on channel newsasia and God gave me my answer.

the show was talking about this girl's home and how the founder is acty a pastor and he helps them in totally unconventional ways. i will not say i exactly agree with it, but i agree with love.

yes i agree with love.

i saw how he faced the struggles he does, how many times more difficult it is acty being a pst to these pple, how he loved them unconditionally.

this is wad i m called for.

beyond growth, multiplication, i m called to make disciples, to love them, to see them one day impacting their worlds for God. yes this is wad i m called to do, isn't it?

random thoughts.

this is what happens to u when u stay at home for looong hours. u start thinking a lot of nonsense. haah.

有时候感觉我的世界不停的威胁着我
它誓言要垮下
许多时候
如果剩下的 影响的 是自己
或许我会无所谓
但是我身上背负的
却是更多更多
这些更多更多
让我一定要向前走
让我不能停滞不前

我不知道
为什么我这么喜欢在原地踏步
我已经那么习惯现在的生活
但是习惯是一件很怕人的事情
当我看到那座山
我真的好害怕
我好想转过身来
往后逃啊逃
我真的不想去面对
真的

但是。。
我却没有选择。
当初做的决定
让我如今没有选择
一定要往前走
一定要

when my world threatens to crash, will u promise to hold it up for me?

sick.

it's been a long time since i fell sick. n i feel really terrible. my stomach has been hurting for 2 whole days! n vomiting n diarhorea. and eating very little for almost 2 days! will i slim down? haah.

awfully tired.

it seems quite silly to post sth n say that i m awfully tired. which i m. n i m probably not gg to get enough sleep in a really long time. haah. God help me!

tdy i had a revelation of something. anyway i felt in my heart that me as a person, i got to move on to the next level. spiritually, mentally etc. in my leadership, in my studies and many other areas of my life.

it has been tiring going to sch and doing many other things at the same time, but at the minimum, my life is slowly getting into the order i wan it to be in. this is how i wan it to be. but i wan to live at a higher level. i like a fulfilling life.

to be lagging, jus wannna update a bit. i m falling in love with the show. my name is kim san jung. it is sooooo cool. no kidding. the show is like so fantastic. but jus that i can only watch it next wk. cos i got tons of things to do now till next wk.

computer is lagging. so i shall blog another time.

many many thoughts

the same thing is happening to me again. overwhelming thots flooding my mind. wad happen tdy really caused me to think.

first things first. thank u Jesus. tdy's service was amazing n fantastix. yepp. i did feel healed. though it was really weird sitting with the new frens yet crying my heart out, but i still did. no one family is perfect isn't it? God showed me a revelation to wad i should do. n wad i m holding on to.

i dun always fancy putting this up here. but many times, i will ask the pple ard me. m i a good leader? not that xiaoting is slipping into self condemnation or self doubt la. but i have wondered if i have caused anybody to stumble.

and it jus tells me i m not perfect. n i really m not. there r so many times i feel so inadequate. being a leader, i jus need to learn to be a better one always. n God, i jus feel i have so many lives in my hands. sometimes i m afraid. sometimes i m helpless n i dunno wad to do.

show me how to live
teach me how to pray
let all i think n say please u Lord

show me how to live
teach me in ur ways
that i may walk with You all my days

help me be the best ldr i can be. God i m not perfect. u make up for my inadequacies Lord. thank u.

was jus reading a primary sch fren blog. wad amazes me was how both of us can be of the same age, came from the same sch, yet lead such different lives. she is now on nepal, and she has a bf from nepal.

sometimes i wonder has it been right to take this route.. this route commonly taken.. this route that is safely tested. and as i grow older, i m really seriously thinking. ting, what do u wan to do in the future?

for a really long time, things have been smooth sailing. so different compared to the life i had when i was younger. but it was those days that mould me to be who i m tdy. that kind of strength i have.

i dun wan to live my life as the average university student anymore. i need to jump out of it. live another life. fulfill my potential.

jus another random thing. i was jus telling my fren. i feel like i m living in a bubble. 与世隔绝。

jus feel like blogging

here to blog some stuff after so long.

God is good, really good. (: I love u Lord.

good things have been happening. sept blast has been good, studies has been good. i m so happy.

had a great time fellowshipping with my members tdy. it felt different. n good. yest i was jus thinking bout my childhood. and was telling them the silly things that happen. it is great to be a kid isn't it? but yet it is also wonderful to be growing up.

hereby..

i wanna congratulate kevin! (my EX boss..haah. cos he is going to be promoted.) congrats and congrats!

n to all who worked really hard for sept blast!.. it is great to be part of the same team as u.

n to my cg.. i love u. (:

hey i m really studying. so far so good. using my brains u noe. haah.